I like him but don't know his intentions.

[Ara-bella]

I've been talking to this guy romantically for a couple months, known him for about a year. We hang out sometimes with mutual friends and we've hung out once alone and it was alright, not a date or anything, just platonically I think.

 

He's seriously extremely attractive and I know he gets girls. Yet he tells me I'm the only girl he talks to and thinks about, he loves me (weird, I know), calls me baby, we text essentially most of the day everyday and all that. He promised I was too important to him to ever hurt me. Downside is he consistently sends me nude photos and pretty graphic videos so I don't know if he's just sweet talking to get me in bed, it's making me question his intentions like if I'm a potential booty call.

 

We're seeing each other this Friday and I'm pretty sure things are gonna go down. We're both virgins so definitely not all the way but still *stuff*. Problem is I'm starting to really like him but at the same time I feel like i'm young and inexperienced and should just try it out. I've recently gotten out of a bad relationship with my only sexual partner. Thoughts on if I should go for it or not? Right now I don't think I completely mind the whole just having fun thing but I'm scared the effort and affection won't be there after we have our fun:eek:

 

A (gay) friend told me most straight guys my age (18/19) aren't looking for a relationship but just to have fun, and I'm a relationship type of girl... I don't really know what to do.

Edited May 5, 2015 by Ara-bella

[Ambivalence]

First things first: this is your decision; do not let some people on the internet affect your intentions.

 

That being said, I would say go for it. From the little information given I'd say that he honestly does like you and wouldn't use you. Sex is healthy and fun, don't let them fool you.

 

Still, he's at fault in that his intentions are not CLEAR. Get him to be honest or leave him.

[Ara-bella]

Thanks Ambivalence:) I was thinking the same thing. I thought I'd have fun with him and if things didn't work out after then at least I know to move on.

 

But in general does girls doing stuff with guys they aren't in a relationship with make them lose respect for the girls? Or is it not typically like that anymore?

[zyphfly]

He's seriously extremely attractive and I know he gets girls. Yet he tells me I'm the only girl he talks to and thinks about, he loves me (weird, I know), calls me baby, we text essentially most of the day everyday and all that. He promised I was too important to him to ever hurt me. Downside is he consistently sends me nude photos and pretty graphic videos

 

I know when I was 18/19 I really thought I had my stuff together, but I feel inclined to tell you that with some hindsight (I'm 29) I definitely did not! I had already been sexually active by then, but I wasn't really emotionally mature enough for anything serious, and I might've thought I knew what love was, but I certainly didn't looking back, I sometimes still question if I do!

 

The part of your post that I've quoted though is somewhat concerning to me. I have a sister your age, and so I tend to be pretty protective, and I know to each their own, but that is some weird stuff. It's possible he's just trying to create a persona of an experienced guy to make you interested, but telling you he loves you, sending you nudes, and graphic videos…all strange behavior in my book. If you were actually in a relationship it wouldn't be, but in your current situation that's a little much.

 

If this is something you really want to do, I wouldn't discourage you, because I'm not a hypocrite, I had a lot of fun at your age, but I would just say to be careful. As corny as this sounds, protect your heart. You're only a virgin once, I'm not advocating waiting til marriage or anything, but if possible try not to give away any part of yourself (emotional or physical) to someone who doesn't deserve it.

[guild11]

He is either have no exprience or friendzoned you.

[guest569]

Thanks Ambivalence:) I was thinking the same thing. I thought I'd have fun with him and if things didn't work out after then at least I know to move on.

 

But in general does girls doing stuff with guys they aren't in a relationship with make them lose respect for the girls? Or is it not typically like that anymore?

 

You said it yourself that you're a relationship type. I would NOT recommend jumping into bed with someone that you are secretly hoping for a relationship with. You will most likely get hurt.

 

If you are genuinely looking for purely sex and will not care if you never date him, never see him again or never have a relationship with.. Thats fine. It's not to say that sex is somehow unhealthy or not fun, its to protect yourself and test the waters before doing something rash and what I presume is quite a young age.

[Redhead14]

I've been talking to this guy romantically for a couple months, known him for about a year. We hang out sometimes with mutual friends and we've hung out once alone and it was alright, not a date or anything, just platonically I think.

 

He's seriously extremely attractive and I know he gets girls. Yet he tells me I'm the only girl he talks to and thinks about, he loves me (weird, I know), calls me baby, we text essentially most of the day everyday and all that. He promised I was too important to him to ever hurt me. Downside is he consistently sends me nude photos and pretty graphic videos so I don't know if he's just sweet talking to get me in bed, it's making me question his intentions like if I'm a potential booty call.

 

We're seeing each other this Friday and I'm pretty sure things are gonna go down. We're both virgins so definitely not all the way but still *stuff*. Problem is I'm starting to really like him but at the same time I feel like i'm young and inexperienced and should just try it out. I've recently gotten out of a bad relationship with my only sexual partner. Thoughts on if I should go for it or not? Right now I don't think I completely mind the whole just having fun thing but I'm scared the effort and affection won't be there after we have our fun:eek:

 

A (gay) friend told me most straight guys my age (18/19) aren't looking for a relationship but just to have fun, and I'm a relationship type of girl... I don't really know what to do.

 

You have a casual conversation with him about what you are looking for for yourself out of your dating journey, i.e. a committed relationship. You make a statement, don't be specific about him and then let him talk. If you aren't on that page, you don't become intimate with him. If you are on the same page, you can be intimate with him if you want, but until he demonstrates consistency with you, keeps good contact and consistently asks for dates, you manage your emotions and expectations. Let him show you he means what he says. If he doesn't do that, you move on.

[Ambivalence]

Thanks Ambivalence:) I was thinking the same thing. I thought I'd have fun with him and if things didn't work out after then at least I know to move on.

 

But in general does girls doing stuff with guys they aren't in a relationship with make them lose respect for the girls? Or is it not typically like that anymore?

 

This is one of the mainstream beliefs that has always baffled me.

Men find value in women who show sexual interest early (yes, this can mean one night stands). This value incites respect.

 

The old-timey "sophistication of waiting" is long-gone and it's shocking that people believe that men want to chase women who are "hard to get."

 

Interesting studies done on this one.

[Ara-bella]

I actually went out with him last night and didn't plan on doing anything sexual, but it just kinda happened. We didn't go all the way like I predicted. And it was really fun and great I don't regret it.

 

I just noticed that last night after I texted him thank you he wasn't nearly as flirty and lovey dovey as before I know I shouldn't care or get my hopes up!! This is looking like a friends with benefits situation cause I still don't think he would want to be with me. But maybe at least I now know where we stand? What to do now just act casual?

[Redhead14]

I actually went out with him last night and didn't plan on doing anything sexual, but it just kinda happened. We didn't go all the way like I predicted. And it was really fun and great I don't regret it.

 

I just noticed that last night after I texted him thank you he wasn't nearly as flirty and lovey dovey as before I know I shouldn't care or get my hopes up!! This is looking like a friends with benefits situation cause I still don't think he would want to be with me. But maybe at least I now know where we stand? What to do now just act casual?

 

Right now I don't think I completely mind the whole just having fun thing but I'm scared the effort and affection won't be there after we have our fun -- That is the reason you wait for a man to show you effort and affection before you have your "fun".

 

You recently got out of a bad relationship with a sexual partner? And, now you are attempting to enter into another scenario without taking "precautions" or seeing enough from him to demonstrate his sincerity and interest.

 

And, no, you don't ACT casual, you actually BE casual. This is a casual dating scenario. Continue to manage your emotions and expectations and, if you want to continue seeing him on terms that are less than what you want for yourself, simply enjoy the time with him and go one day at a time. I'd date others also. But if you decide to become intimate with one of them, you would move on from this one. I call this vine jumping. You enjoy the time with this man until you find one that is more suitable. You owe nothing to this man.

 

But maybe at least I now know where we stand? -- Unless you had the conversation I suggested above, you don't really KNOW anything and this is what will get you hurt here. It appears you didn't do that, you are becoming intimate and opening yourself up to becoming more invested. He isn't showing you enough to demonstrate that he's serious about you, so you are stringing yourself along. You're looking for positive signs of interest from him instead of looking at the bigger picture or simply addressing it upfront.

 

As for him not being as flirty, etc. after you had sex, you have to take that with a grain of salt. After a man has an orgasm, they will be on a little bit of an oxytocin high, but kinda come down from it and are simply, let's call it washed out and kinda check out a little bit. A man who is serious about you will ride that high little longer and be cuddly at least. But, he's not really serious about you so the high wears off quickly.

[Ara-bella]

You're right about the orgasm comment. He was extremely sweet but that went away after a while

 

So it's been the whole day he hasn't texted me. He used to text me good morning, even while he was at work etc. Yesterday (before sexual activity) he invited me to do something with him today and he said he'd let me know and he never contacted me.

I'm pretty mad and resentful right now because I feel used. Pretty sure he's talking to other girls and I'm just butt hurt at this point

 

I feel like even if he texted me I wouldn't reply! Or at least it'd be difficult to.

[guest569]

This is one of the mainstream beliefs that has always baffled me.

Men find value in women who show sexual interest early (yes, this can mean one night stands). This value incites respect.

 

The old-timey "sophistication of waiting" is long-gone and it's shocking that people believe that men want to chase women who are "hard to get."

 

Interesting studies done on this one.

 

Thats all very well. OP is a little too interested in this guy to be having a one night stand and expecting no hurt feelings as a result. No idea why anyone would advise her to "go for it" sure she doesn't regret it, yet. I've been there too, justified sleeping with someone and ended up feeling used

Edited May 10, 2015 by smiley1

[Ara-bella]

I see what you both are saying. I thought I would be fine with the whole no strings attached then but that failed. Relationships are more ideal

 

I just don't know what to do, I can't believe I got played so badly!!! I feel betrayed and hurt and I doubt he will even contact me. This is ridiculous.

[d0nnivain]

You live & you learn.

 

Good men make their intentions known. They take you on dates. They invest in the relationship, which is more then hanging out. All that pursuit without a date is a hallmark of a player. He didn't need to wine & dine you to get what he wanted

 

For now you be aloof. You don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you hurt.

[Leigh 87]

Ummmmm.......

 

Yes. Most people aged 19 to early 20s aren't usually looking for a relationship, particularly men.

 

And he is only looking for sex.

 

If a man wanted you for more than just sex, he'd take you out and treat you to a date.

 

Men don't just send graphic pics prior to taking a woman out for dates, IF they want make than just fun.

 

But if you want to have fun to right ahead. Just go in with eyes wide open. Don't get too attached until he asks you to be exclusive.

 

And always remember, men often enjoy sex and they often enjoy holding you while you sleep, cuddling you, brushing your hair back from your eyes and all the romantic stuff - they do all this WITHOUT necessarily wanting any kind of relationship or commitment to you.

 

Always remember the above. A guy can act a little " into you " without wanting more than fun.

[Leigh 87]

Ummmmm.......

 

Yes. Most people aged 19 to early 20s aren't usually looking for a relationship, particularly men.

 

And he is only looking for sex.

 

If a man wanted you for more than just sex, he'd take you out and treat you to a date.

 

Men don't just send graphic pics prior to taking a woman out for dates, IF they want make than just fun.

 

But if you want to have fun to right ahead. Just go in with eyes wide open. Don't get too attached until he asks you to be exclusive.

 

And always remember, men often enjoy sex and they often enjoy holding you while you sleep, cuddling you, brushing your hair back from your eyes and all the romantic stuff - they do all this WITHOUT necessarily wanting any kind of relationship or commitment to you.

 

Always remember the above. A guy can act a little " into you " without wanting more than fun.

[Ara-bella]

I've been having fun with him but I'm baffled. People really go so far as saying "I love you" and flirt nonstop for the sake of fun? It's lying as well as leading someone on? I can't help but think he has to mean some of it.

At the same time, I'm sure he talks to other girls probably. Maybe he just doesn't view me as girlfriend material or something. So I'm caught between having him for fun (which I feel lucky to have him because he's hot and nice for the most part) or asking him if we will only mess around and not date and potentially losing him completely which kinda scares me. And still I don't know if there's a chance he would want to be exclusive. He's never mentioned it.