Dating Hot Girls (or Guys) - Keeping them interested and inline

[Justanaverageguy]

One of the things I have really noticed with dating is people subconsciously "test" prospective partners. Some people do actually do this deliberately with game playing tactics or with deliberate manipulation to try and get specific response ..... but I've also noticed it also just happens due to circumstances or people being people. Everyone does it whether they admit it or not. How the other partner responds is critical to how they view them and how the relationship develops. Examples are maybe we run late for a date, maybe we don't respond to messages or just ignore our partners wishes because we want to do something else. Good looking women I have found in particular bad at this. They will quite often take suitors for granted and tend to treat them pretty poorly. A whole bunch of different things that people do when they have many options.

 

Recently I have dated a couple of really good looking girls - girls I previously would have felt too uncomfortable or intimidated by simply due to their looks. What I have found is by far the most effective policy to keep them interested is - an absolute no bull**** policy. Zero tolerance - I call them out on any bad behavior immediately. Most don't seem to be used to this at all - because they are so good looking guys just let stuff slide. They are actually a bit shocked. The thing is when done in the right way they usually respond very positively to being called out. Behavior improves and they suddenly become far more interested and attracted to me.

 

Just a recent example. I met a really good looking girl recently while traveling. She is a 9 and a half. Absolute stunner. Blond, big blue eyes, big boobs and a great figure. The type of girl who gets guys walking into poles when she goes past. We actually met overseas in a bar and got chatting and shared a kiss on the dance floor at the end of the night. Turned out she lived in the same country in the town next to me so I got her number and we agreed to meet up when we got back. Being the hottie she is it required a little work to actually get a date. I would say she was only luke warm in interest levels but after a couple of weeks of casual texting we setup a meetup. I was going to be in her town on the weekend to help a friend move house so we made plans to meet Sunday afternoon and she was going to show me around the city. She messaged an hour before meet up time saying she was running late at a family event. That she was really sorry - would be an hour and half late.

 

I was finished with my friends move so literally would have been sitting around the city for 2 hours. So I was super polite but immediately canceled the date. Just said no problem, that I had to get back to my home town and perhaps we can catch up another time. I could tell she was shocked by that response and the fact I canceled. She said she was free the following weekend to catch up but I said I can't as I am out of town next weekend. Which is completely true - I'm away and I really can't. It took some balls for me to do that and cancel with a girl that hot but the result is she immediately became more interested in me. I think initially she got in a little huff that I had canceled .... but then yesterday I got more messages in one day from her then I had in the previous 2 weeks. She is now coming to my town during the week for dinner. Complete roll reversal with her now doing the travel to come and see me.

 

This is just a small example but I've seen similar things like this repeated again and again. It applies to all people - but seems to be especially relevant to "hot" girls and guys that are so used to people acting like doormats around them. By showing you value yourself and your time and have strict standards they need to follow - you immediately gain respect and value. I've also noticed it is one of the main things that keeps me really interested in a girl .... that she calls me on my bull****. Nothing makes me loose interest in a partner quicker then someone who lets me get away with average behavior.

 

 

Just interested in other opinions. Have you observed the same ? What else do you think is critical to keeping a high value partner interested and attracted ?

[PegNosePete]

Just be yourself. If they're not interested then obviously they are not the right partner for you.

 

Any kind of act or intentional behavioral change is not sustainable in the long term and when they find out your true colours you'll be dumped anyway.

[fitnessfan365]

Met a gorgeous black woman on OKC a few days ago. Tons of romantic tension through text and on the phone. So kiss greeting her felt like the thing to do. She was receptive and enjoyed it.

 

She $hit tested me twice tonight though.

 

1) We were sitting on a bench chatting half way through and I said "Your lips look dry. You should kiss me to take care of it." She says "You already got your kiss". So I say "The night's still young" which made her smile. Passed it. Some guys may have acted butt hurt, or made it awkward. I just just kept my calm and turned it around on her.

 

2) I walk her back to her car and she says "Remember I'm not kissing you". But then she hugs me for a really long time. After the hug breaks I say 'I never said I wouldn't kiss you though" and she says "Damn" and playfully hits my chest. Then I pull her in and we started kissing getting a bit heated. Then she says "I hope we can do this again". Passed it. Some guys may have left after the hug and walked their way right into the friend zone. But when she hugged me for such a long time,I knew her protestations were false and she was hoping I'd kiss her. That's why I took the risk and it paid off.

[h0000]

I'd say it's probably all in your head.

She probably isn't 9/10 in other guys eyes. And hot people do not automatically have people all acting like doormat in front of them. It is not "especially" relevant to hot people and being "valuable" does not always make people interested.

You should just keep it real

[Justanaverageguy]

Just be yourself. If they're not interested then obviously they are not the right partner for you.

 

Any kind of act or intentional behavioral change is not sustainable in the long term and when they find out your true colours you'll be dumped anyway.

 

Yes ok I agree - but what I have found is that when I dated a very good looking girl I would almost unconsciously change my behavior from that of dating a regular average/pretty girl. I would become more accepting of bad behavior and let stuff slide that I normally wouldn't - basically just because she was hot. So you could argue that previously I was modifying my behavior with hot girls more then I am now.

 

I have found with a really hot girl I almost have to consciously force myself to act like I usually would. Not sure if that makes any sense but for example with the date on the weekend - it was an hour drive back to my home town and the 1 1/2 hour delay was actually a pretty big inconvenience. It moved from meeting at 5:30pm to 7pm meaning if I spent an hour or 2 with her I wouldn't get home till after 10pm. I also would have been hanging around the city by myself for 2 hours.

 

Under usual circumstances I probably would have canceled that date .... because she was really hot I wanted to make an exception for her but in the long run I find the "exceptions" to actually be counter productive.

[h0000]

Yes ok I agree - but what I have found is that when I dated a very good looking girl I would almost unconsciously change my behavior from that of dating a regular average/pretty girl. I would become more accepting of bad behavior and let stuff slide that I normally wouldn't - basically just because she was hot. So you could argue that previously I was modifying my behavior with hot girls more then I am now.

 

I have found with a really hot girl I almost have to consciously force myself to act like I usually would. Not sure if that makes any sense but for example with the date on the weekend - it was an hour drive back to my home town and the 1 1/2 hour delay was actually a pretty big inconvenience. It moved from meeting at 5:30pm to 7pm meaning if I spent an hour or 2 with her I wouldn't get home till after 10pm. I also would have been hanging around the city by myself for 2 hours.

 

Under usual circumstances I probably would have canceled that date .... because she was really hot I wanted to make an exception for her but in the long run I find the "exceptions" to actually be counter productive.

 

I would call them reasonable compromise, if she has a legit reason to let you wait. It's not accepting bad behaviour from her end. If you don't make any sacrifice no relationship will work.

[Justanaverageguy]

I would call them reasonable compromise, if she has a legit reason to let you wait. It's not accepting bad behaviour from her end. If you don't make any sacrifice no relationship will work.

 

So I should probably have given more background. With this girl in the 2 weeks of lead up chatting there was a bit of back and forth. We did actually arrange a previous meetup which she cancelled the day before. So she canceled one date .... which she did then reschedule to when I was in town this weekend gone. Then for that date she calls in late.

 

In my mind if you simply accept that behavior ..... you slowly whittle down your credit and value. You show her that its OK for her to constantly cancel and reschedule. I would never ordinarily put up with that from a girl ... but basically with her I wanted to

[Larry56]

Yes,

 

I agree with all of this. While the hottest girl I've ever dated was an 8 and a half...she was a complete brat.

 

I'm gonna suspect that girls who snag the Hot Guy also have a similar issue. He's nice to look at and their girlfriend's are all jealous but he is one dumb mother****er. He never says the right thing and he's generally a narcissist who's very limited in his world view. Women like this kind of guy to because he's a challenge. However, they find themselves having to do all the hard work and end up resenting his boorish ways.

[Happy-Dayze]

This is just a small example but I've seen similar things like this repeated again and again. It applies to all people - but seems to be especially relevant to "hot" girls and guys that are so used to people acting like doormats around them. By showing you value yourself and your time and have strict standards they need to follow - you immediately gain respect and value. I've also noticed it is one of the main things that keeps me really interested in a girl .... that she calls me on my bull****. Nothing makes me loose interest in a partner quicker then someone who lets me get away with average behavior.

Yes, I agree with parts of this. I think with any relationship humans basically have a subconscious score card, they are constantly keeping updated. You are adding to the plus and minus columns, based on your interactions with a person, and that determines how you view them. Some of that value comes from how they treat you. Are they friendly, considerate, helpful or angry and rude ? Some of that value also comes from how they react to how you treat them. People like to think they treat everyone well but really we don't. We may try to but at the end of the day we do what is best for ourselves.

 

The most important thing I learnt growing up is that you can control how other people treat you through your own actions. You essentially "train" other people on how to treat you through the behavior you accept from them and that which you don't accept. People do not value or respect anyone who does not value themselves.

[Vercetti]

Every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings.

[elaine567]

I think it is good to have boundaries and I think it is good to maintain your boundaries and not to be seen as a push over, but given the choice between some guy who couldn't wait for me for an hour and half, when I was running late and let him know, and some guy who went out of his way to see me, the latter wins.

 

Lets hope for your sake, she doesn't get asked out by someone else in the meantime.

[Justanaverageguy]

I think it is good to have boundaries and I think it is good to maintain your boundaries and not to be seen as a push over, but given the choice between some guy who couldn't wait for me for an hour and half, when I was running late and let him know, and some guy who went out of his way to see me, the latter wins.

 

Lets hope for your sake, she doesn't get asked out by someone else in the meantime.

 

Yeah true but then given a choice between a girl who cancels a date and then calls in late for the rescheduled date - most guys would also choose a girl who is reliable and turns up on time. For a first meeting that is actually really important to me. Girls tend to think that the guy has to put in all the effort to impress on a date. They get annoyed and shocked when guys start expecting the same.

[Popsicle]

PUA is so lame.

 

Every beautiful woman I know will not put up with YOUR **** for long, and most PUA inspired tactics are **** .

 

The truth is, she will not feel completely happy with your tactics (they leave women feeling confused) but there's always another guy ready and willing to treat her better. And she will leave you for him once she gets tired of being confused.

[loveweary11]

PUA is so lame.

 

Every beautiful woman I know will not put up with YOUR **** for long, and most PUA inspired tactics are **** .

 

The truth is, she will not feel completely happy with your tactics (they leave women feeling confused) but there's always another guy ready and willing to treat her better. And she will leave you for him once she gets tired of being confused.

 

 

True.. No one should have tactics in exploring a connection with someone else.

 

Certainly, you don't take sh\t from the other person, but planning and moves aren't part of the deal. That seems manipulative to me.

[Justanaverageguy]

PUA is so lame.

 

Every beautiful woman I know will not put up with YOUR **** for long, and most PUA inspired tactics are **** .

 

The truth is, she will not feel completely happy with your tactics (they leave women feeling confused) but there's always another guy ready and willing to treat her better. And she will leave you for him once she gets tired of being confused.

 

You completely misunderstand me. I am not trying to be a PUA at all. Seriously. A PUA is the type of person who will deliberately and actively try and mess with someone's head. They are proactive in their methods and have a manipulative plan in mind. They will cancel dates for no reason at all just to get a rise out of a girl and confuse her. They will send mixed signals, delay responding to messages or be deliberately aloof plus all the other crap they try. That is not me at all. I am not doing any of that crap.

 

All I am really doing is demanding a high level of behavior and respect from girls if they want to date me. I don't put up with their ****.

 

I was completely up front about wanting to see this girl. I set up two dates - she canceled one and then called in late to the second. I had traveled to be in her city and her being late put me at an inconvenience ..... so I canceled. Why ? Because I expect girls to be prompt and on time if they want to date me because I am busy and I value my time especially on the weekends. If she had not canceled the first date and turned up on time to the second - I would literally have done nothing. It would have gone ahead as per schedule.

 

Also if she had not followed up with me yesterday to setup another date .... I would not have pursued her any further to organize another. The thing I find is most really good looking girls tend to do this kind of thing and just think they can get away with it and the guy will reschedule around them. You really have to call them on it - they respect you more when you do.

 

I'll bet dollars to donuts she is on time to our date Thursday night.

Edited April 28, 2015 by Justanaverageguy

[Gaeta]

You're an average guy (your nick) trying to date women 9 and a half, that's your problem. These women are luckywarm from the beginning that is why they don't follow up. You think it's playing games, it's not, they are just not interested and don't have you in their mind, they don't even care to bother.

 

Why are you offended that these women are luckywarm about you? You an average guy that won't give the time of the day to an average? You should get it right?

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I see why you feel this way and why you'd make the "hot" women you date adhere to your "strict rules" - because you think it makes them "more attracted" to you and respect you more.

 

That may be the case for some (or most) of the "hot" women you date. But, as Elaine and a few others on here have stated, if given the option between a guy who uses "tactics" to make us "adhere to his strict rules" and another guy who doesn't play games and who is willing to forgive us for being an hour late on a first date (especially when we let them know as soon as possible) because they realize unforeseeable $hit happens in life sometimes - we're going to pick the latter guy.

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting these "hot" women to respect you and your time, and if you enforcing your "strict rules" tactic works for you, then great. But just keep in mind, that by doing this, you run the risk (however "slight" that risk is) of losing a "hot" woman to another guy who doesn't employ this sort of "tactic" on them.

 

We want to respect the guys we date just as we want them to respect us. However, we don't want to date a guy who's so strict and rigid with his dating "rules" that we end up feeling like we'll be nexted if we make an honest mistake or if an unexpected circumstance happens to make us late to a scheduled date. Guys who are willing to compromise, go with the flow of life and who are empathetic to a person's mistakes and circumstances are "hot" and are men who I respect.

 

 

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[hotpotato]

I'd say it's probably all in your head.

She probably isn't 9/10 in other guys eyes. And hot people do not automatically have people all acting like doormat in front of them. It is not "especially" relevant to hot people and being "valuable" does not always make people interested.

You should just keep it real

 

This.

 

Sometimes people act in certain ways because its their personality, not bc their attractive.

[Justanaverageguy]

You're an average guy (your nick) trying to date women 9 and a half, that's your problem. These women are luckywarm from the beginning that is why they don't follow up. You think it's playing games, it's not, they are just not interested and don't have you in their mind, they don't even care to bother.

 

Why are you offended that these women are luckywarm about you? You an average guy that won't give the time of the day to an average? You should get it right?

 

Oh so now I am in trouble for dating a good looking girl. Sorry ... how dare I I'm attracted to pretty women I am not going to deny that but I definitely look for more then just a pretty face.

 

So firstly yeah I am an average guy but so what ? I am above average in some areas - maybe below in some others. Doesn't mean I can't aim high I am decent looking with an athletic build, have well above average income and job (which does matter to some ladies), I own my own house outright at 30. Plus I am outgoing, funny (at least I try to be), relaxed and I have a big heart. Maybe I am average but I still think I have plenty to offer a lucky lady. Plus for a nice bonus I am recently divorced so fresh back on the market and lightly driven by previous owner

 

Secondly where did I say I wouldn't give the time of day to an average girl ? I said I recently dated a couple of really good looking knock outs not that I wouldn't consider an average girl. You are just making things up and putting words in my mouth. The previous girl I was dating I saw for about 4-5 weeks. It recently ended and I would rate her as maybe a 7. I guess I normally deal in 7-8's if we go on a number scale. She had a really pretty face but a few extra curves so her figure wasn't what society would put up as ideal. I still found her attractive and the reason it ended had nothing to do with her looks.

 

Next!

[elaine567]

I'll bet dollars to donuts she is on time to our date Thursday night.

 

Personally I would have waited to see how things panned out, before posting any "technique" about how to manage people outwith my league.

[central]

OP, I'd say you're 100% correct.

 

Basically, all you're doing and suggesting is to have self-respect and self-confidence, rather than be a doormat and let a woman call the shots to avoid potentially displeasing her. Women respect men who respect themselves - as long as the man respects her too. And being honest and forthright is respectful to her as well as yourself. There is no manipulation in this at all.

[Larry56]

I'll say, as someone who's been called a closet misogynist by feminists and a 'old school chauvinist' by my male friends;

 

A man who has looks and money is only only initially attractive to women.

 

Women want a guy who understands their minds and their needs.

[Justanaverageguy]

Personally I would have waited to see how things panned out, before posting any "technique" about how to manage people outwith my league.

 

True but this was a single isolated incident I just used as an example because it happened last week. I have been back in the dating pool for 12 months and I have seen the results over time with a number of girls. I have been move successful and got more action in the last 12 months then at any other point in my life. I was initially just out of LTR so having so fun. Now I am looking for something more serious.

 

We want to respect the guys we date just as we want them to respect us. However, we don't want to date a guy who's so strict and rigid with his dating "rules" that we end up feeling like we'll be nexted if we make an honest mistake or if an unexpected circumstance happens to make us late to a scheduled date. Guys who are willing to compromise, go with the flow of life and who are empathetic to a person's mistakes and circumstances are "hot" and are men who I respect.

.

 

I am not doing this constantly and carrying on like a military drill sergeant. Seriously I am not. If anything in the past I have been too relaxed and too go with the flow in relationships. I think maybe to some girls here I have come off like some crazy inflexible douche bag . I am just saying that girls really do occasionally need to be "checked". Also I need to be "checked". Seriously I do ... I need a girl that calls me on my **** and keeps me in line so my britches dont get too big.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Oh so now I am in trouble for dating a good looking girl. Sorry ... how dare I I'm attracted to pretty women I am not going to deny that but I definitely look for more then just a pretty face.

 

So firstly yeah I am an average guy but so what ? I am above average in some areas - maybe below in some others. Doesn't mean I can't aim high I am decent looking with an athletic build, have well above average income and job (which does matter to some ladies), I own my own house outright at 30. Plus I am outgoing, funny (at least I try to be), relaxed and I have a big heart. Maybe I am average but I still think I have plenty to offer a lucky lady. Plus for a nice bonus I am recently divorced so fresh back on the market and lightly driven by previous owner

 

Secondly where did I say I wouldn't give the time of day to an average girl ? I said I recently dated a couple of really good looking knock outs not that I wouldn't consider an average girl. You are just making things up and putting words in my mouth. The previous girl I was dating I saw for about 4-5 weeks. It recently ended and I would rate her as maybe a 7. I guess I normally deal in 7-8's if we go on a number scale. She had a really pretty face but a few extra curves so her figure wasn't what society would put up as ideal. I still found her attractive and the reason it ended had nothing to do with her looks.

 

Next!

 

 

Idk...the parts of your post that I've highlighted in bold sounds pompous, conceited...and a bit self-righteous. Nothing wrong with 'aiming high' OP. But, just the way you talk about it, the way you "rate" womens' attractiveness and if (God forbid) they have a few extra pounds, how "lucky" it is for them that you still find them attractive because you have "plenty to offer" them.

 

Sorry, it probably isn't your intention to come off that way...but your post makes it seem like that's how your attitude is. j/s

 

 

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[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I am not doing this constantly and carrying on like a military drill sergeant. Seriously I am not. If anything in the past I have been too relaxed and too go with the flow in relationships. I think maybe to some girls here I have come off like some crazy inflexible douche bag . I am just saying that girls really do occasionally need to be "checked". Also I need to be "checked". Seriously I do ... I need a girl that calls me on my **** and keeps me in line so my britches dont get too big.

 

Okay. THIS I can respect. At least you want a woman to use the same "tactic" on YOU that you use on them, to "keep you in line and checked". When I said 'go with the flow', I did NOT mean for you to lay on your back to be ran over by semi trucks lol. There's a healthy balance of being easy going and wanting to be respected of your time.

 

 

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