If your ex wanted to take you out on a date, would you consider it?

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Yes, we all know that exes are exes for a reason. But, we have also heard of people who have gotten back together because the aspects that compromised their relationship before have either been eliminated or have been worked through.

 

So, if you're aware that your ex has turned his/her life around, they treat you with respect whenever they e-mail, text or talk to you, they're sincere about wanting to communicate with you again, they have been improving themselves (whether it's with their character or personality traits) - AND if you're currently single...

 

...if they called you up one day and asked you out on a date later on in the week or in the weekend, what would you say to them? Would you go out on the date to give them a chance? Or would you shoot them down and say no?

 

 

.

[BluEyeL]

It very much depends on the particularities of each situation. Who broke up with who? Why did the break up happen. I wouldn't be able to answer this in general terms.

 

In terms of my ex-husband, no. I know that no matter what, he is who he is at his core and any change would be unsincere and temporary. But maybe your ex is different. Maybe it was you who left him because he had some problems that he could work through and he did the work and came out stronger.

 

If he left you, then no. If he left you once, he'll leave you again. If he cheated on you, no. So...it really really depends.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

It very much depends on the particularities of each situation. Who broke up with who? Why did the break up happen. I wouldn't be able to answer this in general terms.

 

In terms of my ex-husband, no. I know that no matter what, he is who he is at his core and any change would be unsincere and temporary. But maybe your ex is different. Maybe it was you who left him because he had some problems that he could work through and he did the work and came out stronger.

 

If he left you, then no. If he left you once, he'll leave you again. If he cheated on you, no. So...it really really depends.

 

Those are good points you bring up, BluE. Actually, I broke up with him because I felt he needed to grow a bit and work through some personality issues and other issues that compromised our relationship. I also had something about myself that I wanted to improve upon. I initiated and perpetuated NC for six months until I received an e-mail from him; which was in depth, sincere and honest. He knows I'm leery about breaking NC and so he has been respectful, patient and forthcoming with his feelings about me, about us and about what he's working on to accomplish for himself, his career and about his life. The e-mails he has been sending me shows that he has been growing and learning about things, which is a good sign.

 

But still, he knows I'm being cautious and treading VERY carefully with us communicating with each other again. We've been gaming on Xbox for the past 2 weeks using Voice, as well as texting and talking on the phone - with him initiating ALL contact. So far, it's been real nice talking with him again because, truth be told, I do miss him. He has a good heart and is fun to be with and do things with. So, time will tell with what's happening with our renewed communication.

 

As far as your ex-husband, you know him better than anyone. And if he doesn't deserve to be around you or communicate with you again, well, it looks like he effed up with you on all accounts.

 

 

.

[Gary S]

That only works in the fantasy world of TV and movies. Chances are super high that you would never have a happy, worthwhile relationship again, The problems and memories of those problems will still be there and surface again. You need a new partner with a clean slate.

 

You get one chance per partner per lifetime.

[Buddhist]

No. If things got so far as you being an ex (I don't give up on relationships easily) then they are too far gone to redeem. It might be wonderful you've turned your life around, now go find someone else to treat well. All the best to you. The big problem with reuniting is that old dynamics are often re-established regardless of how much internal work has been done. It would be more emotional work than I was wanting to constantly fight that.

[Trane]

There's a reason why she's the EX girlfriend. Time to move on and move ahead in life.

 

Unless you're a fool for a love that was strong in the past with parts unfinished, I see no reason to go back to what you left behind.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I agree with most of what you all have had to say about this topic and I certainly understand the consequences of what can happen when two people get back together after they have broken up in the first place.

 

However, I'm curious to know if any of you have ever heard (or have known) of a couple who broke up but then got back together a year later or several years later and are still in love and very happy together? I have heard of people breaking up but then a year or years later getting back together and saying that the time they've had alone during the break up had actually strengthened the bond they had and that they managed to work out the issues that had compromised their relationship before (of course, barring issues such as infidelity, physical/emotional/sexual abuse, etc.).

 

 

.

[preraph]

I've had decades since my breakups with ex bfs, and kept up with them some and worked with them some and lots of time has passed and I like keeping in touch and have had one as a house guest but at the time I was into someone else, so nothing happened. Have gone out with one on what you might call a date who is happily married and his wife knew and we sent her a selfie from the venue.

 

It all depends on the individuals. In general, if you have been fighting and breaking up and fighting and breaking up, for heaven's sake, just give up. That wasn't exactly the case with mine. There was one really bad breakup followed by learning to work together afterward and then I was mad at him again from the career stuff, so I've been plenty mad at him. But bottom line is we have a lot of history and some things in common and were always able to communicate. We miss each other. So we're being adults and salvaging what we can without it getting messy.

 

One ex I can't see because of a whacko wife who's too jealous and he and I had been very good friends before anything else, but I don't think he could handle it either anyway, more than just friendly acquaintances, which can't even really do now, because we did try after the breakup since I also ran into him in my career, and lunches were tense.

 

Depends on the two people. In general, I would say if one of you is still in love and the other one isn't or never was, don't try it. It will only lead to more heartbreak. If you have a real solid foundation of things in common and shared some crucial history and you're both over it (or both into it), I think it's okay once a lot of time has passed and by that, I mean enough time for both of you to mature and to have possibly gained some better skills. But that takes a decade, not a year.

[Hopeful30]

I personally wouldn't. I've experienced that part of my life already, I want to move ahead and experience other things. I feel like I'm taking a step backwards when I'm getting involved with someone that it took lots of time and emotion to move forward from.

 

I have a very "well what's done is done" mentality when it comes to life. I see no point in looking back. As you change, so does how you see people. When I look back at my exes, I see them very differently. Going on a date with one of them would be so irrelevant to me.

 

I dunno, maybe it's not a big deal. I've never rekindled with exes nor gone on dates with them long after our relationship has ended. I'm not the same person I was when I dated them.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I've had decades since my breakups with ex bfs, and kept up with them some and worked with them some and lots of time has passed and I like keeping in touch and have had one as a house guest but at the time I was into someone else, so nothing happened. Have gone out with one on what you might call a date who is happily married and his wife knew and we sent her a selfie from the venue.

 

It all depends on the individuals. In general, if you have been fighting and breaking up and fighting and breaking up, for heaven's sake, just give up. That wasn't exactly the case with mine. There was one really bad breakup followed by learning to work together afterward and then I was mad at him again from the career stuff, so I've been plenty mad at him. But bottom line is we have a lot of history and some things in common and were always able to communicate. We miss each other. So we're being adults and salvaging what we can without it getting messy.

 

One ex I can't see because of a whacko wife who's too jealous and he and I had been very good friends before anything else, but I don't think he could handle it either anyway, more than just friendly acquaintances, which can't even really do now, because we did try after the breakup since I also ran into him in my career, and lunches were tense.

 

Depends on the two people. In general, I would say if one of you is still in love and the other one isn't or never was, don't try it. It will only lead to more heartbreak. If you have a real solid foundation of things in common and shared some crucial history and you're both over it (or both into it), I think it's okay once a lot of time has passed and by that, I mean enough time for both of you to mature and to have possibly gained some better skills. But that takes a decade, not a year.

 

Thanks for sharing your personal experiences. If the circumstances are right and the person in question has demonstrated emotional growth and maturity, you have had an open mind with regard to allowing them back into your life, however limited that involvement may be. This is the mindset that I have been engaging in lately. However, I politely disagree with you in that I don't think it takes a decade in all situations and with all people to mature, learn and to grow emotionally. As you've stated, it all depends on the person or people involved.

 

 

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[Auspecial]

It completely depends on the person and the dynamic of the relationship and the break up. There are some I wouldn't mind sharing time with for a bit, of course it would have to be convenient for me. Sorry, guys, I know you don;t like that statement! Its just the truth.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

The truth be told, no matter how damned it may be,

There are a few of my exes that I wish I could see,

I've made my mistakes, only recently everything came to light,

About my choices and my consequences during my said plight.

 

I've been the A-hole most people upon this forum despise,

I've been the nice guy who was too afraid to be me and live in disguise,

I've tried to emulate those who I thought had the "good life",

And I've envied many people who found a good wife.

 

I'm slowly coming to terms with the rotten person I've been,

It's been a hell of a journey, but with improvement, there is never an end.

I've messed up my chances, those women will never see me the same,

And I have nothing and no one else but myself to blame.

 

To answer your question, this truly needed to be told,

Self enlightenment for the damned is not often really sold,

But should one of my exes contact me out of the blue for a date,

I'd be honest and say I wasn't the same person she grew to hate.

 

I haven't completely changed, there's A LOT of work to be done,

but manipulation and selfishness is something hard to overcome.

No one should wait for someone to learn lessons they should know,

So for the ex who DID contact me, I'd probably tell her to go.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I personally would not.

 

It took me too many years to get the courage to leave my ex husband and then another couple to heal from all that pain. I don't think I could go back there again no matter how ideal the circumstances are now.

 

Instead I would rather forge a new and beautiful friendship and spend the time nurturing that rather than risk another heartbreak.

 

And that's exactly what I (we) did

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

The truth be told, no matter how damned it may be,

There are a few of my exes that I wish I could see,

I've made my mistakes, only recently everything came to light,

About my choices and my consequences during my said plight.

 

I've been the A-hole most people upon this forum despise,

I've been the nice guy who was too afraid to be me and live in disguise,

I've tried to emulate those who I thought had the "good life",

And I've envied many people who found a good wife.

 

I'm slowly coming to terms with the rotten person I've been,

It's been a hell of a journey, but with improvement, there is never an end.

I've messed up my chances, those women will never see me the same,

And I have nothing and no one else but myself to blame.

To answer your question, this truly needed to be told,

Self enlightenment for the damned is not often really sold,

But should one of my exes contact me out of the blue for a date,

I'd be honest and say I wasn't the same person she grew to hate.

 

I haven't completely changed, there's A LOT of work to be done,

but manipulation and selfishness is something hard to overcome.

No one should wait for someone to learn lessons they should know,

So for the ex who DID contact me, I'd probably tell her to go.

 

Wow, that was awesome! If the parts of your rhyme that I've highlighted in bold is really how you feel (and not just something you chose to put into a rhyme), have you learned anything from being the "a-hole that most people despise"? Have you changed your ways for the better? Or is it because you wish you could change but you can't, which is why - at the end of your rhyme - you stated that if your ex DID contact you, you'd probably tell her "to go"?

 

 

.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Wow, that was awesome! If the parts of your rhyme that I've highlighted in bold is really how you feel (and not just something you chose to put into a rhyme), have you learned anything from being the "a-hole that most people despise"? Have you changed your ways for the better? Or is it because you wish you could change but you can't, which is why - at the end of your rhyme - you stated that if your ex DID contact you, you'd probably tell her "to go"?

 

 

.

 

Replying with a rhyme is simply a challenge I gave myself,

A tiny goal to see something through, adding to spiritual health.

It is very much how I feel, and it's a big hole that I've dug,

And I've hurt those who love me more than enough.

 

I used to be a good person, one who cared what others thought.

I used to watch my actions, and made sure people around me were taught.

Then came drugs and addictions, some of which were still hard to break,

including and not limited to seeking validation and heartache.

 

I became an angry person, surrounded by negativity,

lied to people who love me, and especially lied about promiscuity,

I grew away from my heart, and eventually grew to hate who I became

and my friends, family, and some exes, I know now, grew to feel the same.

 

Repairing broken bridges is something I'm not very good at, at all,

Right wrongs I've done, no matter what influence, is harder than the fall.

I took advantage of the people who offered nothing but loyalty and love,

for a deep seeded fear that I felt I was never really good enough.

 

You see, it's easier to become an a--hole, to not really care.

It's not noble or nice, and you leave people in despair.

People eventually give up when you refuse to see the light,

and you'll find yourself alone, unable to sleep at night.

 

Its those same rotten behaviors that some exes eventually left me for,

it used to be cyclical, much like an relapse in addiction when you're looking to score,

If you have any sort of heart, or even a conscious to bear,

You'll soon be filled with regret, and no one will care.

 

As I've come to reason with the demons inside,

I've come to stand up and fight them instead of running to hide.

Will I ever receive forgiveness for the crap that I've sowed?

I don't expect to in this life, that's why I'd tell her to go.

 

Altruism

Edited April 2, 2015 by DrReplyInRhymes
Added a video that really meant a lot to me

[Arieswoman]

Q.

If your ex wanted to take you out on a date, would you consider it?

 

A. Yes, when hell freezes over

[Vintage79]

I've split on good terms with most of my exes - about half of them led the break up with me (obviously I led it for the other half). While the terms were good (i.e. we could be good friends if we wanted to be), I'd likely say no to a romantic date invitation. I would likely go see them again on a platonic level with the expectation that it would stay platonic, and I do it for a few reasons:

 

1. I gave them a more than fair chance and it failed - I'm not saying it could work out, I'm more saying that they've had their turn, and I'd rather spend my time and effort pursuing something who's last memory was failure and emotional damage.

 

2. A key component of the break-up process is effectively tearing down any romantic interest and emotionally distancing yourself from your previous romantic interest - consequently, at least if the recover process has been sufficient (at least for me), there's not much/any romantic interest left.

 

3. Given 1 and 2 - I'd effectively have to start from scratch, but all of those cool things and chemicals that are associated with meeting someone new and getting to know them for the first time and essentially dialed down and absent (i.e. it's unlikely that you'll get an equivalent honeymoon phase - which, given that you're starting from scratch, makes it very hard).

 

There are obviously outliers, and if the person hasn't had a sufficient healing process, there's a chance it could work out, but then you're not really being fair to the person who's still in recovery mode.

 

Yeah - it could work out, but I'd pass all day long.

[barcode88]

Most likely no. Unless it was just an obvious hookup and I was in the mood.

[Otter2569]

Just two days ago my exGF invited me out for drinks and I went. I broke it off with her about a year ago. Shes kept in contact and has wanted to get together several times but Ive never taken her up on it. I even dismissed her FWB offers.

 

We had a nice time. She followed up with flirty texts which then became super hot. We met again last night for drinks and ended with kissing and groping in the parking lot. We have always had a sexual chemistry that is over the top. She is just a lot crazy at times. Potential hot sex in my future but I am NOT going into relationship mode.

[carhill]

If your ex wanted to take you out on a date, would you consider it?

 

Ha, ha, only if she paid and her boyfriend came along.

[Haydn]

Only if she takes me to Claridges.

[kendahke]

Yes, we all know that exes are exes for a reason. But, we have also heard of people who have gotten back together because the aspects that compromised their relationship before have either been eliminated or have been worked through.

 

So, if you're aware that your ex has turned his/her life around, they treat you with respect whenever they e-mail, text or talk to you, they're sincere about wanting to communicate with you again, they have been improving themselves (whether it's with their character or personality traits) - AND if you're currently single...

 

...if they called you up one day and asked you out on a date later on in the week or in the weekend, what would you say to them? Would you go out on the date to give them a chance? Or would you shoot them down and say no?

 

 

.

 

No.

 

 

 

Nope.

 

 

 

Non.

 

 

 

Nein.

 

 

 

нет.

 

 

 

いいえ.

 

 

 

Because I gave him one chance after cheating and he turned around and cheated again. He's a cheater and I'm done. I have someone else now--why would I break his heart to go back to a cheater?

 

 

In his case, "once a cheater, always a cheater--was born a cheater".

[WomenWubber]

I have cut all my exes off my life.

 

They don't exist.

[fitnessfan365]

I have cut all my exes off my life.

 

They don't exist.

 

I have the same mentality. All these people that try to be "friends" with their exes or chase after them endlessly to get them back, etc is something I'll never get. Best to move on an leave the past in the past.