lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 So we been dating 2 months. He makes much more money than I do although I'm not poor. We decide to go to a concert and it costs $150 each and I bought the tickets. I checked with him if the price is alright and he said yes. Afterwards he never mentioned bout paying me back. Now he is a great bf in every other way, he pays for everything else every time we go out. Is super caring and will help me with anything. I do lots for him too in fact I spoil him cook for him and buys presents for him. I feel offended he didn't even offer to pay for the concert ticket which he is supposedly so excited to go with me. I feel he should be paying for me coz I'm his girlfriend, it's so plain n simple. I will love n appreciate him in other ways I feel I shouldn't even have to ask him to pay coz he should know. Now I'm stuck mad at him n don't know what to say. If I say nothing I'll hold resentment but if I do say something I'm afraid it won't be pretty Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Why are you afraid of just mentioning it? Are you afraid of his reaction or something? Just say: Hon, can you pay me half those tickets now I need it. That's it. What's hard in that? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 So we been dating 2 months. He makes much more money than I do although I'm not poor. We decide to go to a concert and it costs $150 each and I bought the tickets. I checked with him if the price is alright and he said yes. Afterwards he never mentioned bout paying me back. Now he is a great bf in every other way, he pays for everything else every time we go out. Is super caring and will help me with anything. I do lots for him too in fact I spoil him cook for him and buys presents for him. I feel offended he didn't even offer to pay for the concert ticket which he is supposedly so excited to go with me. I feel he should be paying for me coz I'm his girlfriend, it's so plain n simple. I will love n appreciate him in other ways I feel I shouldn't even have to ask him to pay coz he should know. Now I'm stuck mad at him n don't know what to say. If I say nothing I'll hold resentment but if I do say something I'm afraid it won't be pretty In the early stages of dating the woman should reciprocate on a financial level at some point. And, you shouldn't be doing such expensive things yet. And, is he really your boyfriend after 2 months? Have you two had the conversation? And, just because you are boyfriend and girlfriend, doesn't mean the man should pay for everything. A strong, independent woman should share in those things. If you want a sugar daddy, you'll need to find one. If you weren't clear in the beginning that you were expecting to split that cost, that's on you. You'll need to improve your communication skills. You can bring it up, but do it respectfully. Don't approach it in anger. If you put it on your credit card, and he knew he was going to share it, simply say "I've got my statement and the tickets are on there now. I'll need your share by X date so I can pay it off". End of story. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I agree. What does, "it won't be pretty" mean? I get it, asking for or about money sucks, but if you're afraid of his reaction to you asking, it's good to get that out of the way now so you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Why are you afraid of just mentioning it? Are you afraid of his reaction or something? Just say: Hon, can you pay me half those tickets now I need it. That's it. What's hard in that? I feel rude asking. I'm never one to ask ppl to do anything, either they do it on their own or I feel resentment silently. I'm bad at communicating Today he offered to buy me a few things worth a couple hundred dollars which is sweet. But I still feel he should pay for the ticket? Coz I didn't ask he to buy me the other things but we explicitly decided to go the concert, hope that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Has he treated you to other concerts in the past? If so, let it go and treat him this time. What other way will you love and appreciate him? This way sounds pretty good to me. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 OP why do you feel entitled to your Boyfriend's checkbook? It sounds like you wanted to do the concert, and you PAID for it. Are you really that hard up for cash from him? It sounds like you're in a committed relationship, its normal in this day and age for Women to be paying their fair share as well. If you ask him to pay you back you're going to come off as cheap lol. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Why are you afraid of just mentioning it? Are you afraid of his reaction or something? Just say: Hon, can you pay me half those tickets now I need it. That's it. What's hard in that? I agree, and once again scratch my head wondering...why the HELL people are so afraid to **communicate** with each other! Boggles the mind.... To the OP, at the risk of sounding too blunt, if you are comfortable enough having him stick his d**k inside you, surely you should be comfortable enough asking him to pay you back his half for the tickets. Jeez. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 I agree. What does, "it won't be pretty" mean? I get it, asking for or about money sucks, but if you're afraid of his reaction to you asking, it's good to get that out of the way now so you know. It won't be pretty as in I feel like I'm so mad I don't know why n I don't want to blow up at him. I'm worried I might end it with him n regret it later Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I feel rude asking. I'm never one to ask ppl to do anything, either they do it on their own or I feel resentment silently. I'm bad at communicating Today he offered to buy me a few things worth a couple hundred dollars which is sweet. But I still feel he should pay for the ticket? Coz I didn't ask he to buy me the other things but we explicitly decided to go the concert, hope that makes sense. If he clearly agreed to pay for his ticket, there is nothing wrong with reminding him to pay you. Maybe he just isn't thinking about it at the moment. Or, he's waiting for you to ask him to pay the credit card bill when it comes. Who knows. If you had an agreement, it's ok to ask. You feeling resentment and not being able to communicate isn't going to help you have a relationship with anyone, let alone this man. If you're having these kinds of issues, it ain't gonna work. All that being said, he offered to by some things with a couple of hundred dollars. He's reciprocating. I'd leave it alone. If you bring it up it "won't be pretty"? It may not be pretty, but it will sure seem Petty. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I feel rude asking. I'm never one to ask ppl to do anything, either they do it on their own or I feel resentment silently. I'm bad at communicating No offense, but I feel this is an unreasonable way to act within the context of a relationship. This is a communication skill you'll need to work on if you want to succeed. People are not mind readers. And asking for what you want and need is not rude, it's healthily assertive. By not asking, and simply stewing, you're making things worse, and a bigger deal than they are. Yes, you can turn it around on your BF and say that he's spoiled and a mooch, but in this situation, it's not fair on your part, when you KNOW this bothers you, to stay silent about it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I feel rude asking. I'm never one to ask ppl to do anything, either they do it on their own or I feel resentment silently. I'm bad at communicating Today he offered to buy me a few things worth a couple hundred dollars which is sweet. But I still feel he should pay for the ticket? Coz I didn't ask he to buy me the other things but we explicitly decided to go the concert, hope that makes sense. Tell him that rather than those few things, you'd prefer the cash to pay for the concert. If he's buying you stuff worth hundreds of dollars tho, expect that you're going to have to pony up now and then. Or give up the expensive gift accepting. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 So we been dating 2 months. He makes much more money than I do although I'm not poor. We decide to go to a concert and it costs $150 each and I bought the tickets. I checked with him if the price is alright and he said yes. Afterwards he never mentioned bout paying me back. Now he is a great bf in every other way, he pays for everything else every time we go out. Is super caring and will help me with anything. I do lots for him too in fact I spoil him cook for him and buys presents for him. I feel offended he didn't even offer to pay for the concert ticket which he is supposedly so excited to go with me. I feel he should be paying for me coz I'm his girlfriend, it's so plain n simple. I will love n appreciate him in other ways I feel I shouldn't even have to ask him to pay coz he should know. Now I'm stuck mad at him n don't know what to say. If I say nothing I'll hold resentment but if I do say something I'm afraid it won't be pretty I get the impression that you want him to pay for both tickets, not just for his own ticket. If he has paid for everything every time you've gone out over the past two months, I don't see why you can't pick up the cost for the concert tickets and treat him for once. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 OP why do you feel entitled to your Boyfriend's checkbook? It sounds like you wanted to do the concert, and you PAID for it. Are you really that hard up for cash from him? It sounds like you're in a committed relationship, its normal in this day and age for Women to be paying their fair share as well. If you ask him to pay you back you're going to come off as cheap lol. Well he earns 6 digits and always talks bout spoiling me, but besides paying a for meals n movies when we go out he hasn't ever bought me anything. I told him the other day point blank, you haven't got me anything ever. And today he seems to be finally getting the hint to buy me something. I don't think I'm being cheap. That's the relationship dynamic that I'm used to . I shower him with affection n care n cook for him n take care of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 I get the impression that you want him to pay for both tickets, not just for his own ticket. If he has paid for everything every time you've gone out over the past two months, I don't see why you can't pick up the cost for the concert tickets and treat him for once. No I just want him to even OFFER to pay for his part, I'll prob even decline. It's the thought, I want him to WANT to pay for me, to show that he loves me. Link to post Share on other sites
Vintage79 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 If he always pays, it seems very petty on your part to go begging for money for tickets to a show that it sounds like you wanted to go to. I don't see why you having to pay once all of a sudden brings into question him being a good BF. A woman has to step up and contribute - it's not a one sided affair. Let me ask you this - so you feel offended that he hasn't offered to pay - do you offer to pay every time he picks up the bill? If yes, sure, feel upset about this instance, but if not, you genuinely don't have a single thing to complain about, other than finding a guy that sounds great - complaining about the cash (or asking about it) just comes across as you being cheap...which, as an FYI, is not an attractive attribute. Moreover, I don't see why it's plain and simple that he should pay because he is your boyfriend - it's pretty easy to make the opposite argument - you're his girlfriend, so you should pay. This entire conversation makes it seem like you're only dating him for free stuff - if I caught wind of a girl dating me for that purposes - well, instance gold digger label and she's dumped...you're walking a fine line. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Well he earns 6 digits and always talks bout spoiling me, but besides paying a for meals n movies when we go out he hasn't ever bought me anything. I told him the other day point blank, you haven't got me anything ever. And today he seems to be finally getting the hint to buy me something. I don't think I'm being cheap. That's the relationship dynamic that I'm used to . I shower him with affection n care n cook for him n take care of him. You are an over giver and you're doing it too soon. You've already gone over the top with him and he hasn't been reciprocating. That's bad relationship dynamics. It needs to be balanced. Instead of backing off on the over giving, you became resentful. If he had never bought you anything prior to buying those tickets, I wouldn't have even offered to do that to start with even if he paid for his ticket. Now that he's acknowledged that, leave this alone for a while. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) Well he earns 6 digits and always talks bout spoiling me, but besides paying a for meals n movies when we go out he hasn't ever bought me anything. I told him the other day point blank, you haven't got me anything ever. And today he seems to be finally getting the hint to buy me something. I don't think I'm being cheap. That's the relationship dynamic that I'm used to . I shower him with affection n care n cook for him n take care of him. Ok, if that's how you want your relationship dynamic to be. You need to communicate more though, if you just talked to him before buying the tickets, no one would be confused/resentful. Edited May 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed derogatory remark 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Before you bought the tickets did you specifically have a discussion that this would be Dutch treat with you each paying for your own ticket? If you did not, if you thought it was understood because you told him the price of the tickets before you bought them, you can ask but I wouldn't. He probably & rightfully thought you were treating him because he has paid for everything else in your dating relationship over the past 2 months. Add it all up; I'm sure even at 1 date per week for the past 8 weeks he has spent at least $150 on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 No I just want him to even OFFER to pay for his part, I'll prob even decline. It's the thought, I want him to WANT to pay for me, to show that he loves me. Missy, could it be possible he assumed YOU were treating him this time? Since HE has always paid for YOU all the other times? Why not just treat him and forget about it? You sound a bit self-entitled and immature to be honest. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 No I just want him to even OFFER to pay for his part, I'll prob even decline. It's the thought, I want him to WANT to pay for me, to show that he loves me. Oh, please, it's only 2 months. If he's not showing you he "loves" you in other ways that are not financial, then he probably doesn't. If paying for things is what proves someone's love for you, you aren't looking deep enough or you want them to buy your love. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 8 whole weeks of dating and he hasn't bought you anything? The nerve of him! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Well he earns 6 digits and always talks bout spoiling me, but besides paying a for meals n movies when we go out he hasn't ever bought me anything. I told him the other day point blank, you haven't got me anything ever. And today he seems to be finally getting the hint to buy me something. . I shower him with affection n care n cook for him n take care of him. No I just want him to even OFFER to pay for his part, I'll prob even decline. It's the thought, I want him to WANT to pay for me, to show that he loves me. You can't measure love or caring in dollars. The minute you try you are a prostitute, nothing more. You sound spoiled. To say that besides paying for meals & movies, he hasn't gotten you anything yet . . . wow. What does he owe you? So what that he makes 6 figures? When you make a contribution that somebody finds that valuable you can earn that too. Until then, be careful because you come across as a gold digger. If that is not your intention, think long & hard before you demand repayment &/or gifts. You may get your $150 & lose a BF. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Heer Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 No I just want him to even OFFER to pay for his part, I'll prob even decline. It's the thought, I want him to WANT to pay for me, to show that he loves me. Hello user lil missy. I've been dating my bf for 7 months and money is definitely a factor when we decide to go out. Both my bf and I are middle class and still in university so we do not have a lot of extra cash. My bf spends a lot of his extra money buying model planes which leaves almost nothing for dinners, dates, etc. However, I don't feel too unhappy because I know that the planes make him happy and I'm happy when he's happy:love: That still doesn't mean that he can give me a crappy gift for my birthday, christmas, etc. I'm also guilty of spending a lot of my money on make up clothes, etc.:p I feel that in your your situation $150 is a lot of money but perhaps you can look at this from a different angle: both of you had fun and enjoyed each others company during the concert and its hard to put a price on that. I feel that if I were you, it was worth every penny:). You also mention that he pays for everything else during the dates so this is probably a great gift for the both of you:) Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Oh, please, it's only 2 months. If he's not showing you he "loves" you in other ways that are not financial, then he probably doesn't. If paying for things is what proves someone's love for you, you aren't looking deep enough or you want them to buy your love. Missy, could it be possible he assumed YOU were treating him this time? Since HE has always paid for YOU all the other times? Why not just treat him and forget about it? You sound a bit self-entitled and immature to be honest. Both of these posts sum up my initial thoughts on this matter lol. I think we have to come to accept that the OP isn't as progressive as the average Woman though. Link to post Share on other sites
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