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I don't mean to seem shallow but...


Breezee

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I'm not quite ready to jump in just yet but was just curious about dating sites. I set up free accounts on Match, OKC and OurTime so I could check out if there are any guys I would truly be interested in dating. In all honesty there was only one of two who I would even remotely be interested in meeting. Most of the guys are either totally ugh, or simply unappealing. And of course there was one guy who was very appealing (looks, likes & values) and wouldn't you know it, I'm out of his age preference range.

 

I don't know if this is being shallow, I simply am attracted to those whom I find attractive physically as well as personality/core values/like & dislikes, etc. I worry since I'm in my mid 50's with V sex "issues". Ugh! I absolutely dread my STBD!

 

What are your thoughts on dating at my age and my visual selectiveness? I don't know how I can get past the looks of a guy I'm totally not attracted to initially. :(

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I would say online dating is a waste of time for you. You need to be able to gauge mutual interest in person to find the right man. And lets face it most men in your age range are going to put Under 40 as his preference in a partner. So your chances of even being able to interact with men you might desire are close to zero. Stick to offline dating where you can meet someone in person, they can find themselves attracted to you and then you can discuss the specifics from there.

 

I do date younger men and there is no way anyway of them would have clicked on an online profile, my age would have been a major barrier. But its amazing what is or isn't a barrier when you are face to face with someone.

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DoesntGetIt

OkCupid does a weird thing where at first you don't see as many good profiles, and then after x amount of time they open it up more. I was shocked when I first went on there and scrolled through everything and then a couple of weeks later I got a message about it from okcupid and sure enough there were better profiles in the list.

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I would say online dating is a waste of time for you. You need to be able to gauge mutual interest in person to find the right man. And lets face it most men in your age range are going to put Under 40 as his preference in a partner. So your chances of even being able to interact with men you might desire are close to zero. Stick to offline dating where you can meet someone in person, they can find themselves attracted to you and then you can discuss the specifics from there.

 

I do date younger men and there is no way anyway of them would have clicked on an online profile, my age would have been a major barrier. But its amazing what is or isn't a barrier when you are face to face with someone.

 

Yes, that's what I was thinking as well! Family & friends tell me that I should have no problem attracting a man but where the heck does one meet them? I took a look at a few meetup.com groups but most everyone looks to be in their 20's & 30's. I live in the suburbs and I rarely see guys who I'm attracted to who are close to my age…difficult when you're attracted to guys who are like 20 years younger, lol! Five years younger or older would be it for me.

 

Where do 50-ish women meet quality men?

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Online dating is one of the top two ways to meet.

 

You mean you have only seen two guys you would kiss? If you could kiss them, you could fall for 'em. When you fall in love, that man will look better than he really does!

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Just attracted to two guys, what do you expect a male model? what do you have to offer?

 

Yes, I'm surprise at how few men I was interested in who would be interested in my age bracket. No to the "male model". I simply know what/who I am attracted to on a visual level. Isn't our first impression visual? I'm simply attracted to whom I'm attracted. I have a LOT to offer.

 

Buddhist is probably right, I should stick with off-line dating.

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What you're experiencing is pretty typical for women. As soon as a women opens up a dating profile all of a sudden they are way too good for the average guy.

 

The only people who really do well on online dating are good looking guys, and the average girls. And thats because all those average looking girls have found a sudden burst of confidence from all the guys messaging them and start thinking they are on the same level as the good looking guys. So the good looking guys get an easy lay, the average girls get laid with a hot guy, and all the non-hot guys cry themselves to sleep every night after sending hundreds of messages and not receiving one reply.

 

And thats all you really need to know about online dating. :cool: I'd recommend just meeting people the old fashioned way.

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Eternal Sunshine
What you're experiencing is pretty typical for women. As soon as a women opens up a dating profile all of a sudden they are way too good for the average guy.

 

The only people who really do well on online dating are good looking guys, and the average girls. And thats because all those average looking girls have found a sudden burst of confidence from all the guys messaging them and start thinking they are on the same level as the good looking guys. So the good looking guys get an easy lay, the average girls get laid with a hot guy, and all the non-hot guys cry themselves to sleep every night after sending hundreds of messages and not receiving one reply.

 

And thats all you really need to know about online dating. :cool: I'd recommend just meeting people the old fashioned way.

 

I have never seen this dynamic play out in real life. This seems to be LS men's theory on why they keep getting rejected. Not sure where you get this from.

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I have never seen this dynamic play out in real life. This seems to be LS men's theory on why they keep getting rejected. Not sure where you get this from.

 

"LS men" ?

 

I get it from experience. I'm by no means a top tier guy, but I am above average, and do pretty well with online dating. Though I have some serious issues with it. In real life I usually have only cute to hot girls flirt with me. Online I'll have women who are morbidly obese message me, then send me messages like "f**ck you" when I don't respond back to them. The level of entitlement is insane. It would be the same as me walking up to a Victoria's Secret model then telling her she's a stuck up b##ch because she doesn't want to sleep with me. People should know their place in the dating realm, because trying to shoot way too high just leads to resentment and hurt.

 

Also try and find some of the male model online dating experiments some guys have done. They'll use top tier guys and say things like "i want to rape you" or "you're fat and ugly" to girls then ask for their number and still get it. Girls go full retard over really hot guys, just like guys do for girls. We all aren't really that different. The dating world just happens to be heavily weighted in girls favor because they can be a lot more picky on who gets to sleep with them than guys tend to be.

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What you're experiencing is pretty typical for women. As soon as a women opens up a dating profile all of a sudden they are way too good for the average guy.

 

The only people who really do well on online dating are good looking guys, and the average girls. And thats because all those average looking girls have found a sudden burst of confidence from all the guys messaging them and start thinking they are on the same level as the good looking guys. So the good looking guys get an easy lay, the average girls get laid with a hot guy, and all the non-hot guys cry themselves to sleep every night after sending hundreds of messages and not receiving one reply.

 

And thats all you really need to know about online dating. :cool: I'd recommend just meeting people the old fashioned way.

 

Hmmm...that's sad. It may be a looong process for me then because I'm definitely not looking to be an "easy lay" for anyone.

 

Divorce sucks!

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What are your thoughts on dating at my age and my visual selectiveness? I don't know how I can get past the looks of a guy I'm totally not attracted to initially. :(

beggars can't be choosers

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What are your thoughts on dating at my age and my visual selectiveness? I don't know how I can get past the looks of a guy I'm totally not attracted to initially. :(

 

Like attracts like. If you're attracted to men at the same attractiveness level as you, you should have no problems. If you overestimate your own attractiveness, or underestimate the attractiveness of the men your age, you will have a problem.

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I'm 62. I was open to dating at your age, and I looked really good at that age, too. I turned some guys' heads, but as soon as they found out I wasn't in my 30s, they jumped ship right away. Other than two old flames I've known for decades, I didn't end up meeting anyone to date. I called it my last hurrah and accepted that I still like what I liked when I was younger physically, but want them to be from my generation mentally -- and, well, I guess I've basically just already plowed that field and plucked the good ones long ago. There was one new guy online only but between the two of us, we couldn't get it together long distance. We talked and planned and we verified we were both real through mutual friends, but at our ages, there's physical issues as well as financial and we finally just pulled the plug.

 

I wish I could be more positive for you, but unless you are one of those naturally vivacious women who likes a very wide variety of types of men, it is not a fun venture dating. I recommend sticking to doing activities you love, and that's your best bet for staying happy and also your best bet for possibly meeting someone new.

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beggars can't be choosers

 

Well it's a good thing I'm not a beggar. ;)

 

Like attracts like. If you're attracted to men at the same attractiveness level as you, you should have no problems. If you overestimate your own attractiveness, or underestimate the attractiveness of the men your age, you will have a problem.

 

Yes that's what my therapist told me so I'm not really worried about attracting men, more that the men I've viewed on a few sites didn't appeal to me.

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The fact that you're not open to dating different types of men will indeed be a self-imposed barrier to your finding a good partner. Unless you are unusually lucky.

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I should add that most of you probably live on a continent with ten times the men/women that I see within the island on which I live. I've looked on the continent and there are a LOT more men who appeal to me. But I have no plans on moving OR having a LD relationship when/if I do start dating again.

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BlackOpsZombieGirl
I don't know if this is being shallow, I simply am attracted to those whom I find attractive physically as well as personality/core values/like & dislikes, etc. I worry since I'm in my mid 50's with V sex "issues". Ugh! I absolutely dread my STBD!

 

Um, what are your "V sex issues"? Is the "V" supposed to stand for Vagina?:confused:

 

Also, if you're in your mid 50s and are visually attracted to younger guys, have you thought of going on dating sites that are specifically made for older women/younger guys? If you want to date guys in your age range, you might have to lower your physical attraction/looks standards with regard to guys that age. I can't remember the last time I saw an older guy that was attractive. I mean, I'm sure there ARE attractive older guys in this world; but, I haven't seen any IRL.

 

 

.

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"LS men" ?

 

I get it from experience. I'm by no means a top tier guy, but I am above average, and do pretty well with online dating. Though I have some serious issues with it. In real life I usually have only cute to hot girls flirt with me. Online I'll have women who are morbidly obese message me, then send me messages like "f**ck you" when I don't respond back to them. The level of entitlement is insane. It would be the same as me walking up to a Victoria's Secret model then telling her she's a stuck up b##ch because she doesn't want to sleep with me. People should know their place in the dating realm, because trying to shoot way too high just leads to resentment and hurt.

 

Also try and find some of the male model online dating experiments some guys have done. They'll use top tier guys and say things like "i want to rape you" or "you're fat and ugly" to girls then ask for their number and still get it. Girls go full retard over really hot guys, just like guys do for girls. We all aren't really that different. The dating world just happens to be heavily weighted in girls favor because they can be a lot more picky on who gets to sleep with them than guys tend to be.

 

 

I'm a slim girl with a nice smile, 28, and yet I just look for the average Aussie guy.

 

I find myself attracted to many men and never need a cute or a hot guy by other peoples standards.

 

Plus many women like me know that you don't need the cutest guy in the room in order to feel intense chemistry. I have personally felt the fireworks for average Aussie blokes - I only ever felt the butterflies for one recent guy who was above average. Rest were below average or average according to most peoples standards.......

 

One of the last guys a few months back who I fell for, all my mates thought he was 3 or 4/10 but we had great chemistry so I didn't give a toss what my mates thought..... I was attracted from moment one.

 

So not all women who are slim like me and have a nice smile are shallow and aim for the hottest dudes. I am 28 and am very open to a successful 40 year old man who is in good shape and average in looks.....

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The fact that you're not open to dating different types of men will indeed be a self-imposed barrier to your finding a good partner. Unless you are unusually lucky.

 

Heck, I am 28 and I am realllllly open to dating all types!

 

I changed my outlook. I was a skinny gym junkie girl with a nice smile. I thought I only wanted body builder, hot and fit men with movie star smiles.

 

At age 24 I gave my long term ex a go. I wasn't attracted at first but I grew enamoured with his looks. Sadly, the chemistry never grew on his side. So now days I find myself feeling sparks for such a diverse bunch! South American, Blue eyed, fat, bald, shorter than me...... Scrawny..... glasses...You name it, I was open to feeling chemistry with anyone so I ... felt chemistry with a much higher % of men than that of my friends.

 

I found chemistry in unlikely places. At a metal concert, with a fat bald guy. It was his eyes and the energy we felt. I was OPEN to feeling it; OLD Leigh, the SHALLOW leigh, would have not at all given him a second glance!!!!

 

If I was my old self, I would not have GIVEN the men I HAVE felt intense chemistry for, a look in! I would not have looked twice.

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I should add that most of you probably live on a continent with ten times the men/women that I see within the island on which I live. I've looked on the continent and there are a LOT more men who appeal to me. But I have no plans on moving OR having a LD relationship when/if I do start dating again.

 

I'm in my 40s and the ugly truth is that indeed, men in their 40s and 50s have a much much wider dating pool than women the same age. The can date their age and up to 20 years younger, while we cannot date much younger except for sex only. In other words, you can have flings with younger men, but if you want a life partner, that's going to be more difficult.

 

If you have limiting beliefs about "there are no attractive/good men out there", and get picky about how a guy looks, whether he has hair (they generally don't have hair), how tall they are etc, then forget about it. You'd have to have extraordinary luck. It will be difficult anyway but you can make it impossible.

 

However, I do have a friend who found a BF in two weeks of OLD, but she was 40/no kids, so still at the edge there.

 

Good luck to you anyway. The first step would be working on yourself though and clarifying what you want.

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You're probably just not ready to date again. =/ When you are the options you have start becoming more attractive.

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I'm not quite ready to jump in just yet but was just curious about dating sites. I set up free accounts on Match, OKC and OurTime so I could check out if there are any guys I would truly be interested in dating. In all honesty there was only one of two who I would even remotely be interested in meeting. Most of the guys are either totally ugh, or simply unappealing. And of course there was one guy who was very appealing (looks, likes & values) and wouldn't you know it, I'm out of his age preference range.

 

I don't know if this is being shallow, I simply am attracted to those whom I find attractive physically as well as personality/core values/like & dislikes, etc. I worry since I'm in my mid 50's with V sex "issues". Ugh! I absolutely dread my STBD!

 

What are your thoughts on dating at my age and my visual selectiveness? I don't know how I can get past the looks of a guy I'm totally not attracted to initially. :(

 

I have news for you, that attractive man you are looking for will have other woman he is seeing so you may have to share him. No man who has it going on physically and personality wise is not dealing with other woman. So my advice to you is to lower your standards or be prepared to share.

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I'm a slim girl with a nice smile, 28, and yet I just look for the average Aussie guy.

 

I find myself attracted to many men and never need a cute or a hot guy by other peoples standards.

 

Plus many women like me know that you don't need the cutest guy in the room in order to feel intense chemistry. I have personally felt the fireworks for average Aussie blokes - I only ever felt the butterflies for one recent guy who was above average. Rest were below average or average according to most peoples standards.......

 

One of the last guys a few months back who I fell for, all my mates thought he was 3 or 4/10 but we had great chemistry so I didn't give a toss what my mates thought..... I was attracted from moment one.

 

So not all women who are slim like me and have a nice smile are shallow and aim for the hottest dudes. I am 28 and am very open to a successful 40 year old man who is in good shape and average in looks.....

 

Are you talking about online or in real life? If you sometimes fall for less than cute guys in real life thats great, but not hugely surprising. If you are saying you frequently message below average men online then I'm going to find it pretty hard to believe. Though I suppose anything's possible. The vast majority of online dating supports my statement though. OkCupid has done studies that show women actually rate 80% of men online as below average in looks. Which is of course statistically retarded. Women just have insane standards.

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I have never seen this dynamic play out in real life. This seems to be LS men's theory on why they keep getting rejected. Not sure where you get this from.

 

You'll never see this in real life as people behave somewhat differently from behind a keyboard.

 

This is far just being LS men's theory - it is rampant in the online dating world. In fact, I'd go so far to say that the LS men are registering on here through scratching their heads at why they just can't get a date.

 

As a woman, you won't be perusing women's profiles and seeing the laundry lists of demands, the anger, the princess syndrome, the obese women demanding a ripped guy. They become a parody of one another after a while.

 

I'm in my early 40s, good job, own house and car etc. I work out regularly and I have a physique that many men in their 20s would be proud of. I keep myself well groomed (although Road on here HATES my t-shirt in my avatar), I can cook and I treat people the way that I would like to be treated (do unto others and all that)

 

I haven't been on a date since I became single in Januray 2013. I've been using OLD since March 2013. In that time I have seen first hand what the LS men have been complaining about. I have had some hateful, truly hateful messages from women over this period - most of them letting me know that I am not attractive enough to be worthy of messaging them.

 

And no, I'm NOT messaging 21 year-old supermodels, I'm messaging women in their 40s (upto late 40s) who are - for want of a better phrase 'average girl next door type' The ONLY messages I receive are from women who are in ther mid 50s or are obese. Even the average, face-in-the-crowd people just like most of us are have obnoxious attitudes on there. "Don't even read this if you're not 6ft!" "You'd better be worth it because I know I am!" are common lines that any man will see on dating sites.

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OkCupid has done studies that show women actually rate 80% of men online as below average in looks. Which is of course statistically retarded.

That's brilliant!

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