Bluemug Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 So I've been seeing a guy for about seven weeks - we met online, swift meeting in person and since then contact everyday and lots of fun dates. We're Both super busy with our jobs and families, which is a bonus for me as I need to be with someone equally busy (I can often go weeks before a Day off!) Things were going really well until this past weekend. I have no idea where I stand. I asked him Friday if he's still got his profile online (my mum asked and since then it's been on my mind) - he said no, great, conversation over. I asked him to contact me when he had a chance because I wanted to talk to him about some stuff - mainly staying over and meeting my brother who has special needs (i hadn't told him and my brother lives with me). Since then I've had one text basically telling me he's ok, tired etc etc. I'm confused. Is he losing interest? Am I being needy? I don't get it and I really want to try and keep this going as other than this weirdness it's been going well! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 So I've been seeing a guy for about seven weeks - we met online, swift meeting in person and since then contact everyday and lots of fun dates. We're Both super busy with our jobs and families, which is a bonus for me as I need to be with someone equally busy (I can often go weeks before a Day off!) Things were going really well until this past weekend. I have no idea where I stand. I asked him Friday if he's still got his profile online (my mum asked and since then it's been on my mind) - he said no, great, conversation over. I asked him to contact me when he had a chance because I wanted to talk to him about some stuff - mainly staying over and meeting my brother who has special needs (i hadn't told him and my brother lives with me). Since then I've had one text basically telling me he's ok, tired etc etc. I'm confused. Is he losing interest? Am I being needy? I don't get it and I really want to try and keep this going as other than this weirdness it's been going well! Thanks Seven weeks and "pushing" meeting the family at this point may come across as rushing it a little. You've put the ball in his court to contact you when he had a chance. Let him do that. If he doesn't, keep moving on with your life. You raised a flag possibly, too, by inquiring as to whether he's still on the dating site. You've intimated that you want exclusivity or that you are feeling that this is a relationship now. Conversation over? No. In fact, there needs to be more conversation. Just because he's not using a dating site, doesn't mean he views this relationship as exclusive yet. Anyway, since things were going well up to this point, let him contact you. But don't bring the meeting family subject up yet. You can tell him about your brother and you probably should. Just sit it out a little bit and relax. Don't keep reaching out to him. Do it once and let it be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Nah you're not needy. you're trying to take things to the next level and he's spooked. at least that's my take. why not call instead of text? This seems rather important and shouldn't be left to text. after seven weeks, he should have the courtesy to at least text you back. nothing since Friday is a bad sign. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluemug Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 Sorry, got text Saturday evening. I replied this morning as my grandma was taken sick and I rushed away to see her. Yeah, I hadn't planned to bring up the family as I fear he is spooked. Gosh I didn't want to spook him, just wanted to make it easier so that he could stay over. Grrr. Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySide0418 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Sorry, got text Saturday evening. I replied this morning as my grandma was taken sick and I rushed away to see her. Yeah, I hadn't planned to bring up the family as I fear he is spooked. Gosh I didn't want to spook him, just wanted to make it easier so that he could stay over. Grrr. I'm curious why you guys didn't get together over the weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 20, 2015 Share Posted April 20, 2015 Sorry, got text Saturday evening. I replied this morning as my grandma was taken sick and I rushed away to see her. Yeah, I hadn't planned to bring up the family as I fear he is spooked. Gosh I didn't want to spook him, just wanted to make it easier so that he could stay over. Grrr. It's ok. It's recoverable. Just let him come to you. Pull back a little so as to take the perceived pressure off. Sit tight, be busy with your life. When/if he contacts you, follow his cue and ride it out a little. If he doesn't contact you, follow that cue 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluemug Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 I'm curious why you guys didn't get together over the weekend? I was with my parents and nan over the weekend. They live a distance a away and I told him I'd probably be there for a Time but not sure how long. We don't see each other every week, mostly due to our jobs and hobbies etc Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluemug Posted April 20, 2015 Author Share Posted April 20, 2015 It's ok. It's recoverable. Just let him come to you. Pull back a little so as to take the perceived pressure off. Sit tight, be busy with your life. When/if he contacts you, follow his cue and ride it out a little. If he doesn't contact you, follow that cue Thanks redhead! I'll let the air clear, see how it goes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluemug Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Hmm so we had the briefest text conversation last night. Basically a "how are you" situation. It feels really off. Perhaps this is just fizzling out now. A shame Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted April 21, 2015 Share Posted April 21, 2015 Needy? She's not needy. If anything, she's too scarce. You may have a hard time holding a relationship if you can't date at least once a week on the outside. You may be able to handle it, but many people's hearts cannot. Love is a little fragile. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluemug Posted April 21, 2015 Author Share Posted April 21, 2015 Needy? She's not needy. If anything, she's too scarce. You may have a hard time holding a relationship if you can't date at least once a week on the outside. You may be able to handle it, but many people's hearts cannot. Love is a little fragile. I've attempted several times to see him - apparently he is busier than me these days. It's one of those things, if it was meant to be I wouldn't get the "I'm busy" response... To the point where I have stopped asking! Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Hmm so we had the briefest text conversation last night. Basically a "how are you" situation. It feels really off. Perhaps this is just fizzling out now. A shame It's still kinda hard to know. The "how are you" text is likely just a bread crumbs thing to keep the iron in the fire so to speak. He's maybe on the fence about it and wanting to have more time to think about it so keeping your interest up just enough for him to come back if he wants to. If he had actually called you and had a real conversation, I'd say give it a little more time, but I would just keep moving forward with your life. Date other guys. If he comes back and comes on stronger, you can consider seeing him again, but hit the reset button so to speak. Date him, don't have sex with him again for a little while until you can see that he is more sincere and serious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Hmm so we had the briefest text conversation last night. Basically a "how are you" situation. It feels really off. Perhaps this is just fizzling out now. A shame Follow your gut. If it feels "off," chances are it IS off. You have only been dating him seven weeks, not long. Sounds like this will just die of attrition. Let it go. I am so sorry! ((hugs)) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted April 22, 2015 Share Posted April 22, 2015 Follow your gut. If it feels "off," chances are it IS off. - Yes, this is something all of us should do in all cases. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluemug Posted April 22, 2015 Author Share Posted April 22, 2015 Thanks for your replies! Really appreciate it. I am moving onwards. Life is far too short to dwell 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluemug Posted April 25, 2015 Author Share Posted April 25, 2015 Poop Why did I call him? He missed it and texts me back. Argh. Thought I'd be a bigger persoN and reach out, get closure. Argh. Frustrating. Time to walk away Link to post Share on other sites
SunnySide0418 Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Poop Why did I call him? He missed it and texts me back. Argh. Thought I'd be a bigger persoN and reach out, get closure. Argh. Frustrating. Time to walk away What did his text say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluemug Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 He was sorry to miss my call and Asked how my week was. We briefly compared war stories and then he asked me why I haven't been talking to him... Apparently he's been waiting for me to contact him. I told him it was a Two way street and this whole thing has left me confused. Sorta paused there as I don't know what's really happening Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 This is the thing with texting—it adds a whole other dimension of possible miscommunication to a relationship. You're right, it is a two-way street, and if I heard that from a man, the "why haven't you been contacting me bit," I'd feel turned off. Why is he waiting to hear from you? He's got two thumbs and a phone. Did he respond to your two-way street comment? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluemug Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 He basically pulled the work card, working late etc which is likely the case as he does have a pretty difficult and time consuming job. That being said, it doesn't bode well if he has time for his friends?! Really annoying Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Yeah, no doubt. If you do want to see him again (big if at this point), then say just that. Say something like, "I'd love to see you again, let me know when you have time," and see what he says. Put the ball explicitly in his court that if he wants to see you again, he's gonna have to make an effort. If he doesn't, then there's your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluemug Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 Ah I'm done. Called twice, no answer. Left a message via text, basically playing his own words back to him. Why bother asking me why I don't speak to Him when he doesn't respond anyway?! Fool. Utter fool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 26, 2015 Share Posted April 26, 2015 Ah I'm done. Called twice, no answer. Left a message via text, basically playing his own words back to him. Why bother asking me why I don't speak to Him when he doesn't respond anyway?! Fool. Utter fool I thought you were done four days ago...but guess you had to play it out till the bitter end. Time to walk, block, delete. Next. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bluemug Posted April 26, 2015 Author Share Posted April 26, 2015 I thought you were done four days ago...but guess you had to play it out till the bitter end. Time to walk, block, delete. Next. Yeah I'm a sucker for loose ends! Like you say, next! Link to post Share on other sites
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