Failed at dating.. I am trying to learn.. Are these the reasons why?

[jackman0612]

So I got dumped by a girl I was dating for a couple months. I read Doc Loves "The System" and Corey Waynes "3% Man" after. I learned alot and found that I made a buttload of mistakes. Which of these do you guys think were worst? Are there some mistakes I see that aren't really mistakes. Please let me know what you guys think. Heres a list I came up with:

 

1. Chatted on phone for hours, instead of keeping it brief and setting up dates

 

2. Always asked her what she wanted to do, rarely planted my feet and said "were gonna do this"

 

3. One time I suggested we get movie tickets early, she suggested its ok to get it later because it was out for awhile. I conformed, listened to her, and got it later

 

4. I initiated ALL calls and texts

 

5. Never really pushed back and let her pursue

 

6. Told her ALOT about me (future career path, current life, talents).. No mystery about me

 

7. Always asked her when she was free, instead of deciding the date and time myself

 

8. I told her I liked her and her personality on just date 3. I also asked her what traits she liked about me.

 

9. I was always available on weekend

 

10. She wanted to buy our movie tickets. I suggest instead to just buy our own. I hesitated and decided to just buy them

 

11. Admit that my friend was more of a leader, and rest of my friends just followed.

[todreaminblue]

number 1 number 5 just..... ack.......and please explain why you said number 11...number 8 were you fishing for attention?..deb

[d0nnivain]

Those things you read are pop psychology BS; you can't take them as Gospel. The only message you need to take away is that confidence is sexy. They are to men with books like The Rules are for women.

 

No single thing you did was wrong or bad but collectively they do make you a doormat. If you can manage not to cowtow to your next GF by being decisive & opinionated without crossing over into being a jerk, you will be just fine.

[Buddhist]

Sigh. Dating isn't a formula, but as long as you believe it is then you will continue to have trouble with it. None of these women lost interest in you because of those things, they lost interest in you because you weren't interesting to them. It happens to us all, get over it and move on.

[DoesntGetIt]

As others said, careful with those books.

 

 

However, if you are initiating everything (calls, texts, dates), that is a major red flag of the other person not being interested.

[Versacehottie]

So I got dumped by a girl I was dating for a couple months. I read Doc Loves "The System" and Corey Waynes "3% Man" after. I learned alot and found that I made a buttload of mistakes. Which of these do you guys think were worst? Are there some mistakes I see that aren't really mistakes. Please let me know what you guys think. Heres a list I came up with:

 

1. Chatted on phone for hours, instead of keeping it brief and setting up dates

 

2. Always asked her what she wanted to do, rarely planted my feet and said "were gonna do this"

 

3. One time I suggested we get movie tickets early, she suggested its ok to get it later because it was out for awhile. I conformed, listened to her, and got it later

 

4. I initiated ALL calls and texts

 

5. Never really pushed back and let her pursue

 

6. Told her ALOT about me (future career path, current life, talents).. No mystery about me

 

7. Always asked her when she was free, instead of deciding the date and time myself

 

8. I told her I liked her and her personality on just date 3. I also asked her what traits she liked about me.

 

9. I was always available on weekend

 

10. She wanted to buy our movie tickets. I suggest instead to just buy our own. I hesitated and decided to just buy them

 

11. Admit that my friend was more of a leader, and rest of my friends just followed.

 

I don't see any one problem. Though I'm not particularly too fond of talking on phone for hours at the beginning. I believe it's best to save most of that for the dates. Although if it happens let it be spontaneous and not a regular thing. But that is only my personal opinion. Bottom line, if the guy is the right guy for me, I'm not gonna drop him for doing that. I think while everything you listed could be a confident, gentlemanly way of acting, it probably came across as too available, insecure in some way which is why she lost interest. 11 was not too great though. You don't need any "system" to tell you that. Unless you had already bonded to the point that you were sure she wasn't going anywhere and sharing deep feelings this one is highly dangerous and you probably shouldn't have done it. I think every girl likes to feel like her guy is the man in his own way. To admit you are a follower indicates that you idolize the leader guy and would be a turn off for most of us.

 

I think you are trying to find a specific reason when if you look back the reason is most likely that you were giving these things without reciprocation that was equal on her end. At the beginning a lot of us like the guy to do all the initiating and pursuing but we usually respond with an enthusiasm that is equal to that effort. I personally like no 6 but if she was immature she might not have. Or if the content of what you said didn't match how she sees her future than she could have decided you weren't for her. In this case, better know up front than later on. I think for both men and women being too available is the kiss of death. It's hard not to play games with what your availability is. Pretending to be busier than you really are etc. But if you have a full life already they are not games just the truth. Good luck with the next one. You sound like a gentleman who treats his girl well. It will pay off if you combine with a lot of confidence.

[barcode88]

So I got dumped by a girl I was dating for a couple months. I read Doc Loves "The System" and Corey Waynes "3% Man" after. I learned alot and found that I made a buttload of mistakes. Which of these do you guys think were worst? Are there some mistakes I see that aren't really mistakes. Please let me know what you guys think. Heres a list I came up with:

 

1. Chatted on phone for hours, instead of keeping it brief and setting up dates

 

2. Always asked her what she wanted to do, rarely planted my feet and said "were gonna do this"

 

3. One time I suggested we get movie tickets early, she suggested its ok to get it later because it was out for awhile. I conformed, listened to her, and got it later

 

4. I initiated ALL calls and texts

 

5. Never really pushed back and let her pursue

 

6. Told her ALOT about me (future career path, current life, talents).. No mystery about me

 

7. Always asked her when she was free, instead of deciding the date and time myself

 

8. I told her I liked her and her personality on just date 3. I also asked her what traits she liked about me.

 

9. I was always available on weekend

 

10. She wanted to buy our movie tickets. I suggest instead to just buy our own. I hesitated and decided to just buy them

 

11. Admit that my friend was more of a leader, and rest of my friends just followed.

 

1. Yes, chat for 30 minutes tops and use it to make plans for the most part. Don't randomly chat until you're in a relationship.
   
2. Yes, man up and control the situations.
   
3. Probably didn't matter really, but see #2
   
4. Shows that you had a higher interest level than her - it wouldn't have been bad to fade a bit and see if she initiates with you. you shouldn't have to always initiate.
   
5. See #4
   
6. Yeah, don't get too vulnerable too early on - keep things fun.
   
7. Not a huge deal, but I would make sure that you convey that you are a busy person as well.
   
8. A compliment isn't a terrible thing on date 3, but you shouldn't ask her what she thinks about you - makes it look like you're fishing for attention/insecure.
   
9. First date should never be weekend, usually not 2nd either. Otherwise it doesn't matter. I would always make sure I had plans on either Fri or Sat and say "I'm busy Friday night, how about Saturday?" See #7 as well.
   
10. This isn't a huge deal. I would offer to buy, and if she wants to split I would say OK that's fine, I'll buy popcorn
    

 

Just be assertive and don't be afraid to say NO sometimes. Don't be too available, Women don't like needy guys.