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OLD Burnout


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Got to that stage again when POF & Tinder have just burnt me the hell out, do these sites actually work?

 

Ive gone in to both with an open mind, ive had and sent a few messages to what seemed like really nice girls, ive gone for girls with similar interests that I believe i'd get on with but keeping having the same results.

 

Ive had a few dates but none which had that kind of spark, then ive been talking to one girl who seemed to have it all, arranged a date, a time, what we were doing, then a few hours before meeting,after telling me how excited she was, said that she didnt want to date any one anymore, apologised then blocked my number yet has been on POF pretty much everyday since.

 

Its all just a huge kick in the teeth, its the same pattern all the time, people flaking out or wanting penpals rather than meeting.

 

I know the answer is to meet real people, join clubs etc, I do all this but living in a small town its a lot harder.

 

Anyone else suffer with similar?

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PegNosePete
do these sites actually work?

 

Ive had a few dates

You answered your own question. If you're getting dates then the site is working.

 

Once you meet it's not online dating any more, it's real life. You can't blame the dating site for your failure to impress on a first date...

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Got to that stage again when POF & Tinder have just burnt me the hell out, do these sites actually work?

 

Ive gone in to both with an open mind, ive had and sent a few messages to what seemed like really nice girls, ive gone for girls with similar interests that I believe i'd get on with but keeping having the same results.

 

Ive had a few dates but none which had that kind of spark, then ive been talking to one girl who seemed to have it all, arranged a date, a time, what we were doing, then a few hours before meeting,after telling me how excited she was, said that she didnt want to date any one anymore, apologised then blocked my number yet has been on POF pretty much everyday since.

 

Its all just a huge kick in the teeth, its the same pattern all the time, people flaking out or wanting penpals rather than meeting.

 

I know the answer is to meet real people, join clubs etc, I do all this but living in a small town its a lot harder.

 

Anyone else suffer with similar?

 

It doesn't matter if you meet from OLD or "real" life. It's a numbers game. You are going to have way more that don't "click" than do no matter what. The people who want penpals and/or are flaking are probably of the same mindset you're in now. They haven't clicked with any or many and are kinda sick of the process but bored, so they message anyway and are skeptical, so they don't plan or stick to a meet up, etc. What they are doing really is limiting their dating "pool" even further.

 

If you end up reaching out to each other, plan a meet up. There's nothing to lose. Keep it close, don't spend much on it and see what's what. If they refuse, so be it. Keep trying.

 

You never know who, when or where you will meet someone, that's part of the mystery :)

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You answered your own question. If you're getting dates then the site is working.

 

Once you meet it's not online dating any more, it's real life. You can't blame the dating site for your failure to impress on a first date...

 

far from it, ive not had a date this year where they dont want to see me again. Its my choice not to as they are not like they seem online

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OP: You might want to try changing your online 'nieghborgood'. Pof and tinder aren't exactly the bright spot in the old universe.

 

I get you tho. I've done okc and match over the years. I just went on 7 pretty good dates in the past 3 weeks (all fun, enjoyable, good convo, hand holding and kissing) each girl said "no thanks, no connection".

 

Pegnosepete: while I agree partially w you...OLD is a bit different on some respects.. There's a certain online shopping experience w it all. You set up a profile and you hunt for the exact features you desire, add it to your shopping cart and expect nothing less. If you meet someone, you get one date, some 90 odd minutes, to initiate a spark or it's on to the next one. I'm not totally complaining, because it comes w the terroritory. It is a numbers game. But it's not quite like real life either.

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When you are burning out, it's because you are facing too much rejection, one of man's most painful emotions.

 

You need to reduce your rejection. The main way you do that is by using your gut feelings/intuition to get out first. If you sense something wrong but just can't put a finger on it, it's time to bail. You are only looking for one good one.

 

He who gets out first hurts less. When the love plane is going down, there is only one parachute.

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fitnessfan365
It doesn't matter if you meet from OLD or "real" life. It's a numbers game. You are going to have way more that don't "click" than do no matter what. The people who want penpals and/or are flaking are probably of the same mindset you're in now. They haven't clicked with any or many and are kinda sick of the process but bored, so they message anyway and are skeptical, so they don't plan or stick to a meet up, etc. What they are doing really is limiting their dating "pool" even further.

 

If you end up reaching out to each other, plan a meet up. There's nothing to lose. Keep it close, don't spend much on it and see what's what. If they refuse, so be it. Keep trying.

 

You never know who, when or where you will meet someone, that's part of the mystery :)

 

Awesome post.

 

It's definitely true about it being a numbers game. I will get second dates 90% of the time with women I want to see again. But let's say I line up 12-20 first dates in a month. Only 3-5 of those will be women I want a second date with. It's not because the others were bad people. It's just that actual chemistry is a lot harder to find. So it can be draining essentially going on that many "interviews" and it not hitting more often.

 

Now on average, having 3-5 women a month that I get two or more dates with is awesome. But the odds of one of them becoming my GF is still slim. A woman can seem amazing after a few dates, but then you realize there is no long term potential. So it can take awhile to find one I want to be exclusive with after weeks and weeks of consistent dating.

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If you have trouble getting dates/relationships irl, online dating isn't going to be much different for you. Online dating is not a magic bullet, it's just a convenient way to access more people and that's it.

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To add your best bet is to let love find you. Focus more on enjoying your life, doing things for yourself, and keep busy with activities, instead of spending your time on the net reading through profiles.

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If you have trouble getting dates/relationships irl, online dating isn't going to be much different for you. Online dating is not a magic bullet, it's just a convenient way to access more people and that's it.

 

No I dont at all, im quite a popular , (been told good looking) guy. As biig headed as it sounds I could get a date for tonight in seconds.... but with the wrong type of girl, the ones that im attracted to immensely are harder to pin down.

 

Maybe im giving off some hint of desperation?

 

This time around my pof experience has been the most successful ever, id say 90% of the girls I message reply positively and messages are exchanged in a good manor, but then when push comes to shove they never seem to meet bar the odd few.

 

As I said, in real life I live in a small town, myself and my ex are kinda popular so out of respect others tend not to get involved with us because "you have history with such and such....they are my friend"

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LookAtThisPOst
No I dont at all, im quite a popular , (been told good looking) guy. As biig headed as it sounds I could get a date for tonight in seconds.... but with the wrong type of girl, the ones that im attracted to immensely are harder to pin down.

 

Maybe im giving off some hint of desperation?

 

This time around my pof experience has been the most successful ever, id say 90% of the girls I message reply positively and messages are exchanged in a good manor, but then when push comes to shove they never seem to meet bar the odd few.

 

As I said, in real life I live in a small town, myself and my ex are kinda popular so out of respect others tend not to get involved with us because "you have history with such and such....they are my friend"

 

Really? They won't date you based on "History"...lol...never let that stop me.

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FortunateSon

OP, I can definitely relate, I feel very burned out on OLD, I am thinking of taking a break from it. I feel like I shouldn't be complaining, I have no trouble getting dates at all, and I almost always can get a second, third once etc. I just find that I rarely feel much of a connection and when I do there always seems to be some type of deal breaker baggage that comes with them that doesn't fit my long term prospective. I haven't met anyone I am "immensely attracted" to either on OLD. The last girl I dated that I really liked, I met out by chance. Unfortunately, meeting people by chance or in person is not as easy as people make it out to be given my area and demographic.

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Really? They won't date you based on "History"...lol...never let that stop me.

 

Because of the small town, think a few hundred, everyone moves in similar circles, hence why im on OLD to meet people out of the area.

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OP, I can definitely relate, I feel very burned out on OLD, I am thinking of taking a break from it. I feel like I shouldn't be complaining, I have no trouble getting dates at all, and I almost always can get a second, third once etc. I just find that I rarely feel much of a connection and when I do there always seems to be some type of deal breaker baggage that comes with them that doesn't fit my long term prospective. I haven't met anyone I am "immensely attracted" to either on OLD. The last girl I dated that I really liked, I met out by chance. Unfortunately, meeting people by chance or in person is not as easy as people make it out to be given my area and demographic.

 

very similar. I was on it last summer and suffered similar, although not as bad feeling as now, the night i came off it i met a girl in real life and was with her for 6 months...until she cheated!

 

Im glad im not alone here :)

 

I know what you mean about the baggage tho, almost all the girls i find attractive seem to have kids, which isnt a deal breaker but one i could do without.

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