lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 (edited) so i have been dating this guy for 2 months. he claims he is head over hills fallen for me and often tells me im his one and only, and says he would do anything for me. he is a super mushy guy and will say loads of romantic things to me. but somehow lately i started to feel that im giving more in the relationship than he is. we see each other almost everyday, at his urging. i could get by seeing his once or twice a week. but he says he misses me and wants to see me everyday. he usually picks me up from work and we go back to my house, where ill cook dinner for us, we'll watch some tv, sometimes we'll have sex then he'll go home. he wants to sleep over but i dont really want him to yet. we might go out of the house on the weekend to watch a movie or eat at a restaurant, he pays for everything when we go out. thing is i gave him a very expensive wallet as a present last month, it was coz he lost his wallet so i got him a new one. he was so HAPPY about it and tells me he loves it. and i got him a diary last week and he tells me all his workmates think he's getting spoilt by me, coz i make him dinner and lunch, and buys him these things. when he told me this, i realised he never got me anything. i told him this and he says ill spoil you when my pay check comes in, ill get you whatever you want. he says we'll go on a trip together, he will splurge on both of us. he just got a payrise recently and earns over 6 digits so earns way more than i do. plus we are going to a concert this week and i bought the tickets and he hasnt mentioned about paying me back. they are $150 each. i just feel like im paying for things and also doing things for him in this relationship and what has he done for me? he drives me everywhere, and pays when we go out. but i still cant tell if im giving more than im getting. Only thing he got for me recently is a Netflix subscription which I don't even use. Also his bday is coming up. I was all for getting him something but now I feel like I've alreayd given too much. He says he doesn't want anything but in the same sentence says we should get engraved Pens for eachother. i just dont know if this is an issue i should bring up to him, or if im been unreasonable? Edited May 5, 2015 by lil_missy Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Are you done disbursing for him? He earns in 6 digits but needs to wait for his paycheck to spoil you? Ya RIGHT! Listen, he's taking advantage of you big time. First, STOP cooking for him !! If he wants to come and see you he can drag his big @ss to your place after dinner. By the way, if he's at your place each night when do you find the time to clean, do laundry, do your errands, and just relax!!! Stop spending money on this man!! Why are you being his sugar mama?? Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Nope, you're not unreasonable. I'm not sure it's worth it to bring up stuff that's already happened, but moving forward, be a bit more communicative upfront. For instance, when y'all decided to go to that concert, how was the payment decided upon? I would have said right then that I couldn't afford to get both and would like him to chip in—what would he say? If he's always coming to your place, tell him you want to go to his place and have him cook you dinner this time 'round. As far as spending money and getting gifts, I would not put up more money for things beyond what you feel you won't resent. Yes, hopefully people are reciprocal in relationships, but I always aim for trying to do things, no expectations attached. That $75 bottle of scotch I bought for my BF's birthday? I did not expect anything in return. Resentment on your part is a signal to yourself to pull back a bit. See if he steps up, but stop spending money for now. Also, he could be thinking that the money you spend on food to cook is equivalent to what he pays when you go out. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Have you ever been to his place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yeh I am feeling really annoyed today and want to just dump him, but he doesn't even know I'm mad at him. Another thing is he asked me to be his gf twice but I told him no I don't want to be his gf yet. It's too soon. That was about 3 weeks ago. I told him I wanted to keep my options open and so should he at this early stage. i was going to end it with him when he started pressuring me for exclusivity but he begged me to stay with him. Since then I developed more feelings for him and have opened up to him a lot more. Treating him much better since then. So I don't know if his just holding back coz I'm not his official gf. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 If it's an issue for you then stop buying him things simple. It seems to me you didn't care until he said something to you about it. Buy him a cheap bday gift, not an expensive one. Honestly it doesn't sound like he's intentionally mooching off you. It sounds like you are going overboard with grand gestures of expensive gifts then getting resentful when it isn't reciprocated. The only fix for that is to stop making these grand gestures yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 6 digits but he needs to wait for his paycheck to spoil you? I'm thinking wife/girlfriend/kid(s). Ask to see where he lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 Have you ever been to his place? Yeh I have been to his place he lives with his parents. That's why we don't go there much anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yeh I am feeling really annoyed today and want to just dump him, but he doesn't even know I'm mad at him. Another thing is he asked me to be his gf twice but I told him no I don't want to be his gf yet. It's too soon. That was about 3 weeks ago. I told him I wanted to keep my options open and so should he at this early stage. i was going to end it with him when he started pressuring me for exclusivity but he begged me to stay with him. Since then I developed more feelings for him and have opened up to him a lot more. Treating him much better since then. So I don't know if his just holding back coz I'm not his official gf. hhmmm I don't know what kind of man sticks around when the woman is dating and sleeping says she wants to keep her options open. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 If it's an issue for you then stop buying him things simple. It seems to me you didn't care until he said something to you about it. Buy him a cheap bday gift, not an expensive one. Honestly it doesn't sound like he's intentionally mooching off you. It sounds like you are going overboard with grand gestures of expensive gifts then getting resentful when it isn't reciprocated. The only fix for that is to stop making these grand gestures yourself. Yeh I didn't think he was intentionally mooching off me either, but maybe just taking me for granted. I didn't mind getting him the wallet. But yes his workmates comments dawned on me what I didn't realise before. And not paying me for the concert tickets just made it even worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Yeh I have been to his place he lives with his parents. That's why we don't go there much anymore. He earns in 6 digits, lives with his parents, and has to wait for next paycheck to spoil you. Don't you find something wrong here? This man should be loaded AND his wallet should be full of gold and black credit cards. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 He earns in 6 digits, lives with his parents, and has to wait for next paycheck to spoil you. Don't you find something wrong here? This man should be loaded AND his wallet should be full of gold and black credit cards. So you think he is being stingy with me? He told me he didn't tell his parents about his pay rise coz he doesn't want to pay board. I was pretty put off, I dont know if I can date a stingy man. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 So you think he is being stingy with me? He told me he didn't tell his parents about his pay rise coz he doesn't want to pay board. I was pretty put off, I dont know if I can date a stingy man. He doesn't want to tell his parents because he doesn't want to pay board!! So he is taking advantages of his parents but he would not take advantage of you you think? How old is this man? What kind of pay raise he got? He did not go from 25k to 100k overnight. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I think this man is playing you. He does not make the kind of money he says he is. I think he is full of BS. Yes he is paying your ONCE a week date to make you think he has money but his once a week date in no way equals to you feeling him every day of the week + gifts + tickets. What kind of car does he drive? Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 OP, ideally, how would your relationship with this guy look like? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 He doesn't want to tell his parents because he doesn't want to pay board!! So he is taking advantages of his parents but he would not take advantage of you you think? How old is this man? What kind of pay raise he got? He did not go from 25k to 100k overnight. That is a good point bout taking advantage of his parents they may have spoiled him too much :/ His 32 and was earning 80k before the raise. He says that I inspire him to make more money so he can spoil me. I told him yes I will be expecting to be spoiled He drives a bomb car also. When I first met him he kept telling me he is going to buy a Bmw but now there's no more talk of that. Maybe he is lying bout his income Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 OP, ideally, how would your relationship with this guy look like? I want him to spoil me with love and presents and other things like helping me when I need. And I would do the same for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 That is a good point bout taking advantage of his parents they may have spoiled him too much :/ His 32 and was earning 80k before the raise. He says that I inspire him to make more money so he can spoil me. I told him yes I will be expecting to be spoiled He drives a bomb car also. When I first met him he kept telling me he is going to buy a Bmw but now there's no more talk of that. Maybe he is lying bout his income 80K is a freakin decent annual income. Nice enough to be paying board to your parents if you have any respect for them at 32 YO!!!. It's also a big enough income to have cash aside and all the credit cards your little heart desires. There is NO, absolutely NO reasons this man needs to wait for his next paycheck to have money!! He's smooching on his parents and he is doing the same to you. What kind of car he has? If it's the bomb like you said so he must be driving a Volvo? Lexus? Audi? 2015 all equipped right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 80K is a freakin decent annual income. Nice enough to be paying board to your parents if you have any respect for them at 32 YO!!!. It's also a big enough income to have cash aside and all the credit cards your little heart desires. There is NO, absolutely NO reasons this man needs to wait for his next paycheck to have money!! He's smooching on his parents and he is doing the same to you. What kind of car he has? If it's the bomb like you said so he must be driving a Volvo? Lexus? Audi? 2015 all equipped right?m Nah bomb as in crappy car. He talked bout getting new car when we met, Prob trying to impress me. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 m Nah bomb as in crappy car. He talked bout getting new car when we met, Prob trying to impress me. haha ok, bomb changed meaning through the generation I see. So at 80K per year, just got a huge raise in the 6 digits, living for free at his parents and he drives a piece of junk. Really......... Well I rest my case. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I think he wants you to be his official girlfriend because right after he will start talking about moving in with you. Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 I want him to spoil me with love and presents and other things like helping me when I need. And I would do the same for him. I get it. It doesn't seem like he's that kinda dude, though. Also, doing that for him and expecting him to mirror you is a bad strategy, I'm afraid to say. If he's 32 and still at home, it sounds like he's used to being spoiled. Does he have student debt he needs to take care of that he'd still be living at home? If he's taking advantage of his parents, it's THEIR responsibility to tell him as such and enforce some boundaries. Just as it's YOUR responsibility to speak up if you're unhappy about things. Yes, it does seem like he's trying to get as much as he can, so if you're not cool with it, it's up to you to put your foot down. If he's unwilling to shape up, then you dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lil_missy Posted May 5, 2015 Author Share Posted May 5, 2015 I get it. It doesn't seem like he's that kinda dude, though. Also, doing that for him and expecting him to mirror you is a bad strategy, I'm afraid to say. If he's 32 and still at home, it sounds like he's used to being spoiled. Does he have student debt he needs to take care of that he'd still be living at home? If he's taking advantage of his parents, it's THEIR responsibility to tell him as such and enforce some boundaries. Just as it's YOUR responsibility to speak up if you're unhappy about things. Yes, it does seem like he's trying to get as much as he can, so if you're not cool with it, it's up to you to put your foot down. If he's unwilling to shape up, then you dump him. Nah he doesn't have student debt as far as I know. I think he is just spoilt as opposed to taking advantage of his parents, he loves his mom, get in a few argument with his dad so the paying board thing is prob aimed at the dad. So should I bring up the issue of paying for his own concert ticket? And how? I really can't think of a good way to bring it up Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Nah he doesn't have student debt as far as I know. I think he is just spoilt as opposed to taking advantage of his parents, he loves his mom, get in a few argument with his dad so the paying board thing is prob aimed at the dad. So should I bring up the issue of paying for his own concert ticket? And how? I really can't think of a good way to bring it up Being spoiled is not an excuse for free loading on people. At 32, with the kind of money he says he is making, his instinct should be to spoil his mother. Tell him you're budget is tight this month and you'd like he pays share of the concert. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted May 5, 2015 Share Posted May 5, 2015 Hmmmm.... I smell a rat... this guy says he makes $100K, has no rent or mortgage, and drives a ghetto-mobile?! I don't believe he makes that much, I think he lied to catch the girl. Show me the money 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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