xpaperxcutx Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 So C said some hurtful things tonight in regards to my need to wait. We were skype-ing online and having an awesome conversation and things led to us talking about celebrity scandals and about celebrity nude photos. Then he went on to say if my pictures ever got on the internet, he would be very angry. I told him I wouldn't send nude photos and his tone of voice changed. He got really upset and said it was unbelievable of me that I wouldn't send nude photos. Then he started saying he can't believe this and said I must be a virgin. He got really upset and I responded that I wanted to call it a night. He stopped me from signing off and tried to to diffuse the situation but by that time I was really beginning to think that us being together was a mistake. I told him we're not compatible because he was refusing to understand where I was coming from. He tried to bring up the argument that we've been together long enough ( a month to exact) and then he just told me to not tell anybody about this or have our common friends turn against him. I told him I would never do such a thing but then he told me all girls do the same thing, make it seem like it was his fault, etc, etc. After that he just said he wanted to say good night and I signed off. His immaturity really reared its ugly head. I even signed back on to apologize for saying we're not incompatible and that I was not breaking up with him but the way he reacted to my insistence that I can't give him what he wants (sex) is incredibly upsetting. I really wanted to give him a chance but he simply tried to make it seem like there was a big problem with me because I refuse to give him a normal relationship? What exactly is a normal relationship anyways? Having sex after one month is normal? I realized I made a big mistake in dating him. I always knew I was more mature than him. I guess i found out what kind of person he really is. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Anyone who'd get upset at you for being unwilling to take and send nude photos across easily hacked lines is either a porn producer or a nut job. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
abby_tx Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 RUN AWAY FROM THIS DUDE. He's pathetic. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Block his number and don't SKYPE again. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 tough break xpaperxcutx He's a jerk, plain and simple. You waited him out and he's shown his true colours. Be glad you didn't get more involved with him before you figured all this out. NEXT! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 He knows he is in the wrong just by saying you aren't 'allowed' to tell mutual friends. He doesn't want anyone else knowing because they would figure him out and he doesn't want anyone else knowing because that means you would get support and they'd likely tell you to get rid of him. He is starting to try to isolate you. Block him, delete and never see this guy again. OP, these kind of things are just the very reasons why not to jump into bed with a man when you don't yet know him. I'm so glad you didn't. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 (edited) Hey guys I was typing so fast I couldn't correct my mistakes. He got upset that I was someone who didn't like to take or send nude photos. He thought because I'm not sexually inclined, that I was a virgin and I was someone who didn't have experience. The reason that he told me not to tell anyone wasn't because he asked me for nudes. He didn't ask me for nudes. He was upset because I wasn't ready for sex or for anything sexual and that " if it weren't for me, we would be having a normal relationship " (paraphrasing him). I got upset with the way he talked about me and I told him I think we're not compatible. I was extremely upset and He thought I was breaking up with him over Skype. I had previously went around telling a few of our friends we were dating and he thought I was only dating him just to dump him to show off to our friends. All I can say is that he acted really immature. He did end up apologizing and said we both think differently and place values on different things. He was really sorry and he thought my attraction towards him didn't match that of his for me. He thought I was playing around with him because I never acted like I was into him as much as he was into me. To make matters worse, he said he was edgy because he's trying to quit smoking and he got irritated by things. He apologized. But all this really made me rethink things about being with him. Again, he's 23 years old. I know guys have needs but the way that he reacted to the fact that I'm not ready really affirmed my doubts about dating a guy who is younger than me. Edited May 25, 2015 by xpaperxcutx Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 So, you're still with him? Let's break this down a bit.. He got upset that I was someone who didn't like to take or send nude photos. This is your choice and yours alone, no one has a right to expect this of you and anyone telling you that this is what you should do is trying to manipulate you. If he is making you feel bad for not wanting to do this he is also guilt tripping you. The reason that he told me not to tell anyone wasn't because he asked me for nudes. He didn't ask me for nudes. He was upset because I wasn't ready for sex or for anything sexual and that " if it weren't for me, we would be having a normal relationship " (paraphrasing him). He's trying to put you down for not being normal. You are perfectly normal. He is also again attempting to guilt trip you. All I can say is that he acted really immature. Correct and it's unlikely to change. If this situation changes there will be another one that comes up where it's your fault and he will guilt trip you into doing what he wants. To make matters worse, he said he was edgy because he's trying to quit smoking and he got irritated by things. Oh good grief! That doesn't fly with me and I'm a smoker who is quitting too! If I were a guy quitting smoking wouldn't make me label my relationship as not normal because my gf hadn't slept with me after 5 dates, nor would it make me expect her to send nude photos to me. This is your warning though - the warning is that he is now entitled to fly off the handle at you because he is quitting smoking - so you had better watch what you say or he will fly off at you again. In other words, you had better behave and agree with him. Trust your instincts and ditch this one. It will only get worse, I promise. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 I can see why you weren't keen on jumping into bed with him, what a guy. Not just immature, sounds really moody, controlling and unpredictable too. If you are already calling it a mistake after 1 month, I would get out now. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 If he was 12 he would be immature for acting this way. At 23 he's just ridiculous. Run!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 This was one of the possible outcomes from going down this road hon, so just accept it and move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 I thought you guys were teenagers maybe and he was 16... geez, this guy doesn't have respect for you. Getting upset that you won't send nudes and not having sex because it has been "a whole month".. Immature.. You really need to consider if this is the kind of guy you want to be in a relationship with based on how he dealt with this situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 I realized I made a big mistake in dating him. I always knew I was more mature than him. I guess i found out what kind of person he really is. Seems so... he was going to ask you to send nude photos before the conversation, that is why he was upset.. his plan didn't work and when that happened he 'negged' you hoping to get you to 'prove' to him you weren't a virgin.. This guy is not a good guy at all... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 oh.. block and delete the assclown 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Do I remember correctly from your previous thread that you have also become more religious recently (the last 3 years, if I remember right) and your saying that it also affected the way you viewed sex? Maybe that's what he is picking up on, perhaps he is realising that the two of you don't have compatible views. Rather than just worried about the 1 month wait. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 So C said some hurtful things tonight in regards to my need to wait. We were skype-ing online and having an awesome conversation and things led to us talking about celebrity scandals and about celebrity nude photos. Then he went on to say if my pictures ever got on the internet, he would be very angry. I told him I wouldn't send nude photos and his tone of voice changed. He got really upset and said it was unbelievable of me that I wouldn't send nude photos. Then he started saying he can't believe this and said I must be a virgin. He got really upset and I responded that I wanted to call it a night. He stopped me from signing off and tried to to diffuse the situation but by that time I was really beginning to think that us being together was a mistake. I told him we're not compatible because he was refusing to understand where I was coming from. He tried to bring up the argument that we've been together long enough ( a month to exact) and then he just told me to not tell anybody about this or have our common friends turn against him. I told him I would never do such a thing but then he told me all girls do the same thing, make it seem like it was his fault, etc, etc. After that he just said he wanted to say good night and I signed off. His immaturity really reared its ugly head. I even signed back on to apologize for saying we're not incompatible and that I was not breaking up with him but the way he reacted to my insistence that I can't give him what he wants (sex) is incredibly upsetting. I really wanted to give him a chance but he simply tried to make it seem like there was a big problem with me because I refuse to give him a normal relationship? What exactly is a normal relationship anyways? Having sex after one month is normal? I realized I made a big mistake in dating him. I always knew I was more mature than him. I guess i found out what kind of person he really is. Yea, this guy doesn't seem like he's mature enough for you. I mean who would throw a fit because someone said they won't send nudes? Then accuse you of being a virgin because you don't to. And then go on about all women are the same and make things his fault. Run for the hills. He's very juvenile. Given you want to wait, this isn't a good sign that he is someone you should be with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 (edited) Past is prologue... I always read what has been posted prior to get a fuller picture. OP, I'm not surprised this went down. It's good that it happened now and not 4 months from now with more time invested in him. Edited May 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Yip - past posts add a lot of info. In this case, I'd say this breakup has a lot more to do with the OP still dreaming of her Ex, not being ready for a relationship and snooping on this guys FB looking for some evidence he is seeing his ex. But if he really did lose it like that about you not sending him Nude pics - well then, he is weird and you are better off ditching him asap. OP, I think you are not ready for dating yet. It's not just that you are not ready for sex. So do yourself a favour and take some time to get ready. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Since discussion has wandered into past posts, here's the moderation version: 1. Past postings of the thread starter, if relevant to the current topic, are acceptable to reference, if linked to and quoted. It's policy to directly quote the material one is making comments relevant to or asking questions of, tying those aspects into the current topic. Otherwise, all postings shall be responded to in their current context, in this thread. LoveShack.org: Community Guidelines "We expect that all participants will respond to posts in their specific context, not to the person who has posted. While opinions may be formed of various members based on what they have posted in the past, any response to any particular submission should be grounded in what has been posted in that thread." Thank you for reading and please continue the discussion. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Again, he's 23 years old. LOL. Say no more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Thank God you didn't sleep with this guy. This is exactly why it is a good idea to wait a little while, until you can get to know a guy better. He got upset that I was someone who didn't like to take or send nude photos. He thought because I'm not sexually inclined, that I was a virgin and I was someone who didn't have experience. This is a compatibility issue. I would never in a million years take or send a naked photo of myself. No way, no how. It's disturbing to me that he thinks doing that is "normal." Unless you have nothing to lose (and most people with any ambition in life do have something to lose), I think it's stupid -- especially with a guy who you've only been dating a month. Maybe if you'd been married for years...but even then I'd never do it. The reason that he told me not to tell anyone wasn't because he asked me for nudes. He didn't ask me for nudes. He was upset because I wasn't ready for sex or for anything sexual and that " if it weren't for me, we would be having a normal relationship " (paraphrasing him). I also don't think it's "normal" to expect someone to take off their clothes and have sex after only knowing a person for a month. While some people have no problem doing it even after knowing a person for only a few hours, I personally could never do that. It's so intimate to have sex with another person. To be honest, I was surprised at some of the replies in your other thread that seemed to suggest that there was something wrong with you for waiting when you've only been dating this guy for a month. I got upset with the way he talked about me and I told him I think we're not compatible. Good. You aren't compatible and he's shown his true colors. He did end up apologizing and said we both think differently and place values on different things. He seems to view you as an object to have sex with him, rather than a person with thoughts and feelings. Values? You barely know the guy. If he was willing to give it some time, he might've been able to see how you really feel about sex. Not wanting to jump into bed with a guy or send him naked pictures of yourself when he's still a virtual stranger is not weird. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 For those who are choosing to form their opinions about me based on past posts, I'm considered one of the LS's long-term posts seeing that I have logged posts here since 2007. So if you are going to stigmatize simply based off of past mistakes, then some of you are clearly bias in your take of who I am as a person. I've been through a lot of hurt since the beginning of this year. And I've grown up a lot in terms of understanding what my needs are as a both an individual and also as someone in a partnership. What happened last night was not something I wanted, and I was completely, completely honest that I'm not ready for physical intimacy. I gave him the benefit of the doubt in thinking that he really was someone who is genuinely interested in dating me and understanding me. But the way that he views things as compared to how I view things are polar opposites. One, there's the age difference in which I have stated my doubts on in a previous thread. In that thread, everybody was telling me how close-minded I was to give up on him simply because I was older. I didn't break up with him and I gave him a chance. Two, he was condescending towards me last night with the things he said, particularly when he said that we've been dating long enough (not in these exact words, but he denoted that a month of being "official" is enough for us to be physical). The way he spoke to me was that of a child, complaining he was not getting his toy to play. He didn't act reasonable at all, instead choosing an argument that being together was sufficient motive for me to be receptive towards his advances. The way I view relationships is that I believe dating as a gradual step of getting to know each other. To him, he hasn't grown out of high school but views relationships as a way to satisfy his needs. Even with our title of gf/bf, it only denoted that I was exclusive in dating him. I have been nothing but a good girlfriend, being understanding and trying to care for him. But if he doesn't want my care and all he expects from me is the physical aspect of things, I don't mind breaking up. To me, I rather be alone than being pressured. Link to post Share on other sites
babycakees Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 This guys seem like a real piece of work. I would block his number and move on. No one has the right to treat you like that. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 OP, this guy is not worth your time or energy. You deserve so much better. Normally I think blocking is a little extreme, but you need to block this guy from all avenues possible and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Paper, you're dating a guy you don't want to have sex with. There's no way he doesn't sense that and get angry with you on some level. Especially if you won't even send him a nudie picture instead. You're giving him nothing of value sexual relationship wise. Link to post Share on other sites
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