lucy_in_disguise Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 I'm not sure if I have an incompatibility issue on my hands, or if this is something most relationships go through. I'm trying to figure out how to approach negotiating contact in my relationship. Background: we are both twenties, Im 5 years older. Weve been hooking up for 8 months and official for about 1.5. It's his first relationship. The issue: I travel a lot for work so we frequently may go for 5-7 days without being able to see each other. During these times apart he does not seem to have any need to be in contact. He does not like to chat on he phone and does not usually initiate texting, tho is always quick to respond when I reach out to him. I don't need to have long conversations over the phone, but when I dont hear from him for days at a time unless I text him first, it makes me feel like hes not that interested. My last relationship was pretty serious and we talked daily and i cant help but pick up on the contrast. Is there a way to communicate my need to be in more frequent contact while I'm travelling? When we're together things are great, he invites me everywhere and is very attentive, but given the nature of my job, I dont think this relationship will survive unless we can meet in the middle while were apart. Travelling sucks and I get lonely at nights alone in my hotel. I need some form of contact from my partner during these trips or it starts to feel too much like I am single. Im not asking for all-day texting sessiins or nightly phone calls... just some daily contact to know he is thinking of me. It would be nice to feel like he cared about what was going on in my day. Is that too much to ask for this early? Should he be doing this without my asking? Or is it something I should talk to him about? What is the most effective way to bring it up? I know I can call him if I want to talk but the issue is his lack of initating almost as much as the lack of communication. My primary need is not communication but feeling that hes thinking of me. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 In my relationship, when I travel, I initiate the contact. When he travels, he initiates the contact. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Dallers Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 The fact that he never instigates the communication might just mean that he deals with missing you in his own way or genuinely does not like communication through message. If things are perfect when he is with you I don't think you have anything to worry about and he might just be busy enjoying his own life and does not want to bother you while you are away. That is how it comes across especially as you say when he hears from you he responds quickly. As a guy I have learnt that refraining from communication unless it is needed is always best. Forcing conversation for the sake of having one to feel a connection with someone is a bad idea. It must feel real or it's not real. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hunk Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 I'm a lot like your boyfriend. If my girlfriend was away I would be expecting her to be the one contacting me. That said I won't be sitting around waiting for contact from her, i'll be doing my own thing while she's away, knowing that she'll contact if she wants to talk/tell me something etc. He probably assumes you're busy, you're on a business trip and you've got things that are preoccupying your time. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you, he just sounds comfortable and doesn't feel the need to be in constant contact. You could try telling him "I really don't enjoy traveling and it get real boring, I'd love to be able to talk to you a bit more when i'm by myself". He's probably just thinking "well she's away for work, busy, i'll just wait til she's home and do my own thing in the meantime" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 It sounds like he is really passive. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted May 4, 2015 Share Posted May 4, 2015 He sounds relaxed and very comfortable in the RS. Unless there are any issues? But i take it the RS has no problems? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lucy_in_disguise Posted May 4, 2015 Author Share Posted May 4, 2015 Yah, things are good when we're togeher. It is just odd to me to go for a week without speaking. He has on several occasions expressed surprise when he initiated and I was avaialble. He seems to assume I am busier than I really am. Maybe it is the age difference and his perception of my job. Based on the responses so far it sounds like I may need to adjust my expectations or accept that I need to initiate if I want to hear from him. Link to post Share on other sites
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