NatashaF Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) Hi everyone! I'm 25 and just need some advice please? I met a guy online and have been seeing him for about two months now. He's a year older and everything was going great. I met his parents and he met my mum but only briefly. We were getting on really well. He was making a real effort and I really enjoyed his company however all of a sudden out of the blue he tells me he's decided to go travelling for 6-8 months in October and wants to book his tickets next month. He also said that 'times have changed and people of our age are brainwashed into thinking that we should find the one when people are actually settling down later in life'. Not once have I have mentioned settling down! In fact I totally agree with him on this and I don't want to stop him but I also don't want to get hurt, which I imagine I would if I carried out seeing him up until he goes travelling - if it happens. I'm just confused why he decided to meet me as many times as he did and make such an effort? Is this his way of saying he doesn't want to get into anything serious? Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks you in advance Edited March 30, 2015 by NatashaF Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 >>Is this his way of telling me he doesn't want anything serious"? Bingo! In fact, it sounds like he does not want anything at all...except maybe a friendship. Sorry... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 That's what it sounds like, yes. Men can date women with getting, "serious." A better bet than posting here is if you ask him yourself. Only he can provide you with the answer you're looking for. And better than that, it'd behoove you to figure out what YOU want. Do you want to attach yourself to a guy who's going to be gone in six months, or do you want to be with someone who actually wants to settle down? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Yes, sounds like he wants some commitment free fun times before he goes travelling. If you're not OK with that then best to move on now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 At least he told you months ahead so you can decide if you want to casually date him with no attachment. If I were you I would pass. The same happened to me except after 6 months of dating he told me: I am leaving the country next week I have a dream to follow and you're not in it. It totally sucks but be happy he told you ahead of time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) It sounds like he initially liked you, was interested in you, hence him wanting to get together with you. But for some reason that changed and he lost interest. I wouldn't be surprised if this so-called six month "trip" is fiction and an excuse he is using to get out now. He knew by telling you this, you would most likely pull back significantly and/or end things altogether... which is actually what he is *wanting* you to do. Some guys are cowards and don't know how to end things when they have lost interest. So they make up elaborate excuses..such as this...hoping the woman will do the "dirty work" of ending it. I could be wrong, but it sounds like what this is. An elaborate excuse because he wants out NOW, but is too much of a coward to tell you the truth. So just end it and wish him well... Edited March 30, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 (edited) It sounds to me as if his goals for your involvement aren't the same as yours right now. He may have decided that he wanted to get this trip out of his system before allowing himself to get too invested with you and run the risk of never being able to do it. I take it you're not financially in a place to take such a trip with him? Well, you can do one of two things: you can remain in the relationship until he leaves or you can scale back your investment in him and start dating other guys. If he's set on making this trip, then he should make it, but by that same token, he has no latitude to expect you to either continue til he leaves or put your life on hold and wait for him to come back from his voyage. Edited March 30, 2015 by kendahke Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 When someone is going to be traveling that extensively, they always know ahead of time. So what would bother me in that situation is if a woman kept it to herself, and then sprung it on me out of nowhere months later. Someone should always be upfront about stuff like that to let you make an informed decision. Like when I was dating this woman and she let me know from the beginning that she had a one month trip to Thailand planned in a few months. Since a month isn't the end of the world, I was fine with getting to know her. But if a woman told me from the start that she was going to be traveling for 6-8 months, I'd never get involved with her. The messed up part of the OP, is that this guy she started seeing knew about his travel plans, had his fun with her, and is now heading out of town for 6-8 months leaving her high and dry. He should have been upfront about it from the start IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NatashaF Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 Thanks everyone! I told him where to go... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 Thanks everyone! I told him where to go... You mean, on his trip? Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 People who love you don't leave you, and two months is enough time to fall in love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NatashaF Posted March 31, 2015 Author Share Posted March 31, 2015 Thanks all! I told him to go elsewhere! Link to post Share on other sites
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