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So, he pursued me for over a year but is it genuine?


BlueIvy

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So, I use to work at this co. where I met *Jay, but we worked in different departments He basically offered me a ride (2 minute ride but it was over ramp using company car) and made small talk. Later that day, he asked for my # but I rejected him because I had a bf at the time.

However, I initially thought he was very cute.

 

After that, he still said hi and bye but gave subtle clues he was still attracted to me. For instance, he left his jacket on top of mine, when there were other spots. He said, "I am just gonna leave my jacket here and then gave a slight laugh."

 

As we worked in different departments I barely saw him.

 

6 months after he tried to hit on me, we bumped into the employee parking lot where I told him next week is my last week. He tried to ask if I was on any social media site, I said no but then offered my number and he took it. He later admitted he didn't want to be rejected again, hence he asked if I was on a social media site, instead of asking for my # a 2nd time. A few days later went on a date but I was still stuck on my ex so we just kinda of lost touch. He did ask for second date but it sizzled after.

 

8 months later, he hits me up via Snap chat, I accepted a u/n thinking it was a friend but it was him. We engage in small talk and he eventually asks me if I am still single. I asked him the same and he said yes. He said he was updating phone and noticed one pic I sent (non-sexual) and how it made him have a crush all over again. So, then he remembered I had snap chat or whatever and thus added me.

 

 

Then we talk on the phone for an hour and asks me when can he see me. I also told him in a joking w I said weekend all book but Monday after work ok. He said that should be fine since he is off work and he will make arrangements to rent a car or whatnot and he will let me know. He has no car but works for a rental co.

 

So, today I hit him up verifying our plans. He said, he isn't sure what his plans would be for the day and that his friend is actually talking about doing a BBQ. I just replied, "Oh, nice."

 

Am I reading too much into it? But I kinda feel like salted because it's like if you wanted to go on a date/outing, you would make effort or at least say sorry I can't, next time or something.

 

And even though I am considered good looking and single, I am surprised that as a good looking man he has still been single for 2 years. I know he probably is getting some but I would think

 

Another peculiar thing is when we had our phone call, he mentioned he doesn't know why is still stuck on me, but he says I am definetly not easy. To which I replied, "Are you use to easy and he laughed before saying "No, but you are a challenge." So, IDK if he genuinely likes me or is looking for a conquest? Or maybe a convenience thing?

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DoesntGetIt

I wouldn't overthink someone putting in that much effort. The guy has continued to show interest after all this time and when you finally decide you're interested back you start doubting his intentions?

 

 

Given I wouldn't put a fraction of that effort into someone (they say not interested, I go on my way and don't try anymore), I would at least work on getting a date for a date settled and see how it goes.

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I wouldn't overthink someone putting in that much effort. The guy has continued to show interest after all this time and when you finally decide you're interested back you start doubting his intentions?

 

 

Given I wouldn't put a fraction of that effort into someone (they say not interested, I go on my way and don't try anymore), I would at least work on getting a date for a date settled and see how it goes.

 

I tend to over-think things, that's just how my brain works,lol.

 

I guess sometimes IDK. I guess I just felt he would have wanted to hang out instead of hanging with his friends. It makes me feel like he wasn't serious but IDK.

 

I guess I will continue to feel things out.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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I wouldn't overthink someone putting in that much effort. The guy has continued to show interest after all this time and when you finally decide you're interested back you start doubting his intentions?

 

 

Given I wouldn't put a fraction of that effort into someone (they say not interested, I go on my way and don't try anymore), I would at least work on getting a date for a date settled and see how it goes.

 

Update, so we did go out the other day, which I initiated. As the date winded down (it was like 6 hours), he asked for us to take a pic together as a ruse to kiss me. Eventually, we did kiss. He actually seemed intrigued I knew how to kiss since I said I am not that good at it. He later thanked me for an amazing night and said I am an amazing kisser. But he didn't mention a 3rd date or anything.

 

We have been in touch mainly in text form.

 

I noticed how he said how I am a challenge/not easy so I guess I question if I am just a goal to conquest. Also, we mainly text, which to me is like whatever. I think speaking on the phone builds a connection, text to me is just so whatever...I guess I think if he really liked me, he would call more...

 

While we were talking, I asked him why he is still single, as he is a attractive man and he said he's picky and doesn't like doormats. He then asked me why I am single. I asked him what he is looking for and it seems we are on the same page in that respect; we aren't trying to jump into anything but if the chemistry,etc is there a relationship would be the next course of action.

 

Then again, I am not looking for a serious relationship unless the guy is really special, nor am I looking for casual sex. So, I am just dating a few different men here and there.

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I love women who are a challenge. Usually if she maintains some of that challenge even after we get together I stay interested. If I start getting 5 unanswered texts in a row I get worried. =/

 

But I can't speak for this guy. It's always a risk. Seems worth taking after he's been after you that long though.

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I love women who are a challenge. Usually if she maintains some of that challenge even after we get together I stay interested. If I start getting 5 unanswered texts in a row I get worried. =/

 

But I can't speak for this guy. It's always a risk. Seems worth taking after he's been after you that long though.

 

Well, a part of me feels like it's an ego thing because he still vividly remembers how I initially rejected him. But then it's like why waste time telling me about his past, like his mother dying, not knowing his real father,etc

 

I texted him yesterday good morning and then he replied good morning beautiful and then I said what you up to? And he never replied.

 

It's like texting someone doesn't take much effort. I don't have a lot of experience but my ex even though we barely talked on the phone or texted, it's because we spent every day together in the initial stages.

 

I'm not clingy at all but I want to feel like a man likes me. Hmm, I guess I will fall back and see how it goes. Whatever end result is, life goes on.

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Well, a part of me feels like it's an ego thing because he still vividly remembers how I initially rejected him. But then it's like why waste time telling me about his past, like his mother dying, not knowing his real father,etc

 

I texted him yesterday good morning and then he replied good morning beautiful and then I said what you up to? And he never replied.

 

It's like texting someone doesn't take much effort. I don't have a lot of experience but my ex even though we barely talked on the phone or texted, it's because we spent every day together in the initial stages.

 

I'm not clingy at all but I want to feel like a man likes me. Hmm, I guess I will fall back and see how it goes. Whatever end result is, life goes on.

Eh, you're probably right if he's not even texting you after you made out. =/ Some guys just can't get over that stuff.

 

I don't even have anything else to say because it seems like you've got it figured out.

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So, I use to work at this co. where I met *Jay, but we worked in different departments He basically offered me a ride (2 minute ride but it was over ramp using company car) and made small talk. Later that day, he asked for my # but I rejected him because I had a bf at the time.

However, I initially thought he was very cute.

 

After that, he still said hi and bye but gave subtle clues he was still attracted to me. For instance, he left his jacket on top of mine, when there were other spots. He said, "I am just gonna leave my jacket here and then gave a slight laugh."

 

As we worked in different departments I barely saw him.

 

6 months after he tried to hit on me, we bumped into the employee parking lot where I told him next week is my last week. He tried to ask if I was on any social media site, I said no but then offered my number and he took it. He later admitted he didn't want to be rejected again, hence he asked if I was on a social media site, instead of asking for my # a 2nd time. A few days later went on a date but I was still stuck on my ex so we just kinda of lost touch. He did ask for second date but it sizzled after.

 

8 months later, he hits me up via Snap chat, I accepted a u/n thinking it was a friend but it was him. We engage in small talk and he eventually asks me if I am still single. I asked him the same and he said yes. He said he was updating phone and noticed one pic I sent (non-sexual) and how it made him have a crush all over again. So, then he remembered I had snap chat or whatever and thus added me.

 

 

Then we talk on the phone for an hour and asks me when can he see me. I also told him in a joking w I said weekend all book but Monday after work ok. He said that should be fine since he is off work and he will make arrangements to rent a car or whatnot and he will let me know. He has no car but works for a rental co.

 

So, today I hit him up verifying our plans. He said, he isn't sure what his plans would be for the day and that his friend is actually talking about doing a BBQ. I just replied, "Oh, nice."

 

Am I reading too much into it? But I kinda feel like salted because it's like if you wanted to go on a date/outing, you would make effort or at least say sorry I can't, next time or something.

 

And even though I am considered good looking and single, I am surprised that as a good looking man he has still been single for 2 years. I know he probably is getting some but I would think

 

Another peculiar thing is when we had our phone call, he mentioned he doesn't know why is still stuck on me, but he says I am definetly not easy. To which I replied, "Are you use to easy and he laughed before saying "No, but you are a challenge." So, IDK if he genuinely likes me or is looking for a conquest? Or maybe a convenience thing?

 

You don't know until you know . . . if he asks you for a date, go out, enjoy the time, get to know him. Find out what his dating goals are and whether you are on the same page in that at least. Don't have sex with him until you're comfortable and know enough about him.

 

You are doing a lot of "reading into" things. Wait and see if he actually makes a specific date with you.

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Eh, you're probably right if he's not even texting you after you made out. =/ Some guys just can't get over that stuff.

 

I don't even have anything else to say because it seems like you've got it figured out.

 

He did text me after we made out he said thanks for amazing night and amazing kiss. But after I texted him yesterday he didn't continue to follow up the conversation. It's like really? It's like after all this time, If you just want sex, then don't waste my time because I'm clearly not easy.

 

Also, I had a bf at the time so he needs to get over having his ego bruised. It's been more than a year since that rejection.

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You don't know until you know . . . if he asks you for a date, go out, enjoy the time, get to know him. Find out what his dating goals are and whether you are on the same page in that at least. Don't have sex with him until you're comfortable and know enough about him.

 

You are doing a lot of "reading into" things. Wait and see if he actually makes a specific date with you.

 

You know I'm kinda anal about reading into things but when I was with ex, I never questioned if he liked me. If we weren't together he called or texted. He showed me I was interested. I am open to a relationship but I'm not trying to jump into anything.

 

He told me he wants a relationship but he's not trying to jump into anything, like me, he has only been in 1 significant relationship and his was full of drama. It's like don't keep contacting me telling me your whole life story to not even regularly communicate; it's a waste of time for both of us.

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Well, I have to say him hanging in all that time and then waffling once he finally got a yes is worrisome. Maybe he's nervous?? Maybe he meant he'd take you to the friend's BBQ? Only way you'll find out if it's sincere is to date him awhile and see if he goes right for the bed or shows some restraint.

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Well, I have to say him hanging in all that time and then waffling once he finally got a yes is worrisome. Maybe he's nervous?? Maybe he meant he'd take you to the friend's BBQ? Only way you'll find out if it's sincere is to date him awhile and see if he goes right for the bed or shows some restraint.

 

i don't think so because he said it as if he didn't know what his plans were going to be.

i don't think he's nervous...i mean how nervous can you be pursuing someone for over a year sporadically. its funny because my ex on our 1st date was kinda nervous but i never ever questioned if he liked me.

 

well, IDK anymore. I guess I will give it a few days and if I feel its stagnant, then on to the next.

It is just weird too because before he hit me up randomly, I actually was thinking about him, so i took it as a sign that perhaps I should give him a real chance.

 

I''m not superstitious that much but I kinda believe in dreams. even with my ex, before we dated I had a dream about him.

 

I feel everything in life is for a reason so I'm curious as to why he keeps popping back somehow. He is handsome and has options, so for me it's hard to see it as just wanting a conquest.

 

Sometimes I wonder if it's because he thinks I don't actually like him. Because while we talked, he asked me what I thought of him. I said I find him attractive and he said I said it with hesitancy...so I don't know. Then again, why say he had an amazing night and an amazing kiss. He could have just not said anything.

Edited by BlueIvy
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Well, I have to say him hanging in all that time and then waffling once he finally got a yes is worrisome. Maybe he's nervous?? Maybe he meant he'd take you to the friend's BBQ? Only way you'll find out if it's sincere is to date him awhile and see if he goes right for the bed or shows some restraint.

 

It's ok, I already have confirmation he just wants sex. My instinct told me something isn't right so...

 

I actually asked him and here are some texts between us:

25kmpkx.jpg

 

Now, despite him then trying to say we can be friends; I decided to play games. I never play games but **** it, nice people finish last anyway.

 

So, I asked him to send me a pic of his junk. I never asked guys to do this, but I wanted to make him think he was getting some. Anyway, he sent a pic of his package,lol.

 

I even said I want you bad and he was willing to drive here.

 

So, it's like you can put effort to get laid, right. He wasn't on my level and really it's just a lust thing on my part, but I can't do the casual sex thing.

 

Anyway, I am done with him, I just wanted to make him think he was getting laid. Yeah, yeah know it's immature and all that ****, but whatever.

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Asking for a penis pic and telling him you want him is a game most guys don't mind playing, even if you don't have sex with them after. :p

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fitnessfan365

Well to be honest, if I made my sexual interest known, and a woman says "Is that all you want?" it's an instant turn off. Either she has trust issues, isn't comfortable enough with her sexuality, or is insecure. So once he saw you getting paranoid he instantly backed off. I'd do the same thing.

 

As I've mentioned before, a lot of women these days are so worried that all a guy wants them for is sex. Then they get paranoid and wreck the chances of anything developing naturally. It's funny because women love confident sexually assertive men. But then some women also expect that same guy to act asexual when it's not happening. If he's vocal about his attraction, if he flirts, etc all he wants is sex. Lame double standard.

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Well to be honest, if I made my sexual interest known, and a woman says "Is that all you want?" it's an instant turn off. Either she has trust issues, isn't comfortable enough with her sexuality, or is insecure. So once he saw you getting paranoid he instantly backed off. I'd do the same thing.

 

As I've mentioned before, a lot of women these days are so worried that all a guy wants them for is sex. Then they get paranoid and wreck the chances of anything developing naturally. It's funny because women love confident sexually assertive men. But then some women also expect that same guy to act asexual when it's not happening. If he's vocal about his attraction, if he flirts, etc all he wants is sex. Lame double standard.

 

Actions speak louder than words. My ex and I spoke about sex before we dated and on first date made out heavy. Everything happened naturally. But I also knew he liked me since he regularly set dates and called/texted; something this guy is inconsistent with. If someone likes you, they put effort.

 

I have no problem with him being sexually attracted to me or admitting it, it's his lack of effort. For instance, when he didn't reply to my other text asking him what he is up to. I, again initiated the convo and he tried to say he was busy at work. So, that to me is indicators he isn't looking to take me serious.

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Asking for a penis pic and telling him you want him is a game most guys don't mind playing, even if you don't have sex with them after. :p

 

lol:laugh: I guess I will take a L.

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fitnessfan365
Actions speak louder than words. My ex and I spoke about sex before we dated and on first date made out heavy. Everything happened naturally. But I also knew he liked me since he regularly set dates and called/texted; something this guy is inconsistent with. If someone likes you, they put effort.

 

I have no problem with him being sexually attracted to me or admitting it, it's his lack of effort. For instance, when he didn't reply to my other text asking him what he is up to. I, again initiated the convo and he tried to say he was busy at work. So, that to me is indicators he isn't looking to take me serious.

 

Ah gotcha. Well if he wasn't being consistent in his actions that's different.

 

It's funny. I wish that some of the women I've dated over the years had that same benefit of the doubt mindset you did with your ex. My recent ex is just another example. At some point, a woman should let her guard down and trust a guy if he's consistent in her life. Yet some women just can't do it. Ironically, all the older women I've dated over the years never had that issue. Chemistry and tension was strong because they were always playful. They weren't always questioning my intentions. It's usually women my age and younger that get paranoid.

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I have no problem with him being sexually attracted to me or admitting it, it's his lack of effort. For instance, when he didn't reply to my other text asking him what he is up to. I, again initiated the convo and he tried to say he was busy at work. So, that to me is indicators he isn't looking to take me serious.

 

You set the stage by being this challenge to him. He was intrigued, he continues the chase for a year.

He catches you, you make out and then you turn into Miss Needy demanding to know what he is doing and then accusing him of only wanting sex...

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Peachykeen85

i met this guy at school, I tutored him. Slowly we bcame close. Sometimes we'd just sit there and look into each other's eyes. He'd stay late and talk with me after lessons. He even got me a gift for my birthday. So I felt comfortable enough to ask him out. He said yes, then nervously cancelled a week later. Then agreed again. So we went out once and had a great time and great chemistry. When I invited him out again he said yes then cancelled a week later saying "let's go another day" I messaged him and asked what day? He never replied. A few weeks later I saw him outside and he tried to put his hood over his head and hide from me. I pretend I didn't see him. Did I do something wrong? I feel very hurt and confused.

I could really use your advice...

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You set the stage by being this challenge to him. He was intrigued, he continues the chase for a year.

He catches you, you make out and then you turn into Miss Needy demanding to know what he is doing and then accusing him of only wanting sex...

 

I didn't demand or ask what he is doing. I said to him thanks for replying and he answered he was busy at work.

 

I sent 3 texts from that initial convo when I said good morning. But yeah let's assume I'm needy.

 

I didn't accuse him of wanting sex, I asked him. And apparently my initiation was right.

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An update for anyone who cares,lol.

 

Your instincts are there for a reason, don't ignore it! Even if a guy pursues you for years, it doesn't mean his intentions are sincere.

 

I decided to mind f him and thinking he was getting some and he fell in the trap. He sent me a video of him playing with his junk, and later sent a video of some girl giving him a bj. Disrespectful and just shows he sees me as nothing more than a sexual object. Even him just filming that woman performing on him shows he has no respect for her, then again she has no respect herself to allow it, as he can show anyone videos of her.

 

Blocked him on snap and blocked his #

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fitnessfan365
An update for anyone who cares,lol.

 

Your instincts are there for a reason, don't ignore it! Even if a guy pursues you for years, it doesn't mean his intentions are sincere.

 

I decided to mind f him and thinking he was getting some and he fell in the trap. He sent me a video of him playing with his junk, and later sent a video of some girl giving him a bj. Disrespectful and just shows he sees me as nothing more than a sexual object. Even him just filming that woman performing on him shows he has no respect for her, then again she has no respect herself to allow it, as he can show anyone videos of her.

 

Blocked him on snap and blocked his #

 

It sucks that happened. If a guy sends you a video of another woman blowing him, then he obviously isn't right for you. But you have to admit, that's a pretty extreme case. My opinion is still the same. Take it case by case, and don't lump every guy that acts playful or expresses sexual desire into the same category. The next guy you meet, isn't this guy. That's all I'm saying.

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It sucks that happened. If a guy sends you a video of another woman blowing him, then he obviously isn't right for you. But you have to admit, that's a pretty extreme case. My opinion is still the same. Take it case by case, and don't lump every guy that acts playful or expresses sexual desire into the same category. The next guy you meet, isn't this guy. That's all I'm saying.

 

I won't. But I think it shows to stick to men in my own class. No being open minded even if they seem initially nice.

 

I appreciate the feedback. He's a dog and he can stick to his easy women.

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  • 4 weeks later...
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It sucks that happened. If a guy sends you a video of another woman blowing him, then he obviously isn't right for you. But you have to admit, that's a pretty extreme case. My opinion is still the same. Take it case by case, and don't lump every guy that acts playful or expresses sexual desire into the same category. The next guy you meet, isn't this guy. That's all I'm saying.

 

Since then I have blocked and deleted him off my Snapchat and contacts list.

 

However, recently his friend added me on Snapchat, wtf is up with that?

 

Initially, I thought it was someone I know since my setting is only people with my number can friend request me, so I accepted. But then I asked who it is and he said *So-so. So, I checked his snapstory and realized IDK him. So, then it clicked and I realized he was the friend of the **** boi I went on 2 dates with. I am like how you get my number and he was evasive about it and pretty much said it's not that serious and it doesn't matter.

 

It's like you are obviously looking to get laid and you know I am not easy, so why the **** do you think it's ok to give your friend my snapchat name to add me??

 

Like why would he do that??

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