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First Date Sex


barcode88

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OK! Reporting back from my First Date last night with this really attractive 23 year old girl I met on Match... Pretty excited where things are going but want to clarify how to go forward with things!

 

Ok so we met for drinks at a pretty popular place down in the heart of the cities, we got a table together and we each got 2 drinks over an hour and a half or so. Initially she was pretty shy/reserved and I led the conversation for the most part, she did get a little more talkative as the night went on (alcohol lol). Afterwards we walked around a bit and held hands, sat down together and talked, and later went back to my place to watch a movie.

 

I won't go into huge detail, but long story short we watched the movie, and then after made out, after a bit ended up taking her to my bedroom and we had sex for hours and she spent the night, in the morning we had sex again, had breakfast then I dropped her off at her car (near my place) and gave her a kiss goodbye and told her I would call... Then took off for work.

 

 

How do I go forward from here? I like her, she's smart, a little bit shy and we seem to click really well, but I've never had sex on the first date so I don't know if it's going to be weird. She seemed to really enjoy the sex (or is really good at faking), and I know people generally say if it's good she'll come back.

 

I figure I'll just call her and ask her out again and try to keep things fun/interesting? I haven't felt this excited about someone in a while, but I hope it wasn't just a ONS for her?

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Rule #1 after first sex (be it first date or later): if you're interested - be consistent in your communication. If you ramp it up too much then it will come off as clingy. If you ramp it down then she'll start second guessing everything. So stay consistent and I would call her up and ask her out on a proper date. Call her tonight or tomorrow. Make it a proper date that doesn't involve her place or yours. That sends a strong signal that you're interested in her not just sex.

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Like the gentleman that you are you will get in touch with her later today and tell her what a great time you had. Ask her about her week ahead and invite her out for sometimes this week.

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Like the gentleman that you are you will get in touch with her later today and tell her what a great time you had. Ask her about her week ahead and invite her out for sometimes this week.

 

^^^^^This!!!!!!

 

It's common knowledge on this board bf and I had sex the first night we met....we didn't over think it, we just enjoyed it...one day at a time...and 5 years later we are still enjoying!

 

I am sooooo happy for you....keep us posted! :) :) :)

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Do call sooner rather than later so she doesn't think you think she's a ONS. You don't necessarily have to ask her out when you reach out, just reassure her. Then happy planning. We'll keep our fingers crossed for you.

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Really, if you have any good first date that makes you want to see them again, you should let them know within a day. It doesn't matter how young or old you are, that's the right thing to do. It doesn't even have to be a detailed phone call or anything like that. A short message like, I really enjoyed our date, or meeting you or whatever, and a reference to a future date. And not like an exact time and place, just let them know that you're into it.

 

This is a must if you had sex. She enjoyed the time together, apparently, and will be second-guessing her decision to sleep with you so quickly the moment you leave. So, sooner rather than later would be good to initiate that contact.

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fitnessfan365

Well let's be honest man. When you invited her back to your place "for a movie" I think you knew that is where you wanted it to go.

 

But it's awesome that it went so well. Especially since you said that she was shy and you helped to bring her out of her shell. This tells me that she was just really feeling connection with you, and probably isn't the ONS type. So hopefully you call her today to reassure her and plan the next date. Good luck!

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El Pallasso

Go about your day as usual and wait at least a week before you ask her out. You have to maintain your mystery and keep her second guessing.

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JJCaliGirl
Go about your day as usual and wait at least a week before you ask her out. You have to maintain your mystery and keep her second guessing.

 

As someone who has had sex on a first date, the longer it took for the guy to call me back, the more I felt used. It took him about a week, and by that time, hearing his voice almost made me sick.

 

OP, don't do that to this girl. Call her tonight and let her know that you enjoyed the time you spent together. At most, give it a day, but nothing beyond that. I also agree with the others that your next date should be in public so it doesn't appear that you are just in it for sex.

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45 minutes after I dropped her off, I texted her asking if she got home OK, and she replied positively... Figured I'd text her sooner rather than later saying I had a good time and want to go out again.

 

Prior to meeting she's been very vocal in texting me (we also spoke on the phone once - my request, call went great). She will text me every day at least once or twice, and will often double text me if I let the conversation drop off.

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45 minutes after I dropped her off, I texted her asking if she got home OK, and she replied positively... Figured I'd text her sooner rather than later saying I had a good time and want to go out again.

 

Prior to meeting she's been very vocal in texting me (we also spoke on the phone once - my request, call went great). She will text me every day at least once or twice, and will often double text me if I let the conversation drop off.

 

Women will have a lot of self-doubt after having sex with a guy on a first date. There is definitely a stigma and double-standard about it, which runs counter to what a woman naturally feels like doing. And believe me, this stigma doesn't really come from other women.

 

You have a great opportunity to help destroy this stigma, even if it's just with one girl. Keep that in mind if she lays it on a little strong for a few days. Your own consistent communication will ease this feeling.

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Women will have a lot of self-doubt after having sex with a guy on a first date. There is definitely a stigma and double-standard about it, which runs counter to what a woman naturally feels like doing. And believe me, this stigma doesn't really come from other women.

 

You have a great opportunity to help destroy this stigma, even if it's just with one girl. Keep that in mind if she lays it on a little strong for a few days. Your own consistent communication will ease this feeling.

 

If her communication decreases, then she viewed it as a ONS then right? She is a bit shy, but is a bit of a freak in the sheets lol.

 

I only ask because prior to meeting she had a high contact level.

 

Well let's be honest man. When you invited her back to your place "for a movie" I think you knew that is where you wanted it to go.

 

But it's awesome that it went so well. Especially since you said that she was shy and you helped to bring her out of her shell. This tells me that she was just really feeling connection with you, and probably isn't the ONS type. So hopefully you call her today to reassure her and plan the next date. Good luck!

 

Yeah - sort of. I didn't intend to sleep with her right away when inviting her over, just wanted to make out a bit , maybe a little bit more. But after things got heated, I decided to see what the limits were ... in this case, none!

Edited by barcode88
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If her communication decreases, then she viewed it as a ONS then right? She is a bit shy, but is a bit of a freak in the sheets lol.

 

I only ask because prior to meeting she had a high contact level.

 

It's always the shy ones.

 

If she stops communicating altogether, then yes. If she isn't communicating as much, then not likely.

 

She'll probably try to play it cool and not seem needy by dropping a little communication, but that would likely ramp up if she stops hearing from you. I guess I should have made that a little clearer. Consistency is the key.

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BronzeAgeJaeger217

You say you lead the conversation, people often say the man has to lead the conversation, lead the interaction, but at the same time I often hear people say that a conversation is a 2-way street, as in the woman has to be doing her share of talking to, but what does "leading" specifically mean when it comes to conversation?

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Whatever you do, don't contact her for at least 100 days. Nothing. Zero. You don't want her to think you're needy.

 

Then if she doesn't contact you at least 20 times per day, dump her, because it's over. Unless she doesn't start contacting you until 9 days from the date of the sex. Then it's ok.

 

This is an extremely shaky situation and you HAVE to worry and be extremely careful bc you might do sth extremely wrong if not.

 

Sorry BC, this sucks. I mean, you f*cked up. No, I mean good job - just make sure you treat her like sh*t!

 

-

 

Of course I'm kidding ....just do whatever, don't overanalyze bc that's the one way you can actually kill it. :)

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Whatever you do, don't contact her for at least 100 days. Nothing. Zero. You don't want her to think you're needy.

 

Then if she doesn't contact you at least 20 times per day, dump her, because it's over. Unless she doesn't start contacting you until 9 days from the date of the sex. Then it's ok.

 

This is an extremely shaky situation and you HAVE to worry and be extremely careful bc you might do sth extremely wrong if not.

 

Sorry BC, this sucks. I mean, you f*cked up. No, I mean good job - just make sure you treat her like sh*t!

 

-

 

Of course I'm kidding ....just do whatever, don't overanalyze bc that's the one way you can actually kill it. :)

 

Totally jen1447's last comment (the other stuff just made me laugh out loud :) )

 

Call her, ask her out, set the date and be your awesome self.

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You say you lead the conversation, people often say the man has to lead the conversation, lead the interaction, but at the same time I often hear people say that a conversation is a 2-way street, as in the woman has to be doing her share of talking to, but what does "leading" specifically mean when it comes to conversation?

 

 

I had to steer things a bit since she was shy and needed someone to facilitate the conversation. She did get a chance to talk a lot and I let her speak without interrupting her ;) I sent her a quick text saying I had a good time and we should go out again, she responded very briefly but positively.

 

 

Going to wait a day or so and call her and figure out some plans, I'm sure she'll probably buzz me before then. Going to try just go with the flow.

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bentleychic
Go about your day as usual and wait at least a week before you ask her out. You have to maintain your mystery and keep her second guessing.

 

haha How about no? Game playing is for high school. If you ever want to see her again and might possibly want her for more than a booty call, ignore the advice quoted above.

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I had to steer things a bit since she was shy and needed someone to facilitate the conversation. She did get a chance to talk a lot and I let her speak without interrupting her ;) I sent her a quick text saying I had a good time and we should go out again, she responded very briefly but positively.

 

 

Going to wait a day or so and call her and figure out some plans, I'm sure she'll probably buzz me before then. Going to try just go with the flow.

 

Ok it is your call. But if I were you I wouldn't go dark or rely on her buzzing you before then. When women have sex they feel vulnerable. When they have sex on the first date they feel especially so. Their minds (and girlfriends) will make up tons of stories about what happened, what is means etc etc... Your behavior will drive that story. It is the evidence that will support the story. What she needs is not to feel used or like she made a mistake. So ask yourself, is "playing it cool" going to reinforced that story or be terrific fodder for the "I made a mistake" or "he only wanted sex" or "he thinks I am slut" stories.

 

I could go into the neuroscience but basically a thought pattern/story/explanation coupled with an elevated emotion (in this case anxiety) becomes real. The longer you let a story run the more real it becomes regardless of what you do later.

 

Playing it cool has its place. After first date sex isn't one of them.

 

The closest male analogy I can think of is that you're dating a woman and buy her a fabulously expensive gift or meal. Then she goes dark on you. You immediately think she took you for something. That she used you. She goes dark for a while and then pops back up. What are you going to think? That maybe she just wants some more of your cash? Anyhow, you get the picture.

 

Best of luck!

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BronzeAgeJaeger217
I had to steer things a bit since she was shy and needed someone to facilitate the conversation. She did get a chance to talk a lot and I let her speak without interrupting her ;) I sent her a quick text saying I had a good time and we should go out again, she responded very briefly but positively.

 

Going to wait a day or so and call her and figure out some plans, I'm sure she'll probably buzz me before then. Going to try just go with the flow.

Specifically how to "steer" things?, does leading the interaction, conversation, mean the guy is doing most of the talking and asking most of the questions? Because isn't listening also an essential, very critical part of conversation?

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Don't be a douche and not call her for 2-3 days. You reached out today to check on her and LET HER know you wanted to see her again. She replied positively.

 

Personally, I wouldn't contact her again tonight. You will look a bit needy or clingy. If she texts or calls you, then by all means have a conversation with her.

 

Call her tomorrow night and as the others have suggested, ask her out on a nice formal, public date. Then take it from there.

 

I remember a first date w/an ex. We had immediate chemistry. Within 90 minutes we were making out in a crowded bar. We left and made out in the car. We then went to my place for hours of hot, hot sex. She left and went home.

 

I was advised by a female friend to CONTACT her the next day cause she was probably feeling a bit slutty for sleeping with me the first date. Well, I waited till about 3pm (it was a sat) and shot her a text. It was something like Top 3 reasons why you haven't contacted me yet.. They were fairly clever and she replied pretty quickly. We ended up going out to dinner and then doing the hot sex all over again.. We dated off/on for over a year but it wasn't meant to be..

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