runaway Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Hi, I've always wondered. Does sex on the first date lead you to think that the guy wants you just for sex and nothing more? Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yep. Even when my BF and I had sex on date three, I was still suspicious of his intentions. Sex on date one doesn't necessarily MEAN that's the guy's sole intention, but I would probably make that assumption until proven otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 The woman has to agree to sex also. It takes two to tango. Ladies - If you want a guy to see you as more than a girl JUST to have sex with, you need to apply the brakes. Women set the pace for physical contact and sex, most Men just go in guns blazing and wait for the Woman to slow them down. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 No I would not think like that. His behavior after sex is what I pay attention to 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Sex on a first date followed by a man who doesn't communicate, communicates sporadically, or doesn't ask me out again is what always made me believe the man was just after sex. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Also I think it's conceited how women think the guy only wanted them for sex since they don't call back. I mean you were willing to put out on date 1, he doesn't owe you anything. Maybe he just doesn't like you? Because that obviously COULDNT be it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Also I think it's conceited how women think the guy only wanted them for sex since they don't call back. I mean you were willing to put out on date 1, he doesn't owe you anything. Maybe he just doesn't like you? Because that obviously COULDNT be it! isnt "he doesnt like you" and "only after sex" the same thing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
El Pallasso Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 People can be so bias and sexist. When a man decides that he doesn't want to see a woman after sex on the first date, then "he's using her or he's a player". When a woman decides that she doesn't want to see a man after sex on the first date, then " no means no"or she wasn't attracted to the man or the sex wasn't good enough. Sex isn't some binding contract that the two parties must be in a relationship. Either party is free to not see the other for whatever personal reason. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) isnt "he doesnt like you" and "only after sex" the same thing? Well the woman has to give it up. It's always possible that a guy who happens to have sex on the first date is looking for more. It's just unlikely for things to succeed so early, most first dates never materialize into anything. I think women confuse that when a guy has sex with them, that he is really into them. Nope! It just means he finds you attractive. Having sex with him isn't going to make him more committal to you. Edited May 5, 2015 by barcode88 1 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Having sex on the first date wouldn't exactly make me believe that the man just wants me for sex. I am pretty sure that most men would screw me on a first date if that's what I wanted. I feel that having sex on the first date may make the man feel that something casual is what I'm after, as opposed to something more emotionally involved and long term. Right or wrong, I think the actions of a woman regarding sex in the early stages can sway a man's opinion of her re: being serious relationship material or not. Many men wouldn't mind, but others certainly seem to find a woman who gives sex up too "easily" off-putting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
almond Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 females are raw sewage 10/10 first post. Would read again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 The woman has to agree to sex also. It takes two to tango. Ladies - If you want a guy to see you as more than a girl JUST to have sex with, you need to apply the brakes. Women set the pace for physical contact and sex, most Men just go in guns blazing and wait for the Woman to slow them down. Yep. Sex is a two way mutual consensual act. Yet somehow there are women that like to act innocent and hold it against a guy's intentions after the fact. Like when my ex GF would say "You're too sexual. Sometimes I just want to kiss or cuddle". Yet I wasn't the one begging for it when cuddling lead to the bedroom. In the end barcode is right. Women have the ultimate say over what happens. So if she is DTF, she shouldn't act judgemental about it afterwards and use it as ammo against a guy's intentions IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Ladies - If you want a guy to see you as more than a girl JUST to have sex with, you need to apply the brakes. Women set the pace for physical contact and sex, most Men just go in guns blazing and wait for the Woman to slow them down. What I don't like about this is that essentially the female then has to reject the man's advances, if she wants to be considered "relationship material." No one likes to be rejected. females are raw sewage Then I guess you're really attracted to raw sewage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Moy Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Hi, I've always wondered. Does sex on the first date lead you to think that the guy wants you just for sex and nothing more? I'd gauge more by how he behaves afterwards. Does he want to see you again? If so, does all he talk about involve sex? ("Up for Round 2?" etc.) Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Hi, I've always wondered. Does sex on the first date lead you to think that the guy wants you just for sex and nothing more? In one word... yes. You would have to up the anti after if you wanted more. Link to post Share on other sites
fardaxel Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Have sex on the first date if you want to and don't worry about the rest of it. Be safe, have fun. Link to post Share on other sites
Author runaway Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 What is the best way to send her a different message then? How do I let her know I actually want to spend time with her and get to know her better? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 What is the best way to send her a different message then? How do I let her know I actually want to spend time with her and get to know her better? If first date sex has already happened, then just ask her out for a second date, a date that is more about getting to know her, dinner, long walk, coffee, etc. than simply jumping straight back into bed with her. It may still lead to sex but that is OK, some people just cannot keep their hands off each other. You need to build an emotional connection with her if you want to see her long term. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 What is the best way to send her a different message then? How do I let her know I actually want to spend time with her and get to know her better? It's all in the subtleties. I like to text the day after and say I enjoyed our time together and look forward to seeing them again. This at least says "hey, you were not a one night stand". On the second date, I try to plan something that shows I'm not just after sex, like taking them out somewhere to eat and paying for the food, a romantic walk outdoors, etc... something where I can be more conversational and connect with them. Only at the end of the second date will I have sex with her again. Now she should know. And to make sure she does, I will call her on the phone some days later just to say hi for five minutes and plan the next date. But proceed with caution. I just did this with a woman and I think she has been using me for sex this whole time while I pursue her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Hi, I've always wondered. Does sex on the first date lead you to think that the guy wants you just for sex and nothing more? Not necessarily. If a woman has sex on a first date, and he didn't just want sex, he will continue to pursue her with consistent contact and consistent dating after that. If she doesn't hear from him again, he likely just wanted sex. This is the reason for not having sex on a first date. The woman doesn't know yet what the man wants out of his dating experiences. After she's dated him a few times and if she is saavy at dating, there will be a casual conversation at some point early on to find out what he wants for himself in the long run and she will reveal what it is she is looking for. When she finds that they are at least on that same page and she wants to be intimate, she should. Of course, that is no guarantee that things will continue, but at least you have a better chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 What I don't like about this is that essentially the female then has to reject the man's advances, if she wants to be considered "relationship material." No one likes to be rejected. Then I guess you're really attracted to raw sewage. You don't need to "reject" a man unless he like flat out asks, which usually isn't the case. Most guys will start out with making out, and slowly peel your clothes away then **** you. If you don't want to have sex, you can subtly redirect his hands when he's unclothing you too much. Better yet- Don't put yourself in a situation where you CAN have sex, stay somewhere public. That way you're not rejecting the guy as much. If he asks to come back to his place, you can just make an excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Personally speaking, obviously yes he wanted sex, but I would never assume that is *all* he wanted. I think much too highly of myself to ever assume that. ...hell I'm a great catch! Lol Not to mention, he could easily be thinking the same about me...that ALL *I* wanted was sex. It's a two way street after all... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Not necessarily. **If a woman has sex on a first date, and he didn't just want sex, he will continue to pursue her with consistent contact and consistent dating after that.** If she doesn't hear from him again, he likely just wanted sex. This is the reason for not having sex on a first date. The woman doesn't know yet what the man wants out of his dating experiences. After she's dated him a few times and if she is saavy at dating, there will be a casual conversation at some point early on to find out what he wants for himself in the long run and she will reveal what it is she is looking for. When she finds that they are at least on that same page and she wants to be intimate, she should. Of course, that is no guarantee that things will continue, but at least you have a better chance. Quote above in asterisk -- that's been my experience. I only had sex once on a first date, and it was with my boyfriend... If he had never contacted me again, I would have been disappointed, but hell I wanted to have sex too, so I would have just chalked it up. Knowing me, I doubt I would have taken it personally... or assumed he had "used" me. Such negative thoughts don't usually occur to me, or I don't allow them to anyway. I also believe that my having that attitude (at least partially) contributed to him wanting to see me again, and pursue me! Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I rarely hear a man ask the question "if a girl has sex with me on the first date, did she just want sex?" (There was a post recently about this, but it's few and far between Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. It's the behavior that follows that answers that question. Not only that, what's wrong with just asking the person what's what before you get into bed with them? If you're already at the point of becoming intimate with them, you should be grown up enough to know what the score is upfront . . . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I rarely hear a man ask the question "if a girl has sex with me on the first date, did she just want sex?" (There was a post recently about this, but it's few and far between Maybe she did, maybe she didn't. It's the behavior that follows that answers that question. **Not only that, what's wrong with just asking the person what's what before you get into bed with them?** If you're already at the point of becoming intimate with them, you should be grown up enough to know what the score is upfront . . . Lol, at least in my case, the chemistry and passion were so intense at the time, neither one of us were thinking clearly or rationally enough to even think to ask "what's what". That was the LAST thing on our minds.... at the time. However, we discussed that on our second date... Link to post Share on other sites
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