Virgin26 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 So, I met this amazing guy online and we immediately hit it off. We dated for about 2 months and it was all amazing. We just got along very well. Anyway, he got a job offer in a different country and he had to leave. We never discussed long distance when he left because I felt it was way too early to do long distance and I didn't want to freak him out (and he didn't bring it up either)! We have been texting (and sexting) every day since he left, and we were making plans for when he comes visit. We had an intense "romantic" skype session one day and it was great. After that, it all went downhills He promised to send me a video that I asked for, but he never did. In fact, he just stopped texting me all together. I thought he just needs space so I waited for a few days, then I texted him "hey, don't forget to send me the video :)". He replied right away that he is busy and didn't have time and that he'll send it "whenever he can". That was last week, I haven't heard from him at all. Now, I really, really like this guy and it's so unfortunate that this distance problem happened. But what should I do in this case? check up on him? confront him? wait for him to text? or just cut my loses and move on! I just don't understand what happened, It was just perfect... Did he suddenly realize that he's heading towards a relationship and he doesn't want that? did he meet someone else? why would he just disappear all of a sudden? I'm driving myself crazy with all these questions. Please help!! :(:( Link to post Share on other sites
Poppygoodwill Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 It's more likely that he realized he's far away and there's little prospect of living in teh same place, so he decided to let it go. Let you go. Also he's probably gotten quite involved in his new home and everything there, which will be very demanding. It makes sense that he would focus on where he is, and you've gotten left behind in the move. I'm sorry for it, but I think there's no point in confronting him or trying to talk to him about it - unless you feel you want to really tell him how his behaviour has affected you. In other words - give him a piece of your mind and then walk away. Because you will just have to walk away from this one, one way or another. Chalk it up to experience. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 We have been texting (and sexting) every day since he left, and we were making plans for when he comes visit. We had an intense "romantic" skype session one day and it was great. After that, it all went downhills Question, OP: Did y'all have sex before he left, or was this Skype session the first time things got hot and heavy? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 It's over, move on. Guys don't do LD well, especially that early in a relationship. They hate the idea of having to actually break up so they just move away and forget about you. Accept it and find someone who's local. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Virgin26 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Question, OP: Did y'all have sex before he left, or was this Skype session the first time things got hot and heavy? We made out heavily before and had oral sex before he left. Just didn't get to the actual act yet. So I would say the Skype wasn't the first time (although first time online I guess) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Virgin26 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 It's over, move on. Guys don't do LD well, especially that early in a relationship. They hate the idea of having to actually break up so they just move away and forget about you. Accept it and find someone who's local. That's just cruel and childish. I would think if someone cared a bit about, they would at least have the decency of telling you before disappearing. Now I'm hurt and confused and unable to move on! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 OP you didn't "Have the talk" with him about it, so you can't hold him to any expectations. I'd say its over, your relationship isn't solid enough for LDR to work, and you probably wont see him again anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trane Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 It's over, move on. Guys don't do LD well, especially that early in a relationship. They hate the idea of having to actually break up so they just move away and forget about you. Accept it and find someone who's local. I will second this. Women do the exact same thing to men, with or without excuses. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 That's just cruel and childish. I would think if someone cared a bit about, they would at least have the decency of telling you before disappearing. Now I'm hurt and confused and unable to move on! No. It's the reality of having made out with a guy and then him going home. You don't have much of a relationship to begin with so did you really expect that things would survive a large distance? From what you're telling us here, it's not even likely that he considered he was in a relationship with you. You hadn't even agreed to be exclusive at that stage. You were a woman he was dating and made out with. That's quite a logical conclusion to come to. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I will second this. Women do the exact same thing to men, with or without excuses. Agreed. There was no relationship here to begin with, therefore no feelings or expectations be beholden over. It's to be expected in that situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 why would he just disappear all of a sudden? :(:( because he got a job in a different country 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You'd be much better off with a person who lives reasonably close to you. Much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Virgin26 Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 No. It's the reality of having made out with a guy and then him going home. You don't have much of a relationship to begin with so did you really expect that things would survive a large distance? From what you're telling us here, it's not even likely that he considered he was in a relationship with you. You hadn't even agreed to be exclusive at that stage. You were a woman he was dating and made out with. That's quite a logical conclusion to come to. I didn't think we were in a relationship, but we did have something special. I do realize that we're not a couple and that long distance isn't just an option at this stage. I am just puzzled at the fact that he stopped texting all of a sudden, no reason, no excuse. Just poof, disappeared! I don't think that's normal or expected... or maybe I'm just naive and dumb All I know is that I feel hurt and very offended. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I didn't think we were in a relationship, but we did have something special. And the only mistake you've made is to assume that he thought the same way. Clearly you were both miles apart in that regard. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I didn't think we were in a relationship, but we did have something special. I do realize that we're not a couple and that long distance isn't just an option at this stage. I am just puzzled at the fact that he stopped texting all of a sudden, no reason, no excuse. Just poof, disappeared! I don't think that's normal or expected... or maybe I'm just naive and dumb All I know is that I feel hurt and very offended. the "poof and disappearance" are common traits for men Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I am just puzzled at the fact that he stopped texting all of a sudden, no reason, no excuse. Just poof, disappeared! I don't think that's normal or expected... or maybe I'm just naive and dumb All I know is that I feel hurt and very offended. I mean, if the Skype interaction was more like cybersex, then it's not so terribly surprising. It's not cool, by any means, but many men disappear after sex happens, be it after two weeks or two months. It's crappy, but it happens. I had a FWB last summer who just drifted away after almost four months. As far as being hurt and offended. Well, I think it's all part of dating. If you're fooling around, and haven't had a conversation about it, I wouldn't expect much more, unfortunately. Put it behind you, and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 (edited) So, I met this amazing guy online and we immediately hit it off. We dated for about 2 months and it was all amazing. We just got along very well. Anyway, he got a job offer in a different country and he had to leave. We never discussed long distance when he left because I felt it was way too early to do long distance and I didn't want to freak him out (and he didn't bring it up either)! We have been texting (and sexting) every day since he left, and we were making plans for when he comes visit. We had an intense "romantic" skype session one day and it was great. After that, it all went downhills He promised to send me a video that I asked for, but he never did. In fact, he just stopped texting me all together. I thought he just needs space so I waited for a few days, then I texted him "hey, don't forget to send me the video :)". He replied right away that he is busy and didn't have time and that he'll send it "whenever he can". That was last week, I haven't heard from him at all. Now, I really, really like this guy and it's so unfortunate that this distance problem happened. But what should I do in this case? check up on him? confront him? wait for him to text? or just cut my loses and move on! I just don't understand what happened, It was just perfect... Did he suddenly realize that he's heading towards a relationship and he doesn't want that? did he meet someone else? why would he just disappear all of a sudden? I'm driving myself crazy with all these questions. Please help!! :(:( It was too early to be this invested in this one, long-distance or otherwise. It doesn't matter what happened. You were not a couple. Don't follow up, check on or otherwise contact him. If he contacts you, I'd say that you've moved on. it was way too early to do long distance and I didn't want to freak him out (and he didn't bring it up either)! He didn't bring it up because he likely wouldn't do LDR and already knew he didn't want a relationship. Did he suddenly realize that he's heading towards a relationship and he doesn't want that? Did you ever have a casual discussion in those two months about what each of you was looking for out of your dating experiences? This is something that should be talked about early in a dating scenario. Men poof because they aren't invested in the other person. He doesn't feel any obligation to discuss it with them. It's not very nice, but the truth is, they don't owe you anything and you don't owe them anything if you were not in a "relationship". Edited April 2, 2015 by Redhead14 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Virgin26 Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 It was too early to be this invested in this one, long-distance or otherwise. It doesn't matter what happened. You were not a couple. Don't follow up, check on or otherwise contact him. If he contacts you, I'd say that you've moved on. it was way too early to do long distance and I didn't want to freak him out (and he didn't bring it up either)! He didn't bring it up because he likely wouldn't do LDR and already knew he didn't want a relationship. Did he suddenly realize that he's heading towards a relationship and he doesn't want that? Did you ever have a casual discussion in those two months about what each of you was looking for out of your dating experiences? This is something that should be talked about early in a dating scenario. Men poof because they aren't invested in the other person. He doesn't feel any obligation to discuss it with them. It's not very nice, but the truth is, they don't owe you anything and you don't owe them anything if you were not in a "relationship". Thanks. Your reply and advise do make sense, and I know the only solution is to move on. He was more invested and more interested than me, and he was the one to initiate texting the minute his plane landed, and he was the one to initiate most of the conversations. When we dated, he was the one talking about a relationship, and I mentioned that although I like him a lot, we should take things a bit slower.... That is why I am extremely puzzled by the fact that he just disappeared with no word or warning!! That is strange in my opinion!! I am still tempted to contact him one last time to find out what happened (just to get some peace of mind). But I don't want to humiliate myself even further or end up being hurt again! Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Thanks. Your reply and advise do make sense, and I know the only solution is to move on. He was more invested and more interested than me, and he was the one to initiate texting the minute his plane landed, and he was the one to initiate most of the conversations. When we dated, he was the one talking about a relationship, and I mentioned that although I like him a lot, we should take things a bit slower.... That is why I am extremely puzzled by the fact that he just disappeared with no word or warning!! That is strange in my opinion!! I am still tempted to contact him one last time to find out what happened (just to get some peace of mind). But I don't want to humiliate myself even further or end up being hurt again! I tend to think this guy probably was "just saying all the right things" to get what he wanted. Guys talking like this so quickly is about "blow torching" usually anyway. Poofing, as they call it, happens very often. And, closure is never what we hope it will be. Let it go. It's not worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Virgin26 Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Poofing, as they call it, happens very often. And, closure is never what we hope it will be. Let it go. It's not worth it. That is just sad! But ya'll are right! time to cut my losses and move on. Thanks a lot for the kind advise and support. It's much appreciated! PS: one last question. If he ever reappears, what's the best course of action in your opinion? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 That is just sad! But ya'll are right! time to cut my losses and move on. Thanks a lot for the kind advise and support. It's much appreciated! PS: one last question. If he ever reappears, what's the best course of action in your opinion? I'd simply go no contact. Don't respond. Tit for tat, so to speak. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 He replied right away that he is busy and didn't have time and that he'll send it "whenever he can". He used the dreaded "I'm busy" line. Which simply means he lost interest. He realized after the Skype session that he isn't capable of sustaining a LDR, so he just disappeared without explaining anything. I'm sorry this happened to you, but it is what it is. It's unfortunate he wasn't mature enough to communicate with you. or just cut my loses and move on! This is exactly what you must do. Delete all of his contact information and go no contact. If he reaches out to you, don't bother responding. Cut him out of your life completely. Take time to heal and move on. Learn from the experience as well, and next time be more assertive with communicating your needs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 PS: one last question. If he ever reappears, what's the best course of action in your opinion? Ignore...plain and simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Virgin26 Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 Delete all of his contact information and go no contact. If he reaches out to you, don't bother responding. Cut him out of your life completely. Take time to heal and move on. Learn from the experience as well, and next time be more assertive with communicating your needs. Just deleted his phone number, Skype, Facebook, and all photos of us together... This should help a lot with moving on and will prevent me from making the stupid mistake of contacting him during weak moments. Thanks again for the help and making me see things from an objective point of view. It helped a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Thanks again for the help and making me see things from an objective point of view. It helped a lot! you're welcome V26 Link to post Share on other sites
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