First one night stand

[somany]

I wrote this because I'm not that young but I never had a one night stand before this guy. It happened one and a half week ago and I met him online.

 

Doing this was kind of a rebelling thing for me. I had a few bad serious relationships in the past years and I just said to myself "go out one time with this cute guy and go have some fun!"

 

Ok I did. He lives on my city but was visiting his mom who lives 2h from here. We chatted 4 days and things were always very sexual and etc. We are both single and he's one year younger than me. I was playing a bit hard but I said just "if you come on Sunday we'll go out, I promise". And he did, drove 2h just so we could meet.

 

Ok I'm not impressed by this cuz I know guys do this all the time. We had a great time and he was more concerned about my pleasure than himself. A few times I got even annoyed because I wanted to please him too but he was really worried in making me happy etc.

 

I offered to pay half of our dinner, drinks, but he refused and said "next time we split cuz I want it to happen again". I got a bit ashamed cuz I don't like ppl paying for my things but ok. He drove me home and that was it.

 

This was the background. Things that happened after this:

 

- next day morning he texted and asked if I liked our night out. I said I loved

- he already had a trip to a city in the south before he met me so he could buy stuff for his car. He is already back (was 3 days out of town) but sent me texts and pics of himself and the trip everyday.

- he added me on his Facebook the day we met online. He has a lot of friends and I checked and didn't see any comment of any girl hitting on him etc, only friends and family. He posts very little in there.

- we talk VERY little but we exchange a few texts everyday. Short, silly things... Not my style as I like to talk, ask how is the person's day etc... He spend sometimes two hours to answer with a LOL or whatever.

- I sometimes change my Facebook profile picture and he ALWAYS like them and comment something like "I want you", "I want to kiss you", etc. he never comments anything except my personal new pictures. Nor he starts any kind of conversation. I tried but like I said short answers.

-I made a joke in one of his pictures, one he was looking cute but nothing to make him embarrassed in the case of him having another girl he was into on his fb. He commented with an in love emoticon

 

He is a very nice guy and I would love to know him better. But I don't know what to do. He said he broke up with his girlfriend 5 months ago because she was too controlling and this scared me because I don't know how to behave with this guy. How to show I would like to know him better, maybe go out again, when I'm not sure if he's just into me as a fwb. I would be veryyyy embarrassed if I made the wrong move.

 

Sorry the length of this, and my stupid question, but is there any tip I could use? Should I just let him come to me when it's time for him? How do I show I'm interested but not "desperate"?

 

I had relationships before but none started this way so I'm very lost. Ty for reading and in advance.

[Omei]

Your confused because nothing about this post screams one night stand.

 

One night stands don't pay for girls dinners and add them to Facebook.

 

Since you're in contact with this guy regulary on a friendship level im sorry to tell you you've yet to still experience a one night stand.

 

On the plus side this guy might really like you

[somany]

But so fast? I don't know the rules at all lol. I sometimes wanna initiate but I'm damn scared he will take this as I'm trying to control him or assume I'm thinking I'm already his girlfriend. Plus he didn't delete his OLD profile (me neither actually) and even changed his photo for a much cooler one

 

Actually I'm thinking in sending him a text first today lol I have nothing to lose anyways... Yesterday his last comment to me was "I want you for myself" on a pic I posted. Well gonna send him good morning already

[somany]

Well I deleted my OLD profile now (not because of him, I was tired of so many annoying messages and guys) and sent a text "hi, today I woke up first and I'm saying you good morning miss talking to you!" (He always sends me a good morning text first). Let's see what's going to happen.

[fred123]

It doesnf say anywhere you had sex with him?

[somany]

It doesnf say anywhere you had sex with him?

 

yep, we had. First date, sex. I went to it with my head like "only one funny night" and was never thinking we would still be in contact almost 2 weeks later, with him calling me, messaging me and being on my fb friends. I saw he is friends with a cousin of mine too but i dunno if it was before he friended me or not as i talk to this cousin a lot on fb comments as he is a famous journalist in our town. Me and this guy i'm seeing text everyday, different time schedules and i'm very busy atm, but he is on vacations.

 

Well will keep updating. After the text i sent saying good morning and etc, he replied one hour later saying he just "woke up, beautiful" and was going to the gym. It was around 7:30 am. Like i said i sent the text because everyday he sends me one so i decided to go ahead one time and see how he would reply to it. I wished him a nice morning and gym time and that was it.

 

After lunch, at exactly 1 pm he sent me another text saying "good afternoon beautiful!" and i noticed 5 minutes later as i was not around my phone, and when i was typing he called and said "hey beautiful, i'm missing you! How about meeting today, you choose the place!" A fast and light talking with a few jokes between ourselves, nothing strange. This was yesterday (in here is already thursday morning) and I refused the date because I had a few appointments AND relaxing time I'm needing cuz i took the day off to rest a bit. But i asked if we could meet today later and he said "sure because he is missing kissing me" in a cuddly voice (dunno how to describe but that way you speak when you want to hug someone so bad, something cute... hope u understand what i mean.

 

SO I'm going out later again not expecting anything deeper or a relationship from it, expecting it to be something like friends with benefits so i'll keep it very light and just enjoy. Will keep this thread going on as a diary anyways to see how this progress

 

PS.: I like him, very much, hard working guy with a deep love for his family values and he's hot but i can hold myself and don't wanna fall in love AT ALL so fast due to my past failed relationships. Just wanna keep it light and casual but still showing lightly and not clingy at ALL I appreciate him... that's why i'm trying to get advices from here on how to not show him I wanna put him a leash but not to sound i'm not interested either. Something in between maybe?

 

I guess I'm asking for the good old secret in making a slowly relationship's start and I know is hard to give this kind of advice. But maybe with some details anybody can give me a light. Also if it's just sex for him it will be ok with me too as i'm liking the singleness i'm currently living (by myself etc). But wouldn't mind too if this evolved into a relationship in the future.

 

Btw dunno if i mentioned but we are in our early 30s.

 

Any tip is very much appreciated will keep you informed.

[aloneinaz]

This is certainly not a one night stand, it's a developing relationship. A couple of things that stand out to me is you both don't appear to be seeing each other much? When I have a first great date w/a girl, I WANT to spend time with her. I get you're both busy but I'd still try and make time to see her.

 

You just need to not get too invested too quickly. You're not a couple and he may view you as just one of his FWB's at this point. Yes, you said you'd be ok with that but, your already indicating that you really like him.

 

You should keep your guard up until you see how things progress down the road.

[somany]

This is certainly not a one night stand, it's a developing relationship. A couple of things that stand out to me is you both don't appear to be seeing each other much? When I have a first great date w/a girl, I WANT to spend time with her. I get you're both busy but I'd still try and make time to see her.

 

You just need to not get too invested too quickly. You're not a couple and he may view you as just one of his FWB's at this point. Yes, you said you'd be ok with that but, your already indicating that you really like him.

 

You should keep your guard up until you see how things progress down the road.

 

You're very right! I need to really slow down my expectations. Today he texted in the middle of the morning wanting to meet in the middle of the afternoon well is thursday and i'm working... I asked if we could go out after 6pm (I workkk lol) and he said he had an appointment at this time and I offered later or tomorrow maybe? He said he will check and call me later but I don't know if it's because I woke up in a bit of a bad mood but it screamed to me u-oh fast quickie sex :p lol

 

Anyways asked him to call me later and check if he could and he said he is missing my kisses so he will make some time.

 

Gut feeling = fwb. Let's go.

[Lansing]

Umm.. You don't ask girls out in the middle of the afternoon for sex...

 

Unless, he is inviting you over to his place or over to your place..

[somany]

Remember he is doing nothing as he is off-work right now lol anyways he will pick me home (he offered) and we are not going to his house so later i will update. Will not try to decipher (which is something most of us girls do ALL the freeking time) and enjoy the moment but will keep updating as things progress (or not?)

[aloneinaz]

He had an "appointment" at 6pm? Hum... Was that short for "another hook up with a different girl"?

 

Just keep your guard up and take it slow. You appear to have your head right so you don't get burned or hurt.

 

I'd also add that it's seems a bit odd to me to be using some much "I miss you, your kisses" and the other over the top loveliness after only one hook up.

 

If I'd only seen a girl once or twice, even if I sleep with them, I'd never do that and it would scare me a bit if she did it to me...

[somany]

He works as a nurse assistant at a hospital but said also makes freelancer jobs eventually when they come so sometimes he gets a task when is not expecting etc. He said they call and he goes and makes extra money (this is when I first met him). Not defending him tho because that was my first thought too (yeah right, me at 3pm and the other girl at 7pm) lol

 

Like i said will just have fun. I like him but after this date today if I see things will put ME in danger (attachment without hope) will cut him out. I don't want problems with my heart and head right now and falling in love with the wrong person is a no-no!

[somany]

Gosh reading everything i wrote makes me feel so stupid i should just chill already

[Redhead14]

yep, we had. First date, sex. I went to it with my head like "only one funny night" and was never thinking we would still be in contact almost 2 weeks later, with him calling me, messaging me and being on my fb friends. I saw he is friends with a cousin of mine too but i dunno if it was before he friended me or not as i talk to this cousin a lot on fb comments as he is a famous journalist in our town. Me and this guy i'm seeing text everyday, different time schedules and i'm very busy atm, but he is on vacations.

 

Well will keep updating. After the text i sent saying good morning and etc, he replied one hour later saying he just "woke up, beautiful" and was going to the gym. It was around 7:30 am. Like i said i sent the text because everyday he sends me one so i decided to go ahead one time and see how he would reply to it. I wished him a nice morning and gym time and that was it.

 

After lunch, at exactly 1 pm he sent me another text saying "good afternoon beautiful!" and i noticed 5 minutes later as i was not around my phone, and when i was typing he called and said "hey beautiful, i'm missing you! How about meeting today, you choose the place!" A fast and light talking with a few jokes between ourselves, nothing strange. This was yesterday (in here is already thursday morning) and I refused the date because I had a few appointments AND relaxing time I'm needing cuz i took the day off to rest a bit. But i asked if we could meet today later and he said "sure because he is missing kissing me" in a cuddly voice (dunno how to describe but that way you speak when you want to hug someone so bad, something cute... hope u understand what i mean.

 

SO I'm going out later again not expecting anything deeper or a relationship from it, expecting it to be something like friends with benefits so i'll keep it very light and just enjoy. Will keep this thread going on as a diary anyways to see how this progress

 

PS.: I like him, very much, hard working guy with a deep love for his family values and he's hot but i can hold myself and don't wanna fall in love AT ALL so fast due to my past failed relationships. Just wanna keep it light and casual but still showing lightly and not clingy at ALL I appreciate him... that's why i'm trying to get advices from here on how to not show him I wanna put him a leash but not to sound i'm not interested either. Something in between maybe?

 

I guess I'm asking for the good old secret in making a slowly relationship's start and I know is hard to give this kind of advice. But maybe with some details anybody can give me a light. Also if it's just sex for him it will be ok with me too as i'm liking the singleness i'm currently living (by myself etc). But wouldn't mind too if this evolved into a relationship in the future.

 

Btw dunno if i mentioned but we are in our early 30s.

 

Any tip is very much appreciated will keep you informed.

 

YOu need to get clear in your head about what you want for yourself in the long run out of your dating journey.

 

not expecting anything deeper or a relationship from it

 

I'm asking for the good old secret in making a slowly relationship's

start

 

Do you want an FWB or a relationship? If you think this man is only going to be an FWB, you won't be satisfied and don't go into it thinking it will change and you will be the "one" who makes him want a relationship.

 

You need to find out what page you two are on. Does he want a casual/FWB relationship or is he looking for a long-term, committed relationship for himself.

 

That is the conversation you need to have fairly soon.

[somany]

YOu need to get clear in your head about what you want for yourself in the long run out of your dating journey.

 

not expecting anything deeper or a relationship from it

 

I'm asking for the good old secret in making a slowly relationship's

start

 

Do you want an FWB or a relationship? If you think this man is only going to be an FWB, you won't be satisfied and don't go into it thinking it will change and you will be the "one" who makes him want a relationship.

 

You need to find out what page you two are on. Does he want a casual/FWB relationship or is he looking for a long-term, committed relationship for himself.

 

That is the conversation you need to have fairly soon.

 

Thank you for your advice. And all the others. I didn't think of this. I'm not even sure what I want if I am honest but for sure I DON'T want to fall for the wrong person and suffer a heartbreak if I get the wrong messages.

 

Thank you for this because you gave me something to think about I was not figuring.

[aloneinaz]

(yeah right, me at 3pm and the other girl at 7pm) lol

 

 

 

Don't discount that. Myself and other guys I know have had hook ups with two different girls the same day. You see Nancy the night before, sleep over and enjoy a morning session. You then take Jane out that night and have sex with her.

I know women who have as well. All is fair when you're single and not in a committed relationship..

[somany]

Don't discount that. Myself and other guys I know have had hook ups with two different girls the same day. You see Nancy the night before, sleep over and enjoy a morning session. You then take Jane out that night and have sex with her.

I know women who have as well. All is fair when you're single and not in a committed relationship..

 

lol i so know this. We talked a few min ago and he is working. In 2 h will come here so we go out and yes... is for dinner and sex. He made it clear and now I know it's a fwb situation by the tone of all the talking, so nothing wrong with him as he is being clear, I'm the one letting anxiety and cr*p take over.

 

I promised to go and I actually want to have some fun today but after this "date" will stop and think if I want to continue with all of this. I'm saying this because this guy has the potential of making me falling for him and I don't want to suffer at all right now, I just can't. Today will just have fun and tomorrow work on my own life

 

Crappy thing is I'm a romantic so I'm in here in this world single and trying to understand the rules of being single in XXI century lol

Edited May 21, 2015 by somany

[aloneinaz]

Then go get laid girl!! lol

 

I have an FWB between GF's as well. We were both very clear it was only for sex. No romance. Sometimes it ok to use each other bodies!

 

But, I will say, sex with an FWB is like masturbating. Sex is so much better when you love your partner.

 

Hopefully, you will keep your options open to finding a guy who wants a romantic girl in his life to have all to himself!

[Omei]

lol i so know this. We talked a few min ago and he is working. In 2 h will come here so we go out and yes... is for dinner and sex. He made it clear and now I know it's a fwb situation by the tone of all the talking, so nothing wrong with him as he is being clear, I'm the one letting anxiety and cr*p take over.

 

I promised to go and I actually want to have some fun today but after this "date" will stop and think if I want to continue with all of this. I'm saying this because this guy has the potential of making me falling for him and I don't want to suffer at all right now, I just can't. Today will just have fun and tomorrow work on my own life

 

Crappy thing is I'm a romantic so I'm in here in this world single and trying to understand the rules of being single in XXI century lol

 

 

In this post you say he has potential for you to fall for him at this moment this is where you stop and think you need to find out his intentions if hes not open to any form of relationship passed sex if he can't then you need to stop sleeping with him before you get hurt.

[spiderowl]

But so fast? I don't know the rules at all lol. I sometimes wanna initiate but I'm damn scared he will take this as I'm trying to control him or assume I'm thinking I'm already his girlfriend. Plus he didn't delete his OLD profile (me neither actually) and even changed his photo for a much cooler one

 

Actually I'm thinking in sending him a text first today lol I have nothing to lose anyways... Yesterday his last comment to me was "I want you for myself" on a pic I posted. Well gonna send him good morning already

 

That says it all really, he wants you for himself!

[somany]

LOL i'm laughing because it is so predictable. I went out but was so concerned in this one being the last time before i get in real danger the thing turned out to be awesome.

 

He showed up at the time he promised, not a single minute after or before, in his work's clothes. It was on purpose i bet because he was freeking sexy lol

 

The things happened as the first time, but he started to open much more. He was laughing, more comfy, talked about his family, his life, even his first time when he was a teenager I made him laugh (i have an ironic sense of humor) and well he cuddled a few times. i noticed he was trying to cuddle but was a bit like "should I" as i was reserved about this myself but everytime i let him and hugged him too.

 

Dropped me home (i live with my mom because I'm preparing to move to live by myself and saving with rent to buy furniture) and when my mom showed up to open the door for me he started to talk to her for like... 10 minutes?

 

oh well whatever. Let's see what happens next! He gave a hint about going to watch a movie. blablabla

[somany]

Well just to update and vent, I thought a lot and I decided I don't have the emotional strength necessary right now to be in a fwb situation. I think I will drop any kind of future invitation, if they come of course, because I'm deeply scared of falling for this guy and I know he's not the one I think I would want to date.

 

Thank you for all the replies and advices, they helped me to clarify my mind a bit!