Hopeful30 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 (edited) When men that I'm not into make moves on me, Im surprised becAuse to me its so obvious I'm not into them, and yet this always happens. I need for you guys to help me analyze my behaviour. I invite guy friends over all the time to chill. Im social, I talk to everyone - literally everyone: bosses, coworkers, guys, gals, strangers at the bus stop - and Im hospitable. I will offer food if you're hungry, or a couch to crash on if its late and youve been drinking or are just super tired. Im open and honest with myself and others. I can talk freely about anything, including sex (Im quite the perv believe it or not lol) and i find it hard to maintain male friendships because everyone thinks I like them!! Unless I directly flirt or compliment, what the hell kind of signals could I be giving off? What would men consider a signal? Inviting you over to chill? Surely that cant be mistaken for "i like you lets bang" when clearly I invite everyone to hang out... Its just frustrating because I love men and hate losing buddies over this sh*t. I cant be conscious all the time of "oh maybe he thinks im signaling". All I know is how to be myself and apparently thats confusing to men. I cant just hold back on everything with the fear that it may be misread or misunderstood. Help! Edited April 27, 2015 by Hopeful30 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Yes, many men will interpret a smile as an invitation to bang, let alone an invitation to your place. That's life! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Hopeful30 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Yes, many men will interpret a smile as an invitation to bang, let alone an invitation to your place. That's life! so now what? I should avoid the male species altogether until I find one Im into? Well that sucks lol Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Or friend-zone them. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Inviting guys over and talking to them about sex are pretty clear signals to a guy to try, yeah. Not really sure what else you'd think lol. If you're determined to keep doing that, maybe tell them up front that you're not inviting them over for sex or talking to them about sex because you want to have sex, strange as it sounds. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Yeah inviting a guy over to your place and then talking about sex doesn't exactly scream disinterest..LOL Now I'm sure there are plenty of legitimate platonic male/female friendships. But there are also a lot of guys in the "friend zone" who settle for friendship to stick around and try to change a woman's mind eventually. Obviously if these male "friends" of yours are trying to have sex with you, they're not truly interested in friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 If you're an attractive woman, every one of your male friends at some point would have considered pursuing a sexual relationship with you. That's just how we're wired. If you're an awesome person on top of being physically attractive, then yea, they're going to think "what the hell, she's awesome.. Might as well try" Thing is, it's not really a big deal. You just calmly explain you only see them as a friend and define the boundaries of the friendship. Those who are really your friends will respect those boundaries. Everyone else will just fall away. Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 When men that I'm not into make moves on me, Im surprised becAuse to me its so obvious I'm not into them, and yet this always happens. I need for you guys to help me analyze my behaviour. I invite guy friends over all the time to chill. Im social, I talk to everyone - literally everyone: bosses, coworkers, guys, gals, strangers at the bus stop - and Im hospitable. I will offer food if you're hungry, or a couch to crash on if its late and youve been drinking or are just super tired. Im open and honest with myself and others. I can talk freely about anything, including sex (Im quite the perv believe it or not lol) and i find it hard to maintain male friendships because everyone thinks I like them!! Unless I directly flirt or compliment, what the hell kind of signals could I be giving off? What would men consider a signal? Inviting you over to chill? Surely that cant be mistaken for "i like you lets bang" when clearly I invite everyone to hang out... Its just frustrating because I love men and hate losing buddies over this sh*t. I cant be conscious all the time of "oh maybe he thinks im signaling". All I know is how to be myself and apparently thats confusing to men. I cant just hold back on everything with the fear that it may be misread or misunderstood. Help! Thank you for the compliment Hopeful30, but I just got out a relationship a few months ago and I'm just not ready And I'm just not that type of guy. Jk Couldn't resist. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 You're failing to understand that men always think sex is on the table if you are talking to them. It doesn't matter what capacity you are speaking to them they always think you are considering them in a sexual light. Bizarrely this even happens in the context of work for me. I will simply be conversing with them about normal work things and then out of nowhere they go all weird. You probably am not giving them anymore signals than paying them normal friendly attention and they miscontrue that. I put it down to the fact that most men will only converse with a woman if he has some ulterior motive about it. Ergo they ascribe that same motivation to women. It's a source of grave misunderstanding between men and women even in this modern era. Some men simply cannot conceive of a world in which every woman who ever speaks to them doesn't want into their pants. You need to realise that unless the guy patently has zero sexual interest in you, then friendships with them are probably not going to be possible. For this reason I find it easier to have gay male friends. There is no confusion this way and if we are talking to each other it's because we have things in common which are not sex related. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Most men don't get signals or hints very well. Why? - because they are generally not as intuitive as women are. To compound the problem, people often project their own feelings on to others. What this means is, they think because they like you, you automatically like them back. Finally, women can be quite beautiful and alluring to a man. It can be a burden, lol Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 That's a bit extreme budist. I'm pretty real with the gals on here about men's intentions and how a lot of us think. I know we're flawed, but that's a very harsh sweeping generalization. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 OP's story in food: Why are restaurants always trying to get me to eat food?!? I mean, I go the the restaurant. I stand around in the foyer. I pick up the menu and look it over. I even ask the hostess about specific menu items and the specials of the day. And sooner or later they always try and seat me at a table! So frustrating. I just want to hang out in the foyer and read the food magazines! Hint: if you want to bro down with the dudes, fart and talk about your period. We'll get the hint. Well most of us will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 Why would you invite them over and talk about sex? Can you not maintain a friendship without doing it. If a guy invites me over, even if he doesn't talk about sex, I would think he wants to bang me. Link to post Share on other sites
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