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Are religious beliefs a problem in dating?


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I met a cute girl through Facebook because we had friends in common. One day I said hi to her and she asked me who I was and I told her my name etc, she gave me her whatsapp and she stopped responding saying that she broke up with her boyfriend a month ago and that she was not in the mood of meeting new people, I told her that I was ok with that and that there was no problem,so I deleted her number and deleted her from Facebook.Two days later she texted me again saying that she saw some of my videos in Facebook where I play the guitar and she said she liked them very much so I proceeded to arrange a date with her on Friday. She told me from the beginning that she is very religious and she studies theology and that she wanted to tell me this at the beginning because many people think she is rare because of his, I told her that for me that is not a problem because I respect people ideologies and that if she is happy studying theology it shouldn´t matter if what people think. I told her that I am a very sensible person (I play the guitar and the piano) and I can sense how people are after 2 minutes of meeting them. I told her that when I saw her Facebook pic I sensed how she was in person and I was right. She asked me what was my perception of her and I told her that she seemed like a good girl that is not a party girl, she seemed spiritual, sensible etc and she told me that I was 100 per cent right haha. She told my that I was surprised that I told her this because most people think she is arrogant without even knowing her and that I was the first person that told her the opposite. She told me that she decided to go out with me because I seemed like a good person and different to other guys she dated before. She broke up with her boyfriend a almost two months ago because he did not respected her religious beliefs, they became a couple after three weeks of dating, her boyfriend drank a lot.

 

I have seen her 5 times, we already kissed and holded hands. My issue is that yesterday she invited me to a religious meeting from her religious sect, she believes in this corean sect. A man wanted me to convert to this sect and start to attend weekly, of course I did not accepted. At the end of the meeting she told me what did I think about her religion and told her I respected it but I will not change my beliefs and she was ok with that, that she respects my way of thinking. She will go in one week to Corea for about two weeks in a religious trip.

 

I believe in the roman catholic church

 

Ahn Sahng-hong - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

They believe that there is not only a God father but also a God mother and she is a woman that lives in Corea. Honestly it all sounds like a bunch of crap but she believes this

 

She told me she dumped her last two boyfriends because they did not accepted her beliefs, one was an atheist and laughed about her beliefs, they lasted 5 years and they were even going to marry but at the end she dumped him, she says she wanted to educate her kids with this religion and he did not liked this idea. She lasted 9 months with the last one and he was mad that she could not see him on saturday´s because she attends this religious place.

 

The point is: She is beautiful, everything I wanted in a girl but this is religious issue is scaring me. Should I just disappear from her life or just go with the flow? :S

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The point is: She is beautiful, everything I wanted in a girl but this is religious issue is scaring me. Should I just disappear from her life or just go with the flow? :S

 

Looks fade.

 

She's not "everything" you want in a girl, because if she were, you probably wouldn't be so freaked about her beliefs.

 

She's made it clear where she stands.

Personally, I wouldn't want to get into a relationship with someone holding those beliefs. I couldn't accept them or ultimately respect them.

 

Don't ignore the elephant in the room man. Just cut her loose now.

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caringsister

Let her go. If you were to get into a serious relationship with this girl her religious beliefs will come into play and at some point cause a huge conflict between the two of you.

 

You two dont mesh. She thinks you respect her beliefs and you think her beliefs are a bunch of crap. Moving forward with her now under false pretense will only turn around and bite you in the ass later. She's the one who stands to get hurt.

 

Drop it like it's hot

Edited by caringsister
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Let her go. If you were to get into a serious relationship with this girl her religious beliefs will come into play and at some point cause a huge conflict between the two of you.

 

You two dont mesh. She thinks you respect her beliefs and you think her beliefs are a bunch of crap. Moving forward with her now under false pretense will only turn around and bite you in the ass later. She's the one who stands to get hurt.

 

Drop it like it's hot

 

Bottom line is: she is extremely fanatic with that sect, she was born a catholic but then some friend of her introduced her to this sect. I say this is a bunch of crap because how can they believe that God is a woman that lives in Corea?. come on, even an idiot knows this cannot be true. This sect just manipulates its followers

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It does not matter how good looking a man is I would not be able to date someone that believes in what I consider colorful religious beliefs such as there is a mother god living in Korea or we were dropped on this planet by aliens.

 

There is a good reasons why these sects are not recognized as official Religions. These sects break away from official religions because their uncommon ideas.

 

If I were you I would also be concerned about being with someone that falls for sects. Now it's a sect with a female god in Korea, next what will it be: another waco? another James Jones?

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In all honesty I'd rather not date a religious girl. If I met a girl I really liked and she happened to be moderate in her belief then maybe I could live with that.

 

The problem is if I ever had children there is no way I'd bring them up to be anything but athiest. Once they're 18 they are free to make up their own mind, though obviously I'd wish for them to remain athiest.

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Bottom line is: she is extremely fanatic with that sect, she was born a catholic but then some friend of her introduced her to this sect. I say this is a bunch of crap because how can they believe that God is a woman that lives in Corea?. come on, even an idiot knows this cannot be true. This sect just manipulates its followers

 

You realize that your own belief isn't any less crazy? You believe that a man, who was also his own father, lived 2000 years ago in Palestine and walked on water. Or that there was a talking snake.

 

The only difference between an "established" religion and a sect is the number of followers.

 

That said I agree, dating religious / esoteric people only works if you can identify with the level and specific type of craziness of your date.

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LookAtThisPOst
Bottom line is: she is extremely fanatic with that sect, she was born a catholic but then some friend of her introduced her to this sect. I say this is a bunch of crap because how can they believe that God is a woman that lives in Corea?. come on, even an idiot knows this cannot be true. This sect just manipulates its followers

 

Funny how us Catholics are of the religion that has the least amount of hang-ups when it comes to dating or even marrying people of other religions. My family are Catholic on both sides, and a lot of them did not marry those that were Catholic...most of their spouses are protestants.

 

I know a woman who is a single mother and her and her children are devout to their faith..however...she has no qualms about dating a man who is would rather go fishing on a Sunday morning than go with her to church...ONLY because he treats her right and they are compatible in so many other ways.

 

The reason she says this is when she was young, got married to a minister of her church...he was a real bastard to her in her younger years. Cheated on her and everything. It was THIS experience that made her realize that there's more to a man than just their religious followings. This comes with age and bad experiences with people they've been involved with or married to in the past there is more to being Christian than just...well...being Christian when it comes to criteria in a mate.

 

She goes to church, does her own thing , attends Bible studies on Wednesdays, him...he hasn't set foot in a church since high school..and doesn't plan on it in the future...and guess what...she's okay with that.

 

Chances are, this woman will come to a realization that such a stringent religion...(suprised she's a former Catholic, converted to Corean)....I thought it was "Korean" with a "K"...yes?

 

With me, lately, I'm finding Christian single woman hung up on the superficial...esp. the status of the man and overly drilling me with questions like "Are you saved??" "Have you taken Jesus Christ into your heart" when I already TOLD them I was Christian...dang it!!" LOL

 

"Yes, I know you're Christian...but are you...."saved"?"

 

Had one woman that lived locally, late 40s, never married, no kids. On OK Cupid...she said she moved up there from the big city (which was a couple of hours away from her...as she said it was her "calling". She wasn't concerned with material things and just got from a missionary job overseas.

 

She lives in an area swarming with retirees and we talked about a lot of outdoor related activities, parks in the area we liked and explored...had a real good run going...and she asked me, "What church I go to" and I mentioned a local Catholic church...and she said, "Sorry, we cannot meet." She ended it right there. Apparently, she was Pentecostal nature and some of the religious fanatics in the area, though as backwoods as it may seem, think Catholics are doomed for hell. LOL.

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Maleficent

I have to wonder if what she meant by "they didn't respect her religion" actually was "they didn't want to join my religion"...

 

Respect of religious choices goes both way. If you can find it in you to not make her feel like her religion is stupid and she doesn't force you into hers, it just might work out.

 

Though, religious people are usually better off dating each other for a reason...

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Maleficent

To be honnest, I'm more put off by the fact she told you she wasn't in the mood to meet people and found a reason to contact you two days later because you cut her off.

Makes me feel like a game was being played

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TaraMaiden2

When someone puts their faith (supposed, superstitious and unproven) above a partner (actual, physical and evident fact) then you have to wonder what their priorities are going to be in Life....

 

if you get the distinct impression that no matter what role you play in her life, this devotion will play a stronger one - leave.

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You would find it hard to respect her beliefs and it would cause problems so i dont think it would work in the long run.

 

I think being spiritual is the opposite of being religious. Religion puts people into boxes, seperate them, tells them what to believe, how to pray, how to conduct their life...nothing spiritual about that. Its a form of mass control. I am spiritual and do believe in a god but i dont need religion to tell me what i should believe. I dislike all religions equally

Doesnt mean i dislike religious people though. As long as people dont try to convert me its fine. But i find that the more religious a person is the less likely they can have a relationship with someone different. The guys i have dated were either atheist, agnostic or catholic/ church of England but not actually strong believers. I was born into a Roman Catholic family but my family members have varying levels of beliefs and i imagine my ideal future partner to be either spiritual or open minded/ undecided but definitely not hardcore religious.

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You realize that your own belief isn't any less crazy? You believe that a man, who was also his own father, lived 2000 years ago in Palestine and walked on water. Or that there was a talking snake.

 

The only difference between an "established" religion and a sect is the number of followers.

 

.

 

Before you make fun of her beliefs, think about this.

 

However, it does sound like she wants any potential partner to convert, and if you are not comfortable with that (I certainly would not be) then move on and stop wasting time with this one.

 

She also sounds like she is playing you a little with her "you are the first person that told me the opposite" and "you seemed like a good person and different to other guys I've dated before" lines.

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I have been flatly rejected by would be dates from OLD based on the fact I don't attend church, so yes I think it is vitally important to some people and a deal killer for many.

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When someone puts their faith (supposed, superstitious and unproven) above a partner (actual, physical and evident fact) then you have to wonder what their priorities are going to be in Life....

 

if you get the distinct impression that no matter what role you play in her life, this devotion will play a stronger one - leave.

 

That´s what i was thinking yesterday, no matter what, her beliefs will always be above me. If she dumped her 5 year old boy friend and she was even going to marry him because of her beliefs that is something to think about.

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I was going to see her today to say goodbye and to give her a surprise gift (this surprise gift was a punishment for losing to her in the bowling alley, I was going to give her a song I composed and a book) before she goes to Korea to her religious trip on the 1st of June, she will be there till June 17. The issue is that yesterday she calls me saying she cannot see me on the weekend because her parents are coming to the city to see her before she leaves, they are coming because they have fear that she will nor return from Korea, they dislike her religious beliefs. Then she tells me that she will go on Saturday to her church all day long and asks if I want to attend, I told her I have plans (I went last week there and I felt uncomfortable in that place, it is a cult, not even a religion. She told me that we will see each other when she arrives from her trip. So I told her that we could see each other on yesterday´s night after work and she agreed and told me she would call when she arrived home to pick her up. Well, she never called and left me in standby. What should I do now?. back off and wait till she contacts me or just wait till she arrives on June 17 and contact her?. I don't know what is going through her mind

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I met a cute girl through Facebook because we had friends in common. One day I said hi to her and she asked me who I was and I told her my name etc, she gave me her whatsapp and she stopped responding saying that she broke up with her boyfriend a month ago and that she was not in the mood of meeting new people, I told her that I was ok with that and that there was no problem,so I deleted her number and deleted her from Facebook.Two days later she texted me again saying that she saw some of my videos in Facebook where I play the guitar and she said she liked them very much so I proceeded to arrange a date with her on Friday. She told me from the beginning that she is very religious and she studies theology and that she wanted to tell me this at the beginning because many people think she is rare because of his, I told her that for me that is not a problem because I respect people ideologies and that if she is happy studying theology it shouldn´t matter if what people think. I told her that I am a very sensible person (I play the guitar and the piano) and I can sense how people are after 2 minutes of meeting them. I told her that when I saw her Facebook pic I sensed how she was in person and I was right. She asked me what was my perception of her and I told her that she seemed like a good girl that is not a party girl, she seemed spiritual, sensible etc and she told me that I was 100 per cent right haha. She told my that I was surprised that I told her this because most people think she is arrogant without even knowing her and that I was the first person that told her the opposite. She told me that she decided to go out with me because I seemed like a good person and different to other guys she dated before. She broke up with her boyfriend a almost two months ago because he did not respected her religious beliefs, they became a couple after three weeks of dating, her boyfriend drank a lot.

 

I have seen her 5 times, we already kissed and holded hands. My issue is that yesterday she invited me to a religious meeting from her religious sect, she believes in this corean sect. A man wanted me to convert to this sect and start to attend weekly, of course I did not accepted. At the end of the meeting she told me what did I think about her religion and told her I respected it but I will not change my beliefs and she was ok with that, that she respects my way of thinking. She will go in one week to Corea for about two weeks in a religious trip.

 

I believe in the roman catholic church

 

Ahn Sahng-hong - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

They believe that there is not only a God father but also a God mother and she is a woman that lives in Corea. Honestly it all sounds like a bunch of crap but she believes this

 

She told me she dumped her last two boyfriends because they did not accepted her beliefs, one was an atheist and laughed about her beliefs, they lasted 5 years and they were even going to marry but at the end she dumped him, she says she wanted to educate her kids with this religion and he did not liked this idea. She lasted 9 months with the last one and he was mad that she could not see him on saturday´s because she attends this religious place.

 

The point is: She is beautiful, everything I wanted in a girl but this is religious issue is scaring me. Should I just disappear from her life or just go with the flow? :S

 

You may not agree with her beliefs, but if you respect and support them and don't ridicule her about it, it shouldn't be such a big deal. If you truly cannot support or accept them, then you should move on.

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I'm rather agnostic, my belief is simply we do not know. So while open to elements of a great many ideologys, lack tolerance of any that think have all answers including those that are just glorified opposites of traditional beliefs.

 

My experience is, from bible thumpers to atheists; openness and discovery is never a two way street. Conversation is always stunted and eventually other people drift where confirmation bias rules the day.

 

So go after this girl if wish. Only don't be shocked if her resentment builds if you don't convert. Then don't be shocked if all the things think nice of her and her beliefs are morphed into a weapon against you. People get worried about human competition while dating, good luck going against God and a cult. She dumped someone after half a decade for allegedly being atheist...maybe she drove him insane and that's all he had to fight with to pull her away from a cult. Perhaps he was not atheist yet her cult defines anyone not in thier flock as such.

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This are the updates:

 

I have to tell you what happened, I saw her today and gave her the surprise, she liked the song I made and the book, we saw each other for about 15 minutes. Then she started telling me that I should attend her church and study there more about the religion. She told me because they baptized me on saturday there I should take that seriously because for them baptize is the beginning of salvation and it should be taken very seriously. She told me when they baptize you, you are now part of the church and I told her that none told me that before baptizing me there, if I knew all that I wouldn't accepted to be baptized. She told me she doesn't want to force me to go there but that it would be good that in this two weeks that she will go to Korea I should attend the church once a week. I told her that I have my own beliefs and that I respect her beliefs but when someone changes to please another person you stop being yourself and lose your essence, I told her I cannot do things that I do not feel. At the end she gave me a kiss on the cheek which surprised me because we kissed on the lips on the second date and at the end of the date we always kissed on the lips, this is the sixth time I see her. She told me she hopes to see me again when she gets back from Korea in two weeks. Is there a hope with this girl that she will respect my beliefs or I should burn all the bridges?

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When someone puts their faith (supposed, superstitious and unproven) above a partner (actual, physical and evident fact) then you have to wonder what their priorities are going to be in Life....

 

if you get the distinct impression that no matter what role you play in her life, this devotion will play a stronger one - leave.

 

Tara, wow from your post it tells me that u don't understand the word faith . It isn't a blind feidism but a confidence in what you sense is true .. As far as something being u proven , we believe in lots of things that are not scientifically proven.

 

One is we can't scientifically disprove that the distant past wasn't created 5 minutes ago with the appearance of age .

 

As a Catholic I make it know to any woman that I want to date or wants to date me that I'm not dating outside my catholic faith . When I get married and have kids we will all be united in love and in faith, going to the same church together , praying together and being there fir each other .

 

I think the op is a catholic, if so then why not find a nice Catholic girl to date .

Now while I won't date outside the Catholic Church as a catholic the church teaches inclusivism which allows us to respect the beliefs of most religions even if we don't totally agree with them.

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This are the updates:

 

I have to tell you what happened, I saw her today and gave her the surprise, she liked the song I made and the book, we saw each other for about 15 minutes. Then she started telling me that I should attend her church and study there more about the religion. She told me because they baptized me on saturday there I should take that seriously because for them baptize is the beginning of salvation and it should be taken very seriously. She told me when they baptize you, you are now part of the church and I told her that none told me that before baptizing me there, if I knew all that I wouldn't accepted to be baptized. She told me she doesn't want to force me to go there but that it would be good that in this two weeks that she will go to Korea I should attend the church once a week. I told her that I have my own beliefs and that I respect her beliefs but when someone changes to please another person you stop being yourself and lose your essence, I told her I cannot do things that I do not feel. At the end she gave me a kiss on the cheek which surprised me because we kissed on the lips on the second date and at the end of the date we always kissed on the lips, this is the sixth time I see her. She told me she hopes to see me again when she gets back from Korea in two weeks. Is there a hope with this girl that she will respect my beliefs or I should burn all the bridges?

 

Rov, I feel for you man, I really do. We all want to find our soulmates . If you are Catholic why not talk to a priest or deacon and get some advice from them on this . Is there anyone in the Catholic Church that u attend that you trust to ask about this .

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The point is: She is beautiful, everything I wanted in a girl but this is religious issue is scaring me. Should I just disappear from her life or just go with the flow? :S

 

I'm glad you have had success with her.

 

Religion is an important issue in dating, do not take it lightly. If you both are not on the same page, it will eventually cause a great amount of friction. If you cannot accept her beliefs, nor she yours, you are better off finding someone else. I hate to say it, but think this will cause trouble in the future.

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Is there a hope with this girl that she will respect my beliefs or I should burn all the bridges?

 

Do not burn your bridges with her. The fact that her parents do not like it is a good sign. If her parents were in it as well, I'd say there is little chance she would ever leave.

 

I would leave the door open, but I would back away and make it clear that the religious issue is what was coming between both of you. Be kind about it, who knows what can happen in the future. There is no need to burn bridges with her though.

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Do not burn your bridges with her. The fact that her parents do not like it is a good sign. If her parents were in it as well, I'd say there is little chance she would ever leave.

 

I would leave the door open, but I would back away and make it clear that the religious issue is what was coming between both of you. Be kind about it, who knows what can happen in the future. There is no need to burn bridges with her though.

 

The problem is she has been insisting too much that I should attend her church, so basically she wants me to convert.

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Tara, wow from your post it tells me that u don't understand the word faith . It isn't a blind feidism but a confidence in what you sense is true .. As far as something being u proven , we believe in lots of things that are not scientifically proven.

 

One is we can't scientifically disprove that the distant past wasn't created 5 minutes ago with the appearance of age .

 

As a Catholic I make it know to any woman that I want to date or wants to date me that I'm not dating outside my catholic faith . When I get married and have kids we will all be united in love and in faith, going to the same church together , praying together and being there fir each other .

 

I think the op is a catholic, if so then why not find a nice Catholic girl to date .

Now while I won't date outside the Catholic Church as a catholic the church teaches inclusivism which allows us to respect the beliefs of most religions even if we don't totally agree with them.

 

Faith implies a belief in something without evidence to back it up, so I'd say Tara is spot on.

 

What else do people believe in without scientific evidence?

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