walkingonair Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Why would someone who is afraid of being in a relationship withhold sex from his partner after many months of dating?I read somewhere that they do that because they are trying to push you away.is that true? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Cheating. Lost interest. Having a period of bad stress. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Since you said "his partner" I am assuming you're a woman. This is only a guess so take it for what you will. He probably likes you as a person, enjoys doing things with you, and really likes the emotional support. But he most likely isn't sexually attracted to you. However, if he was honest, he knows you'd walk away. So he creates some BS story about "commitment phobia". This keeps you in his life trying to win him over. Meanwhile he is probably tapping someone on the side. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Manipulation!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Why would someone who is afraid of being in a relationship withhold sex from his partner after many months of dating?I read somewhere that they do that because they are trying to push you away.is that true? Yes, that is usually the case. It's not about being afraid of a relationship, it's about being afraid of the emotions that go into it. Sex builds emotions and it becomes overwhelming to them so they take it off the table and you simply become friends because that's the level of investment they can maintain. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author walkingonair Posted May 6, 2015 Author Share Posted May 6, 2015 Yes, that is usually the case. It's not about being afraid of a relationship, it's about being afraid of the emotions that go into it. Sex builds emotions and it becomes overwhelming to them so they take it off the table and you simply become friends because that's the level of investment they can maintain. Thank You.But i thought guys can have sex without getting attached? :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Thank You.But i thought guys can have sex without getting attached? :/ It depends on the woman. With some they can with others they can't. Men have feelings too, what some guys feed you is BS. Most people if they enjoy someone's company and spend enough intimate time together start catching feelings. Hence the withholding sex part. It can be overwhelming if intimacy triggers a whole lot of issues related to abandonment and attachment. I'm constantly amazed by the lack of understanding on how intimacy works and the stock responses threads like this attract. I don't mean you, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Vintage79 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Thank You.But i thought guys can have sex without getting attached? :/ That's an exceedingly naive view - effectively stating/assuming that men don't have any attachment after sex. What's your view with how attached women get? Sure, there are some differences, and women may on average get a bit more attached following sex than the guy, but generally speaking it's not all that different - the same hormones that create attachment are at play in both genders. Regardless - some people withhold sex because they're trying to push someone away, some withhold sex as a form of punishment, some withhold sex to prevent the formation of a deeper connection, or attachment, etc. OP - without knowing more about the situation, you really can't say for certain. That said, if he's afraid of being in a relationship, he's afraid of a deeper emotional connection/attachment - sex typically elevates that emotional connection, so it's not a terribly bold assumption to say that he's trying to prevent a deeper emotion connection/attachment from forming. Note that that's different than pushing someone away - it's effectively preventing someone from ever getting too close. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 (edited) Men do experience oxytocin highs during and after sex. It is often the reason they seem to be a little distant a little while later. They are intoxicated by it and need time to rebuild their testosterone defense so to speak. Women often lament that they've had an emotional experience with a man who seemed to be so loving and affectionate during sex and later seem to be a little "off". That doesn't last long and it actually makes them want it more they just need to process it a little. In addition, men sometimes experience that oxytocin high when he first has sex with a woman and when it "wears" off, he starts to think that the sex wasn't that great or that his interest level in her has dropped so he becomes hesitant. He may in fact still be very interested in her but that "high" has gone away so he starts questioning it for a bit. But in the end, it's the oxytocin high that brings them back for more on top of her being 'the one' usually. Edited May 6, 2015 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 As a guy that had to figure out he was broken...I can spit-ball on this. If he has intimacy issues, as I did in my teens, then sometimes you start to associate intimacy with stress. It doesn't mean he's functionally broken...he's just a wounded soul. It would be interested to get more context on him. Right now I have no idea how to fill in the vague gaps or shuffle out the bias. I will say, sex can be emotional for guys, too. Read up on love languages. A lot of guys love sex. That doesn't mean it's their love language. If a guy receives love through intimacy, then it becomes way more significant than you have been programmed through experience to believe. If he has trouble with commitment and he associates sex with love...those things may ben inclusive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 (edited) I've also mentioned in the past that men fall in love in the "spaces". They fill their, so called love tanks, are filled up and kinda need a little break from it. During that time, the need builds again and stronger usually and they come back for more. But they need to be healthy emotionally to start with anyway. Otherwise this isn't the case for them. They can't handle and don't process much of anything that overwhelms them or puts them out of their comfort level. Their tolerance for pushing their comfort level is low. Edited May 6, 2015 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I agree that it could be manipulation if you're the partner who wants the most sex. I have a friend whose husband does that to her when he's not getting his way. He's passive aggressive. I told her a long time ago she never should have let him know how important having sex and sleeping with someone is to her. It was a terrible strategic mistake and against nature. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 I agree that it could be manipulation if you're the partner who wants the most sex. I have a friend whose husband does that to her when he's not getting his way. He's passive aggressive. I told her a long time ago she never should have let him know how important having sex and sleeping with someone is to her. It was a terrible strategic mistake and against nature. It's not manipulation in the OP's case. He gave her the heads up that he's afraid of relationships and so, for him, it's about fear of emotion/closeness. I agree that withholding sex in an otherwise healthy established relationship is wrong though. But then again, if one or the other is withholding sex or using sex as a weapon or tool of manipulation, it's not a healthy relationship anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted May 6, 2015 Share Posted May 6, 2015 Why would someone who is afraid of being in a relationship withhold sex from his partner after many months of dating?I read somewhere that they do that because they are trying to push you away.is that true? It seems likely true. He's distancing himself so as not to get any more involved. It could also be that he has some ED issues that he is too embarrassed to tell you about. Is that what you want in a partner? Someone who is afraid to get involved? It doesn't bode well for you if you actually want a healthy relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author walkingonair Posted May 7, 2015 Author Share Posted May 7, 2015 Thanks for your feedback guys!!!Ugh it sucks dating someone with intimacy issues because their issues make you feel insecure and awful about yourself:( 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 The correct question to ask yourself is: Why would someone still be dating a commitment-phobic person withholding sex for MONTHS? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Why would someone who is afraid of being in a relationship withhold sex from his partner after many months of dating?I read somewhere that they do that because they are trying to push you away.is that true? If someone who didn't want a relationship withheld sex from me I would assume he was finished with me and on to some new strange. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted May 7, 2015 Share Posted May 7, 2015 Maybe because he wants to get to know you and understand you so that when you do engage in sex the chances of it being a long-lasting, trusting and successful union quadruple. Commitment phobics are mostly afraid of abandonment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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