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I had a date today but...


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I canceled

 

It was the first time ive ever canceled a date but im too afraid, lately see what's been going on OLD is it seems to be reoccurring that I find men with great profiles but they leave out key factors about themselves and then you chat for days, and once you agree to a date the moment you're about to leave they announce something about them that may have never lead to a date, I find this very unfair almost like entrapment. I found out just as I was leaving my date has turrets syndrome and told me he would prob be louder, make noises and move, fidget a lot and I canceled, im just not ready to take someone with a disability on, and I feel like a total ******* for it but if you remember I dated that deaf guy and the emotional turmoil that person had im just not someone who can deal.

 

So far my experiences on OLD have been terrible my last date he sounded great on the phone but in person was really unkept, dirty and the more i think about his movements maybe an ex drug user, rotted teeth.

 

Had another guy who was depressed quit his job and told me he was gonna sell coke in the three weeks we spent together

 

Had another guy do the bomb drop right as i was walking in to the date location tell me dont ge surprised because his teeth are rotted

 

I guess this is more of a rant really because these guys hide things till you're trapped waiting for them at the date and they show up and you end up being the ******* for rejecting them but what do they expect.

 

Idk what's going on im mega clear in my profile about needing someone positive, stable, happy still in touch with their family, good values etc

 

I really want a plane Joe stable guy

Edited by Omei
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I had a guy do this to me once on OLD... we'd been talking for a few weeks and were going to meet and the day we were to meet, he tells me that he's got horrible acne scarring on his face and he would understand if I didn't want to meet him. I was like "???" We still met, it wasn't as bad as he made it out to be--but he was the one who decided that playing golf was more interesting than getting to know me, so I ended things.

 

I wasn't the one who was hung up on his looks--he was.

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fitnessfan365

Be honest, you're still reeling from that recent guy who wound up being a smoker and hung up on his ex. The fact is that you're the one who chose to talk to the guy for weeks and delay the meet. You actually say you prefer to do that. So you can hardly say that you have a problem with men that like to chat. Hell, you were happy that he was calling you multiple times per day. :laugh:

 

So I still think that OLD could work for you. You just have to adjust your picker and be way more selective. If a guy doesn't bring up your number in 3-5 emails, just stop talking to him. Then if he follows up, try to plan something 2-3 days out for an hour max that's within a 10-15 min drive. That way you're not sacrificing much of your time or driving expense.

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Frank2thepoint
I really want a plane Joe stable guy

 

There's a pattern to the type of guys you are attracted to. They have a certain personality trait that you are attracted to, and you keep honing on them. It is unfortunate they are a disappointment, but a plain, stable guy might be boring for you, since drug addicted, rotted teeth, depressed, and Tourette syndrome type of guys have some drama or excitement.

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I canceled

 

I really want a plane Joe stable guy

 

Reallllly? Nice guy too? The kind that will carry your purse.

 

Last I heard stable guys would rather not be cancelled on. Last I heard there's quite a few stable guys looking, but these guys are mostly just average on paper.

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Be honest, you're still reeling from that recent guy who wound up being a smoker and hung up on his ex. The fact is that you're the one who chose to talk to the guy for weeks and delay the meet. You actually say you prefer to do that. So you can hardly say that you have a problem with men that like to chat. Hell, you were happy that he was calling you multiple times per day. :laugh:

 

So I still think that OLD could work for you. You just have to adjust your picker and be way more selective. If a guy doesn't bring up your number in 3-5 emails, just stop talking to him. Then if he follows up, try to plan something 2-3 days out for an hour max that's within a 10-15 min drive. That way you're not sacrificing much of your time or driving expense.

 

Ew no that guy like I said was really dirty in person and had gross teeth, and like I said the more I think about his movements and the fact his teeth were so bad I wonder if he was a ex meth user, I dont get attached easy im not even thinking about him zero attraction, I didnt delay the meet it was just hard given our schedules and I don't regret the time spent on talking to him I did like that he called it showed promise, trust me when I say im over it I dont get hung up on guys I wouldnt date.

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There's a pattern to the type of guys you are attracted to. They have a certain personality trait that you are attracted to, and you keep honing on them. It is unfortunate they are a disappointment, but a plain, stable guy might be boring for you, since drug addicted, rotted teeth, depressed, and Tourette syndrome type of guys have some drama or excitement.

 

No im not attracted to these guys after I met them what's happening is they seem good in their in profile another in person, they didnt have pictures where their smiling, they have their profiles set up for the things in seeking for this is what I look for....

 

Are they in touch and close to their family

Good job

Live on their own

Have good hobbies like reading books

Have sets of friends in their pictures.

 

The pictures they had seem to be from different times and when I met them they're nothing like they claim.

 

And I do not find that type of guy exciting if I did id date one lol no I want a normal guy.

 

I dont get how these types of guys gravitate to me, their profiles are pretty spot on for what im looking for but as I said when meeting they're nothing like they claim my one thought is that maybe its because im a single mother im more of a candidate pick for damaged guys with them thinking im the same in return?

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So I still think that OLD could work for you. You just have to adjust your picker and be way more selective. If a guy doesn't bring up your number in 3-5 emails, just stop talking to him. Then if he follows up, try to plan something 2-3 days out for an hour max that's within a 10-15 min drive. That way you're not sacrificing much of your time or driving expense.

 

I don't know how to be more selective than I already am I, Ignore most msg's from profiles I know by reading we wouldn't mesh I have a very select list of things I look for the large one being "Is he close/good terms with his family" im very close to mine I want a guy who's close to his as well.

 

I think on the person and wait about a day till I reply making sure im interested, I don't particularly want to give out my number in just 3-5 emails I find that too fast and creepy I only give out my number once I have reached a comfort zone.

 

I really don't mind how long dates go for or how long we talk for or where we go....in the end if im not feeling it I won't go further I have no issues being rejected or giving rejection it would take a lot more than weeks speaking on the phone for me to develop any feelings.

 

More like a few months of in person time together maybe then id get down about something not working, pretty words don't effect me much.

 

I wonder what personality trait I may be homing in on with these guys, in my profile its really clear I put something like "if you're depressed or troubled generally unhappy and disappointed in life we won't get along" because they really are not who I want to attract ive had that there for a long time.

 

 

Right now im talking to a real cute thing and the whole conversation has been about reading books as it seems to be his biggest hobby, he's cute, smiling in one of this pictures so I know his teeth are fine, close to family, good job but again this was what everyone else had too...cept the smiling pictures. He has given me his cell number but i haven't texted we've only talked for one day should I change it up and just meet as soon as possible?

 

ps im a parent so sometimes dates are delayed with me I can only date on the weekends so any dates I make are always fri, sat, sun

 

 

Also what might be the culprit too is these people do tell me things JUST as we're meeting up they wait till the very moment of meeting and tell me "this is whats wrong with me" and I feel trapped and still go on the date, this was the first time I canceled because I didn't feel like sitting through a date I knew wasn't going to work.

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Omei

 

I don't care what anyone else says.

 

If for any reason you do not feel comfortable do not go.

 

Its the same for men as well. It really is that simple.

 

On line dating seems to attract a hack of a lot of weirdos. We have to get through all of that with none of the usual clues that you would get from body language and tone of voice etc.

 

You do not need to explain or apologise.

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Omei

 

I don't care what anyone else says.

 

If for any reason you do not feel comfortable do not go.

 

Its the same for men as well. It really is that simple.

 

On line dating seems to attract a hack of a lot of weirdos. We have to get through all of that with none of the usual clues that you would get from body language and tone of voice etc.

 

You do not need to explain or apologise.

 

Well I guess its because I kind of feel like there is something wrong with me because I haven't met a regular guy on these sites yet, I don't need it to work out, but ive yet to meet someone stable enough or that didn't hide something for round 2.

 

A thing ive been doing too is I still go on the date when I know its not going to work but I have no choice like my first okc date told me about his rotted teeth as I was already sitting within our meeting place! obvy because a girl doesn't wanna be romantic with someone like that so I get trapped into going.

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Don't worry about it.

 

I sometimes think that you just have to go with the flow.

 

But like I say if you do not want to go then don't. You do not have to meet people if you don't want to. Just because they have said hello doesn't mean that they are then entitled to go on a date with you.

 

I am actually getting the same sort of thing and to be honest I am getting to the point where I am just going to start walking away. Sod being polite and kind... its not in my nature to be rude but if they are not being honest then tough. I am struggling with it. But it is how it is.

 

The guy with the teeth wouldn't be getting snogs from me either! Personal hygiene is a must. Rotten teeth show a prolonged lack of basic grooming... You don't need to explain it. Just get up and walk away... its fine.

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Don't worry about it.

 

I sometimes think that you just have to go with the flow.

 

But like I say if you do not want to go then don't. You do not have to meet people if you don't want to. Just because they have said hello doesn't mean that they are then entitled to go on a date with you.

 

I am actually getting the same sort of thing and to be honest I am getting to the point where I am just going to start walking away. Sod being polite and kind... its not in my nature to be rude but if they are not being honest then tough. I am struggling with it. But it is how it is.

 

The guy with the teeth wouldn't be getting snogs from me either! Personal hygiene is a must. Rotten teeth show a prolonged lack of basic grooming... You don't need to explain it. Just get up and walk away... its fine.

 

Well the guy that msg'd me last night and who already gave me his number I think im just going to jump in, he seems normal not much at all is said in his profile tho so im not able to look for what I look for, he just talks about books and films nearly nothing about himself just lots of detail about his hobbies, hes wearing a clean pressed button down light blue collar shirt, glasses and a nice smile def the most stylish guy ive had msg me.

 

My method is one at a time I will pick who I think I would mesh with best and give it a shot.

Edited by Omei
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Well the guy that msg'd me last night and who already gave me his number I think im just going to jump in, he seems normal not much at all is said in his profile tho he just talks about books and films nearly nothing about himself just lots of detail about his hobbies, hes wearing a clean pressed button down light blue collar shirt, glasses and a nice smile def the most stylish guy ive had msg me.

 

Go for it. But if at any point you don't feel comfortable just use your feet and walk.

 

Happens to us all - all of the time. Seems to be the way with Internet Dating.

 

I am hoping to meet someone normal at some point. But am giving up hope as those that seem normal just go quiet after a while... so you see it happens to us all. Its fine.

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Have sets of friends in their pictures.

 

That is an unusual requirement. Maybe you are overlooking good candidates because of this? Most people won't put up pictures of them with friends, family, or colleagues just by respect for them.

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That is an unusual requirement. Maybe you are overlooking good candidates because of this? Most people won't put up pictures of them with friends, family, or colleagues just by respect for them.

 

That's a good way of looking at it and I agree, but seeing pictures of family and friends also can give good signs to me because it shows they have a life other than wanting a relationship that's why I look because I don't want to be with a dude who depends on me for every ounce of his happiness.

 

I still talk to guys without those photo's

 

I def don't have any pictures of me with friends and family sometimes I wonder if that's what people would like to see because I do.

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PegNosePete

I think you're totally justified in cancelling. It's pretty unreasonable for him to hit you with that whammy so late in the day.

 

Normally I'd advise guys not to have pics of others in their OLD profiles. For a start many people don't want their pic being put up on the internet without their permission. Also because it draws attention away from the main star. So yeah,. normal advice for guys who are seriously looking, is to put up pics of himself alone.

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Frank2thepoint
they didnt have pictures where their smiling, they have their profiles set up for the things in seeking for this is what I look for....

 

Right there, in boldface. That's an example of a type of man you are attracted to. There are people that are attracted to people that smile, and there are people that are not. Lack of a smile is someone hiding something. There isn't any scientific or psychobabble proof, it's just an intuitive sense. Body language. Image meeting someone in person and the entire encounter they never smiled, not even to a joke. That's what I'm referring to.

 

he seems normal not much at all is said in his profile tho so im not able to look for what I look for, he just talks about books and films nearly nothing about himself just lots of detail about his hobbies

 

Did you ask questions about him, not just his hobbies?

 

Granted this guy is slightly different from your previous prospects, meaning he smiles in his pictures. But limited information about him means there is something missing about his life. Or maybe something he wants to hide. Have the previous guys had something similar in their profiles? If so, then you are attracted to mysterious men.

 

You agreed to a date, so I think you should try to use it to your advantage and get to know him.

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I canceled

 

It was the first time ive ever canceled a date but im too afraid, lately see what's been going on OLD is it seems to be reoccurring that I find men with great profiles but they leave out key factors about themselves and then you chat for days, and once you agree to a date the moment you're about to leave they announce something about them that may have never lead to a date, I find this very unfair almost like entrapment. I found out just as I was leaving my date has turrets syndrome and told me he would prob be louder, make noises and move, fidget a lot and I canceled, im just not ready to take someone with a disability on, and I feel like a total ******* for it but if you remember I dated that deaf guy and the emotional turmoil that person had im just not someone who can deal.

 

So far my experiences on OLD have been terrible my last date he sounded great on the phone but in person was really unkept, dirty and the more i think about his movements maybe an ex drug user, rotted teeth.

 

Had another guy who was depressed quit his job and told me he was gonna sell coke in the three weeks we spent together

 

Had another guy do the bomb drop right as i was walking in to the date location tell me dont ge surprised because his teeth are rotted

 

I guess this is more of a rant really because these guys hide things till you're trapped waiting for them at the date and they show up and you end up being the ******* for rejecting them but what do they expect.

 

Idk what's going on im mega clear in my profile about needing someone positive, stable, happy still in touch with their family, good values etc

 

I really want a plane Joe stable guy

 

Oh my goodness lol. Sorry but those guys sound awful!!!!

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Yeah I'd bail too OP. Think you did the right thing.

 

As far as photos with friends - they're GOOD because it shows people that you are social, but you need a few pictures alone as well (especially your main picture) so people know what YOU look like.

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fitnessfan365
I think on the person and wait about a day till I reply making sure im interested, I don't particularly want to give out my number in just 3-5 emails I find that too fast and creepy I only give out my number once I have reached a comfort zone.

 

Has reaching a "comfort zone" worked at all for you? No. The guys that will actually be sociable and confident in person, don't beat around the bush or stick around for pen palling. Only guys that are scared to take action do. So when you write off the guys that actually ask for your number sooner rather than later, and only focus on guys who will pen pal, you're attracting the very guys you want to avoid. That's why none of your "comfort zone" guys have been any good.

 

After 3-5 emails, you should be able to get a sense of whether or not you at least want to talk on the phone. Talking on the phone isn't dating.

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