Friendzoned?

[guild11]

Hey guys, I have a crush on my coworker, she was engaged like 4 month ago but they broke up for whatever reason.

I didnt wanted to end up annoying her so I decided to take a direct approach.

I texted and revealed my feelings for her and at the end I asked if there is any chance between us.

it took her like an hour to reply but eventually she did

She wrote "You're an awesome guy but its too early for me to move on. But there is nothing stopping me from inviting you for a drink :)"

And thats it, didnt knew what to reply, felt destroyed lol.

What do you think ?

[Redhead14]

Hey guys, I have a crush on my coworker, she was engaged like 4 month ago but they broke up for whatever reason.

I didnt wanted to end up annoying her so I decided to take a direct approach.

I texted and revealed my feelings for her and at the end I asked if there is any chance between us.

it took her like an hour to reply but eventually she did

She wrote "You're an awesome guy but its too early for me to move on. But there is nothing stopping me from inviting you for a drink :)"

And thats it, didnt knew what to reply, felt destroyed lol.

What do you think ?

 

She's being honest with herself and you. She knows she needs time to process her break up and wouldn't be to fully invest herself in the search for a new partner. This is very healthy for her to do.

 

You should not feel destroyed. It really isn't you, it's her. However, you should learn from this. It is not wise to try to pursue a woman who is fresh out of a relationship. One of 2 things could happen: 1) She tells you she's not ready and 2) She might start to date you as a distraction from the pain of the break up, but in the end, a real relationship will not likely develop or at least not a healthy one.

 

Don't read the "obituaries" for potential dating partners. In other words, don't go for women who are trying to move on from dead relationships. Seek women who have been single for a little while at least and who demonstrate sincere interest and demonstrate the ability to invest in a budding relationship.

Edited May 7, 2015 by Redhead14

[guild11]

She's being honest with herself and you. She knows she needs time to process her break up and wouldn't be to fully invest herself in the search for a new partner. This is very healthy for her to do.

 

You should not feel destroyed. It really isn't you, it's her. However, you should learn from this. It is not wise to try to pursue a woman who is fresh out of a relationship. One of 2 things could happen: 1) She tells you she's not ready and 2) She might start to date you as a distraction from the pain of the break up, but in the end, a real relationship will not likely develop or at least not a healthy one.

 

Don't read the "obituaries" for potential dating partners. In other words, don't go for women who are trying to move on from dead relationships. Seek women who have been single for a little while at least and who demonstrate sincere interest and demonstrate the ability to invest in a budding relationship.

 

I wasnt seeking it just happend, sometimes you fall for someone regardless of their past.

[barcode88]

Everyone gets rejected. Just don't put your heart on the line too early so it doesn't sting as much.

 

Good luck op!

[Redhead14]

I wasnt seeking it just happend, sometimes you fall for someone regardless of their past.

 

If you disregard someone's recent past, you're setting yourself up for failure.

[jen1447]

Not sure why you feel destroyed - it wasn't a total shutdown! I would have texted back that you understand and that getting a drink sometime sounds like fun. She'd probably think "what a cool guy" and not zero you out.

[guild11]

Not sure why you feel destroyed - it wasn't a total shutdown! I would have texted back that you understand and that getting a drink sometime sounds like fun. She'd probably think "what a cool guy" and not zero you out.

 

Well I dont know... negative thoughts took over.

I guess i'll give her time without pushing, eventually its either that me/her find a new partner or we end up being together

[jen1447]

You have to answer the text tho, because if you don't she'll think she crushed you and that you're a man-boy emotionally.

[guild11]

You have to answer the text tho, because if you don't she'll think she crushed you and that you're a man-boy emotionally.

 

I wrote " I understand" she replied with a smily and dats it

its going to be awkward at work now lol

[jen1447]

That's fine, at least you replied.

 

Try not to appear too downtrodden at work. I know it may be hard, but the impression you make in the immediate aftermath here will carry a long way.

[fitnessfan365]

This is just my opinion, so don't take it as fact.

 

She clearly isn't ready for anything serious. But what you didn't pick up on is that she wants to "grab a drink". That can actually be a cue for casual sex in a lot of social circles. That's why I think she was actually flattered and is attracted to you on a basic level. But it's probably just for sex to get her mind off her ex fiance. Since you want something more serious, I'd pass because you'll get hurt being the rebound.

[Syberia]

Yeah, I'd say by the "no stopping me from inviting you for a drink" comment, she's definitely leaving the door open in some fashion.

[chantos]

OP are you out of your mind?! You totally missed an absolute homing missile of flirtation from her! Basically she invited you to ask her out dude... if she wasn't interested there is no way in hell she would have added that drink comment. You need to immediately text her "...and a drink sometime sounds good"

 

Text her *exactly* that. And next time never tell a girl you like her or have feelings for her before she tells you those things first. A hard and fast rule for a young aspiring ladies' man. Godspeed.

[guild11]

That's fine, at least you replied.

 

Try not to appear too downtrodden at work. I know it may be hard, but the impression you make in the immediate aftermath here will carry a long way.

 

Well, I came to conclusion that she's not intrested at all

She seems to be attracted to my coworker even tho he has a girlfriend.

 

- When he works with us she kinda gives all attention to him

- whenever she tells a joke she looks at his reaction

- When she goes for a break she tries to sync with him so they go out together

 

And so on, I'm kinda jealus and hopeless, couldnt she just say "no" to me? I guess some girls like guys caught in the hook.

[confusedmandi]

Well, I came to conclusion that she's not intrested at all

She seems to be attracted to my coworker even tho he has a girlfriend.

 

- When he works with us she kinda gives all attention to him

- whenever she tells a joke she looks at his reaction

- When she goes for a break she tries to sync with him so they go out together

 

And so on, I'm kinda jealus and hopeless, couldnt she just say "no" to me? I guess some girls like guys caught in the hook.

 

I'm not trying to give u hope but she's enjoys spending time with the coworker because he's "safe" he has a gf so he's not pursuing her and she can talk to and laugh with him and maybe even flirt and not worry about him pursuing her. A break up after an engagement is rough. She proly still misses the ex. I know when I broke up with a guy I dated for two years it took me eight months to date again. And let me tell u guys were like piranhas on a feeding frenzy when they heard is just gone thru a break up. It was annoying and I felt bad rejecting ppl and also angry that guys expected me to be interested in them. However she did leave the door open for a drink. So ask her to get one with u.

[neowulf]

Well, I came to conclusion that she's not intrested at all

She seems to be attracted to my coworker even tho he has a girlfriend.

 

- When he works with us she kinda gives all attention to him

- whenever she tells a joke she looks at his reaction

- When she goes for a break she tries to sync with him so they go out together

 

And so on, I'm kinda jealus and hopeless, couldnt she just say "no" to me? I guess some girls like guys caught in the hook.

 

You're taking this way, waaaaay too personally.

 

Honestly, from the tone of your posts, you sound like you're struggling with some self-worth issues man.

 

She's not the only woman in the world. You don't know much about her, other than your raw attraction towards her.

 

I know it's tough, but don't allow others to affect your own sense of worth. A woman rejecting you isn't the end of the world.

[guild11]

You're taking this way, waaaaay too personally.

 

Honestly, from the tone of your posts, you sound like you're struggling with some self-worth issues man.

 

She's not the only woman in the world. You don't know much about her, other than your raw attraction towards her.

 

I know it's tough, but don't allow others to affect your own sense of worth. A woman rejecting you isn't the end of the world.

 

Reading like felt like a "punch" seriously... You are right

got to get myself together

 

Thank you.

[guild11]

Update -

 

I got 2 days off work and last night I came home pretty late, Was about to go sleep at 1am when she texted me

 

Her - Hey, you got 2 days off work ?

Me - Yea, why ?

Her - just wanted to make that you arent going to annoy me for 2 days...

Me - you love that arent you ? But alright have a good break from me

Her - yea right lol... Have a good night

 

I didnt replied back but texted her back the next morning, we did talk the whole day but nothing serious about,

And then once again she decided to text me late at night asking if I'm awake, I said yes and she called me,

She started asking random questions about 1 of our clients which wasnt related to me.

 

Later she wrote "I'm sorry if I bothered you, have a good night" I said its ok and gn.

 

I'm kinda positive that she does like me but she sends mixed signals... Completly ignores me at work yet texting me late at night.

 

Should I call her out or just wait till she does it ?

[Krieger]

The Science of the Friend Zone

 

[phineas]

Update -

 

I got 2 days off work and last night I came home pretty late, Was about to go sleep at 1am when she texted me

 

Her - Hey, you got 2 days off work ?

Me - Yea, why ?

Her - just wanted to make that you arent going to annoy me for 2 days...

Me - you love that arent you ? But alright have a good break from me

Her - yea right lol... Have a good night

 

I didnt replied back but texted her back the next morning, we did talk the whole day but nothing serious about,

And then once again she decided to text me late at night asking if I'm awake, I said yes and she called me,

She started asking random questions about 1 of our clients which wasnt related to me.

 

Later she wrote "I'm sorry if I bothered you, have a good night" I said its ok and gn.

 

I'm kinda positive that she does like me but she sends mixed signals... Completly ignores me at work yet texting me late at night.

 

Should I call her out or just wait till she does it ?

 

don't call her out.

act like you notice nothing.

In fact, the less you communicate with her over the phone the better.

 

Don't try to date at work either.

but if you must:

 

don't be so available when she hits you up.

 

You had two days off work, how much of it did you spend communicating with her NOT face to face?

 

It seems like you are willing to let her monopolize your free time for nothing in return.

 

And it seems like you have no life.

maybe i'm reading the amount of time you spent on the phone talking/texting wrong.

 

Next time she hits you up ask her what's up. then say "want to get that drink?"

she'll either go poof, make a lame excuse or say yes.

 

to me, when a woman talks about future possibilities I consider tomorrow the future & if she doesn't then i got better things to do and tell her to let me know when the future arrives then forget about her and look for the next one.

 

but that's me and I'm on the old side & have better things to do than dwell on women who aren't making it clear their interested in me by jumping at the chance to spend time with me.

[fitnessfan365]

From before, she says she's not looking for anything serious but wants you to get a "drink" with her. This can be code for casual sex.

 

Now she is repeatedly contacting you at booty call hours "just to chat". I'm guessing if you were to invite her over to "watch a movie" she'd come. However, since you made it clear you had a serious crush on her, I doubt you'd want to be a rebound for casual sex. However, since she mentioned getting a drink and she's contacting you late at night, you could hit it if you wanted to IMO.

[phineas]

From before, she says she's not looking for anything serious but wants you to get a "drink" with her. This can be code for casual sex.

 

Now she is repeatedly contacting you at booty call hours "just to chat". I'm guessing if you were to invite her over to "watch a movie" she'd come. However, since you made it clear you had a serious crush on her, I doubt you'd want to be a rebound for casual sex. However, since she mentioned getting a drink and she's contacting you late at night, you could hit it if you wanted to IMO.

 

I agree there is a very good chance of this but I don't think OP could pull it off or handle that because he's got the feels for her.

[guild11]

I agree there is a very good chance of this but I don't think OP could pull it off or handle that because he's got the feels for her.

 

I stopped texting her and guess what ? Now she constantly texting me.

 

She said she will dye her hair and sent me an old photo with the same color, when I saw the photo all I wanted to say is how crazy I'm about her but I held myself and wrote something else

 

Me - it look alright I guess

Her - well... I wont be doing it

Me - too bad then, because I did like it, I like it a lot

Her - then I'll do it for you

 

Few hours later she sent me a new photo but I didnt said anything, later she said "you're an *******" lol

 

I will call her out again next week but this time I wont ask, I'll just put it as a fact that we will date.

[fitnessfan365]

Dude, she's not trying to date you. She's trying to f**k you. There's a difference. She told you straight out she wanted nothing serious. But she has gone out of her way to get you just to invite her over to your place.

 

1) Nothing's stopping me from inviting you out for a drink

 

2) All the texts at booty call hours asking what you're up to.

 

3) Now she's saying she'll do it for you and sending pics to make you want her physically.

 

So you have to ask yourself what you want. If you like her enough to want to date her, stay away from her. But if you can handle casual sex and having a f**k buddy, she's ripe for the picking. She's done everything but hang a neon sign. In general though, I'd recommend staying away from dating until you how to read women better.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I don't get the whole "nothing stopping me from..." that precedes the "asking him out to drink" phrase.

 

phrases like I don't see the harm in it" or "I don't see why not" that precede certain sentences that are usually used by women when it comes to dating.

 

there is just something grating about someone who can't give a simple sure why not "yes I would like that"

 

there is nothing more than a turn off when it comes to a lackluster response