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Talking to someone with a long distance boyfriend


computersandsuch

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computersandsuch

I am a 37 year old male who who has been texting, calling, and SnapChatting with a 26 year old female pretty much nonstop for about ten weeks now. We met online. She is far from home attending medical school in my town. We have been getting pretty close even though we haven't met yet. We share everything about each other. We talk on the phone for hours sometimes and most of the time I have to end the phone calls. She has been really hesitant to meet in person however. I have been telling myself it's because she's not from here and is scared.

 

 

She has a LDR with a guy from back home. She never talks about him unless I mention him and then she gets angry. They dated in person for two years and since then it has been long distance. She told me that she isn't interested in making it work with him but is scared to break his heart. I noticed on her Facebook page that she doesn't mention a boyfriend. She has only one picture of them together and it's from a year ago. His Facebook profile pic is of them together two years ago. All of his pictures of them together are two years or older. He is coming to stay with her this weekend. Should I keep talking to her?

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PegNosePete

Tell her that you're not interested in being with someone who has a boyfriend, long distance or not.

 

When she's ditched him, all systems go.

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ExpatInItaly

No, you shouldn't keep talking to her. It's already been 10 weeks and she clearly isn't about to break up with her boyfriend any time soon. You're wasting your time with this. Cut contact and find someone who is actually available to date you. She isn't.

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I am a 37 year old male who who has been texting, calling, and SnapChatting with a 26 year old female pretty much nonstop for about ten weeks now. We met online. She is far from home attending medical school in my town. We have been getting pretty close even though we haven't met yet. We share everything about each other. We talk on the phone for hours sometimes and most of the time I have to end the phone calls. She has been really hesitant to meet in person however. I have been telling myself it's because she's not from here and is scared.

 

 

She has a LDR with a guy from back home. She never talks about him unless I mention him and then she gets angry. They dated in person for two years and since then it has been long distance. She told me that she isn't interested in making it work with him but is scared to break his heart. I noticed on her Facebook page that she doesn't mention a boyfriend. She has only one picture of them together and it's from a year ago. His Facebook profile pic is of them together two years ago. All of his pictures of them together are two years or older. He is coming to stay with her this weekend. Should I keep talking to her?

 

 

I have to agree, it sounds like she is only going to break your heart. It doesn't matter really if it is long distance or not, she has a boyfriend and isn't treating him respectfully. You haven't met in person either, you can't be 100% sure until you physically meet someone if there are real sparks, don't you think? After 10 weeks of chatting also, she shouldn't be scared to meet? I'd lay the law down and say you should stop chatting and look forward to meeting her but only when she is single. Sorry, it sucks but both you and the boyfriend deserve better.

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This whole deal is internet gibberish. It's 20% reality and 80% fantasy. There are people out there that would rather have this than the real thing. She is just using you, and it's a big waste of your time. Think about it....she's 26, has a BF and chats with strange men on line for weeks.....it's kinda childish.

 

Time is better invested with real stable mature women that know what they want, and can agree to having a date with you. Make sense?

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I am a 37 year old male who who has been texting, calling, and SnapChatting with a 26 year old female pretty much nonstop for about ten weeks now.

 

We met online. She is far from home attending medical school

in my town.

We have been getting pretty close even though we haven't met yet. We share everything about each other. We talk on the phone for hours sometimes and most of the time I have to end the phone calls.

She has been really hesitant to meet in person however. I have been telling myself it's because she's not from here and is scared.

She has a LDR with a guy from back home. She never talks about him unless I mention him and then she gets angry. They dated in person for two years and since then it has been long distance. She told me that she isn't interested in making it work with him but is scared to break his heart. I noticed on her Facebook page that she doesn't mention a boyfriend. She has only one picture of them together and it's from a year ago. His Facebook profile pic is of them together two years ago. All of his pictures of them together are two years or older. He is coming to stay with her this weekend. Should I keep talking to her?

 

I am sorry but you have been duped big time here.

She lives in your town yet 10 weeks later and you have never even met???

She is filling in time and getting her ego stoked, whilst she is studying and waiting around for her LDR bf.

Great game, but not I guess for you.

She has no intentions of taking this any further, if she had been serious, and a decent person, you and she would have met up 9 weeks ago and she would have told her LDR bf not to bother spending his money coming to see her.

As it is, she is stringing both of you along.

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computersandsuch

I wonder if I should tell him about me and her if things don't work out between us?

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No you should not tell him. At this point all this woman did was talk to you. You have no business in her relationship.

 

She's toying with you at best. If she wanted you, she'd break up with him. Even if she eventually does with you waiting that means she has no ability to stand independently . . . not a good quality in somebody who wants to be a doctor.

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computersandsuch

She did send me some semi-racy snapchats and talk dirty on the phone. I really thought she wasn't seeing him anymore.I feel like an idiot.

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I liked everyone's responses in this thread OP because I agree with them.

 

She is not interested in a real, offline relationship with you because she's still dating her boyfriend long distance. What you represent to her, is a flirty distraction...not reality. If she wanted to meet you in person, she would. She would break up with her boyfriend and meet you and date you.

 

So she's studying to be a doctor? That's kind of scary when you think about how she's manipulating both you and her boyfriend. I can't believe she told you about him and that you were ok with continuing contact with her. And how do you know her boyfriend's contact information? Did she give you his email address or are you on her Facebook and know what he looks like because he's on her Facebook profile too?

 

I think you're better off just ending things with this woman. She can't give you want you want, which is a real relationship offline. All she is giving you right now is a total fantasy, a warped fantasy because she won't meet you and she has a boyfriend.

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computersandsuch

The only reason I continued talking to her was because I was convinced she wasn't interested in him. She told me they "never talk" and "she is always studying or talking to me. Medical school is crazy hectic so I believed her.

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I can understand why you believed her but now that you know the truth you need to move forward & away from her.

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The only reason I continued talking to her was because I was convinced she wasn't interested in him. She told me they "never talk" and "she is always studying or talking to me. Medical school is crazy hectic so I believed her.

 

Well I think the fact that she lives in your city but makes up excuses not to meet you after 10 weeks trumps what she told you about never talking to her boyfriend.

 

It's totally not normal for two people to never meet who live in the same city, regardless of how busy one person's schedule is, as hers is with medical school.

 

Life is crazy hectic. Not just medical school. She could easily fit you in to her school/work/internship schedule if she wanted to meet you. How else do doctors and lawyers get married and have children with their long work hours?

 

Seriously consider the amount of time you've invested in this woman who repeatedly rebuffs your invitations to meet. Is it worth continuing, knowing that she doesn't want to take things into real life with you?

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computersandsuch

It's going to be difficult to just stop talking to her. We've been talking so much for ten weeks. Maybe I should call her after he leaves. We have much better conversations on the phone than via text.

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If he's with her now that should be all the evidence you need that she's not picking you.

 

Continuing to talk to her will only make things worse for you in the long run. If you think it's hard to stop after 10 weeks what will it be like after 10 months?

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computersandsuch

I asked her a few days ago if she would meet me next week. She said "i'm sure we will." She said "as friends" though. I want to meet her at least once.

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I would say no to continuing this, period. If she can do that to a guy she's been with for over 2 years, what do you think she has in store for you?

 

10 weeks isn't that long, and you can sever it pretty easily at this point, but it will only get more difficult the longer you continue this charade.

 

Chances are, she's just lonely, adjusting to the LDR, and would only string you along.

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I wonder if I should tell him about me and her if things don't work out between us?

 

No. You're a stranger, essentially, to both (even the girl you've been chatting with online), and their relationship isn't really any of your business. You shouldn't even be poking around in it, even if only virtually.

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It's going to be difficult to just stop talking to her. We've been talking so much for ten weeks. Maybe I should call her after he leaves. We have much better conversations on the phone than via text.

 

You are still hoping...

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computersandsuch

I've tried not talking to her for a couple of times before. The first time she got angry. Last week I was sick and couldn't talk to her and she only texted me once and it was a picture of her.

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I asked her a few days ago if she would meet me next week. She said "i'm sure we will." She said "as friends" though. I want to meet her at least once.

 

Why do you want to meet her, even though she claims she will meet you "as friends." What can you hope to get from that meeting, if it even happens?

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I've tried not talking to her for a couple of times before. The first time she got angry. Last week I was sick and couldn't talk to her and she only texted me once and it was a picture of her.

 

She got angry when you were sick and couldn't text/talk on the phone? She sounds possessive and unstable. Plus it's totally weird because she already has a boyfriend and hasn't met you in the nearly 3 months she's lived in your city.

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computersandsuch

I'm still not totally convinced she wants to be with the other guy. We have pretty deep conversations sometimes. I haven't really asked her about their relationship. I would like to ask her in person.

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I'm still not totally convinced she wants to be with the other guy. We have pretty deep conversations sometimes. I haven't really asked her about their relationship. I would like to ask her in person.

 

I think it's easy to have so-called deep conversations online or on the phone with someone you've never met. They are a complete stranger so the vulnerability aspect isn't there, since it's not reality. If you were face to face, the emotional vulnerability would be palpable and real. But just online or over the phone? Hard for me to believe those types of conversations create a real emotional bond between two people who've never met.

 

I agree that you should ask her that in person. But do you think she will show up if you set a date and time to meet? Hasn't she just cited how busy she is with med school up to this point with you? Why haven't you questioned her on that? She's put her boyfriend and her med school ahead of you as far as her priorities go. So I would take those deep emotional talks that you have with her, with a huge grain of salt.

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computersandsuch

I'm going to call her Monday. I really think she will meet if I ask her on the phone rather than text. She's weird like that. Very stubborn via text but sweet on the phone. She told me that she never texts first, and she tells me to call her whenever she wants to talk. She does not like to call me because she's old fashioned. She has called me before when she was drunk though.

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