Unrequited love.

[Goinggone]

So, I have been suffering from a bout of unrequited love for the past 14 months. It’s a guy from work, we are essentially best friends; have lunch together every day, go to the movies, hang out on weekends, know every minute detail of each other’s lives. I have been confused the entire time because to me, we just don’t seem to have a normal platonic relationship, and believe me I have a lot of them so I can tell the difference.

 

Anyway, yesterday he was offered a job in a city 1000km from where we currently are, and I cried. I know he loves me, he’s told me so, and I know/am 99% sure is completely as a friend, because as my pal Adam said “if he didn’t kiss you after you are deep diving in the friend zone.” He’s told me he needs me as well, which I know is hard for him because he’s quite emotionally stunted, so when he says things like that it just stokes the fire I have burning deep inside me for him.

 

I just don’t know how to get over this, a friend this morning said that I have every right to be as upset as I am, because although its unrequited love, it’s still love, and probably even harder than usual because of the lack of response. I’ve managed to go this long listening to him talk about dating numerous girls and saying things like “why can’t I meet a girl that I can talk to like you”. I’ve always managed to grit my teeth and smile; because I know it’s me he will come to if he needs something and not them.

 

He has to know how I feel right? I am not known for subtlety, how can I inadvertently tell him about my undying devotions, with a get out card in case he’s like “What???? I don’t like you like that at all”

 

MY HEART IS GOING THROUGH A BLENDER.

[Satu]

Tell Mr Unavailable I said Hi.

[Ambivalence]

It's sad, but he's a man on his path and purpose in life. As cliche as it sounds, there are more fish in the sea.

[Maverick27]

Check the weather, look for a day where its raining. Show up out the front of his house holding a stereo over your head whilst it plays 'Dream weaver'.

 

If you do not get a positive response to this, then start uncontrollably sobbing until he agrees to date you out of pity.

[La.Primavera]

My advice would be tell him how you feel. If he is leaving you have nothing to loose in telling him. You won't be seeing him anymore anyway.

 

What you will gain is the truth. Otherwise you spend the rest of your life wondering what if?

 

It will help give you closure either way.

[SoftViolin]

My advice, like Primavera's, would be to tell him as well.

 

I believe in having no regrets and knowing where you stand - in-as-much as it's in your power that is of course. So... ask the awkward question, bare your soul, tell people how you feel, ask for a response no matter how hard and seemingly impossible it is, be brave, because unless you ask you'll be left wondering what-if.

 

And think about it this way - maybe he'll say no, and you might feel like a fool for some time after. But a year, two, ten down the road you won't even remember that feeling. Regret, however, of not taking a chance and pondering lost opportunities sometimes tends to hang around for a very very long time...

[zyphfly]

I have a very good female friend who I'm very close with, and it's never stepped over that line, and if I was to be 100% honest with you it is because I'm not attracted to her physically. I don't know if she has any feelings for me in that way because I've never asked, I don't really want to know either because, even if she did…I'm not attracted to her.

 

I never seek to hurt anyone's feelings, but in this case he either has no attraction to you, or he's gay. Those are really the only scenarios that make sense.

 

If you're to the point of feeling physically sick about it, I say you tell him how you feel, with the understanding that if he doesn't reciprocate your feelings (and there's a good chance of that), your "friendship" is likely ruined. I say "friendship" though because if you're being honest with yourself it sounds to me like you don't really want to be his friend anyway, you view him as something more than that.