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I had 2 dates with a new gentleman. A brunch on Sunday and a long lunch today. He is a lovely man and I really enjoy his company. He told me today he deleted his profile to concentrate only on me. I happened to put mine on invisible a couple of days ago.

 

The thing is I am intimidated by his education, social status, professional success. In short he works on world wide research projects that has him travel around the world. His work is presented to leaders of different countries and published in renown journals. He also owns businesses and franchises, he has houses in Europe and in the US. His father was a wealthy man involved in politics, etc.

 

I am like a fish out of the water. He told me at first what he liked the most about me was my self confidence. Oh my! it took such a hit today! He just texted me I inspire him and he adores my demeanor. What demeanor? the one where my jaw is hanging open lol

 

Aarrrgg! anyone felt like before and can share some wisdom?

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Gaeta - God does not respect any one person above another

 

Hold your head up, my dear. You were born to be a winner ;)

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I've been in similar situations where I've been with Women who just seem a lot more involved in things than I was. It's not always easy to interact with someone who "feels" superior to you, but I think being secure in yourself goes a long way to counteract this.

 

I think your feelings are normal, just try and squash them out and don't let them affect you :)

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Gaeta - God does not respect any one person above another

 

Hold your head up, my dear. You were born to be a winner ;)

 

aww what a sweet thing to say ! Thank you Gary.

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fitnessfan365
I had 2 dates with a new gentleman. A brunch on Sunday and a long lunch today. He is a lovely man and I really enjoy his company. He told me today he deleted his profile to concentrate only on me. I happened to put mine on invisible a couple of days ago.

 

The thing is I am intimidated by his education, social status, professional success. In short he works on world wide research projects that has him travel around the world. His work is presented to leaders of different countries and published in renown journals. He also owns businesses and franchises, he has houses in Europe and in the US. His father was a wealthy man involved in politics, etc.

 

I am like a fish out of the water. He told me at first what he liked the most about me was my self confidence. Oh my! it took such a hit today! He just texted me I inspire him and he adores my demeanor. What demeanor? the one where my jaw is hanging open lol

 

Aarrrgg! anyone felt like before and can share some wisdom?

 

I can relate to this. I'm more of a practical experience, street smarts, enjoying the simple pleasures in life sort of guy. I never went to a four year college, and stopped with school after I got a two year associates. I don't follow the news, and could care less about current events. With how much misery there is in the world, I prefer to be happy and content in my day to day life focusing on my passions and the people I care about.

 

My GF on the other hand has a lot of higher education. She's a history major with a degree from Berkley. Also, she is still extremely passionate about what she went to school for. Unlike some people that forget their major as soon as they graduate, she still reads a ton of books about history, civil rights, etc. She also loves current events. So on our first date, part of me was very intimidated. Especially since we were in a Barnes and Noble. Various books would cause her to reference places and events that I had no clue about. When she asked me if I was a big reader, I stressed that I love to read but I'm purely a fiction guy (King, Koontz, Patterson, etc).

 

However, since I could tell she was special and that we had legitimate chemistry, I overlooked our educational differences. Despite that, we actually have a lot in common and work well as a couple. So if you two genuinely get along Gaeta, I'd say just to enjoy it and be OK with a few differences along the way.

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Penguin_hugs

Yes it's a normal feeling- but it doesn't have to affect you :) It just means you have something different to talk about and can learn different things from them.

 

Personally I am a bit of a sapiophile, so I'm attracted to intelligent people and really enjoy learning new things from them.

 

I'm in a similar situation myself. I'm currently at a standard Uni to become a well respected health professional, but my BF is a physics researcher at a world renowned university- so sometimes I feel a little out of my depth! But just take the time to talk and understand each other. My BF doesn't know everything about what I do- and I can teach him- and I am sure your date doesn't know everything about what you do either :)

 

Good luck

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Gaeta: I'm not sure i've ever been in your shoes when it comes to education, job, smarts, career accomplishments. But I have been in your fella's. And if you read to the bottom, you might find that he, you and I might share a lot more than you think.

 

I'm reasonably well accomplished career wise - held executive positions with major media companies, founded (and sold) a couple of start ups, etc... I have a long and impressive education and I guess I am regarded as a smart guy who has his crap together.

 

I have had several GF's in the past be intimidated or express intimidation. I get it. The way i've handled it has been with mixed results. I think I probably handled it the best with my current GF and soulmate. I wish I had written this down but I said something like: I am flattered and honestly it makes me happy to hear that you think so highly of me. But what I want you to know is that these areas of my life are where I put my focus. I've tried to excel at them. But I'm not looking at someone to be my match in these areas - if I did I would date coworkers and colleagues. If anything, I want to share them with someone like you, not compete. And as I guy who has done much in those areas, I also know that it doesn't all come down to skill or work. There is a great deal of fortune and luck involved too!

 

What I value most are the things outside of these areas of expertise that I have. And my dear, you have those in copious amounts. [here I went into all the amazing part of her that I cherish] In many way those parts of you intimidate me as well. I sometime feel like a child sharing my thoughts on life with you because you're so f***ing wise. I wonder if the next thing to leave my lips is going to make me sound like a knuckle dragging Neanderthal. So I know exactly where you're coming from. We complement each other so well and know this - I am in awe of you.

 

So ya Gaeta - it is okay to be a little intimidated by his success. Because, he is probably intimidated by some aspect of you.

 

I hope this helps!

 

Mrin

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Ruby Slippers

There's no reason to be intimidated. In my experience, mature, educated, accomplished men are looking for women who are sophisticated, classy, smart, and capable. Many of them don't care much about your level of accomplishment, as long as you have some larger aspirations for your life and are working to achieve them. Mostly they want a companion who will complement them, someone who has her own goals, but is also impressed by his accomplishments and sees him as The Man.

 

I must offer my maternal advice not to have sex with him too fast, though ;) It's good that he deleted his profile and is saying nice things - but only time will prove that it's not all a bunch of hot air to get what he wants. These kind of men are used to getting what they want, and I think they tend to be more intrigued by the women who don't just fall into bed with them because they're so impressed and swoony.

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That's so lovely Mrin.

 

 

I'm in a similar scenario. I hold one degree, my bf has many and yet he's never made me feel like I should be intimidated. Initially, I remember feeling the same but he has made comments in the past about me being a wise soul. Go with the flow Gaeta, it's too early to say if a relationship will develop.

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Gaeta - I don't know if you remember when I started dating my nowHusband...

 

I was totally intimated; he speaks 10 languages, is a noted surgeon, went to boarding schools, has two PhD's, has a pilot's license, traveled the world, met with and worked alongside famous politicians....

 

You get the picture. The sum of what we do is not who we are. My guy was drawn to me - not because we went to the same boarding schools (because I was kicked out of a public school; not because we can converse in multiple languages (because I only know the one), nor because I take over the seat in an airplane (because I can't).

 

We all bring something unique to a relationship and he obviously likes what you are contributing; be thankful and appreciative and don't get too caught up in his "lifestyle" because it is illusive and can't be the groundwork of a strong relationship.

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He's an American. He's been here for 6 months. He travels a lot back and forth. Is there a way for me to verify if he's divorced? I think those records are public in the US?

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I can never understand why people would feel intimidated towards other people...I would just be happy I found a successful man. What's there to be afraid of? Why does his success scare you?

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I can never understand why people would feel intimidated towards other people...I would just be happy I found a successful man. What's there to be afraid of? Why does his success scare you?

 

It's not so much about his career success, it's about coming from a different background, different life style, and different financial mean.

 

He grew up in boarding schools in Europe and traveled the world with his parents on days off school. I grew up on a dairy farm. I milked the cows on my school days off !

 

He looks at a the list of wine at the restaurant and he comments on what's good and not and why. I know 3 wine, white-red-rosé, they all taste the same to me.

 

He's also a mathematician statistician Actuary. If that does not intimidate you that's cause you don't fully understand how impressive those are lol.

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It's not so much about his career success, it's about coming from a different background, different life style, and different financial mean.

 

He grew up in boarding schools in Europe and traveled the world with his parents on days off school. I grew up on a dairy farm. I milked the cows on my school days off !

 

He looks at a the list of wine at the restaurant and he comments on what's good and not and why. I know 3 wine, white-red-rosé, they all taste the same to me.

 

He's also a mathematician statistician Actuary. If that does not intimidate you that's cause you don't fully understand how impressive those are lol.

Nope. I'd enjoy this whole new world he brings me and learn to appreciate different wines.

Nothing to be intimidated about?? If someone is impressive I would admire him but would not be intimidated.

You fancy his Europe school, I fancy your farm and cow. probably so does he. No kidding. I personally don't find boarding school or wines all that fascinating. Sound like you put him on a pedestal. Like you said, it's just different.

I actually have no idea what your question is. Do you want to learn how to stop feeling this?

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He's an American. He's been here for 6 months. He travels a lot back and forth. Is there a way for me to verify if he's divorced? I think those records are public in the US?

 

Divorce records are public in the US, yes, but there's no master repository for them like other things. So in order to find out, you'd have to check the local county court where he resided at the presumed time of the divorce. That ends up being a tall order, because how do you really know when/where if you're just casting a big net?

 

Is there some particular reason you want to find out?

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No reason to be intimidated; like all potential partners you should be assessing compatibility. Like does tend to attract like, so if you two are very different, it is more likely not to work out (which would be for the best).

 

That being said, the things you listed as being "intimidating" don't really have much to do with core values - and it's matching up in terms of those values that really makes or breaks it in my opinion.

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I can't recall the last time I was intimidated by a potential romantic partner. Masters degrees, PhDs, million dollar houses. Who cares.

 

You're Gaeta of loveshack, more people probably read your posts than his long, boring papers. And I'm not joking about that.

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It's not so much about his career success, it's about coming from a different background, different life style, and different financial mean.

 

He grew up in boarding schools in Europe and traveled the world with his parents on days off school. I grew up on a dairy farm. I milked the cows on my school days off !

 

He looks at a the list of wine at the restaurant and he comments on what's good and not and why. I know 3 wine, white-red-rosé, they all taste the same to me.

 

He's also a mathematician statistician Actuary. If that does not intimidate you that's cause you don't fully understand how impressive those are lol.

 

Eh, my husband grew up in a place in B.C. that you can only get to by ferry (talk about isolation), and I grew up in the big, scary city in the U.S.. It doesn't matter! You can still be compatible and work it out.

 

Just let him pick the wine. You don't need to know anything about it if he does! Seriously! :cool:

 

And so what that he's an actuary. He's good at math. What are YOU good at? Chances are that is not his talent. He has talent at one thing, you have talent at other things. It all balances out.

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Aarrrgg! anyone felt like before and can share some wisdom?

 

Geata honey.

 

Stop fretting.

 

I used to work for a chap who spoke 9 languages fluently (read perfectly like a native) and several more were passable (as in he could hold conversations but some words would be a touch mixed up)... He should have been in the Who's Who rich list (top 50) but refused as he felt it "crass". He collected vintage Rolls Royces as a hobby. Owned homes in several countries.

 

After I stopped working for him I saw him in passing and you know what he rushed over, gave me a great big hug and a grin and said how much he missed me working for him... because I looked at the weather forecasts and reminded him to take a coat when the countries he was going to be in were having bad weather... it was the attention to detail he admired.

 

Honey just because someone is really bright and intelligent or better than you at something doesn't mean that you are not better than them at other things.

 

You are one of a few chaps on here that really stands out. Its because you are special. You are caring, considerate, you have a zest for life, you are honest and daring... Girl - you got balls the size of an elephants! He may not have any of that and be in awe of that... Have you thought about that?

 

Just be yourself. You are worth it. You have nothing to be intimidated by.

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He's an American. He's been here for 6 months. He travels a lot back and forth. Is there a way for me to verify if he's divorced? I think those records are public in the US?

 

This was completely random.

Are you trying to find something "bad" about him?

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This was completely random.

Are you trying to find something "bad" about him?

 

Its Gaeta... of course she is! :laugh:

 

Gaeta honey this guy farts on the sly... the rest of it well just enjoy and have fun! :D

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Is there some particular reason you want to find out?

 

I want to be cautious. I met a man once and he told me he was living here in Montreal but from NY and his work called for a lot of traveling back and forth to NY. Turns out he was living in NY and traveling here.

 

I checked this current man. He seems to be who he is. The one picture I see his hands he has a wedding band. No date on picture.

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I want to be cautious. I met a man once and he told me he was living here in Montreal but from NY and his work called for a lot of traveling back and forth to NY. Turns out he was living in NY and traveling here.

 

I checked this current man. He seems to be who he is. The one picture I see his hands he has a wedding band. No date on picture.

 

Darling you are no fool. Ask him. Ask him to talk to you about it. You will then get an idea of all sorts of things...

 

How he still feels about his ex wife

If she is actually an ex wife

How he dealt with it all

What he is looking for in the future

etc etc...

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