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Managing the pain of rejection


neowulf

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So.. part of parcel of dating is being rejected.. a lot.

 

As a guy, this can (and does) slowly start to eat it way at your sense of self worth.

 

While I understand rationally that not everyone is going to be a match, I'm finding the knock backs still sting and still lower my opinion of myself.

 

Anyone got any practical tips for "not taking it personally", when it appears for reasons you're not really sure of, that maybe 1-50 women will find you attractive?

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1-50 is a pretty good hit rate if you don't mind me saying so. It's about the same as mine. Guess what...rejection beats down anyone's self esteem, not just guys. My rejection isn't usually romantic but just normal social rejection. I would say I also get about 2% acceptance rate amoung people in general. What can I say, my particular brand of abrasive coupled with some fairly eccentric behaviours make me a weirdo and not exactly beloved by all and sundry.

 

I wish I could say I found a way to make rejection not hurt, but I haven't. It hurts, it feels bad and although you can come to expect it, you never really get used to it. Sorry I can't be of much help there.

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1-50 is a pretty good hit rate if you don't mind me saying so. It's about the same as mine. Guess what...rejection beats down anyone's self esteem, not just guys. My rejection isn't usually romantic but just normal social rejection. I would say I also get about 2% acceptance rate amoung people in general. What can I say, my particular brand of abrasive coupled with some fairly eccentric behaviours make me a weirdo and not exactly beloved by all and sundry.

 

I wish I could say I found a way to make rejection not hurt, but I haven't. It hurts, it feels bad and although you can come to expect it, you never really get used to it. Sorry I can't be of much help there.

 

I suppose so. Finding friends & forming relationships only seems to get harder the older you get.

 

Maybe people simply feel the have "enough friends". If you get caught out in the musical chair game that is "life", you're left starting at the fringes.

 

Some people just seem so damn popular. I'm almost inclined to believe it's a pheromone thing...

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fitnessfan365

In baseball, a .300 batter can be a potential hall of famer. But for every ten at bats, he still fails 7 times.

 

It's a lot like dating. You'll take a lot of at bats, fail more than you connect, but the times you succeed stick with you. Whenever I get rejected, I just remind myself they're are billions of women on the planet and it's silly to be hung up on one. Some how this always helps.

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In baseball, a .300 batter can be a potential hall of famer. But for every ten at bats, he still fails 7 times.

 

It's a lot like dating. You'll take a lot of at bats, fail more than you connect, but the times you succeed stick with you. Whenever I get rejected, I just remind myself they're are billions of women on the planet and it's silly to be hung up on one. Some how this always helps.

 

Maybe that's it. You just have to keep reminding yourself that you really only need *one* to build a life with.

 

You just keep on telling yourself that I guess.

Wish I'd made better use of my 20's.

 

At 36, I'm really starting to feel too old for this...

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JohnsonBaby

I m so bad at this ,I ve been rejected once and it took me nearly a year to get over it ,what I find helps is to keep a positive mindset ,make sure you look your best and time will make you feel better .. Also try to keeping those who like you around for an ego boost .

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It feels like crap. Plain and simple.

 

It is just something you do so you can find the right person and great love story that everyones wants.

 

And rejection also isn't always about looks. I have had men wildy attracted to me, who for whatever reason, didn't feel "it" for me.

 

I am dealing with that right now. It isn't fun but I have learnt to appreciate my time with each lover. I don't take it personally; they cannot fall for every woman they find attractive!

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If anyone has a solution for this I would love to know it too!

 

 

Only ever been rejected every dating experience I have had, its many times worse when you really like the person and get on well with them.

 

 

My personal opinion is unfortunately there is a disconnect as to what we like and what we can have, the latter never matching up to the former. Someone once sang "some guys have all the luck" and unfortunately that is true for better or for worse some people simply are just more attractive.

 

 

Another question I would love to know is if you can make a female like you.

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Making friends, starting relationships takes work by really putting yourself out there, planning things with them, opening up yourself to new things, etc. Also being a relaxed, positive person that re-enforces that positive energy on others makes you popular.

 

Being attractive is not what draws and makes people want to be around you, tho pretty people seem to get more attention. The cheerful, happy go lucky full of humor guy is the one. I work with someone who is a perfect example. Everyone has a deep fondness for him, love working with him, no one ever says a bad thing about him....and yet he is this balding, chunky middle age guy. The ladies just love being around him. He has a way with people.

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The best thing to do is look at what you have to offer, and I'm not talking about money.

 

I mean what kind of social circle do you have.

 

How active are you? Do you have some interesting hobbies or do any physical actives?

 

How you dress matters. Women love a man that is put together well and that includes wearing things that are trendy. I'm not talkin douchey rico suave type trendy.

 

Confidence! positive attitude.

 

Some sense of humor.

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The best thing to do is look at what you have to offer, and I'm not talking about money.

 

I mean what kind of social circle do you have.

 

How active are you? Do you have some interesting hobbies or do any physical actives?

 

How you dress matters. Women love a man that is put together well and that includes wearing things that are trendy. I'm not talkin douchey rico suave type trendy.

 

Confidence! positive attitude.

 

Some sense of humor.

 

Ah yes now I know why nobody is interested.

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Wish I knew the secret. I had all kinds of issues with rejection in my 20s. Always took it so personally and always though to myself if I'm so "great," why is nobody interested???

 

 

Nothing anyone said ever satisfied me. It just didn't make sense.

 

 

I guess the best way is to just find yourself another person. I hate to say it because I know what it's like to be rejected by someone your really into. Makes you question yourself and have low self esteem.

 

 

But I guess the sooner you just get out there and meet another person, the easier it becomes.

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But I guess the sooner you just get out there and meet another person, the easier it becomes.

 

Really wish it was that easy. Ultimately you probably just try to find other things to occupy your mind but that doesn't work all the time, there are days where everything seems totally pointless, you look around at couples and feel just bitter and to a certain extent resentful.

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Well, there is always some rejection for men, especially when making the major moves, like asking for numbers, asking a woman out, and going for the first kiss.

 

The trick is to minimize your rejection by reading their body language like a good poker player, and paying attention to what they do, and to stop dating a woman when she's not very into you as quickly as you can.

 

 

A couple of facts:

 

- When the love plane is going down, there is only one parachute. - so get out first whenever you can. Whoever gets out first usually hurts less.

 

- If you will only date women who like you and a lot, you'll have less rejection.

 

If you had a real scenario where you got rejected, I could give you specifics.

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Rejection is painful. But iv lewrnt to accept it. What hurts the most is how you get rejected and especially by the ones you liked/cared and thought liked you.

 

Im not perfect but iv had two great girls who i cared about a lot and respected laugh at me and say nasty things to me and i have struggled to manage with that side of things.

 

I have a therapist to help me deal with social situations and rejection as i now struggle in social situations a lot and dont know how to talk to girls anymore when i meet them.

 

I worry they will laugh at me or call me ugly with their friends so i actually purposefully will friendzone girls in the hope they will be nice to me. I get scared by women. Rejection can be very nasty and i hope people can be strong enough to believe they are worth something

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Dating / dealing with the opposite sex is really a skill just like any other. Rejection as you see it is only you just not having met your full potential in a given situation. You should take it as personally as if you took an art class and your first painting came out like a three year old did it. =/

 

Besides, the more you work at it the better a feel you get for a situation and you start to know the answer before you even ask the question. So you just don't ask when it's going to be no.

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So.. part of parcel of dating is being rejected.. a lot.

 

As a guy, this can (and does) slowly start to eat it way at your sense of self worth.

 

While I understand rationally that not everyone is going to be a match, I'm finding the knock backs still sting and still lower my opinion of myself.

 

Anyone got any practical tips for "not taking it personally", when it appears for reasons you're not really sure of, that maybe 1-50 women will find you attractive?

 

How are you meeting people? Online / bars/ through activites, etc?

When you say 1 in 50 rejection, are so saying you have been on 50plus dates?

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My advice won't completely solve the pain, but here's what I do which makes it a million times easier.

 

1. Delete every text/call/picture in your phone-end all contact.

2. Pre-workout drink-some of them heighten your mood I feel like.

3. Get in my car, crank up the radio to the hardest music you can find (don't play anything soft/sad)...

4. Workout like a mofo in the gym. Let the pain fuel your workout. Make it a goal to look so good she will have wished she wouldn't have rejected you. Funny thing is, over the years when I got rejected and did this they always came back later (then I got in a relationship and got fat again lol)

5. Keep busy. Do everything in your power to not sit around and think about you...when I get rejected, I find myself at the gym a few hours a day then go out with friends or I catch up on work.

 

 

If the gym isn't your thing, no worries, just keep busy so you won't think about her. The harder the breakup or rejection the busier you need to force yourself to be. If you sit around thinking about her, or sit back and think about how you view yourself you're just going to put yourself in a downhill spiral that will be hard to recover from. Let me say it again...staying busy is your best medicine. That's all I got.

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I had 3 rejections and 1 is PENDING because even though she has answered my calls and text me in 2 mins after I text her, we have not been out on a second date yet due to her "being sick"

 

So Not a great start to 2015 but I just basically lose myself in my hobbies to manage rejection and after about 3 or 4 days it fades away. But I didn't consider them real rejections because of me being so socially arkward so that's why my last date was so much better

 

But all I can say is move on to the next and not worry about it. Plus it's obvious that REJECTION is apart of online dating because it's so many people on there. Plus I see the same women from last year so they are getting rejected too

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1-50 is a pretty good hit rate if you don't mind me saying so. It's about the same as mine. Guess what...rejection beats down anyone's self esteem, not just guys. My rejection isn't usually romantic but just normal social rejection. I would say I also get about 2% acceptance rate amoung people in general. What can I say, my particular brand of abrasive coupled with some fairly eccentric behaviours make me a weirdo and not exactly beloved by all and sundry.

 

I wish I could say I found a way to make rejection not hurt, but I haven't. It hurts, it feels bad and although you can come to expect it, you never really get used to it. Sorry I can't be of much help there.

 

But according to so many women a guy is not supposed to be affected by rejection and always supposed to be confident. lol

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The best thing to do is look at what you have to offer, and I'm not talking about money.

 

I mean what kind of social circle do you have.

 

How active are you? Do you have some interesting hobbies or do any physical actives?

 

How you dress matters. Women love a man that is put together well and that includes wearing things that are trendy. I'm not talkin douchey rico suave type trendy.

 

Confidence! positive attitude.

 

Some sense of humor.

 

 

You mean attractive women because some women are not qualified to have a man who is well put together.

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I have a mental escape I depend on to deal with rejection called "fetish lifestyle"

 

Once i tap into that mindset I protect myself from being depressed and can deal with rejection a lot easier. So you have to find out what that mental escape is for you.

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I think the scenario which makes this much harder to deal with is the following

 

 

Someone who doesn't have a lot of friends, very few in fact. Someone who rarely meets anyone he/she likes. Someone who has spent a long time on dating sites and not met anyone he/she likes. You then do meet someone you like and then get rejected.

 

 

Its easy to get lost in total hopelessness, the self confidence which is already low takes a further knock and while people say one must be positive that's good and well if you have had positive experiences.

 

 

I like to play with words so few weeks ago I felt so so down and have nobody to really talk about this stuff with I decided to start a blog, I still feel so so down but committing the experiences to words on a blog has made me feel ever so ever slightly better.

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I know this may sound weird but after all those rejections I decides to pay off one of my credit cards so I could feel good about something.

 

Amother one of my wacky ways of dealing with rejection

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