Not Sure

[Augustus64]

Ok so ive been seeing this woman (28) for the past 3 months and things have progressed nicely. Some bumps, but all n all its been good. Here's the thing she has a kid. I have yet to meet him and Im terrified of it because I know thats the turn of the corner in the relationship and it becomes serious in a way that i have never experienced before in terms of being a father figure in this kids eyes. I'm 26 and im starting to think that might be too much pressure for me. has anyone around my age dated seriously someone w a kid? would love some insight

[neowulf]

Ok so ive been seeing this woman (28) for the past 3 months and things have progressed nicely. Some bumps, but all n all its been good. Here's the thing she has a kid. I have yet to meet him and Im terrified of it because I know thats the turn of the corner in the relationship and it becomes serious in a way that i have never experienced before in terms of being a father figure in this kids eyes. I'm 26 and im starting to think that might be too much pressure for me. has anyone around my age dated seriously someone w a kid? would love some insight

 

It's something you can either come to grips with, or you can't.

 

Others opinions aren't going offer you much council.

 

If you want to continue with this woman, her child is part of that picture.

It really boils down to how much do you love this woman? Do you feel ready to enter into the roll of a father figure? Are you willing to try?

 

I'm in your situation at the moment myself, with a single mother.

Difference is I'm 36.. I'm about at the age where settling down is starting to look pretty good to me.

 

Can you say the same?

[SingleDude]

Yep, wulf is right. This is as black and white as it gets in the relationship world. Either you're ok with it or not. Kids are great as I have one myself but like wulf, Im also in my late 30s and Im not scared of single parents. I can tell you right now the little guy is always the top priority. There are no exceptions. Youre either going to have to be all in at some point or nothing.

[Leigh 87]

U have to typically sacrifice something.

 

For me, I want firworks and the innate passion you either have you don't.

 

I also want fairly good compatibility that can be worked in if it isn't exactly 8 or 9/10 p.

 

Because I was the holy grail of white hot chemistry AND compatability, I kmowingly make sacrifices:

 

- I accept I cannot be fussy about single parents. I like kids to why not right ? Even screaming toddlers which I dislike I will have to accept and LIKE if need be.

 

- they can be a lot older or younger

 

- they can be divorced

 

- I only focus on chemistry I have with average or below average looking aussie guys. I do not date hot men. I don't accept their advances since they will likely feel the passion for a hotter girl than myself. I want a man to fall head over heels for me so acknowledge that I need to aim for men who WILL think I'm a stunner and go Gaga over me.

 

 

 

 

We ALL make sacrifices. What do you want ? What is your ideal relationship like ?

 

I sacrifice some things in order to get what I want.

[lemoncello]

Ok so ive been seeing this woman (28) for the past 3 months and things have progressed nicely. Some bumps, but all n all its been good. Here's the thing she has a kid. I have yet to meet him and Im terrified of it because I know thats the turn of the corner in the relationship and it becomes serious in a way that i have never experienced before in terms of being a father figure in this kids eyes. I'm 26 and im starting to think that might be too much pressure for me. has anyone around my age dated seriously someone w a kid? would love some insight

 

I think you already know the answer to your own question. You're not ready to be a step-parent yet. That's okay.

[jen1447]

^ I agree, if you're asking this way, you're probably not ready to be an adoptive dad. The thing is, meeting the kids isn't an automatic signup to play surrogate father/mother. I'm in that situation too, met the kids and see them somewhat frequently, but I'm not their mother.

[Redhead14]

Ok so ive been seeing this woman (28) for the past 3 months and things have progressed nicely. Some bumps, but all n all its been good. Here's the thing she has a kid. I have yet to meet him and Im terrified of it because I know thats the turn of the corner in the relationship and it becomes serious in a way that i have never experienced before in terms of being a father figure in this kids eyes. I'm 26 and im starting to think that might be too much pressure for me. has anyone around my age dated seriously someone w a kid? would love some insight

 

Three months is too soon to be getting into the meeting the family scene. As a mother who is seeking a suitable "father figure", I would not introduce my child to a man that I've only known for three months. It possibly raises the hopes and expectations of the child and, if things, don't work out between you, the child is also hurt or disappointed in the process.

 

You are right to step back from this. You need to get very clear in your head about whether you want to have that role in the future. Tell her that you feel it's too soon to do this.

 

This is the time in a budding relationship where you need to start talking and thinking about the long term potential for the relationship. This is the period for evaluation of compatibility between you. That needs to be in line before you move forward.

 

If the relationship is building and still strong at the 6 to 8 month mark, then you can start meeting the families.

 

In the first 6 months at least, you should be managing emotions and expectations, talking periodically to take the temperature of the relationship and both parties needs to be able to accept that the relationship could end at any point before commitment is made. That is the process.

 

Don't involve family members too deeply before commitment is reached. It does put pressure on the parties. If their family loves you but things aren't going well or progressing well between you, the family will pressure them to stick it out. The opposite is true sometimes too. They don't like the partner and they pressure them to drop them.

[Augustus64]

U have to typically sacrifice something.

 

For me, I want firworks and the innate passion you either have you don't.

 

I also want fairly good compatibility that can be worked in if it isn't exactly 8 or 9/10 p.

 

Because I was the holy grail of white hot chemistry AND compatability, I kmowingly make sacrifices:

 

- I accept I cannot be fussy about single parents. I like kids to why not right ? Even screaming toddlers which I dislike I will have to accept and LIKE if need be.

 

- they can be a lot older or younger

 

- they can be divorced

 

- I only focus on chemistry I have with average or below average looking aussie guys. I do not date hot men. I don't accept their advances since they will likely feel the passion for a hotter girl than myself. I want a man to fall head over heels for me so acknowledge that I need to aim for men who WILL think I'm a stunner and go Gaga over me.

 

 

 

 

We ALL make sacrifices. What do you want ? What is your ideal relationship like ?

 

I sacrifice some things in order to get what I want.

 

 

 

 

We have great chemistry, thats what makes this so difficult. Its probably the best chemistry I've had in the past couple years. She's artsy, spiritual & has a sense of humor that makes her light wherever she goes. I omitted something and its that i know her kids father. We aren't close friends or anything like that, but i do have his number in my phone. He and I spoke prior to me getting involved with her just out of respect to him & he seemed cool with it, but he could just be saying that to not look like it phases him. I am just reluctant despite the chemistry, great sex and overall compatibility because of the inevitable responsibility and tension from the father. I really don't know what the right thing to do is. gonna go flip a coin ha..