maysj18 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Alright so I won't give much background because it isn't necessary. Let's say there's a professor who I see on a regular basis due to my job at a teaching hospital. He's so nice, successful, and attractive. I'm 24, he's 56ish. Honestly, the age doesn't bother me at because I know there's no future there. I also don't want a sugar daddy or any other kind of weird commitment. Strictly for fun, just to experience it. Now, the kicker is that I have NO idea how to flirt with someone like him. I feel like a bumbling idiot and I get all nervous and it's absolutely ridiculous. I'm normally bubbley, vulgar, opinionated, and full of energy but I don't want him to see me as immature or childish, you know? I have no idea how to be subtle becauSe if I want something I just go get it. It's so much easier with guys my own age because I feel equal to them in a way. With him, I feel overpowered and vulnerable..and it's awesome. I want him to know that door is open if he wants it, but I don't want to be forward in case he's not interested and creeped out. Can older men pick up on Body language cues better than younger guys? Are older men more likely to test the boundaries or would the age difference likely hold them back? He does all that standard postures when I'm around like toes facing me, legs spread, leaning back with his hands behind his head, but all that body language decoding seems stupid to me. Alright, I'm done rambling! Oh and he's single. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I suggest you just be yourself, a young beautiful energetic carefree 24 years old. If men his age are interested in young women like you It's because they like your vitality so stay yourself and flirt the way you know best. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Be yourself like the above poster said, and don't expect anything, in case nothing happens. Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I'm old (lol). We like the same things the younger guys do. We just APPRECIATE it more. As others said, be yourself. Flirt a little and have fun. Make an old man happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 What Gaeta said. It's more important that you be bubbley, vulgar, opinionated, and full of energy than you be something he might like but you're not. On the age stuff, I don't think 'older men' fall into a separate category from 'younger men.' There are a million more significant distinctions, like does he have a goofy sense of humor, is he a dreamer, whatever. I wouldn't put him in the old man box and expect him to be in bed by 9 p.m. In practical terms, men of all ages understand the language of boobs, so if you just want him to know you're available, say it with those. You know how. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 In practical terms, men of all ages understand the language of boobs, so if you just want him to know you're available, say it with those. You know how. lol. I'm putting that under "Universal Truths" Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Just don't expect him to figure it out with you being subtle. What you're suggesting is far outside of his reality. He has been conditioned to believe you are not a possibility. After All, you girls came up with "creeper" and all kinds of talk about gross, dirty, old men. You'll need to open the door and take a more direct role to get things moving. You could start with asking him to lunch or for a casual drink. Once you're out of the work setting you can flirt and let him know you're interested. It's likely you will have to lead more than normal (compared to younger men) at all points of this adventure. That may shatter your submissive dream but hopefully you can still enjoy what maturity has to offer. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Men may act and behave differently as the get older, but it's because we have a higher responsibility to be mature and be respectful. I can assure you, that he very likely is attracted to you and finds you desirable...he probably thinks you're hot and you're young, which for an old geezer like that, he's really excited about it...much more than a guy your age would be who can be with a girl your age any day of the week if he had the skill. But he wouldn't show it, he's just going to give you stoic face and body posture..that's what I do, inside I could be teaming with attraction but I'll act like that gas station guy in the horror movies, slightly annoyed and complacent with you and treating you like crazy kids lost in a desolate town. But chances are, just like with me...I tend to ignore any gestures of attraction and interest from younger women because I would never want to be the old "creepy" guy...I'm only 34, but sometimes I get cues from a girl that looks way too young and I think to myself "I must be delusional, she's way too young, i'm getting old guy thinks young girl is into him creepy vision...great, im doomed"...and honestly, it is too young for me, I completely back-off and never show a woman that much younger than me any interest, even if I can tell because I have eyes that she's very pretty, it's just girls are so young sometimes they look too baby face-ish, which makes me feel weird because it would be nice if i just could become their age and then everything would be magically fine. But if the signs and interest is too obvious and repetitive, then I register it and acknowledge it...I know I'm not just crazy. Anyway, just be normal, send lots of smiles and clear gestures when the time is right...touch him or graze him if you get in close enough proximity. Because If he's anything like me, I'm going to be shutting off my interest radar to begin with, and anything but really obvious repeated gestures won't my attention because I'm just assuming you're way too young for me and I'm also a little bit uncomfortable with that. As a guy, you also don't want to deal with a situation where a young girl is attached to your hip and overly clingy because you stuck your penis in her...guys avoid that when they're young for other reasons, but older guy doesn't want any drama or shame coming along with your immature and young girl behavior and clingy behavior...younger girls tend to make a much bigger splash about it when they're all into you, so there's always a risk. Also he's a teacher, he can't be sleeping with a bunch of dumb blonde female students...as awesome as a fantasy as that is, it's the work place...it's bad etiquette and a stupid thing to do. So unless you prove you're not an idiot and you can keep a secret and are not loud-mouthed, obnoxious and immature, I doubt he'd even take you for a ride, it's too risky. And he's single? doubt you know anything about that...older guys keep romantic relationships out of the spotlight, especially if he's Mr. Bachelor. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maysj18 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 (edited) Thanks for all your advice! He just makes me insanely nervous and I feel like I did back in middle school when the hot guy would say my name in the hallway. It's ridiculous! Lol we went on an overnight business trip a few weeks and had such a good time chatting. It was so laid back and we stayed 2 hours past closing at a restaurant without realizing it. It was really cool. I guess I should add some background and say that while we aren't colleagues exactly, we still work together on projects; our departments just work together on a project if needed. With that being said, I don't want to act in a way that could cause him to not take me seriously. Is that even possible? The opportunities he has access to would skyrocket my career and he keeps throwing the offers out left and right to join small projects so I don't want to lose any professional respect. He can't get me fired or anything like that, but he is sort of mentor to me on these side projects I'm volunteering on. He's on a level way above me in my field, but I can definitely hold my own to a degree. I hope I don't come across as a dumb blonde And by single I mean divorced/not married. Edited April 24, 2015 by maysj18 Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Be yourself. He's either going to be attracted or not. If he's open to dating you, depending on what you're looking for, have a chat with him about it early on. Can you handle being in a hidden relationship? He may want to keep things on the down low. Not everyone can deal with being invisible. Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 He's 4 moves ahead of you. Seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 I guess I should add some background and say that while we aren't colleagues exactly, we still work together on projects; our departments just work together on a project if needed. With that being said, I don't want to act in a way that could cause him to not take me seriously. Is that even possible? The opportunities he has access to would skyrocket my career and he keeps throwing the offers out left and right to join small projects so I don't want to lose any professional respect. He can't get me fired or anything like that, but he is sort of mentor to me on these side projects I'm volunteering on. He's on a level way above me in my field, but I can definitely hold my own to a degree. I hope I don't come across as a dumb blonde I have to ask ....are your motivations entirely pure on this? You said initially you liked feeling overpowered and vulnerable with him, but now you've got possible ulterior motives creeping in. Not trying to upset the applecart, but if you've got a personal/professional gain angle in mind, I don't know that I can really get behind that. Older people often hear the ticking clock much louder than others, so he could be especially vulnerable to romance delusions and heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Most guys my age have seen pretty much everything life will throw at us and have few illusions about anything, including nubile young ladies propositioning us. Hence, be straightforward. If you want to use this association to advance your career, that's OK. He's not a spring chicken and knows how sexual politics works. If he's game, he is. If not he can politely decline. I'm nearly positive you're not the first young woman he's been approached by. If he likes you (unknown) you might have a little fun and profit. If not, not. As long as you're aware of the risks of mixing business and pleasure, go for it. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 The opportunities he has access to would skyrocket my career and he keeps throwing the offers out left and right to join small projects so I don't want to lose any professional respect. He can't get me fired or anything like that, but he is sort of mentor to me on these side projects I'm volunteering on. He's on a level way above me in my field, but I can definitely hold my own to a degree. I hope I don't come across as a dumb blonde If he is able to sky rocket you, I guess he equally able to sabotage your career? He may not be able to fire you, but a few words in the right places could ruin you. They may not even be big words, a raise of the eyebrows in the right place may be all it takes. As a professor, he will have a big network, so even other universities may not then be open to you. I am not saying he would be as petty as that, but broken hearted, jealous, powerful men can cause havoc and you are a small fish in a big ocean. Is he worth it? If I were you I would accept the mentoring, and forget about trying to complicate it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted April 24, 2015 Share Posted April 24, 2015 Is that your hemroid donut in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Basically regular flirting, except with stuff old guys can relate to mixed in. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maysj18 Posted April 24, 2015 Author Share Posted April 24, 2015 I have to ask ....are your motivations entirely pure on this? You said initially you liked feeling overpowered and vulnerable with him, but now you've got possible ulterior motives creeping in. Not trying to upset the applecart, but if you've got a personal/professional gain angle in mind, I don't know that I can really get behind that. Older people often hear the ticking clock much louder than others, so he could be especially vulnerable to romance delusions and heartbreak. I've thought about that some, but I can honestly say that I'm not expecting anything from him. Of course his success is attractive to me, but I wasn't expecting any of these offers he's given me. I feel a bit stressed by it honestly because of his reputation for being a stickler when it comes to work. His assistants love him but they've all said that he is extremely particular with who he works with and that he has high standards. IF anything were to EVER happen though, I would be VERY firm up front that I am not searching for some personal gain- I actually want to learn and make it on my own. I'm probably going to take things extremely slow- no big gestures or neon lights, lol. First of all, I need to make sure that I really do want it to happen and I need to get to know him a bit more professionally/personally. What's the rush? I'm not looking to date him at all and I swear I mean that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted April 25, 2015 Share Posted April 25, 2015 Hey, being in similar position to you in terms of work, I have observed many flirts between grad students/postdocs/techs with professors... it is a play with fire. I would be VERY subtle with flirting if I were in your position because it can hurt your career badly. I'm not saying you are after his success, I believe you're honestly not, but HE is in the position of power, and if you end up in a fling, and he feels endangered for some reason, you'll pay the price. Sorry for being cryptic, but I'm sure you understand what I mean. I'm just not sure if the thrill in that case is worth the risk. I've thought about that some, but I can honestly say that I'm not expecting anything from him. Of course his success is attractive to me, but I wasn't expecting any of these offers he's given me. I feel a bit stressed by it honestly because of his reputation for being a stickler when it comes to work. His assistants love him but they've all said that he is extremely particular with who he works with and that he has high standards. IF anything were to EVER happen though, I would be VERY firm up front that I am not searching for some personal gain- I actually want to learn and make it on my own. I'm probably going to take things extremely slow- no big gestures or neon lights, lol. First of all, I need to make sure that I really do want it to happen and I need to get to know him a bit more professionally/personally. What's the rush? I'm not looking to date him at all and I swear I mean that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Don't waste your time figuring out how to flirt with him, just be forward and ask him if he is seeing anyone. If he is intrigued or interested he will start flirting or ask you out. If he isn't he will say he is seeing someone or will avoid answering the question. He will NOT be creeped out, even if he isn't interested. He will be flattered. At least you will know not to waste your time. He might not like getting involved with younger women so don't be offended if he doesn't reciprocate. If you aren't looking for something serious you have nothing to loose. Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Us older guys are exactly the same as younger guys to pick up. First step is to remove all the anxiousness you have about age. Treat him like any other guy you are interested in and it'll flow naturally. Flirt the exact same way you would with anyone else. Alright so I won't give much background because it isn't necessary. Let's say there's a professor who I see on a regular basis due to my job at a teaching hospital. He's so nice, successful, and attractive. I'm 24, he's 56ish. Honestly, the age doesn't bother me at because I know there's no future there. I also don't want a sugar daddy or any other kind of weird commitment. Strictly for fun, just to experience it. Now, the kicker is that I have NO idea how to flirt with someone like him. I feel like a bumbling idiot and I get all nervous and it's absolutely ridiculous. I'm normally bubbley, vulgar, opinionated, and full of energy but I don't want him to see me as immature or childish, you know? I have no idea how to be subtle becauSe if I want something I just go get it. It's so much easier with guys my own age because I feel equal to them in a way. With him, I feel overpowered and vulnerable..and it's awesome. I want him to know that door is open if he wants it, but I don't want to be forward in case he's not interested and creeped out. Can older men pick up on Body language cues better than younger guys? Are older men more likely to test the boundaries or would the age difference likely hold them back? He does all that standard postures when I'm around like toes facing me, legs spread, leaning back with his hands behind his head, but all that body language decoding seems stupid to me. Alright, I'm done rambling! Oh and he's single. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I'm thinking this guy is better left as a fantasy. He probably likes it that way too. Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 I wish you luck. 30 year age difference, if a respectable man not wanting to get rocks off on his daughter you probably won't get time of day. Simply flirting with him will put a smile in his mind. He has much to lose and if isn't the type, will not want to become the professor that tags his students. Not trying to be a kill joy, just warning the potential of landscapes dealing with. When younger girls stammer and babble in circles around me, I shake my head flattered if notice...If notice as girls age of my little sisters not on my radar. Beyond that, the only 50 year old I know from a great distance with a 20 something...happens to be a crossdresser with pedophile tendicies and some rape claims against him. Like I started, I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maysj18 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 I wish you luck. 30 year age difference, if a respectable man not wanting to get rocks off on his daughter you probably won't get time of day. Simply flirting with him will put a smile in his mind. He has much to lose and if isn't the type, will not want to become the professor that tags his students. Not trying to be a kill joy, just warning the potential of landscapes dealing with. When younger girls stammer and babble in circles around me, I shake my head flattered if notice...If notice as girls age of my little sisters not on my radar. Beyond that, the only 50 year old I know from a great distance with a 20 something...happens to be a crossdresser with pedophile tendicies and some rape claims against him. Like I started, I wish you luck. hahahaha, fair enough. Honestly, the flirting/tension is a blast. Even if it doesn't go any further, I'm cool with that. Emotionally, professionally..it would never work out so it's probably best that it's very low key and just flirtatious. I just wish I could break the ice down some more, push it further. Lord, I'm such a horndog right now it's been such a long time if you're pickin' up what I'm puttin' down. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Do you really want recommendations on how or are you mainly just liking the possibility of it all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author maysj18 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Do you really want recommendations on how or are you mainly just liking the possibility of it all? Meh, well it seems like there aren't many differences in 'flirting', per say; however, it seems they are less likely to take initiative in this situation (which is completely understandable, no doubt). Any other thoughts would be great, but I think it's all been said already. Not that it really changes anything, but I am not his student nor am I affiliated with his school. In regards to work, we're more peers than anything based on our positions. The outside projects I'm helping him with are independent projects, so again, no ties to the school. This somehow makes it all less weird to me. Like, if he were a ~50 year old professor, it would be much weirder to me than it is and would feel much more off limits. Even so, I completely understand and respect the risks he'd face, so I'm not at all expecting anything whatsoever. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Expecting, no. Wanting, yes. Want is a really powerful thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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