Why continue to log in to dating site?

[venusinlibra]

I met a guy offline who is not my usual type, basically because he is 13 years older than me, divorced with three kids. I gave him a chance because he was very respectful to me and it was my first encounter with a guy who is interested but not quick to get physical.

Well, on our first date, he said how he wanted it to be considered our fourth date because he was enamoured with me from night one. He said we missed out on five years after I moved here, and wonder where our lives would be if we met sooner. I asked where it stood, and he said he's eager to explore the idea of "us". He said sweet things, but was a little shy about it. Perhaps I tried to sabotage us, because I was finding fault in his little text messages saying he was thinking of me, couldn't wait to see me, etc. I found his dating site profile and saw he had b been on via my fake profile. Munites later he texted that he couldn't stop thinking about me. I pulled back, and he got more sappy and logged onto the site less often, then texted me less often. However, once I let my guard down, asked his advice about a problem I'm having and let him comfort me (no crying or tears involved, it wasn't that heavy), and began reciprocating his affections and saying i couldnt wait to see him again, he is now on the site every few hours and only texted today to say work is busy and he's trying to get out early but will definitely pick me up by 6 for our date.

 

Why do these guys talk all serious, basically allude you to thinking you are in a relationship, yet keep on the dating site? Why do they pull back when the female shows the littlest interest? For the record, he lied about his age to me by five years, but he doesn't know I'm aware yet, and I found inconsistenty where he said he couldn't stop staring at my pics, but earlier had said he left his phone in the truck. Is he trying to play me? I honestly wouldn't even be here had he not led me to believe he was so into me. the moment I think someone is my boyfriend, I stop logging onto the dating site. I'm puzzled more thanks anything. He's not exactly my dream guy, but I wanted to give him a chance.

 

I plan on cutting our date short tonight saying that I'm meeting someone else, but being elusive about who. I swear any man I meet in public as a friend who doesn't play these games is taken, lol. Advice??

[Rbl325]

Well. I suppose im not really the expert. Actually i got no dating experience. Im actually here for some advice as well.

 

However. It seems to me you have a big list of dishonest and even annoying behavior. And a short or even empty list of positive things. Seems pretty simple to me.

 

Also why would you bother in cutting the evening short and play these weird games. What could it possibly help you win. Revenge?

 

My 2 minor cents:p

[venusinlibra]

I don't want revenge, I guess it's one of the following:

1. Tone down my "interest" to get him back to where he was before.

2. Don't want to waste an entire evening on this

 

Am I really callous to think or operate from the stance that unless the guy brings up the word "exclusive" and asks to take profiles down, then take what he says with a grain of salt? I'm only bothered because he gave all signs of exclusivity, then pulls back when I show interest. And who stays on a dating site while telling someone else you can't wait to see them and you guys missed out in five years together?

 

We haven't even made out yet, so hes not getting any from me. I wanted to give him a chance, but guess enough enough.

 

How should i proceed tonight?

[neowulf]

Be very, very wary of people who are over the top with displays of affection early on.

 

You guys are basically strangers. No matter how strong the connection appears to be, you don't know each other.

 

When people start talking like that on the first date, I usually run straight for the door. Normal, well adjusted people do not over invest in someone they've just met.

 

Secondly, you might want to check your own expectations. A few dates does not make you a 'couple'. Many people these days multi-date. It's considered pretty normal, early on at least.

 

That's not an excuse to fool around with multiple people or waste time. It's simply acknowledging that when you first start dating, you don't *know* each other. Why cut yourself from meeting other people, only to discover a huge deal breaker 5 dates in with the perosn you're seeing?

 

As for how to proceed, if you don't feel there's any point progressing, politely cancel the date and move on. This is the final part of dating people seem to struggle with. You don't *owe* people a date, because they said a few nice things to you.

[Gaeta]

Well, on our first date, he said how he wanted it to be considered our fourth date because he was enamoured with me from night one. He said we missed out on five years after I moved here, and wonder where our lives would be if we met sooner.

That's called verbal diarrhea.

 

I asked where it stood, and he said he's eager to explore the idea of "us".

and what does that mean exactly? Nothing really. Explore the idea? That is some gibberish that means nothing. It does not mean I want to date you, and certainly does not mean I want a relationship with you.

 

How many dates did you have with this man? It sounds like you only had one?

 

Why are you interested in him at all?

[venusinlibra]

I liked some things about him, and wanted to give him a chanc, as people have been calling me "too picky" for not dating divorced guys with kids. I was surprised on Thursday night when he said we were at a strange point and it would be good to be exclusive and we shouldn't be on dating site. This was after my phone kept going off with messages from the dating site and I said I wasn't sure if I should cancel or renew.

 

Since then, he is constantly logging in to the dating site, and even winked back at a fake profile I set up. Simultaneously, I've received lots of action from a strange profile with a username of the up and coming actor who starred in a movie we saw the other night.

 

I still want to get to the bottom of why he pulled back and get on the dating site after I showed interest and we became exclusive. It seems like a game, but many play it. The only times I have success (defined as a guy not pulling the aforementioned shenamigans) is when I abide by the "Rules", essentially playing hard to get.

 

How should I dump him? Do i admit to being aware of his "cheating"? Or do I even need dump him ? Think I should just ghost him?

[Gary S]

If you are so worried about him being active on a profile, why don't you have a discussion with him and suggest you both delete your profiles? Put your money where your mouth is.

[katiegrl]

How many dates have you actually had? That wasn't clear in your posts.

 

Have you had sex?

 

Your answers well determine how you should end this.

 

The guy is full of crap...to be perfectly blunt.

[venusinlibra]

We've had about five or six dates, and only made out a few times. We never even got close to sex. I don't understand why he started doing this after he "had"me. Now he is talking to my fake profile online and mirroring my own personal grammar style.

 

Can anyone shed light on why he did this? Why even agree to be exclusive? How should I end it?

[Gary S]

You say you are exclusive and have had 5 or 6 dates? That's a different story.

 

You can cut contact or say you met someone else and want to see where it goes.

[isolatedgothic]

Just from what you have said, I think he has his game down, especially with women who are younger than him. I wouldn't necessarily "ghost" him, but I would become very busy and unable to date him.

 

He is showing you who he is - he is interested in you when you are someone he has to chase, and when he has you, he feels the need to chase someone else. I'd say he has no interest in a real relationship, just based on what you have told us about him. He likes to play.

 

Become very busy, and keep your options really open to someone who is more sincere. Like another poster said, normal people don't lay it on as thick as those who play. Learn a lesson the easy way, not the hard way [like me!] Be busy, too busy to respond much, and definitely too busy to date him.

[venusinlibra]

He asked me to be exclusive the other day and referred to me as his girlfriend.

[katiegrl]

We've had about five or six dates, and only made out a few times. We never even got close to sex. I don't understand why he started doing this after he "had"me. Now he is talking to my fake profile online and mirroring my own personal grammar style.

 

Can anyone shed light on why he did this? Why even agree to be exclusive? How should I end it?

 

Why did he do this? Simple. He liked the "chase" not to be confused with liking "you." Two entirely different things.

 

It's hard to tell the differene at first, until they begin pulling back/ignoring you once they "have" you.

 

What you should do is pull back yourself. Don't tell him you are pulling back, just pull back. Start dating other guys and living your life, same as you did before you met him.

 

If he starts chasing again (which he will once you become unavailable to him again) ... tell him "sorry, no can do" you have lost interest.

[venusinlibra]

He just told my fake profile that he's been dating one girl exclusively and he thinks he is starting to fall for her. I guess that is me. What do you think?

 

I've ignored him for over a day and had a date last night with someone else. Who thinks I should have the conversation in person and who thinks this could be a misunderstanding?

[Gary S]

He just told my fake profile that he's been dating one girl exclusively and he thinks he is starting to fall for her. I guess that is me. What do you think?

 

- This is like a soap opera. Maybe you have a winner after all.

[katiegrl]

He just told my fake profile that he's been dating one girl exclusively and he thinks he is starting to fall for her. I guess that is me. What do you think?

 

I've ignored him for over a day and had a date last night with someone else. Who thinks I should have the conversation in person and who thinks this could be a misunderstanding?

 

Do you think he knows it is you? In what context did he tell this other girl (the fake you) that he thinks he is starting to fall for another girl (the real you)?

 

What an odd thing to tell a chick you are chatting with on line. I mean if he is telling these chicks he is dating someone exclusively, why the hell is he chatting with them at all?

 

Sounds like an episode of the Twilight Zone.

[venusinlibra]

Agreed. This is odd.

 

He started talking to fake profile after I personally told him that I was going to squeeze him in on my calendar for Thursday night. I've personally not heard from him since, but he told the fake profile that he was dating like crazy, fake profile asked how many girls, and that's when he said he hadn't seen any others in over a week because he thinks he is falling for one but it is not serious yet.

 

This is too weird. I think it's him messing with me, just like I've had a few obvious fake profiles my age without kids contacting me. I never would have made a fake profile if I didn't feel like he was playing me.

[venusinlibra]

Do you think he knows it is you? In what context did he tell this other girl (the fake you) that he thinks he is starting to fall for another girl (the real you)?

 

What an odd thing to tell a chick you are chatting with on line. I mean if he is telling these chicks he is dating someone exclusively, why the hell is he chatting with them at all?

 

Sounds like an episode of the Twilight Zone.

 

The saga continues. He set up a date with the fake profile for several days later. Do you think he knows I'm behind it? Fake profile or not, should I still dump him?

[Gary S]

Sounds like you got yourself into a pickle.

[katiegrl]

The saga continues. He set up a date with the fake profile for several days later. Do you think he knows I'm behind it? Fake profile or not, should I still dump him?

 

I don't know if he knows, but it doesn't matter. The level of dysfunction here is enough to tell you he is NOT the right guy for you.

 

Yes dump him!

[venusinlibra]

I don't know if he knows, but it doesn't matter. The level of dysfunction here is enough to tell you he is NOT the right guy for you.

 

Yes dump him!

 

Is it a good thing that I found out, even if it was via a fake profile? Does he even deserve to be dumped in person? Should I even mention his "cheating"?

[katiegrl]

I think you had enough reason to dump BEFORE you even created the fake profile.

 

Him lying to you about his age, etc., telling you he wants exclusivity, then pulling back and getting back on the site.

 

He's a sleaze!

[katiegrl]

I think you had enough reason to dump BEFORE you even created the fake profile.

 

Him lying to you about his age, etc., telling you he wants exclusivity, then pulling back and getting back on the site.

 

He's a sleaze!

 

If it were me, I would disappear. If he tracks you down, just tell him it's not working for ya, and wish him well.

[venusinlibra]

Update: he ignored me personally all day, and as of 1 am, he emailed the fake profile and said he decided not to meet her. Ironically, my personal dating site profile expired and is "unavailable" now, if he were looking for it.

 

What do you think he's going to do? As an analyst, it's almost fun to try and figure this out. Perhaps that's why I attract these types of people.

 

Other than make a fake profile (because I doubted him), did I do anything to cause this? I trusted and focused on him until I had a reason not to.

 

I'm going to continue ignoring him. The problem is that we know many of the same people. Any thoughts on how to handle that so it isn't awkward or ruin my chances with someone better?

[Redhead14]

I met a guy offline who is not my usual type, basically because he is 13 years older than me, divorced with three kids. I gave him a chance because he was very respectful to me and it was my first encounter with a guy who is interested but not quick to get physical.

Well, on our first date, he said how he wanted it to be considered our fourth date because he was enamoured with me from night one. He said we missed out on five years after I moved here, and wonder where our lives would be if we met sooner. I asked where it stood, and he said he's eager to explore the idea of "us". He said sweet things, but was a little shy about it. Perhaps I tried to sabotage us, because I was finding fault in his little text messages saying he was thinking of me, couldn't wait to see me, etc. I found his dating site profile and saw he had b been on via my fake profile. Munites later he texted that he couldn't stop thinking about me. I pulled back, and he got more sappy and logged onto the site less often, then texted me less often. However, once I let my guard down, asked his advice about a problem I'm having and let him comfort me (no crying or tears involved, it wasn't that heavy), and began reciprocating his affections and saying i couldnt wait to see him again, he is now on the site every few hours and only texted today to say work is busy and he's trying to get out early but will definitely pick me up by 6 for our date.

 

Why do these guys talk all serious, basically allude you to thinking you are in a relationship, yet keep on the dating site? Why do they pull back when the female shows the littlest interest? For the record, he lied about his age to me by five years, but he doesn't know I'm aware yet, and I found inconsistenty where he said he couldn't stop staring at my pics, but earlier had said he left his phone in the truck. Is he trying to play me? I honestly wouldn't even be here had he not led me to believe he was so into me. the moment I think someone is my boyfriend, I stop logging onto the dating site. I'm puzzled more thanks anything. He's not exactly my dream guy, but I wanted to give him a chance.

 

I plan on cutting our date short tonight saying that I'm meeting someone else, but being elusive about who. I swear any man I meet in public as a friend who doesn't play these games is taken, lol. Advice??

 

You don't really know enough about him to be thinking into it at all really. However, basically allude you to thinking you are in a relationship, is a sign that he's blow torching you. Blow torching is when a man comes on very strong and then backs off just as quickly as they came on when they get what they want. They like the chase, but don't know what to do with the prize or don't really want it.

 

Furthermore, no matter who you are dating and very early in the process, they don't owe you anything in terms of staying off the dating sites. You're just dating. You can date others and he can date others. When you get to the point where you may become intimate, then you address the subject of exclusivity.

 

"the moment I think someone is my boyfriend, I stop logging onto the dating site." -- a man is not your boyfriend until you've had that conversation straight up. This man isn't your boyfriend yet anyway after only one or two dates and bunch of texting. How in the world would he really know if he wants you as his girlfriend yet? He said he wanted to "explore the idea of "us". It really is just an idea at this point.

 

Nevertheless, it seems to me that things are moving too quickly to be believable. I wouldn't try playing the game of saying you're meeting someone else. That's rude and disrepectful. That's about trying to make him jealous and chase you harder. Simply say, you've enjoyed spending time with him, but that you aren't a good match. Since it's a second date and you are moving on, it would be nice at least to pay the bill or at least split it. You are moving on because things aren't sitting well for you, but in the end you don't really know for sure if he's being sincere. You should move on but give him the benefit of the doubt and be respectful at least.