Relationship in need of

[Spoonss]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months now. Shes amazing she actually likes me for everything that I am. Yet I always find a reason to start a fight with her mostly when I am drunk. No clue why I do this and have no drinking problems prior to this. I love the girl and just want her to be happy I have no clue why I am lashing out like this. Its really effecting our relationship. And honestly I doubt there will be one after last night. She will not return my calls at all. I need some advice on how to go about telling her shes really worth fighting for I want to change because losing her is not an option. I wish i wasnt such a retard. Is it better to just go no contact with her at this stage because she will not return any of my messages or calls. I know that this is all my fault and I royally I mean royally ****ed up a really good thing. Is it repairable or should i just take it as we are over?

 

Thanks for reading.

[TigerCub]

Well you need to ask yourself why you're sabotaging something that you say is really good for you.

 

Sometimes we do things subconsciously. They make no sense logically but there is a reason we still do them. So you need to really be honest with yourself and ask yourself why you are pushing her away with your behavior. Only when you know why will you be able to stop doing such stupid ****.

 

For now though since she's not even responding to your calls/messages, give her some space for a few days. Let her collect her thoughts and you do the same. It would be much better than annoying her.

 

And stop drinking!

If your problem is you get drunk and get abusive and act like as ass - then the solution to that is pretty clear.

 

BUT if you decide to quit drinking and that is going to be your promise to her (in an effort to make up) then you better follow through or else she should break up with you for good.

[frankiesaysrelax]

What are you drinking? Some liquors are more prone to making you angry like vodka. Try a whiskey. It worked for me.

[losangelena]

A good friend of mine just went through something similar with his ex-boyfriend. The ex would never have any complaints about anything unless he was drunk. When he was drunk, he'd pick fights with my friend, and eventually they broke up because he said some pretty awful things in his drunken anger.

 

I'm curious to know, OP, what your dynamic is with your girl when you're sober. Do you feel like there are things about her that you don't like but you stuff it and don't tell her?

[smackie9]

Obviously the drinking brings out the insecurity in you, that's a bad sign. It's startling because it's abuse and you don't even recognize that's what it is. You can't fix this unless you get help. You can say you will never do it again or you will make sure it stops.....not going to happen, you are kidding yourself. It starts with denial....you don't have to be a lush to be abusive. Better take another look at yourself.

[Spoonss]

The dynamic between us is really natural, I like everything pretty much about her but shes always cold/emotionless at times but she sais shes crazy about me the sex is amazing and passionate and she seems to really care for me and will go out of her way to see how I am. I on the other hand wear my heart on my sleeve. The thing is I hate the fact that I am hurting her and Im not even sure why? I really like this girl and it boggles my mind why I have done this to a great relationship and person.

[Spoonss]

Obviously the drinking brings out the insecurity in you, that's a bad sign. It's startling because it's abuse and you don't even recognize that's what it is. You can't fix this unless you get help. You can say you will never do it again or you will make sure it stops.....not going to happen, you are kidding yourself. It starts with denial....you don't have to be a lush to be abusive. Better take another look at yourself.

 

Also I am interested in this, because if this is the case I want to stop, I dont like that side of me at all. And it hurts me knowing Im hurting her. What sort of resources could I look into to maybe talk to some one. I live in Canada if that helps.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, what happened last night to cause this latest upheaval? What did you say to her, and in what other contexts do you start fights with her?

 

She is clearly sick of it. Give her space now. As for you, you need to stop drinking. Period. If alcohol brings out an aggressive and cruel streak, you need to not be drinking at all.

[Spoonss]

OP, what happened last night to cause this latest upheaval? What did you say to her, and in what other contexts do you start fights with her?

 

She is clearly sick of it. Give her space now. As for you, you need to stop drinking. Period. If alcohol brings out an aggressive and cruel streak, you need to not be drinking at all.

 

The fights usually are just me saying something like why are you mad when she isnt mad and keep poking at it until she gets mad. I only do this when im drunk for what reason I have no clue and yeah I need to stop drinking until I can work out why this is comming out.

[Gaeta]

I don't think you are telling the whole truth about what you do while drunk.

 

In your other thread you talk about 'lashing out' at her.

 

I don't see why she would get this mad and ignore you for 2 days now because you 'poked' at her.

 

So what did you do exactly?

[Redhead14]

I recently really screwed up big time on Friday evening, drunkenly picking a fight with my gf for now reason. Long story short ive been lashing out while drunk a few times. I basically just self sabotoge my relationship. I tried texting/calling her many times to appologize and she hasnt responded once. Its been almost 24 hrs and nothing yet. She never officially broke up with me but im thinking the fact that she wont respond to anything is a really bad sign and I am freaking out I dont want to harass her but i really wanna know whats up so I can stop having a mental breakdown

 

i really wanna know whats up so I can stop having a mental breakdown -- You already know what's up. You become abusive when you're drunk. Stop drinking to the point of becoming abusive. Better yet, stop drinking.

 

If a man became abusive to me even once and even without being drunk, I'd be history. I might consider discussing it with him if he had done it while drunk ONCE, but if he did it again, Done. Won't put up with it.

 

Leave her alone and hope she calls you. But if she listens to an apology it better be followed up by actions to demonstrate that it will not happen again.

 

I'd also look deeper into yourself to determine why it is that you are sabotaging the relationship . . .

[casey.lives]

Is anger even acceptable in your relationship??

 

Is it a hard for you tell this person things that are not pleasant to hear???

so much so, that you have to let yourself get really angry to get really brave to be able to vocalize your inner hurt and disappointment?

 

Human are whole and we come packaged with unpleasant feelings too.

As a matter of fact, the truth is widely recognized as an undesirable but all the same a necessity.

 

So back to the the question: Is anger and your truth acceptable in your relationship??

 

If not, you are only partly to blame, as it usually is in the case of relationships. You obviously have somethings you both need to face and it's now a question of whether your partner open and honest and committed. Good Luck!!

 

 

Anger is a valid emotion and it shouldn't take alcohol to express yourself.

[Spoonss]

I don't think you are telling the whole truth about what you do while drunk.

 

In your other thread you talk about 'lashing out' at her.

 

I don't see why she would get this mad and ignore you for 2 days now because you 'poked' at her.

 

So what did you do exactly?

 

ive done this 3 times now, i pick a fight when theres nothing wrong. it escalates and then i realize how stupid i am and leqve and have a breakdown. Its more of a self destructive thing i guess she's jusrjust caught in the middle. Sadly I think shes gone for good understandably

[Gaeta]

ive done this 3 times now, i pick a fight when theres nothing wrong. it escalates and then i realize how stupid i am and leqve and have a breakdown. Its more of a self destructive thing i guess she's jusrjust caught in the middle. Sadly I think shes gone for good understandably

 

What do you do, you yell? put her down? call her names? belittle her?

 

It takes A LOT for a woman to turn her back on her man. You must have said or done something that is more than stupid.

[losangelena]

She's cold and emotionless, so you poke at her to try and see a bit of emotion, is that the case?

 

Does her coldness make you feel insecure about her feelings toward you? Is that something you'd be willing to talk to her in person about? I mean, it's either have a sober discussion about it, or accept the way she is. Trying to get a rise out of her while drunk is about the worst way to go about this. Poke her enough times, and of course she'll get tired of it.

[Spoonss]

What do you do, you yell? put her down? call her names? belittle her?

 

It takes A LOT for a woman to turn her back on her man. You must have said or done something that is more than stupid.

 

We had a previous talk, she said if it happened again she was out. And it did. She actually really liked me and i just threw it away. I wish I was normal.

[Gaeta]

We had a previous talk, she said if it happened again she was out. And it did. She actually really liked me and i just threw it away. I wish I was normal.

 

 

I am going to ask again:

 

What do you do? you yell? put her down? call her names? belittle her?

[katiegrl]

I am going to ask again:

 

What do you do? you yell? put her down? call her names? belittle her?

 

I second this question!

 

OP please tell us how exactly you fight with her? To repeat what Gaeta posed, when you fight, do you yell, call her names, put her down or worse, hit her? WHAT?

 

We can't fully advise you unless we have all the facts!

[Spoonss]

What do you do, you yell? put her down? call her names? belittle her?

 

It takes A LOT for a woman to turn her back on her man. You must have said or done something that is more than stupid.

 

Yeah I did the same thing we had a discussion about a week earlier. Which was my 2nd chance. I started a fight that had no reason to be started. We where at a concert we where having an awesome time. I got too drunk and kept asking her why she was mad over and over and saying im pissed that she cant tell me she was mad. Even though she wasnt. She left after the concert and hasnt talked to me since. That was friday night. Like i said I dont say violent things or threaten her or be little her. I just start fights for no reason.

[abby_tx]

Yeah I did the same thing we had a discussion about a week earlier. Which was my 2nd chance. I started a fight that had no reason to be started. We where at a concert we where having an awesome time. I got too drunk and kept asking her why she was mad over and over and saying im pissed that she cant tell me she was mad. Even though she wasnt. She left after the concert and hasnt talked to me since. That was friday night. Like i said I dont say violent things or threaten her or be little her. I just start fights for no reason.

 

This sounds really annoying. I can see why she'd leave. If you get like this while drunk, just stop drinking or date someone who foolishly accepts it.

[smackie9]

The fights usually are just me saying something like why are you mad when she isnt mad and keep poking at it until she gets mad. I only do this when im drunk for what reason I have no clue and yeah I need to stop drinking until I can work out why this is comming out.

 

First off...can you stop drinking? If you can't then you need to get to an AA meeting. You go on the net and there are meetings posted for your area and they run 24 7. It's all free.

 

If you find yourself with anger issues you need to seek out anger management counseling by Googling "anger management" support groups for your area. They are free.

 

Lastly you can look into simple counseling through your family doctor. This will cost money, but if you have insurance it might be covered.

 

I don't think you have a drinking problem> It looks like it it just amplifies the deeper issues of insecurity. You even said you sometime pick fights in your opening post, even when you don't drink. Denial is a bad sign....don't be blaming the alcohol itself....it's you.

[abby_tx]

im writing here because im a man whos made many mistakes dealing with women and dating and because of those mistakes ive been alone for a long time but i was able to get things together and figure out what ive done wrong fix them and get things better and im here because ive made a video on how you all can get better at dealing with relationships i am currently in a relationship which is going well and i want to help people as much as i can so please tell me what you think your opinions count and dont think im an expert at anything im still learning just like you all thank you https://youtu.be/y-8-hpdotu8

 

 

can someone block this user? He posts this in every thread.

[Gaeta]

We had a previous talk, she said if it happened again she was out. And it did.

 

You did not believe her when she said it?

 

The girl has some spine on her!! She showed you her limits and gave you a fair warning. When ***** hit the fan again she was true to her words and did exactly what she said she would do.

 

If she comes back now she will be undoing everything she said and it's not her role to come back to you, it's YOUR role to rail her back to you with concrete actions.

 

Your only option is to show her that you are taking control over the matter. You get yourself in a AA meeting and stop drinking completely! Tell her this is how important she is to you and do it !