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Stuck between staying or leaving


BrightGirl

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BrightGirl

I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 29. We have been in a relationship for 7 months. In the beginning of our relationship, I had my guard up from being in past relationships that ended badly but eventually he broke that guard down with the affection and interest he showed in me. We did EVERYTHING together. He is a business owner so he would always talk to me about ideas for his office and we would go shopping for stuff for his apartment that he is remodeling and would ask for my advice. I am a full time student so I would always make sure that I had time for him even if I was busy doing something else. While I was at school, he would constantly call me and want to know my every move and I had no problem with that because I felt as though I have nothing to hide so why not. Anyways, I am out for the summer and I barely hear from him. So I recently asked him was he conversing with other women and he was honest with me and told me yes he was but only because he talks to them about stuff that he couldn't talk to me about because of our age difference and promised me that none of them would come before me but sharing text with other women besides your gf was the reason why my last relationship ended because he left me for the girl that was supposedly "nobody to him". I voiced my opinion about it and he basically told me that he wasn't going to stop. He then told me that we started our relationship too fast BUT keep in mind he was the one who initiated the relationship in the first place. I even got emotional about the situation and still nothing happened. Then I noticed that he had a passcode on his phone. Out of the 7 months that we have been together he NEVER had a passcode on his phone ever. And then when I asked him why he would put a passcode on his phone if the girls meant nothing, he said it was for my protection. He told me that when we are on the same level then he will stop texting them. Now, I honestly don't know what to do. I do everything that he asks and then some but it's not enough for him. I cut off all of my options for him. I stopped hanging out with my friends to cater to him. Help me figure out what to do PLEASE. I don't want to leave him because he is the sweetest guy but this isn't sitting well with me. Should I start texting other guys to see how he liked that? Should I just leave?

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ExpatInItaly

Girl. Come on, now. This guy is playing you like a fiddle and taking advantage of you and your comparative lack of experience in relationships.

 

He is manipulative and dishonest. Do you enjoy being treated like a clueless child? I would have laughed right in his face if he'd told me he'd stop texting other women "when we're on the same level." Please! Who the hell does he think he is? I hope you understand that him wanting to know your every move at school is a huge red flag. That isn't healthy or normal and signals big problems with jealousy and control issues. And it's getting worse. He doesn't respect you or your relationship at whatsoever.

 

I think it's safe to assume he's not just texting with these women. Get rid of him. He's playing you and there's probably a heck of a lot more you don't know about him. I get the sense he picked someone much younger because he knows he can manipulate you. Don't let him. It won't end well for you.

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BrightGirl

I didn't want to think of it like that because I even started thinking was I immature or doing something wrong.

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The only thing that's wrong about this is that you're staying connected to someone who is manipulative.

 

For your own sake I think you should bow out and find someone who doesn't treat others so badly.

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Guitarisgood

The moment you start considering leaving, leave. If we were honest, once that thought is put in your head and every time something goes down wrong, it will just reinforce how you feel.

 

Leave now or risk wasting the extra time you could be spent living life to its fullest with someone else.

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La.Primavera

If you are a full time student you should be learning about critical thinking that requires you to use your reason to analyze an argument to see how it stacks up against the evidence.

 

I think this situation would be the perfect opportunity to put that skill into practice.

 

From what I have read, you are dating a guy with questionable logic, lack of boundaries, and suspicious motives.

 

You shouldn't have to text other guys to teach him a lesson. He should have greater respect for you.

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I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 29. We have been in a relationship for 7 months. In the beginning of our relationship, I had my guard up from being in past relationships that ended badly but eventually he broke that guard down with the affection and interest he showed in me. We did EVERYTHING together. He is a business owner so he would always talk to me about ideas for his office and we would go shopping for stuff for his apartment that he is remodeling and would ask for my advice. I am a full time student so I would always make sure that I had time for him even if I was busy doing something else. While I was at school, he would constantly call me and want to know my every move and I had no problem with that because I felt as though I have nothing to hide so why not. Anyways, I am out for the summer and I barely hear from him. So I recently asked him was he conversing with other women and he was honest with me and told me yes he was but only because he talks to them about stuff that he couldn't talk to me about because of our age difference and promised me that none of them would come before me but sharing text with other women besides your gf was the reason why my last relationship ended because he left me for the girl that was supposedly "nobody to him". I voiced my opinion about it and he basically told me that he wasn't going to stop. He then told me that we started our relationship too fast BUT keep in mind he was the one who initiated the relationship in the first place. I even got emotional about the situation and still nothing happened. Then I noticed that he had a passcode on his phone. Out of the 7 months that we have been together he NEVER had a passcode on his phone ever. And then when I asked him why he would put a passcode on his phone if the girls meant nothing, he said it was for my protection. He told me that when we are on the same level then he will stop texting them. Now, I honestly don't know what to do. I do everything that he asks and then some but it's not enough for him. I cut off all of my options for him. I stopped hanging out with my friends to cater to him. Help me figure out what to do PLEASE. I don't want to leave him because he is the sweetest guy but this isn't sitting well with me. Should I start texting other guys to see how he liked that? Should I just leave?

 

I do everything that he asks and then some but it's not enough for him. I cut off all of my options for him. I stopped hanging out with my friends to cater to him.

 

I don't care how long you are with someone, you never do what I've highlighted above until it's clear what the intentions are for the relationship.

 

Have you two ever had a conversation about what he/you are looking for out of your dating journeys? Did he ever tell you that he wanted a long-term relationship leading to marriage? Do you want that?

 

It appears to me that there is no "definition" to this relationship. You've been acting like a girlfriend, while he isn't acting like a boyfriend. He told me that when we are on the same level then he will stop texting them. It's clear from this statement that you two ARE on different pages.

 

You need to have a conversation about what level he's on and what level you're on and what your goals are and be prepared to move on.

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Clarence_Boddicker

He's a douche & can't be trusted. Dump him.

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Wouldn't trust this guy as far as I could throw him.

 

He's playing you big time and you've fallen for it. Hook, line, and sinker.

 

Stay with him at your own risk.

 

You have been warned.

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LoveAnimals

Op please leave this man! You say he is "the sweetest man ever" but he is texting other women!! Do you really believe those conversations are platonic? I can guarantee you they're not. Also, I actually dont find the age gap that huge. Most 29 yr old men I know still act like babies (Im 26). I think he is using that as an excuse. The reality is that he is stringing you along while he has his share of you and other women. Please do not allow yourself to be treated this way. Dump this loser and find yourself a better partner..

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