Does anyone read initial OLD messages?

[I_Squared_R]

I deleted my OLD account about three months ago because I never got any replies and when I did it was just for a girl to say something nasty about my pictures. I've wrote many clever things previously and it never made a difference. It got to the point that I just copy and pasted "hey" into every message because I think people check the pictures and if interested they will proceed to say hello back.

 

So now I decided to give OLD another shot and with the "Compatibility Quiz" I just checked off every mark going down without reading it and I still just copy and paste "hey" to every girl I find attractive (I dont even read the profile). I just think it's a waste of time to read the profile or come up with anything clever because ultimately it's the pictures that determine interest.

 

Am I wrong to think this way?

[JJCaliGirl]

Just a hey or a hi will never get a response from me. If I want to give up some of my precious free time, then a guy needs to show that he at least paid attention to some of what I wrote. Yes, pictures play an important part, but I'm looking for something serious and not a casual fling. I know that's not necessarily the focus of others, but if you want something serious, then more than just a "hey" or a "hi" is needed.

 

On a funny note, I did correspond with one guy who told me that he never responded to girls who only focused on one specific part of his profile even though he never removed it from it. I think he was using it as a test to see if they could get past that particular line.

[fitnessfan365]

I just treat it like real life pick up. Respectfully direct about what I was physically attracted to, and then playfully teasing her about something from her profile with a follow up question. Just really short and simple.

 

Also, proper grammar is key. I've had a lot of women say how much they appreciate sentence structure and that I didn't use "text speak".

[Male]

Most women will ignore your "Hey" even if they find you attractive or cute, just because they feel that you havent put any "effort" into greeting them. And they assume you are just pasting that message to all the other women as well, which you are. Women typically respond more when you mention something from their profile in your message, which shows them you read their profile.

 

Now on the contrary, the few initial messages that I've received from women, have as well been nothing more than "Hello" or "Hey there". I do understand your point though. In our society the guy is forced to stick his neck out, risk rejection, and put effort and energy into meeting and approaching a woman, while she typically does nothing besides accept or reject you.

[avintagegirl]

If someone posted Hey to me, I wouldn't look twice. Why should I? What reason are you giving me to reply? Like Male said, its about the effort. So someone says hey, big deal. I say hey to the guy sitting on the street corner, does it mean I am interested in him? Nope. He is just one of many I say hello to. If someone is interested in me I'd like to think they were interested in giving me more than what I would give to a random person I will never see again.

 

If I got a message that said:

 

"Hey your profile caught my eye when I saw you liked (fill in the blank). A cute girl who likes (fill in the blank) is someone I couldn't resist messaging. Check out my profile and send me a reply if you are interested in talking. "

 

Now that would prompt me to see what this guy is all about. To me this message has a lot going for it.

 

1. You read my profile

2. We have a common interest.

3. You think I am cute

4. You are taking the time to not use text speak - MAJOR plus!

5. It is flirty

6. It is confident because you are saying hey check me out, but still leaving the ball in my court.

 

It's not a super long message, but its substantial enough to inspire a connection.

 

"Hey" inspires nothing.

 

 

Just my two cents.

 

 

Best of luck to you!

[Male]

Despite what many people on here like to claim, if those women are into your pics, they will respond to the simplest of messages. That has been my experience, to which I have a ton of.

 

I must be ugly as hell then, because I've sent very good messages, and pretty much get ignored by everyone.

 

 

 

Just a hey or a hi will never get a response from me. If I want to give up some of my precious free time, then a guy needs to show that he at least paid attention to some of what I wrote.

 

I really dont know how much people even read profiles. The few women that did message me back, or even met me in person, rarely read anything on my profile. They would always ask me where I live, do I have kids, was I ever married....when all of that info was stated right on my profile. I even had women get me mixed up with other guys that were talking to/dating at the same time, and even tried to lie about it initially, until they realized it was blatantly obvious that they couldnt cover it up.

[aloneinaz]

If someone posted Hey to me, I wouldn't look twice. Why should I? What reason are you giving me to reply? Like Male said, its about the effort. So someone says hey, big deal. I say hey to the guy sitting on the street corner, does it mean I am interested in him? Nope. He is just one of many I say hello to. If someone is interested in me I'd like to think they were interested in giving me more than what I would give to a random person I will never see again.

 

If I got a message that said:

 

"Hey your profile caught my eye when I saw you liked (fill in the blank). A cute girl who likes (fill in the blank) is someone I couldn't resist messaging. Check out my profile and send me a reply if you are interested in talking. "

 

Now that would prompt me to see what this guy is all about. To me this message has a lot going for it.

 

1. You read my profile

2. We have a common interest.

3. You think I am cute

4. You are taking the time to not use text speak - MAJOR plus!

5. It is flirty

6. It is confident because you are saying hey check me out, but still leaving the ball in my court.

 

It's not a super long message, but its substantial enough to inspire a connection.

 

"Hey" inspires nothing.

 

 

Just my two cents.

 

 

Best of luck to you!

 

I think this is right on point. In my years of OLD, I discussed it a lot on first dates that I met the girl on line. I would quiz them about what got them to reply and what didn't.

 

Most women said what this poster said. Discuss something they wrote in their profile. It shows you're interested in THEM. Don't write a long first hello. Keep it short and sweet. Don't tell them they are hot, sexy or amazing or I love "this" about you. Try to be witty as well. Show some personality in your first email to them. The old expression "you never have a second chance to make a first impression"..

 

I agree that you could be the most clever guy/girl in the world with your first email and if you're not their cup of tea, they won't reply. It obviously comes down to attraction but I NEVER replied to a girl that would email mail me "hey there" or "hi handsome" or my favorite "nice smile".. Yawn...

 

My best success to getting a reply was mentioning something in their pictures or write up AND trying to be a bit witty too.

[I_Squared_R]

How about this - the women I wrote "Hey" to still took the time to view my profile. Who knows if they would read my profile (its empty). I only have one picture up right now. Still no replies.

[JJCaliGirl]

How about this - the women I wrote "Hey" to still took the time to view my profile. Who knows if they would read my profile (its empty). I only have one picture up right now. Still no replies.

 

With 1 picture and nothing in your profile, I would not reply back to a "hey"

 

And of course they looked at your profile because you wrote them. I always look at the guy's profile, but even if he was Brad Pitt's identical twin, I wouldn't reply back because I want him to show more interest than just a greeting.

[I_Squared_R]

Message quality is faaaaar less important than picture quality. Get a female friend to help you take a bunch of good pics, sift through the duds, and place the best ones on your profile. That will help you much more than trying to write good messages to women who won't respond anyway. If they like your pic, they will respond to anything remotely civil.

 

Yeah I have a ton of women willing to help me. I swore off OLD but I decided just a few hours ago to try it. I absolutely agree with you though.

[gaius]

Nah, I did OLD for a week a while back and cleaned up, just because I found something interesting and relatable to say to most of the women I messaged. I don't think the profile itself matters much but what you say absolutely does.

[I_Squared_R]

Nah, I did OLD for a week a while back and cleaned up, just because I found something interesting and relatable to say to most of the women I messaged. I don't think the profile itself matters much but what you say absolutely does.

 

I must be dead ugly then because I come up with initial messages that are home run, out of this world, "how did I come up with that?" kind of material.

[aloneinaz]

Message quality is faaaaar less important than picture quality. Get a female friend to help you take a bunch of good pics, sift through the duds, and place the best ones on your profile. That will help you much more than trying to write good messages to women who won't respond anyway. If they like your pic, they will respond to anything remotely civil.

 

This is SSOO on point. Do what she suggests. Have a female friend dress you and then take some pics you both like. Then, have her help you write your profile so it will help you attract some attention.

 

I have a female friend who's attractive. She wasn't getting much attention from the site. I went to her house with a good camera. I looked at her pictures. They were TERRIBLE.. We went thru her closet and had her put on some outfits that made her look great. She has a nice chest but you could see it w/her lousy pics. She picked out some blouses that were not slutty but showed her nice cleavage. The right colors matter too. I also "tweaked" her profile write up as well. It did help considerably and she got a lot more attention.

 

BTW ladies, post full body shots! Guys that only see chest up shots or multiple face only shots immediately think you're hiding a big ass..!

[fitnessfan365]

I must be dead ugly then because I come up with initial messages that are home run, out of this world, "how did I come up with that?" kind of material.

 

Yeah according to you..LOL

 

But seriously man. Short, simple, and a bit direct is the way to go IMO. Now I'm not saying to be lazy and simply say "Hey". But if you can do a quick profile reference, with a bit of flirting/teasing and a question it can get the job done. When you try to be too over the top it comes off like you're trying too hard.

[gaius]

I must be dead ugly then because I come up with initial messages that are home run, out of this world, "how did I come up with that?" kind of material.

I don't know, you might just not be hitting the right buttons. Or it could be the pictures. If you manage to come up with one that even makes you look average and somewhat confident most women will be responsive with the right material though.

[Male]

OLD can start to make you believe this, even if it is not true. I am an average looking guy, I get dates pretty easily in the real world, But OLD was a bust for me as well. Messaging the type of women I generally date outside OLD got me nowhere. I would suggest you give up OLD before it starts to affect your confidence.

 

 

I agree. So what is it that the online women are looking for?? Why do online women ignore guy A but women in the real world date him? Visually he looks exactly the same to both groups of women.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I just treat it like real life pick up. Respectfully direct about what I was physically attracted to, and then playfully teasing her about something from her profile with a follow up question. Just really short and simple.

 

Also, proper grammar is key. I've had a lot of women say how much they appreciate sentence structure and that I didn't use "text speak".

 

I've done all this, never did the "hey" in the initial message. I would touch on certain parts of her profile like refer to their hobbies and make a remark about, "Oh, hey, I see you like kayaking...what are some of your favorite waterways/parks you like to venture?"

 

Something like that...still...nothing.

 

Surprisingly, there had been women I had so much in common with like sci-fi geeky stuff, obscure movie quotes they'd throw into their profile and if "You can guess what movie that comes from, you get brownie points!" and...w/o Googling the quote, I'd confidently tell them what movie it came from.

 

Still...nothing.

 

I'm convinced that some of these women, if they had met me in person, they'd easily would've given me their number. Seems online dating hinders that.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Get a female friend to help you take a bunch of good pics, sift through the duds

 

Believe me, been there done that...but you can take an ugly person, improve the photo quality, and the person will still be ugly. That's like trying to cover up the poops smell with spray air freshener.

 

Why do online women ignore guy A but women in the real world date him?

 

Surprisingly, there had been women I had so much in common with like sci-fi geeky stuff, obscure movie quotes they'd throw into their profile and if "You can guess what movie that comes from, you get brownie points!" and...w/o Googling the quote, I'd confidently tell them what movie it came from.

[Male]

I'm convinced that some of these women, if they had met me in person, they'd easily would've given me their number. Seems online dating hinders that.

 

100% true. It goes for both men and women.

 

There have been studies done on this. Participants list the type of guy or girl they want to date. Then when they get in a relationship, the person they choose is compared to the list, and 9 times out of 10 they dont come any where close to matching up.

[DoesntGetIt]

You have to be even better looking online to get dates than you would be in the real world.

 

Online puts the dating pool on a much much larger scale than a bar, club or anywhere else. This means people can be really picky and still have lots of options.

 

If you're getting no women (even ones you aren't attracted to) initiating conversation with you first, then something is wrong with your pics/profile. That's your first clue.

 

From there, don't go expecting a high reply rate. It just doesn't happen. Some people aren't that interested anymore and just keep it up, others are super picky, and others may even just be there for attention. So you are going to send a good amount of messages. Even once you get a reply, some will flake out before getting to a date.

 

Keep the messages short, and ask for a date quickly into any conversation, and just keep moving on to the next one. Don't get hung up or attached to anyone before you've gone on some dates, just message the next, then the next, etc. without really caring about what happens.

 

For example, a woman just messaged me today, but things have been going well with a girl I started dating (from OkCupid, who also messaged me first) so I'm not paying attention to the site right now while I see how this goes. I get maybe one women reaching out a week. Woman on the other hand are getting lots of dates, so sometimes they just don't bother with the dozens of messages they get every single day.

 

I have a very sarcastic, who gives a **** profile write up and that has been working wonders. Make sure your profile is different from the thousands every woman is going to see.

[LookAtThisPOst]

You know, I've seen women at actual MEETUP events, rudely check their online apps on their Smartphones to check their emails from men? This kind of goes to show people are co-mingling their real life functions along with their online dating.

 

Actually seen some of the people at Meetups also online.

 

 

You have to be even better looking online to get dates than you would be in the real world.

 

Online puts the dating pool on a much much larger scale than a bar, club or anywhere else. This means people can be really picky and still have lots of options.

 

If you're getting no women (even ones you aren't attracted to) initiating conversation with you first, then something is wrong with your pics/profile. That's your first clue.

 

From there, don't go expecting a high reply rate. It just doesn't happen. Some people aren't that interested anymore and just keep it up, others are super picky, and others may even just be there for attention. So you are going to send a good amount of messages. Even once you get a reply, some will flake out before getting to a date.

 

Keep the messages short, and ask for a date quickly into any conversation, and just keep moving on to the next one. Don't get hung up or attached to anyone before you've gone on some dates, just message the next, then the next, etc. without really caring about what happens.

 

For example, a woman just messaged me today, but things have been going well with a girl I started dating (from OkCupid, who also messaged me first) so I'm not paying attention to the site right now while I see how this goes. I get maybe one women reaching out a week. Woman on the other hand are getting lots of dates, so sometimes they just don't bother with the dozens of messages they get every single day.

 

I have a very sarcastic, who gives a **** profile write up and that has been working wonders. Make sure your profile is different from the thousands every woman is going to see.

[joseb]

I must be dead ugly then because I come up with initial messages that are home run, out of this world, "how did I come up with that?" kind of material.

 

Can you give some examples of these "out of this world" material?!

 

Maybe you tried too hard?

[phineas]

"how's it going"

 

Works just fine for me.

They either respond or they don't

 

My dating life doesn't rely solely on OLD.

The way I see it, any woman in her 40's who demands more from an online dating site can stay on that site (and usually do, for years).

 

The women who are actually interested in meeting men and going on dates won't be so demanding.

[kendahke]

I deleted my OLD account about three months ago because I never got any replies and when I did it was just for a girl to say something nasty about my pictures. I've wrote many clever things previously and it never made a difference. It got to the point that I just copy and pasted "hey" into every message because I think people check the pictures and if interested they will proceed to say hello back.

 

So now I decided to give OLD another shot and with the "Compatibility Quiz" I just checked off every mark going down without reading it and I still just copy and paste "hey" to every girl I find attractive (I dont even read the profile). I just think it's a waste of time to read the profile or come up with anything clever because ultimately it's the pictures that determine interest.

 

Am I wrong to think this way?

 

Yes. But if it works for you, who is anyone to say otherwise?

[kendahke]

I must be ugly as hell then, because I've sent very good messages, and pretty much get ignored by everyone.

If you're using OKC, Your email may not be passing their filter and is going into where those messages get stored. If they're mainly using their iPad or cell phone, those apps do not give you access to that folder. So messages you may have sent may not have been read because of the device they use to access their messages.

 

I really dont know how much people even read profiles.

 

I read them. I read them, copy them and do a google search on them to find out if they're scammers. If there is no copy of their profile on Google, then I look at their pictures, then I go into the questions and search for their answer on a specific question and the answer to that question will either prompt me to leave a message or leave them alone.

 

The few women that did message me back, or even met me in person, rarely read anything on my profile. They would always ask me where I live, do I have kids, was I ever married....when all of that info was stated right on my profile. I even had women get me mixed up with other guys that were talking to/dating at the same time, and even tried to lie about it initially, until they realized it was blatantly obvious that they couldnt cover it up.

 

Just as you're contacting them, hundreds of others are contacting them, too. I've had guys mistake me for someone they're talking to on a completely different site. That's just the nature of the beast if you choose to use OLD. No one is really all that special when it comes to OLD--the sheer number of users do not accommodate for that--might be a good idea to divorce yourself of that notion if you're going to use OLD.