Is my younger girlfriend really into me or my money

[eawards]

I have been dating a 27 year old woman for about 7 months now. She is a professional and while we are 18 years apart in yes of age, we get along very very well.

 

Lately I have been questioning our relationship and asking myself if I am being used or am I just over reacting Go something that is nothing.

 

Here is the dynamic: we started dating and I fell crazy about this girl. She likes nice things and while she is a successful professional, she has nowhere near the wealth that I have. In the beginning I just loved to buy her sexy shoes or a nice purse And take her out on trips which usually led to shopping. I even bought her a car...a Mercedes Benz S class. Ok so I know you are thinking "sucker" but I am recently divorced. I am a very good looking fit guy and I dated a lot and then she came along and I just fell for her so fast. That is the truth.

 

So anyway, we are exclusively dating eachother and things are good but what I notice is this. She tells me she likes me a lot, she tells me she adores me, she talks about our future together, she even talks of children together, but her actions are different than her words.

 

We see eachother maybe one time per week and it is always at my urging. I will often call her to get together but she is busy goong to dinner with her mother, or her girlfriends. She says no to me a lot. We go out to dinner and I get a peck on my lips Goodnight. We have sex maybe 2 times per month and again it is always after I get a bit pushy. As a matter of fact, sex with us is so awkward because we do it so infrequently. There is never any cuddling or kissing. When we go to a movie, she does not put her hands on me, as a matter if fact she never puts her hands on me unless I push. No rubbing my neck when she knows I had a tough day, no touching my arm just to connect...nothing.

 

I have brought it up to her several times. She admits that she is not an affectionate person and needs to work on that. But now i wonder if it's more than just not being affectionate. I wonder if she even enjoys being with me. I wonder if she actually enjoys my company or if she just enjoys the fact that I have fallen in love with her and am generous with gifts and money.

 

Am I right to think that by now, 7 months into a relationship, if the girl is into the guy, she wants sex, she wants to see him as often as she can, she thinks about him a lot?? Or am I just acting needy

 

I never thought of myself as needy. This girl does make me feel that way for some reason and I don't like it.

 

Any advice?

[GorillaTheater]

I think buying her a Mercedes was *wildly* over the top. She may or may not be with you for your money, but there's a fair bit of evidence to say that she may not be into you. At a minimum, your mutual affection levels aren't compatible.

 

Seriously? You bought her a Mercedes? I may take a turn at dating you.

[lucy_in_disguise]

I think you made a mistake buying an expensive car for her this early into the relationship. whether or not she is using you, that sets up a weird dynamic IMO.

 

The only thing you can do now is back off the gift giving and see where it goes. I would avoid buying her anything or going on expensive dates. If she likes you she will be happy to date like normal people - going to the movies, getting lunch of coffee, taking walks, staying in to cook.

[veggirl]

Why don't you quit buying her stuff and see if she sticks around?

 

I can't imagine someone who is into you only wanting peck kisses and 2x a month sex.

 

I can't believe you bought a chick you knew for a few months a car...omg....and the fact that she accepted, well...imo that's not a good sign. No normal woman would accept that big of a gift so early on.

[Gary S]

I hate to tell you this, but low-maintenance women who love you do not say "no" to dates, nor do they take a lot of prompting to get dates with. She's either high-maintenance or a goldigger. Neither is a good catch.

 

How soon did she know you were better off than her, how soon did you start buying her gifts?

 

Next time you meet a woman, keep the dates frugal and no gifts for the first two months, don't lead with money. You need to find out if the woman likes you for you, rather than your money. The goldiggers will disappear. After two months when she is in love with you, then you can go wild with the trips, houses, and cars.

 

It's true that women marry up, but they need to love you, money is not enough to hold a relationship - love is much stronger. Money can't buy you love.

Edited May 4, 2015 by Gary S

[central]

You've been used, IMO.

 

She's not that into you except for what you give her.

 

I had a much younger FWB (27 years younger), and it's all about the great sex and the friendship - not at all about money. Almost half the time she takes me out to dinner or buys me little gifts - just to be thoughtful because she cares about me.

[CarrieT]

Totally got used, dude...

 

Sorry; I agree with others - a CAR(!?!?!) that early in a relationship was a huge mistake.

[Carm]

Honestly, I'm going to have to agree with everyone on here. She is not that into you, except for your gifts/money. What were you thinking buying her a car so early in the relationship?

 

 

The fact that she is not receptive to getting together with you is a HUGE red flag. I've been with my bf for 10 months and I can't wait to see him and would rarely say no unless I truly cannot (which does not happen frequently).

 

 

As the others suggested, I would hold back on all gifts/trips/expensive dinners and watch what happens.

[katiegrl]

Totally got used, dude...

 

Sorry; I agree with others - a CAR(!?!?!) that early in a relationship was a huge mistake.

 

Why is everyone focusing only the car? And a Mercedes no less!

 

ALL his gifts were inappropriate. The shoes, the shopping, the trips, ALL of it.

 

It's obvious, at least to me, she is using you ...big time!

 

Sorry...

[Redhead14]

I have been dating a 27 year old woman for about 7 months now. She is a professional and while we are 18 years apart in yes of age, we get along very very well.

 

Lately I have been questioning our relationship and asking myself if I am being used or am I just over reacting Go something that is nothing.

 

Here is the dynamic: we started dating and I fell crazy about this girl. She likes nice things and while she is a successful professional, she has nowhere near the wealth that I have. In the beginning I just loved to buy her sexy shoes or a nice purse And take her out on trips which usually led to shopping. I even bought her a car...a Mercedes Benz S class. Ok so I know you are thinking "sucker" but I am recently divorced. I am a very good looking fit guy and I dated a lot and then she came along and I just fell for her so fast. That is the truth.

 

So anyway, we are exclusively dating eachother and things are good but what I notice is this. She tells me she likes me a lot, she tells me she adores me, she talks about our future together, she even talks of children together, but her actions are different than her words.

 

We see eachother maybe one time per week and it is always at my urging. I will often call her to get together but she is busy goong to dinner with her mother, or her girlfriends. She says no to me a lot. We go out to dinner and I get a peck on my lips Goodnight. We have sex maybe 2 times per month and again it is always after I get a bit pushy. As a matter of fact, sex with us is so awkward because we do it so infrequently. There is never any cuddling or kissing. When we go to a movie, she does not put her hands on me, as a matter if fact she never puts her hands on me unless I push. No rubbing my neck when she knows I had a tough day, no touching my arm just to connect...nothing.

 

I have brought it up to her several times. She admits that she is not an affectionate person and needs to work on that. But now i wonder if it's more than just not being affectionate. I wonder if she even enjoys being with me. I wonder if she actually enjoys my company or if she just enjoys the fact that I have fallen in love with her and am generous with gifts and money.

 

Am I right to think that by now, 7 months into a relationship, if the girl is into the guy, she wants sex, she wants to see him as often as she can, she thinks about him a lot?? Or am I just acting needy

 

I never thought of myself as needy. This girl does make me feel that way for some reason and I don't like it.

 

Any advice?

 

Move on. She should be wanting to see you as often as she can by 3 months. As for the sex, she should be much more receptive than she is for sure. Once a week at 7 months? Once a week is what you do in the first month . . . then increasing from there.

 

If she doesn't make you feel needed and wanted, she doesn't need or want you.

 

You are her sugar daddy . . .

[Omei]

What you've done within a seven month relationship was buy effection you cant buy effection and any woman who is getting lasvished with wonderful gifts without even having to put efforts into a new relationship will take it until it runs out.

 

Shes riding the train till it stops and giving you the minimum you need to keep it going.

[Redhead14]

Why is everyone focusing only the car? And a Mercedes no less!

 

ALL his gifts were inappropriate. The shoes, the shopping, the trips, ALL of it.

 

It's obvious, at least to me, she is using you ...big time!

 

Sorry...

 

What do we always tell women who come on here and say they've been used by a guy?

 

"Men don't use women, women allow themselves to be used"! Same applies to the guys.

[Gary S]

Move on. She should be wanting to see you as often as she can by 3 months. As for the sex, she should be much more receptive than she is for sure. Once a week at 7 months? Once a week is what you do in the first month . . . then increasing from there.

 

If she doesn't make you feel needed and wanted, she doesn't need or want you.

 

You are her sugar daddy . . .

 

- Exactly. They should be in the honeymoon stage by now, if everything was going well.

 

Redhead is on fire today!

[GorillaTheater]

What do we always tell women who come on here and say they've been used by a guy?

 

"Men don't use women, women allow themselves to be used"! Same applies to the guys.

 

That's what I was thinking. We can talk about this guy being used, but I don't know that I've seen someone as eager to volunteer for it.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

People who are into other people tend to try to be around them as much as possible.

 

 

She's not that into you.

[Moy]

Alpha f**ks, Beta bucks - Google it.

 

You're the Beta. Sorry, dude

[katiegrl]

What do we always tell women who come on here and say they've been used by a guy?

 

"Men don't use women, women allow themselves to be used"! Same applies to the guys.

 

Completely agree. Except the part that she isn't using him.

 

Of course she is using him, and he's allowing it.....

 

And I would say, and have said, the same thing to women.

[eawards]

I guess I would not have asked for your opinions if I did not already kniw what you say is true. I do feel a bit stuck because I really have fallen in love with this girl. I don't think I will break up with her but I am going to slow way down And I am going to stop spending any money on her. She is quite pushy. The thing that makes her very successful at a very young age in business is her willingness to ask for what she wants even when it seems crazy or innapropriate. I admired this in the beginning but after a while it has become apparent that she is likely less into me and more into my money and if that is not true, then at least my spending so so much on her have muddied the waters to the point where I just don't know, which sucks.

 

I am going to slow down and stop giving her so much attention And see where things go.

 

I may even start dating other woman and let her know so she can do the same.

 

Thanks everyone

[SawtoothMars]

I never thought of myself as needy. This girl does make me feel that way for some reason and I don't like it.

Any advice?

 

My advice is to start telling her NO. No more gifts or fancy dinners or whatever. You basically have a super expensive prostitute... and since you only see her once a week... how do you even know that the two of you are exclusive? I would not take that for granted.

 

Also.... I hope you didn't buy that car with cash. IF the bank still owns the title and you are the primary on the loan... then she can't keep it. Take it back if possible. See how she reacts to that. Sex twice a month is just stupid. I think you and I can both agree that a 37 year old woman who actually loves you is worth WAY more than a 27 year old woman that just wants your money.

[barcode88]

You gave her a reason to be into you for her money. She might not even be a gold digger, but when someone gets a free car, I think a lot of people would have a hard time turning that down. I think the awkward sex alone can prove that she's just banging you to get her next Mercedes.

 

Just like my dad's girlfriend gives me and my siblings a ton of money/gifts sometimes (she gave my dad a car), so I'm willing to tolerate her, even though I think she's a bit crazy.

 

Don't blame your girlfriend Op, blame yourself. You facilitated this relationship for money arrangement.

[Carm]

I guess I would not have asked for your opinions if I did not already kniw what you say is true. I do feel a bit stuck because I really have fallen in love with this girl. I don't think I will break up with her but I am going to slow way down And I am going to stop spending any money on her. She is quite pushy. The thing that makes her very successful at a very young age in business is her willingness to ask for what she wants even when it seems crazy or innapropriate. I admired this in the beginning but after a while it has become apparent that she is likely less into me and more into my money and if that is not true, then at least my spending so so much on her have muddied the waters to the point where I just don't know, which sucks.

 

I am going to slow down and stop giving her so much attention And see where things go.

 

I may even start dating other woman and let her know so she can do the same.

 

Thanks everyone

 

 

Those two sentences contradict themselves. The first sentence you knew it was true and the next the water is muddy and you just don't know.

 

 

This is harsh, but she clearly has not fallen in love with you or isn't even falling. She only wants to see you "maybe one time per week" and you have to urge her? You guys have sex "maybe two times per month?" Her words mean nothing, she doesn't even like you all that much and she certainly does not adore you. Don't fall for these false words, you are only a bank account. Don't you want a woman who adores you with her words and her actions.

[Hopeful30]

You answered your own question. If her actions dont match her words...then her words are empty. Simple as that.

 

Also bear in mind that when women hit their late 20s, a type of alarm goes off. "Time to settle, marry, make babies etc." Watch out for that too. All I see is people getting together just for that reason, and who better than with a man who can provide stability.

Edited May 4, 2015 by Hopeful30

[Michelle ma Belle]

Sorry OP but you are the creator of your own chaos.

 

And if you took a moment to really think about things you'll come to realize that you probably did all of this out of your own insecurity. It comes with the territory.

 

And now that she took the bait you're scratching your head?

 

I agree with the other posters that it's pretty evident that she's NOT that interested in you for anything other your money. Whether or not that was the case early on in your courtship before you showered her with expensive gifts, who knows.

 

Then again you pretty much set the bar so high right from the start so it would be hard to know what her true feelings and intentions were.

 

I'm with the camp that says you should start saying NO and see if she sticks around. That will be the true test.

[jen1447]

So anyway, we are exclusively dating eachother

I'd take a hard look at that likelihood. You may be having sex twice a month, but I can almost guarantee that's not all the sex she's having. "Dinner with mom" indeed.

 

Sorry.

[stillafool]

I'd take a hard look at that likelihood. You may be having sex twice a month, but I can almost guarantee that's not all the sex she's having. "Dinner with mom" indeed.

 

Sorry.

 

You're right she is probably dating and interested in someone else who is barely interested in her.