What does she mean?

[saladfingers]

Hey all, I'm just getting back into the dating world again after a four year marriage. My ex wife and I still get along but the divorce was tough, and being comfortable with someone for so long it's really hard getting back into the game again.

 

((TLDR : had a good connection on date with girl, she initiated a hug and asked for second date, now she says she still wants one but is giving me mixed responses and metaphoric texts.))

 

Long post alert...

 

So I've been dating off and on, I have been using a dating site to talk to girls to avoid the whole "I'm not dating right now"/"friend zone" crap that girls in person sometimes say. It lets me know that a girl is actually interested in dating, not just "hanging out as friends".

 

So I had my first "date date" last week. We had been chatting via text for about a month. We talked once on the phone, it went good even though it was short. It took awhile to get her to talk on the phone, and I haven't been able to get her on the phone since. We are both in our mid twenties. (She seems like a nice girl, doesn't seem like the type to be superficial, but I guess I don't know for sure.) Sometimes when we text she is "distracted", I guess...one word responses, and other times she's totally tuned in the we might as well be talking on the phone. But she never initiated text conversations - never.

 

We were both nervous beforehand and we joked about it but the date went well as we were able to open up and talk easily. It was real easy to speak to each other, and we were constantly smiling. There was a lot of prolonged eye contact and some slight hand kino. I felt a lot of chemistry and I was certain she did too.

 

She told me, before we met for the date that she had to work early in the morning so we only spent a couple hours at the venue. Outside, I knew that there were one of two goodbyes : 1) a handshake - which means no to any future dates, and 2) a hug, which basically means she had a good time and wants to do it again. Well, she asked for the hug and I reciprocated. She vocalized, "let's do this again", and She asked me to text her when I got home. I felt so good about everything, I was practically dancing in my seat the duration home.

 

So I called her - to be supremely confident -!but apparently she wasn't up for that because she didn't answer. So I texted her and said "I made it home, had a great time, let's do this again next week." She asked me when next week, we discussed work schedules, and she said she'd probably be open on wednesday but she had to check. I then asked her if she enjoyed herself and got no response so I figure she fell asleep.

 

Next day no text until halfway through the day where she said she had been workin hard all day. We chatted very very briefly a few lines of text and then didn't hear from her till that evening. The whole night texting was sporadic and short, and I kidded with her that she never answered me from the previous night, and she said "I enjoyed myself", so I asked her if she found out anything yet and she responds with "I'm taken every wednesday, I have tennis practice, this wednesday and every Wednesday after that." So at this point I'm thinking, ok...her story changed here, first she's open now she's not, ever on this day. What the heck?

 

At this point I was fairly anxious (and I get that way) because I liked her a lot on our date, felt real good, and she had been sparse all day and now this. So after awhile (and much worrying) I texted her back, "I assume you want to go out again? Or did I get the wrong impression?" She says, "I'd like to spend more time with you". I said, "ok, so that's a yes?" She says, "in a roundabout way it's a yes". Again, I'm thinking wtf? I say, "I don't know how to take that but obviously I want to see you again but in order to get to know each other it's gonna have to be in person, not over text". She said she agrees but it's difficult because she travels a lot and stays two different places for two different jobs during the week. (but both towns are not too far, maybe a couple hrs drive. I frequent both towns myself so it works out.)

 

So, frustrated here with my phone in my hand, not sure exactly what she's trying to say, I asked her if we were on the same page here? for going out again, but in the same line I also said I didn't get a straight answer from her yet and she says "I would agree" so this again confuses me, she says "we're on the same page, different book". Again - wtf?!

 

I spoke plainly - "are we meeting again - yes or no?" She says "yes we are".

 

I told her "you're kind of tough with commitments aren't you? I'll let you know when I have (next day off that she she has off every week) off.

 

She says "alright", I say "good night" and that was last night, no contact since. I'm thinking maybe she just doesn't like commitments? But maybe she's just flighty or insecure? Unsure? I'm planning on letting her initiate the next few conversations (which she never does) to let it cool off and see if she truly wants this. Good idea or no? Women, weigh in? Experienced men? Thank you!

Edited April 19, 2015 by saladfingers

[saladfingers]

Anyone? lol

[darkmoon]

texting is a drag, it is hard work, not sure if she going to be around, so far, it looks like no, i think she enjoys being single and that you need to never text an entire convo again, they lack humanity and intimacy

Edited April 19, 2015 by darkmoon

[jen1447]

Sorry but this is a no. Women who are interested will make it happen. There's no "we'll see" if she's into you. She even covered her tracks by explicitly eliminating the day she said she'd be available. Why is anyone's guess - we're flighty and flaky at times, sure, but shame on her for deliberately sending you mixed signals.

 

My advice is to never initiate a text again, and even if she texts you, be polite but short and noncommittal. That's not to 'get' her (revenge or payback is just spinning your wheels in the present), it's to salvage your dignity and allow you to walk away smiling.

 

It sucks, but be a man about it and deal and move on.

[joseb]

I'd say she's either not that interested, or she has better options and you are lower in the pecking order.

It may be that all your texting came across as clingy also - I personally avoid texting as much as possible. It's just not a good communication medium.

 

How long have you been divorced? Must have been a young marriage?!

[CC12]

Yes, let things cool off for a while. You're coming on pretty strong, and I think that's possibly why she's being non-committal. She doesn't want to play into that or encourage it. Clearly, you're very into her and she's probably not sure yet and that is totally fine - it's only been one date. She doesn't really owe you any answers so if she tries to dance around a subject, just let her. Don't keep asking the same questions over and over until you get an answer that satisfies you.

 

You said you'd let her know the next time you have a certain day off, so when that day comes, just text her, "I'm free [this day] and I'd like to take you to dinner. Are you available?" If she says no and doesn't offer up another time to meet, she's likely not interested.