MistaYates Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 I've been off and on with this girl for far too long. In the beginning, she would always beg for me, always want me back, and i would always take her back. I loved her too much, but i was her rebound. Everytime we broke up, she went back to her ex, and everytime they broke up, she'd come to me. She has cheated on both of us, she cheated with me on him, and cheated on me with him. But now im stuck. She is my first love, and now im becoming the pathetic little loser i thought i'd never become. I'm always begging for her now. I used to be the alpha male, but now its just pathetic. I find myself at her house now once a week trying to get her back. I dont know why i do this to myself. I figure, its only a matter of time before she begs for me, and i can't help myself when she does, so i go back everytime. So why not beg for her? She works right next to me, and i can't stand to see her.. I feel like i have to move stores for my own sanity and emotional health. I can't do this anymore. She has used me for too long, and it will never work out between us. But i feel like i have to win her over her ex. I love her so much, but i got to get over this. Its bull****. I've become so attached to her to a point where i've pushed her so far away, she sees me to be annoying and a pest. But she has before, and she still begged for me back. I thought last time, i was annoying her too much to where she'd never contact me again, but she still did.. I'm so tired of sacrificing my sanity for this chick. It will be the end of me, and i need to do something. I went from a confident guy, to some pussy who is infatuated with a slut. Even now, after annoying her so much, i still think after a matter of time, she'll still beg for me, and i won't be able to help myself. I'm too in love with her, and i wish i wasn't. How can i be in love with someone that is so terrible to me. shouldn't it be the other way around. The man is not supposed to be the one begging. It should be the girl.. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 You're just caught up in wanting to keep someone else from having her. The truth is, whoever ends up with her is the loser. As you already know, she's eroded your self-esteem and cheated on you. And don't lose sight of the fact that you are in control of your life. You don't have to be trapped loving someone who is not good for you or for anyone. You can decide to end it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 You're just caught up in wanting to keep someone else from having her. The truth is, whoever ends up with her is the loser. As you already know, she's eroded your self-esteem and cheated on you. And don't lose sight of the fact that you are in control of your life. You don't have to be trapped loving someone who is not good for you or for anyone. You can decide to end it and move on. Once a cheat, always a cheat. Unless kicked in the face by life... Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Yes change your job, you're post has all the hallmarks of an unhealthy obsession. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 No, you never change for a girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 No, you never change for a girl. You're probably right, his sanity and mental health are much less important than holding onto a macho ideal of winning. Yes, OP continue to torture yourself and take hits to your self esteem so that you can finally say you didn't change for a girl. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 If changing jobs or at least store branches is the fastest way to get rid of her, do it. It sounds like the 1st healthy thing you will have done in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 Is it normal to be this badly messed up over someone? She was my first love, and my parents think its sad how badly destroyed this girl has beat me. Im literally afraid when she begs for me back, because she usually does, that i will give in like always, and go to her. But i seriously need to make a stand for myself. Has anyone else felt like me? I dream about her every night. I usually stay away from her social media, but i still check it every now and then. But its so bad.. I go to her house, and wait on her to get home, just to talk to her. Like how pathetic is that? Is this normal? Am i messed up or something? Its said how i once was an alpha male who had confidence, but this girl has completely taken my life away. I've become her doormat, and its pathetic. How did this happen? My parents recommend therapy, but what are they going to do? Tell me the same thing everyone else is telling me? Their word, against my friends and family, i dont think will do anything. Its making my family wonder about me, and its killing my life. Is it normal? Probably not.. How do i get out of this? It makes it even worse knowing she is moving on and not even thinking about me.. But i cant help this.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Listen to your parents. Take the offered therapy. Loss of a 1st love is heartbreak but what you are going through & the cycle you can't seem to escape is above & beyond When you feel weak about her, talk to your parents. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 Its terrible how badly this has effected me. Im so messed up its sad. Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Take the therapy. They don't "tell" you anything. They ask you. And it feels good, to get it out. And then they ask you different questions, harder questions, things you have never thought about before. And it feels good to view things differently, with new eyes. And pretty soon, things are changing. You change. You can't help it. They challenge your way of thinking, ask you to try different approaches, make you feel new and powerful and in control. At first it feels like clawing your way out, then crawling, then walking very slowly, pretty soon walking at a steady pace, and then you are jogging into an all out sprint! Good counselors and therapists give you your power and freedom back. I know because I lived it. Try it. You cannot go on this way. I had a friend spiral so out of control that he ended up taking his life. Over a girl. Please, there IS help for you. Find a good counselor and take your life back. There are so many other amazing women and opportunities out there. Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 No, you never change for a girl. You are right. He should not change jobs for a girl. He should change jobs for HIMSELF ... because he is in the throes of a very unhealthy obsession, and if he doesn't change jobs for *himself* ...that obsession could destroy him... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MistaYates Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 You guys talk like i need serious help -.- Am i really that abnormal to act this way? Scares me a bit.. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You guys talk like i need serious help -.- Am i really that abnormal to act this way? Scares me a bit.. You are the one who said you need to change jobs to save your own sanity and emotional health. Not us. That sounds pretty serious to me.... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You guys talk like i need serious help -.- Am i really that abnormal to act this way? Scares me a bit.. You do need help. Needing assistance is fine. Everybody needs a helping hand once in a while. "normal" and "abnormal" are loaded judgmental words. Your reactions are a bit . . . shall we say intense . . . but they are your feelings. Feelings are not right or wrong. They simply are. You recognize that this is a vicious cycle: you beg her to come back, she leaves you, then she rebounds back to you. You want yourself back. You say you used to be an "alpha male" but now you describe yourself as a "pussy who is infatuated with some slut." Those are pretty harsh words. You need the therapy to develop some tools to take your power back and to break the cycle. You haven't been able to do it on your own, in part I suspect because she works right next to you. Once you see her less, it will be easier to maintain the separation. A new work environment should also introduce you to a larger circle of people. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You're probably right, his sanity and mental health are much less important than holding onto a macho ideal of winning. Yes, OP continue to torture yourself and take hits to your self esteem so that you can finally say you didn't change for a girl. Ok - admittedly I didn't read as thoroughly as I should have, and responded to the thread title at face value. I think quitting his job (if he enjoys his job that is) because things between this girl are difficult is still a sign of weakness. However, if he thinks that quitting this job will benefit him in more than one way, then I think that it would be a solid move. As long as this girl isn't his primary motivator. Quitting your job to avoid a person is never a solid choice IMO. The OP sounds a bit depressed, and could honestly use some therapy to gain perspective on things. Link to post Share on other sites
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