Dating an assertive women.

[Halcyon]

So I met this lady at a friends wedding a few weeks ago. We hit it off and she asked me to go out for some drinks after the reception with a few friends of hers. A couple of guys were trying to hit on her through out the night but she just brushed them off and came to talk to me instead. She is gorgeous, intelligent, successful, driven, passionate, massive personality that pulls you in but still manages to be down to earth.

 

Anyway had a great time she convinced me to go to a recovery party the day after that I was planning on skipping out on. I asked her out she said yes went out to a hidden away bar I know. Great date, lots in common and history (She went to the same school I went to for example).

 

Walked her to her car she thanked me for the great evening and that she had a lot of fun. I barely had the chance to say "I had a great time too" before she had her arms around me and was kissing me which really caught me off guard because I wasn't expecting it.

 

I asked her out the next day, had our second date last night. Once again a lot of fun a bit more serious conversation as well about our upbringings etc. When I was fixing up the bill she excused herself to go to the bathroom quickly. The waitress commented "Your girlfriend is really pretty" I awkwardly laughed and said "Yeah not quite we are dating." She replied "Well good luck! She's gorgeous and you guys would make a really cute couple."

 

Walked her back to her car and we made out for a bit and then she said "She really enjoyed spending time with me and that we should keep going on dates. She asked me if I was free on the weekend." I said I was "she said great I'll message you later with details."

 

She messaged me when I got home thanking me for the great evening and was looking forward to seeing me again.

 

Now why am I sharing this? Well I guess the women I've dated in the past I've had to chase very hard and generally have been pretty wishy washy on what they want out of life (and relationships).

 

I've never had a women pursue me so hard (compared to other women I've dated), it's strange but not bad either, in fact it's refreshing to date someone who knows what they want. Just not what I'm used to and I don't want to **** it up because I like her.

[Gloria25]

Yes, she does this to every one...you are not special and actually you should keep an eye on her.

 

If I were you, I'd hire a PI, run a credit and background check; and, ask her to do a STD test like right now!!!

 

Between me and you, she's probably a witch...Did you see if she left the bar on a broom?

 

I'm so tired of men's hypocrisy. This thread proves it. At one point he says he's refreshed that this woman made first moves - but at the same time, while he says it doesn't bother him, it IS bothering him.

 

Men, poop or get off the pot!!!

 

Either you want us to make a move or you don't.

[LostOne1]

So I met this lady at a friends wedding a few weeks ago. We hit it off and she asked me to go out for some drinks after the reception with a few friends of hers. A couple of guys were trying to hit on her through out the night but she just brushed them off and came to talk to me instead. She is gorgeous, intelligent, successful, driven, passionate, massive personality that pulls you in but still manages to be down to earth.

 

Anyway had a great time she convinced me to go to a recovery party the day after that I was planning on skipping out on. I asked her out she said yes went out to a hidden away bar I know. Great date, lots in common and history (She went to the same school I went to for example).

 

Walked her to her car she thanked me for the great evening and that she had a lot of fun. I barely had the chance to say "I had a great time too" before she had her arms around me and was kissing me which really caught me off guard because I wasn't expecting it.

 

I asked her out the next day, had our second date last night. Once again a lot of fun a bit more serious conversation as well about our upbringings etc. When I was fixing up the bill she excused herself to go to the bathroom quickly. The waitress commented "Your girlfriend is really pretty" I awkwardly laughed and said "Yeah not quite we are dating." She replied "Well good luck! She's gorgeous and you guys would make a really cute couple."

 

Walked her back to her car and we made out for a bit and then she said "She really enjoyed spending time with me and that we should keep going on dates. She asked me if I was free on the weekend." I said I was "she said great I'll message you later with details."

 

She messaged me when I got home thanking me for the great evening and was looking forward to seeing me again.

 

Now why am I sharing this? Well I guess the women I've dated in the past I've had to chase very hard and generally have been pretty wishy washy on what they want out of life (and relationships).

 

I've never had a women pursue me so hard (compared to other women I've dated), it's strange but not bad either, in fact it's refreshing to date someone who knows what they want. Just not what I'm used to and I don't want to **** it up because I like her.

You mind me asking your and her age?

[Halcyon]

Yes, she does this to every one...you are not special and actually you should keep an eye on her.

 

If I were you, I'd hire a PI, run a credit and background check; and, ask her to do a STD test like right now!!!

 

Between me and you, she's probably a witch...Did you see if she left the bar on a broom?

 

I'm so tired of men's hypocrisy. This thread proves it. At one point he says he's refreshed that this woman made first moves - but at the same time, while he says it doesn't bother him, it IS bothering him.

 

Men, poop or get off the pot!!!

 

Either you want us to make a move or you don't.

 

Uh what? I like the fact she is assertive, it's not something I'm used to because not many women tend to make the first move. How is that hypocrisy? I think you are projecting your own preconceptions about men onto my situation because I don't see any of what you are suggesting.

 

You mind me asking your and her age?

 

Both in our late twenties she is a few years younger than me.

[Hawaii51]

Yes, she does this to every one...you are not special and actually you should keep an eye on her.

 

If I were you, I'd hire a PI, run a credit and background check; and, ask her to do a STD test like right now!!!

 

Between me and you, she's probably a witch...Did you see if she left the bar on a broom?

 

I'm so tired of men's hypocrisy. This thread proves it. At one point he says he's refreshed that this woman made first moves - but at the same time, while he says it doesn't bother him, it IS bothering him.

 

Men, poop or get off the pot!!!

 

Either you want us to make a move or you don't.

 

Of course we have contradicting thoughts. We all do. I can't walk in a bank with out thinking about robbing it. But, I've never robbed a bank. This guy is just enamored, and wanting to post about his hot-to-trot possibility, but at the same time... He's sooooo nervous.

 

He's running with what a waitress said. I get it, we've all been there.

 

You should be together, OP

[LostOne1]

Uh what? I like the fact she is assertive, it's not something I'm used to because not many women tend to make the first move. How is that hypocrisy? I think you are projecting your own preconceptions about men onto my situation because I don't see any of what you are suggesting.

 

 

 

Both in our late twenties she is a few years younger than me.

wow... I'm a bit shocked to see a woman take charge in her 20's... usually their in their 30's when they are more assertive.

 

I say go with it and see how it goes...

[Halcyon]

Of course we have contradicting thoughts. We all do. I can't walk in a bank with out thinking about robbing it. But, I've never robbed a bank. This guy is just enamored, and wanting to post about his hot-to-trot possibility, but at the same time... He's sooooo nervous.

 

He's running with what a waitress said. I get it, we've all been there.

 

You should be together, OP

 

I am nervous because this is new to me and honestly I like her a lot. I would have never asked her out if she hadn't come over to talk to me. I was not looking to meet anyone at the wedding it wasn't even on my radar.

 

wow... I'm a bit shocked to see a woman take charge in her 20's... usually their in their 30's when they are more assertive.

 

I say go with it and see how it goes...

 

Yeah I'll see how it goes. Shocked is probably the best to describe how I'm feeling at the moment also hopeful.

[Syberia]

wow... I'm a bit shocked to see a woman take charge in her 20's... usually their in their 30's when they are more assertive.

 

I say go with it and see how it goes...

My wife took charge in her teens; we've both always made it clear exactly what we wanted and agreed there'd be no BS.

[TunaCat]

wow... I'm a bit shocked to see a woman take charge in her 20's... usually their in their 30's when they are more assertive.

 

I'm in my late 20's and I've been very assertive all through my 20's.

 

OP, this girl is definitely interested. Go with it and have fun!

[ZA Dater]

So I met this lady at a friends wedding a few weeks ago. We hit it off and she asked me to go out for some drinks after the reception with a few friends of hers. A couple of guys were trying to hit on her through out the night but she just brushed them off and came to talk to me instead. She is gorgeous, intelligent, successful, driven, passionate, massive personality that pulls you in but still manages to be down to earth.

 

Anyway had a great time she convinced me to go to a recovery party the day after that I was planning on skipping out on. I asked her out she said yes went out to a hidden away bar I know. Great date, lots in common and history (She went to the same school I went to for example).

 

Walked her to her car she thanked me for the great evening and that she had a lot of fun. I barely had the chance to say "I had a great time too" before she had her arms around me and was kissing me which really caught me off guard because I wasn't expecting it.

 

I asked her out the next day, had our second date last night. Once again a lot of fun a bit more serious conversation as well about our upbringings etc. When I was fixing up the bill she excused herself to go to the bathroom quickly. The waitress commented "Your girlfriend is really pretty" I awkwardly laughed and said "Yeah not quite we are dating." She replied "Well good luck! She's gorgeous and you guys would make a really cute couple."

 

Walked her back to her car and we made out for a bit and then she said "She really enjoyed spending time with me and that we should keep going on dates. She asked me if I was free on the weekend." I said I was "she said great I'll message you later with details."

 

She messaged me when I got home thanking me for the great evening and was looking forward to seeing me again.

 

Now why am I sharing this? Well I guess the women I've dated in the past I've had to chase very hard and generally have been pretty wishy washy on what they want out of life (and relationships).

 

I've never had a women pursue me so hard (compared to other women I've dated), it's strange but not bad either, in fact it's refreshing to date someone who knows what they want. Just not what I'm used to and I don't want to **** it up because I like her.

 

This post pretty much made morning, its great to read about people having success like this and meeting someone that like and who likes them.

 

I don't think you will mess it up, just be you because clearly she already likes who you are!

 

There are few things quite as attractive as an assertive female.

[Emilia]

She doesn't play games, make sure you return the favour. Always be straight up and honest with her if you are not happy with something. This is how you will gain and keep her respect. Don't be afraid

[Shining One]

Congrats OP. Don't overthink things. I know I did the first time I dated an assertive woman. Just enjoy yourself and do as Emilia says.

[ZA Dater]

Don't overthink things.

 

Really good advice, don't over think and read too much into things.

[Toodaloo]

AS an assertive woman myself I will tell you the following.

 

Be yourself. If you don't agree speak up and give your reasons.

 

Do not show fear or that you are intimidated. She may be assertive and forward and forthright but she wants you to wear the trousers. If you want to kiss her go for it. She is with you because she thinks you are great. Keep that in mind and don't be over awed...

 

Good luck and have fun!

 

Assertive women are the best as you always know exactly where you stand with them!

[Halcyon]

She doesn't play games, make sure you return the favour. Always be straight up and honest with her if you are not happy with something. This is how you will gain and keep her respect. Don't be afraid

 

I don't play games, honesty is the number one thing I look for. So I respect her a lot already for being straight up honest.

[preraph]

She just sounds like a good confident person who is pretty certain a guy will go out with her if she asks, so instead of saying yes to all those other guys who are hitting on her for reasons that probably only have to do with her looks, she is picking guys herself she knows a little about or learns a little about from a friend.

 

Be sure you keep up your end and ask her out first sometimes.

[mightycpa]

The fact that you're on here asking about it says to me that you have at least some level of discomfort with it, above and beyond not being used to it.

 

For example, if up until this time in your life, you had only dated girls that didn't give head and you began to date a girl who does, you probably wouldn't come to this forum declaring that you don't want to **** it up. You'd be counting your lucky stars instead, and singing her praises.

 

I'll just say this. That kind of personality demands that you have a similar compass, and both of yours need to point in pretty much the same direction. As bold as she is about trying you on for size, she'll be just as bold when she puts you back on the rack. I hope you're up for the challenge, because she's not going to like any wishy-washy bull**** from you.

 

Good luck, dude!

[Halcyon]

The fact that you're on here asking about it says to me that you have at least some level of discomfort with it, above and beyond not being used to it.

 

For example, if up until this time in your life, you had only dated girls that didn't give head and you began to date a girl who does, you probably wouldn't come to this forum declaring that you don't want to **** it up. You'd be counting your lucky stars instead, and singing her praises.

 

I'll just say this. That kind of personality demands that you have a similar compass, and both of yours need to point in pretty much the same direction. As bold as she is about trying you on for size, she'll be just as bold when she puts you back on the rack. I hope you're up for the challenge, because she's not going to like any wishy-washy bull**** from you.

 

Good luck, dude!

 

More on here just to vent my feelings. She's good friends with my best friends wife who I would usually vent to. However I think they had a hand in this (it was their wedding) they are kind of notorious for setting up their friends with each other and they have been casually joking they were going to set me up with someone I would like for a while now... I love them both but they are massive gossips about this kind of stuff (because it makes them very happy to see their friends happy) and I'm not a fan of gossip.

 

I can remember my friends wife asking me what I'm attracted to in a woman a few months ago. I said honesty, no bull****, intelligence, grounded and I think I said something about being disinterested in most people unless they do something to catch my attention. I can't remember exactly it was a drunk, hazy night.

 

The fact my best friend was trying kept telling me how awesome she was and such at the party the day after the wedding. He has the worst poker face and was pretty much blatantly telling me to ask her out (without saying that of course).

 

Either way mostly I'm just a bit nervous, which is a good thing for me because it means I actually like her and it's not something I've felt in a quite some time if I'm honest with myself. Thanks for the advice though. I don't do wishy washy (I've really hated when people have done it to me) not my thing and I like a challenge.

Edited May 26, 2015 by Halcyon

[salparadise]

I think assertive women are great, but for me it's a matter of degree and balance. Too much difference can feel over-the-top. OP, I'd say you need to be in touch with your own assertiveness as well... my guess is that she needs a man who beats her to the punch part of the time, doesn't always say, yes ma'am, has his own ideas.

 

If you're a go-with-the-flow kind of guy and she's at the right end of the assertiveness spectrum it could work, but you'll need a strong sense of self and the ability to express it and hold your ground. I know a couple like this and it works for them because he is so secure in who he is, and more confident than his demeanor might suggest. But I can't imagine being with her at all––she seem like a caricature to me.

 

Sound like you're about to learn something about women, life and yourself! Enjoy the trip.

[Gloria25]

She just sounds like a good confident person who is pretty certain a guy will go out with her if she asks, so instead of saying yes to all those other guys who are hitting on her for reasons that probably only have to do with her looks, she is picking guys herself she knows a little about or learns a little about from a friend.

 

Be sure you keep up your end and ask her out first sometimes.

 

THANK YOU ^^

 

For some of us "assertive" women, we prefer to do the asking. I'm suspicious when men approach me first, so I prefer to check the guys out then make my move.

 

Unfortunately, guys don't get it - especially when they asked me out, I may have blew them off, then decided to turn around and approach them myself.

[Gloria25]

The fact that you're on here asking about it says to me that you have at least some level of discomfort with it, above and beyond not being used to it.

 

For example, if up until this time in your life, you had only dated girls that didn't give head and you began to date a girl who does, you probably wouldn't come to this forum declaring that you don't want to **** it up. You'd be counting your lucky stars instead, and singing her praises.

 

I'll just say this. That kind of personality demands that you have a similar compass, and both of yours need to point in pretty much the same direction. As bold as she is about trying you on for size, she'll be just as bold when she puts you back on the rack. I hope you're up for the challenge, because she's not going to like any wishy-washy bull**** from you.

 

Good luck, dude!

 

Thank YOU ^^

 

I'm so tired of guys being "suspicious" of a woman different than what they're used to - even when what I am and/or doing for them is not a negative thing. I'm also tired of them pondering if they're "worthy" and/or in your "league".

 

Man up, cowboy up and just ride...all freakin' ready.

 

But that's what we have out there now a days - a bunch of "boys" who are product of feminist households who are scared of women.

[jen1447]

She's got balls. Many of us do. Just be straight up with her and enjoy the ride.

[TunaCat]

Be yourself. If you don't agree speak up and give your reasons.

 

I cannot agree with this more. Please, please speak up if you don't agree with something that she said. My ex was the kind of guy who never spoke up & who always agreed with me just because I had said it. It wasn't until I got some distance from the relationship that I realized how much that bothered me.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Why are women in their 30's generally more assertive than women in their 20's?

[Halcyon]

Why are women in their 30's generally more assertive than women in their 20's?

 

Because they get sick of being passive and getting attention from guys they are mostly not interested in and decide to go after what they want?

 

Well I grew a pair and I've asked her to come over to my place on Sunday so I can cook for her. She seems very excited about this so will see how it goes.