jgirl8 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 So this is something that bothers me even though it happened months ago. I dated a guy for a few months who broke up with me because he couldnt get over the fact that I had a black partner ( years ago). We are both white. He is South African and claims that because im not from there i will never understand his issue. ( i get that there are huge issues with black crime in SA, but still.. He also stated that it is not racist , it is just a preference to not to have a gf who has been with a black guy. He is looking for a girl who is pure and innocent, but not a virgin( his words). Obviously made me feel pretty crap about myself..like im too dirty for him or something. Ever since this happened i wonder if there are many guys out there who feel this way? That a white girl devalues herself if he has a partner from another race? We are in the UK, if that matters. ( and i know that its not a good idea to discuss previous partners but it has happened now..but i guess its for the best thst we had this conversation early on). Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 So this is something that bothers me even though it happened months ago. I dated a guy for a few months who broke up with me because he couldnt get over the fact that I had a black partner ( years ago). We are both white. He is South African and claims that because im not from there i will never understand his issue. ( i get that there are huge issues with black crime in SA, but still.. He also stated that it is not racist , it is just a preference to not to have a gf who has been with a black guy. He is looking for a girl who is pure and innocent, but not a virgin( his words). Obviously made me feel pretty crap about myself..like im too dirty for him or something. Ever since this happened i wonder if there are many guys out there who feel this way? That a white girl devalues herself if he has a partner from another race? We are in the UK, if that matters. ( and i know that its not a good idea to discuss previous partners but it has happened now..but i guess its for the best thst we had this conversation early on). He is racist, but he doesn't want to admit it, because that makes his sound ignorant. Why would sleeping with a black man be an issue unless he was? Many white south Africans still believe apartheid should exist and based on him breaking up with you, he's probably one of them. He sees white as superior, hence you having been with a black guy is unacceptable to him. You are better off without his narrow minded views. That based on skin colour, being witg a blsck guy has made you unpure. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 it is just a preference to not to have a gf who has been with a black guy. He is looking for a girl who is pure and innocent, but not a virgin( his words) Wow...I... A million bullets dodged. (to answer the question, yes it's incredibly racist but hey! everybody has their right to personal preferences when it comes to choosing partners right? ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Nothing wrong with dating a black guy, I'm sure there are plenty of good guys. But where I live if I see a group of black guys walking my way on the street, I'd avoid them. Statistically speaking they cause more crime. I don't think this makes me a racist, just practical. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Nothing wrong with dating a black guy, I'm sure there are plenty of good guys. But where I live if I see a group of black guys walking my way on the street, I'd avoid them. Statistically speaking they cause more crime. I don't think this makes me a racist, just practical. In order words, you're not racist but... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I hate to say it but most guys think that way, but only a few of us actually admit it. It's not really racist but it's a view created through media. The media makes it seem like white girls are either very much into black guys (only) or are totally repulsed by them. Because of this most guys think that if a white girl has ever dated a black guy then deep down she'll always want a black guy. This isn't translated in other races because media doesn't cover that. Like if you dated a latino or asian guy I doubt he'd be as concerned. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Nothing wrong with dating a black guy, I'm sure there are plenty of good guys. But where I live if I see a group of black guys walking my way on the street, I'd avoid them. Statistically speaking they cause more crime. I don't think this makes me a racist, just practical. Really bro? I never pictured you as that type of guy based on your posts. That actually is pretty racist. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 So this is something that bothers me even though it happened months ago. I dated a guy for a few months who broke up with me because he couldnt get over the fact that I had a black partner ( years ago). We are both white. He is South African and claims that because im not from there i will never understand his issue. ( i get that there are huge issues with black crime in SA, but still.. He also stated that it is not racist , it is just a preference to not to have a gf who has been with a black guy. He is looking for a girl who is pure and innocent, but not a virgin( his words). Obviously made me feel pretty crap about myself..like im too dirty for him or something. Ever since this happened i wonder if there are many guys out there who feel this way? That a white girl devalues herself if he has a partner from another race? We are in the UK, if that matters. ( and i know that its not a good idea to discuss previous partners but it has happened now..but i guess its for the best thst we had this conversation early on). I bet you he was an Afrikaner rather than British South African, am I right? I've been to South Africa a few times and I know a number of white South/Southern Africans. Many of them have this weird puritan protestant religious thing going on especially towards women. Definitely big on the madonna/whore complex. Very repressed people, in my experience. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Nothing wrong with dating a black guy, I'm sure there are plenty of good guys. But where I live if I see a group of black guys walking my way on the street, I'd avoid them. Statistically speaking they cause more crime. I don't think this makes me a racist, just practical. That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Crime rates depend on the socio economic make up of the area, not race. More affluent black people are less likely to commit crimes than poorer whites. (local or immigrant). I thought you were smarter than this. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 (edited) Really bro? I never pictured you as that type of guy based on your posts. That actually is pretty racist. No. I live in the city and there is a fair amount of crime. I'm more or less saying if I was on the street and it wasn't very busy out. When it's busy out I'm not as worried. @emilia I live in the city and there is a fair number of poor people. Not in my neighborhood but adjacent areas of the city. Look up racial prison statistics. If there's a loud group of blacks moving my way on the sidewalk at night I'll move to the other side instead of walk through them and get harassed. Edited May 24, 2015 by barcode88 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keats Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Who said it isn't racist on this thread? You need a wake up call. Shocking. Of course it is racist. He said it himself. If you have had a black boyfriend in your past, you are not pure. It means you are dirty. Dirty because the black boyfriend was dirty. And the black boyfriend was dirty because he was black. Of course... that's racist. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Crime rates depend on the socio economic make up of the area, not race. More affluent black people are less likely to commit crimes than poorer whites. (local or immigrant). I thought you were smarter than this. Yeah I know his post surprised me, considering I remember him saying I was a douche for bargaining with hookers (but still paying full price). I can't think of any situation where I'd cross the street because of someone, unless maybe it was an ex or a crazy homeless guy. I'm hoping that he just worded it wrong, like he means a gang of thugs that just happen to be black rather than just blacks in general. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 No. I live in the city and there is a fair amount of crime. I'm more or less saying if I was on the street and it wasn't very busy out. When it's busy out I'm not as worried. @emilia I live in the city and there is a fair number of poor people. Not in my neighborhood but adjacent areas of the city. Look up racial prison statistics. If there's a loud group of blacks moving my way on the sidewalk at night I'll move to the other side instead of walk through them and get harassed. It is well documented that in the US black people are marginalised. Where have you been? I cross the road at night for any group of men, if I selected on the basis of colour that would make me a seriously retarded person. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 I cross the road at night for any group of men, if I selected on the basis of colour that would make me a seriously retarded person. Ok that's where we part ways. He only crosses the street for black guys, but you cross the street for all men ;/. I wonder if he'd cross the street if it was a group of black people in suits. I wonder if would he cross the street if it was a group of asians (statistically very unlikely commit crime) that where dressed in a yakuza fashion. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Yeah I know his post surprised me, considering I remember him saying I was a douche for bargaining with hookers (but still paying full price). I can't think of any situation where I'd cross the street because of someone, unless maybe it was an ex or a crazy homeless guy. I'm hoping that he just worded it wrong, like he means a gang of thugs that just happen to be black rather than just blacks in general. Haggling with hookers is pretty douchey, since they're selling their bodies and you're seeking to devalue their bodies even more... If you read the blogs of any working women they hate guys who do that ****. Call me a racist all you want, but its way safer at night to walk to the other side of the street if there is a group of blacks that make me feel uneasy than walk through them. If they start moving towards me suspiciously I can keep moving away. The only reason I'm more wary of blacks is because they account for more crime which can be verified by prison statistics. But in all honesty I would avoid rowdy white people as well if I felt unsafe. Edit: if the black guys were in suits and seemed respectable I wouldn't cross the street. In my area there are a lot of poorer minorities though so that's generally not the case. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jgirl8 Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 Nothing wrong with dating a black guy, I'm sure there are plenty of good guys. But where I live if I see a group of black guys walking my way on the street, I'd avoid them. Statistically speaking they cause more crime. I don't think this makes me a racist, just practical. No, of course that doesnt make you racist. But dumping a girl because she has dated a black guy. ( 8 years before) is a bit different. He told me that most guys would have an issue with it and would see the girl as damaged goods just wouldnt admit it..so i thought i would ask here.. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 No. I live in the city and there is a fair amount of crime. I'm more or less saying if I was on the street and it wasn't very busy out. When it's busy out I'm not as worried. @emilia I live in the city and there is a fair number of poor people. Not in my neighborhood but adjacent areas of the city. Look up racial prison statistics. If there's a loud group of blacks moving my way on the sidewalk at night I'll move to the other side instead of walk through them and get harassed. BC, would you still feel that way if there were a loud group of *white* guys moving your way? Or is just blacks you are afraid of? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 It's one thing to think a girl whose been with a black guy will only ever want black guys, but to see her as unpure, is out and out racist. I agree that I'd avoid any group of men walking towards me, no matter what the colour. We're talking about the OP having previously had a relationship with one black guy, not a gang of black men. Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 (edited) No, of course that doesnt make you racist. But dumping a girl because she has dated a black guy. ( 8 years before) is a bit different. He told me that most guys would have an issue with it and would see the girl as damaged goods just wouldnt admit it..so i thought i would ask here.. Unfortunately he's right, it's a deep unspoken view that I think most guys (even the very pc hipster types) have even on a subconscious level. According to the media white girls either love black guys or hate them, and there is no in between. The whole "once you go black you never go back" phrase doesn't help it either which ironically also means that once you go black you can never go 'back' even if you wanted to. I'm sure that there are many white girls that have avoided dating a guy that was black purely to avoid the problem that the OP is having. Also OP, next time you mention an ex don't mention the race. Actually now that I think of it mentioning anything specific is never good because it just gives him a visual of someone he'd rather not know of. Edited May 24, 2015 by wb1988 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 No, of course that doesnt make you racist. But dumping a girl because she has dated a black guy. ( 8 years before) is a bit different. He told me that most guys would have an issue with it and would see the girl as damaged goods just wouldnt admit it..so i thought i would ask here.. Maybe he's jealous. You know the saying "once you go black, it's hard to go back..." (no pun intended...) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jgirl8 Posted May 24, 2015 Author Share Posted May 24, 2015 I bet you he was an Afrikaner rather than British South African, am I right? I've been to South Africa a few times and I know a number of white South/Southern Africans. Many of them have this weird puritan protestant religious thing going on especially towards women. Definitely big on the madonna/whore complex. Very repressed people, in my experience. His heritage is mixed European but he does have strange views on women ( "there are no good women left" etc comments) , kinda puts them on pedestal but this race thing is the one that really threw me Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Also OP, next time you mention an ex don't mention the race. Actually now that I think of it mentioning anything specific is never good because it just gives him a visual of someone he'd rather not know of. This is true... Be as vague as possible about exes. If you're going to recall a story and you can just refer to them as a friend, best to do that sometimes. Especially early on in dating lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Nothing wrong with dating a black guy, I'm sure there are plenty of good guys. But where I live if I see a group of black guys walking my way on the street, I'd avoid them. Statistically speaking they cause more crime. I don't think this makes me a racist, just practical. Just any kinda black guys? Now if they thuged out with tatts on they faces and sh*t, I wouldn't walk right past em, but a few regular lookin' blacks dudes in some Letterman jackets, I'll walk right past and say what's up. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 #whitegirlproblems Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 His heritage is mixed European but he does have strange views on women ( "there are no good women left" etc comments) , kinda puts them on pedestal but this race thing is the one that really threw me It all comes back to the religion thing. I've only found the Brit South Africans 'normal'. Link to post Share on other sites
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