Pennyapple Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 My birthday is coming, and he said he wanted to give me a piece of Tiffany jewelry. I didn't want him to spend tons of money so I told him not to and asked him to get something less expensive instead. Today I accidentally found out he bought me a cheap mug (seriously a mug) instead. I was so disappointed and I told him I don't like the gift. He said he will keep searching for something else then. I feel if he really wanted to give me a nice gift, he wouldn't mention it beforehand. We split bills on everything, even on the Valentine's day. He just occasionaly bought me desserts or flowers. We are both students with scholarships and I'm not expecting him to pay for everything. But I do want to feel special and appreciated once in a while, especially on my birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 How long have you guys been dating? No matter the answer to that, he tried to get you something expensive which I guess is what you wanted, but you told him no. So he got you something cheap. And then you told him you don't like it which just seems rude. Especially if you're both students anyway with not a ton of money to spend on gifts. So it isn't a case of him being cheap, it sounds like a case of him being totally confused by what you even want from him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 It seems you have put him in a damn if he does and damned if he doesn't position and one that should be summed up.. IMO as don't look a gift horse in the mouth. I'm all for spending tons of money on gifts and giving them at will but you told him to not get you any Tiffany Jewelry and then you found out by accident what he was going to get you and you voiced a concern of him being cheap.. At this point the best that can come of this is he finds something that makes you happy for your B-day because if he doesn't he is screwed... I have always found that my wife's giving me great suggestions of what she is looking for a great help.. she at times has even given me a list and a man cannot go wrong getting their SO exactly what they are wanting.. Give him a few cheaper suggestions of what you would like 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Either he took you literally or he bought the mug to throw you off from what he was actually getting you. The best policy is to not say anything and let him spend whatever he feels. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 How long have you guys been dating? No matter the answer to that, he tried to get you something expensive which I guess is what you wanted, but you told him no. So he got you something cheap. And then you told him you don't like it which just seems rude. Especially if you're both students anyway with not a ton of money to spend on gifts. So it isn't a case of him being cheap, it sounds like a case of him being totally confused by what you even want from him. ^^Jesse, that was perfect. I was struggling to find the right words to say .....now I don't have to! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I agree that he's probably very confused. Is there something in particular that you know you'd like for sure? Or maybe someplace you'd like to go? Communicate with him calmly and honestly about your specific expectations, and try to work out a resolution based on that. Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 You know you are in the wrong when the Ladies of LoveShack near unanimously take you to task. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pennyapple Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 How long have you guys been dating? No matter the answer to that, he tried to get you something expensive which I guess is what you wanted, but you told him no. So he got you something cheap. And then you told him you don't like it which just seems rude. Especially if you're both students anyway with not a ton of money to spend on gifts. So it isn't a case of him being cheap, it sounds like a case of him being totally confused by what you even want from him. I am not that material and certainly DON'T want him to spend $200 on a jewelry. But who would want a $8 mug for birthday? Something less expensive may refer to something creative but doesn't cost that much, I believe there is a lot of space in between $8 and $200? The mug is not romantic or thoughtful at all. The only merit to it is the low price. We've been dating for half a year, and this is the first time we spend my birthday together. I know I was rude by telling him I don't like it, but I was too disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
SawtoothMars Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I am not that material and certainly DON'T want him to spend $200 on a jewelry. But who would want a $8 mug for birthday? Me! I think I spent $200 a Starbucks last month. I want a damn mug! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 My birthday is coming, and he said he wanted to give me a piece of Tiffany jewelry. I didn't want him to spend tons of money so I told him not to and asked him to get something less expensive instead. Today I accidentally found out he bought me a cheap mug (seriously a mug) instead. I was so disappointed and I told him I don't like the gift. He said he will keep searching for something else then. I feel if he really wanted to give me a nice gift, he wouldn't mention it beforehand. We split bills on everything, even on the Valentine's day. He just occasionaly bought me desserts or flowers. We are both students with scholarships and I'm not expecting him to pay for everything. But I do want to feel special and appreciated once in a while, especially on my birthday. He's full of crap in my opinion. Since you two have limited budgets and usually split the bill, he knows that you'd say not to buy Tiffany jewelry. So I think he said it to make himself look better knowing that he'd never have to in the first place. My guess? He had the mug all along. But if he was going to say "Tiffany jewelry" he should have at least picked something better than what you'd win for a free fill up in comparison. Why not take you lingerie shopping and make you feel desired, followed by cooking you one of your favorite meals, etc.. Something creative like that. As a whole, I actually think that you sound like a decent woman. You're not demanding and you're understanding of the situation. All you ask is that he treat you like a lady and appreciate you once and awhile. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 He's full of crap in my opinion. Since you two have limited budgets and usually split the bill, he knows that you'd say not to buy Tiffany jewelry. So I think he said it to make himself look better knowing that he'd never have to in the first place. It's possible and it does look like something was up with that, perhaps he was trying to start a conversation of what she wanted for her B-Day without actually asking and she didn't help in that regard.. either way it sure was a moment missed by the OP to tell him some other options of what she would like. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I am not that material and certainly DON'T want him to spend $200 on a jewelry. But who would want a $8 mug for birthday? Something less expensive may refer to something creative but doesn't cost that much, I believe there is a lot of space in between $8 and $200? The mug is not romantic or thoughtful at all. The only merit to it is the low price. We've been dating for half a year, and this is the first time we spend my birthday together. I know I was rude by telling him I don't like it, but I was too disappointed. Next time, create and then present your boyfriend with an Excel spreadsheet of an itemized list of gifts: "What to Buy Me For Birthdays, Valentine's Day, Christmas, and Relationship Anniversaries." Sorted by price. Put the $8 mug at the bottom of the list and then asterisk it, *do not buy me a cheap mug if you want me to have sex with you ever again. xoxo You've been dating for 6 months and you told him that you didn't want a Tiffany jewelry piece? I think it's rude to tell your boyfriend that you didn't like the mug he bought you after you told him you didn't want him to buy you an expensive piece of jewelry for your birthday. Art Critic is right: you put your boyfriend in between a rock and a hard place, "damned if he does, damned if he doesn't" buy you want you want. And yet you are disappointed still...despite the fact that you hurt your boyfriend's feelings by being rude to him, because he clearly followed your instructions to buy you a cheap gift instead of an expensive one? My head is spinning. I don't think you have any right to pout about the cheap gift, or be mad at your boyfriend. It comes across like you set up your boyfriend to fail. As though you like to play games. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 It's possible and it does look like something was up with that, perhaps he was trying to start a conversation of what she wanted for her B-Day without actually asking and she didn't help in that regard.. either way it sure was a moment missed by the OP to tell him some other options of what she would like. The problem with "suggestions" though is that ruins any type of surprise. I mean where's the fun in knowing what you're going to get? The way that I see it, is that people usually buy themselves what they want most of the time. So I'd rather plan activities. Like getting her a free massage, getting tickets to her favorite musician, cooking her something she loves to eat but would be too lazy to make, etc.. Also, it's a lot of fun to take a woman shopping for a sexy outfit or lingerie on occasions. It makes her feel desired by turning her man on, and it's fun to sneak into the dressing room to show her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 It's possible and it does look like something was up with that, perhaps he was trying to start a conversation of what she wanted for her B-Day without actually asking and she didn't help in that regard.. either way it sure was a moment missed by the OP to tell him some other options of what she would like. Exactly. No one can read your mind, OP, especially when you give your boyfriend mixed messages. You have to be clear "this is what i want for my birthday" for him to comply. And who knows. Maybe he bought you the cheap mug to offset a more expensive surprise for you -- which you ruined by pouting about getting the mug and being rude to your boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 The problem with "suggestions" though is that ruins any type of surprise. I mean where's the fun in knowing what you're going to get? The way that I see it, is that people usually buy themselves what they want most of the time. So I'd rather plan activities. Like getting her a free massage, getting tickets to her favorite musician, cooking her something she loves to eat but would be too lazy to make, etc.. Also, it's a lot of fun to take a woman shopping for a sexy outfit or lingerie on occasions. It makes her feel desired by turning her man on, and it's fun to sneak into the dressing room to show her. Suggestions are useful, but it is better to be specific. And, I don't think the OP's boyfriend was being cheap on purpose like you claim he is in your previous post. He's not in the wrong here. The OP is. She told him "no expensive gifts, give me something cheaper instead," and he complied. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Exactly. No one can read your mind, OP, especially when you give your boyfriend mixed messages. You have to be clear "this is what i want for my birthday" for him to comply. And who knows. Maybe he bought you the cheap mug to offset a more expensive surprise for you -- which you ruined by pouting about getting the mug and being rude to your boyfriend. Yeah how did you accidentally find out he got you a mug and find out that that's all he got you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 I think that you should have told him specifically what you want, instead of telling him to buy you "something cheaper" and then pouting when he does just that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Oh come on people. There is such a thing as common sense. I mean saying not to buy a piece of Tiffany jewelry, doesn't mean he should shop for her at a 7-11. Just saying.. Plus, it's not about the money. It's about the lack of effort. A mug is basically him saying "I could give two $hits about your birthday". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Oh come on people. There is such a thing as common sense. I mean saying not to buy a piece of Tiffany jewelry, doesn't mean he should shop for her at a 7-11. Just saying.. Plus, it's not about the money. It's about the lack of effort. A mug is basically him saying "I could give two $hits about your birthday". It isn't even her birthday yet so maybe the mug was just part of the gift? He didn't even give her the gift yet when she complained about it. And maybe for some reason the mug did mean something to him. I think little tacky gifts that mean something are adorable. A guy I'm currently seeing buys me snow globes from places he travels for work. I find it adorable. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 OP don't jump to conclusions until it's your birthday. It might not be your real gift. Also you told him not to get you anything expensive, don't have buyers remorse for it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 It isn't even her birthday yet so maybe the mug was just part of the gift? He didn't even give her the gift yet when she complained about it. And maybe for some reason the mug did mean something to him. I think little tacky gifts that mean something are adorable. A guy I'm currently seeing buys me snow globes from places he travels for work. I find it adorable. Exactly. It's the thought that counts, not the gift itself. For example, while a boyfriend was away for 2 weeks, I bought him items he needed for his apartment; a hanging calendar (for his food pantry), toilet paper, paper towels, stocked his cabinets with dried goods that he wanted but was out of. When he came back from his trip he was pleasantly surprised. I've also had a boyfriend who bought me a book for my birthday that HE liked and that HE read, that I had zero interest in reading. I specifically told him what book I wanted to him to buy me as a birthday present, but he didn't listen. He was a crap boyfriend on the whole and this just was another nail in the coffin of that relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Students shouldn't be worried about costly gifts but thoughtful gifts. He wanted to get you something really nice, so his heart was in the right place. The mug could be a ruse...or the mug could have some really cute picture on it of something you love. Birthdays and holidays are important to a extent, only a stable life without some arbatary duty to spend xxx dollars for every date marked on a calender is far more important. Think my wife enjoys thoughtful over a bunch of trinkets that's novelty wears off the next day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pennyapple Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 It isn't even her birthday yet so maybe the mug was just part of the gift? He didn't even give her the gift yet when she complained about it. And maybe for some reason the mug did mean something to him. I think little tacky gifts that mean something are adorable. A guy I'm currently seeing buys me snow globes from places he travels for work. I find it adorable. It is my birthday gift. We used the same Amazon prime account and I asked him why he bought a mug. That's how I found out accidentally. As I have mentioned, it's not romantic or thoughtful. And he didn't say anything about how it's special. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 It isn't even her birthday yet so maybe the mug was just part of the gift? He didn't even give her the gift yet when she complained about it. And maybe for some reason the mug did mean something to him. I think little tacky gifts that mean something are adorable. A guy I'm currently seeing buys me snow globes from places he travels for work. I find it adorable. That is charming because he thinks to collect them for you when he travels. It's got thoughtfulness attached. That's different than a mug..LOL I mean anything could have shown more effort. This is off the top of my head. Let's say I'm basically broke, and my GF doesn't want me spending very much money on her. I'd get up early, and go over to her place a few hours before she wakes up. Then I'd wash and wax her car myself from top to bottom. A few hrs later I'd give her a wake up call and tell her to come outside. Then when she did, she'd see her car looking brand new again, and I'd sing her happy birthday with her favorite type of cupcake with a single candle waiting for her to blow out. Total cost - $5 and a few hours of my time. Now compare that to some crappy mug. Just saying... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pennyapple Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 Exactly. It's the thought that counts, not the gift itself. For example, while a boyfriend was away for 2 weeks, I bought him items he needed for his apartment; a hanging calendar (for his food pantry), toilet paper, paper towels, stocked his cabinets with dried goods that he wanted but was out of. When he came back from his trip he was pleasantly surprised. I've also had a boyfriend who bought me a book for my birthday that HE liked and that HE read, that I had zero interest in reading. I specifically told him what book I wanted to him to buy me as a birthday present, but he didn't listen. He was a crap boyfriend on the whole and this just was another nail in the coffin of that relationship. Yes, buying him toilet paper is cheap and thoughtful. But that mug is just cheap. Did he suggest you buying him toilet paper? Did you ask in advance? If not, why do you think I should drop suggestions about my gifts? Isn't it the surprise that counts? Link to post Share on other sites
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