cjpj Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 I've been dating a lot recently. In the moment, I'll even feel like certain dates went amazingly well; my last date she actually waited for a kiss after I only offered a hug (I obliged) If not a disaster, I'll usually text them afterwards telling them I had great time, hope they got home safe assuming I didn't drop then off, and that I'm looking forward to seeing them again. In the days after though, there's just this incredibly empty feeling regarding it. Thoughts of what's the point and why does it even matter. At its core just kind of this nihilistic mindset that comes into fruition. I'll sorta just let what we started die... until I start feeling a bit lonely again. Any here with similar experiences? How did you 'overcome' this? Sorry for being completely topical, wasn't sure of a better forum. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Hi cjpj. I want to ask two questions. Did you ever have a very bad relationship? How do you feel about yourself these days? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cjpj Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Hi cjpj. I want to ask two questions. Did you ever have a very bad relationship? How do you feel about yourself these days? I can't say I have. The longest one I was in (and maybe the only one I'd consider long enough to be a relatoinship) was a little under four years and it was about as amicable and respectful as it could end. A lot of heartbreak of course but it had to end. Other aspects of my life feel fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 If you meet the right woman, I think your zeal will return. You'll feel a connection. If I ever dated random guys, I'd have been totally lukewarm, I'm sure, to 90 percent of them. Maybe if you're dong OLD, renew effort in finding people in real life doing the things you enjoy so a better chance of having a real connection. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cjpj Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 That's a sweet sentiment, it really is, but to my logic, there's just no reason to believe that life is so egalitarian; that everyone, or even a majority of people have at least one kind of soul-mate or counterpart out there waiting for them. I personally look around and most relationships just look awful to me, as in it's just harming both people involved and I would sincerely feel terrible for any children that might result. Maybe I sound real pessimistic, I apologize but I really do cast myself as a romantic at heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I can relate. Have always been a loner that keeps a few close friends in my inner circle. Even though I've dated a lot in the last five years, you do start to have a what's the point attitude and retreat into solidarity. Especially when you're constantly in one short lived fling after the next. I actually took a year off from women and didn't start dating again until January. Was definitely the best decision I ever made. Not only did it give me a chance to get over my last ex GF (who I genuinely cared about) but it gave me time to reflect on all the mistakes I had made. Now I'm in such a better place and managed to find a GF that knocks my F'n socks off. We finally slept together for the first time recently and she was VERY complimentary. So she doesn't believe that I went a year without sex. Luckily sex is like riding a bike. Haha Link to post Share on other sites
Zippy2000 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 "In the days after though, there's just this incredibly empty feeling regarding it." I ve been feeling that recently too. I think it take a lot of effort in meeting someone new only to feel let down by the other person. The last 3 dates I went on I enjoyed their company and wanted to see them again but they didnt feel the same. Im getting old now and at 40 all the younger ladies seem to go for younger men. My dating pool is now shrining and I do feel alone a lot of times. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I can relate. Have always been a loner that keeps a few close friends in my inner circle. Even though I've dated a lot in the last five years, you do start to have a what's the point attitude and retreat into solidarity. Especially when you're constantly in one short lived fling after the next. I actually took a year off from women and didn't start dating again until January. Was definitely the best decision I ever made. Not only did it give me a chance to get over my last ex GF (who I genuinely cared about) but it gave me time to reflect on all the mistakes I had made. Now I'm in such a better place and managed to find a GF that knocks my F'n socks off. We finally slept together for the first time recently and she was VERY complimentary. So she doesn't believe that I went a year without sex. Luckily sex is like riding a bike. Haha And I hope YOU were very complimentary right back! p.s. -- Glad to hear "that" went well...for both of you! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 "In the days after though, there's just this incredibly empty feeling regarding it." I ve been feeling that recently too. I think it take a lot of effort in meeting someone new only to feel let down by the other person. The last 3 dates I went on I enjoyed their company and wanted to see them again but they didnt feel the same. Im getting old now and at 40 all the younger ladies seem to go for younger men. My dating pool is now shrining and I do feel alone a lot of times. Well considering the fact people are living longer these days -- until 80 or even 90...I would say 40 is pretty darn YOUNG! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I have been doing some 'back and forth" too, lately. After my last bf, I took a long break from dating. He wasn't a bad guy but it was a tough road for other reasons. It took a lot of wind out of my sails, so to speak. Now I have been dating some, but I find that I am vigilant about warning flags, and I think sometimes I may be talking myself into seeing them. But I am relaxed about this and I feel confident that when its supposed to happen, it will. Or won't and thats okay too. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Oh dear you are not alone. There are days I ask myself why am I doing this at all, it never last more than 2-3 dates anyway. The next guy will disappoint me just like the last one did. When I go in that mode I make myself snap out of it by concentrating on something else. It's a number game, one day you will meet someone and it will flow naturally without efforts, you'll see. She won't let you fade out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 I can't say I have. The longest one I was in (and maybe the only one I'd consider long enough to be a relatoinship) was a little under four years and it was about as amicable and respectful as it could end. A lot of heartbreak of course but it had to end. Other aspects of my life feel fine. Oh, I see. No apparent reason then. I agree that's is hard to find a good match. Plus, all relationships are flawed. You just choose the flaws that don't bother you as much. If you keep that in mind then you'll be more positive perhaps? Are you a perfectionist? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 And I hope YOU were very complimentary right back! p.s. -- Glad to hear "that" went well...for both of you! Haha..Yes I was very vocal with everything I enjoyed about her and the experience. Then I continued to show her all night. Also, I'm guessing that the day after sex for the first time with a new guy is pretty nerve wracking for a woman. She wonders if she'll hear from the guy again, etc.. So after the first time, I always make it a point to send a quick text that morning, and then do a follow up phone call that night. A woman wants to hear a guy's voice that next day. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted April 2, 2015 Share Posted April 2, 2015 Also, I'm guessing that the day after sex for the first time with a new guy is pretty nerve wracking for a woman. She wonders if she'll hear from the guy again, etc.. So after the first time, I always make it a point to send a quick text that morning, and then do a follow up phone call that night. A woman wants to hear a guy's voice that next day. Not only for the first time. ALWAYS touch base with her the following day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author cjpj Posted April 2, 2015 Author Share Posted April 2, 2015 I wouldn't consider myself a perfectionist in any way. Honestly I actually feel like I have 'minimal' standards in that the only prereq I really have is that she should be she wants to me with me as much as I want to be with her; I think different hobbies/interests/social scenes will fall into place naturally once we have that rock. My ex and I were fairly different people but loved getting into each other's hobbies and lives. I feel like... I missed out on what were suppose to be milestones during my developmental years, and maybe that's why I feel the way I do now. I skipped a few grades and ended up on a college campus at 15 pretty much alone so naturally my social scene suffered, I didn't even have a real date until 21 (Nearing 26 now) and that was actually the ex I previously mentioned. So yeah, my first relationship (lasting 4 years) came from my first date; what were the odds? It's a numbers game, so true, but I so wish it wasn't. I've gone on 20 first dates within the last 3-4 months and honestly, that might even be undershooting the number. I actually have a date with the date from the opening post tommorrow and just feel kinda sluggish about it now... dunno, I guess that's just life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 I wouldn't consider myself a perfectionist in any way. Honestly I actually feel like I have 'minimal' standards in that the only prereq I really have is that she should be she wants to me with me as much as I want to be with her; I think different hobbies/interests/social scenes will fall into place naturally once we have that rock. My ex and I were fairly different people but loved getting into each other's hobbies and lives. I feel like... I missed out on what were suppose to be milestones during my developmental years, and maybe that's why I feel the way I do now. I skipped a few grades and ended up on a college campus at 15 pretty much alone so naturally my social scene suffered, I didn't even have a real date until 21 (Nearing 26 now) and that was actually the ex I previously mentioned. So yeah, my first relationship (lasting 4 years) came from my first date; what were the odds? It's a numbers game, so true, but I so wish it wasn't. I've gone on 20 first dates within the last 3-4 months and honestly, that might even be undershooting the number. I actually have a date with the date from the opening post tommorrow and just feel kinda sluggish about it now... dunno, I guess that's just life. Yes, great comment, this is life. I so wish it wasn't a numbers game, too. I am unclear on what milestones you feel are interrupting you present? Can you elaborate? I understand that you accelerated into college but I sincerely don't understand how that is disrupting you now. Link to post Share on other sites
regine_phalange Posted April 3, 2015 Share Posted April 3, 2015 Maybe you have schizoid tendencies (probably not the disorder). I have them also. Link to post Share on other sites
Oh.really. Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 TW you sound depressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Erised Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I get it. I'm an extreme introvert and going out on dates always exhausts me a bit even if I enjoy the date. It's a thing about new people. Plus, I'm kind of set in my ways. I don't think it's that unusual. I have to force myself a bit. It's not so bad after knowing someone better. Though I'm broken now anyways so take that past experience as you will Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I think what you are feeling is somewhat natural. After a while the whole dating scene feels kinda pointless. But as others have said - you maybe haven't met anyone worthy of making you feel anything more. I know for me there have been only a few sparks. I'm an extrovert unlike Erised so I do enjoy just going out with people. But true sparks were few and far between. However, what I would say is that when you do find a spark and the feelings appear mutual - blow on it for Pete's sake! Too often we feel that vulnerability and extinguish the spark out of some defensive reaction. Next time, don't. Instead embrace it. Blow on it. See if it turns into an ember. See if it turns into a raging inferno. Don't be afraid to set it afire and watch the world burn. For that is passion. That is romance. That is life. Best of luck! Mrin Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted April 6, 2015 Share Posted April 6, 2015 I'm approaching dating burnout, just running on vapors at the moment lol. **** happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts