walkingonair Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 (edited) Been dating guy for 8 months .Introduced me to all his friends and always talked about me with them. Broke up with me once 3 months into the relationship saying he didn't feel a spark. I do no contact and he contacts in two weeks as if nothing happened. Then tells me he broke up with me not because of the spark thing but because of the fact that his friends and fam kept asking him how his GF is (meaning me)and he said he had bad experiences in the past and the word GF freaked him out so he broke up with me. After that,we continued talking but he wouldn't see me often. Like we would see each other on the weekends but many times he would make excuses not to hangout and he just wanted to be on his own. He wasn't even seeing another girl so i never understood why he didn't want to see me too often. It's as if he felt suffocated when he saw me and we never spent too much time together when we did see each other. Even though we weren't in a committed relationship, we were monogmaous to each other and weren't seeing other people. And i knew he wasn't using me for sex because most of the time we didnt have sex and i would initiate! which sucked because i felt so unwanted and inattractive When he started makign excuses not to see me i would get mad and stopped initiating contact and thats when he always initiated many times a day. He did call me his lady but not gf. He also took me on a weekend trip. But things went downhill after the trip...We spent 4 days together in a hotel room. We never spent so much time together so i feel like maybe it freaked him out. 3 days into the trip he gets drunk and tells me he doesnt see a future with me. I got mad and said i didnt see a futue with him too and didnt talk to him all day. Then the next day he was super sweet to me, bought me food and as if nothing happened the night before. After the trip he continued initiatign contact with me everyday many times a day! But...started to make excuses again on why he cant see me. Went out with friends and didnt invite me and one weekend he was completely free and just spent the day alone at home and didnt even ask me to spend time with him but texted me alll day and i just dont get why contact but not see me. Last week we saw each other and got into an argument.I saw him on friday spent the night but the morning he said he has to meet up with his really close friends and his gf. I got upset because he didnt even invite me with him or couldnt even spend a saturday with me. so i kept saying you're going on a date. He got mad and said im tried of you always saying that and then i said well of course im gonna say that you barely wanna see me i dont feel secure in this relationship ,you always talk about other girls and it hurts me. And he kept saying we i dont want this anymore. I told him i'm sorry then he said it's too late im tired of this. So he told me to go home. But then he started crying. HE told me he never ever cries so seeing him cry was weird. As i was going home, he texted me and said sorry and doesnt know why hes acting this way. He said he has been so unemotional for so long so its hard for him to deal with emotions. What did mean by this??? ever since that day he does text me but not as much and idk what to do anymore. We haven't hung out this weekend,hes just spending it at home. I keep thinking he is a commitment-phobe because his parents didnt give him attention growing up and he went through a bad breakup two years ago. I know he's not using me at all and he's a great guy. is it commitment-phobia? Edited March 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraph breaks Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 I'm afraid he's just not as interested in you as you are in him. This is why he doesn't make any great effort to see you. There is no way you can make him more interested if you are trying to get him to see you. He needs to miss you, but even this will not guarantee his interest. It seems you two are just not compatible. I know it hurts when you are attached to someone but trying to be with someone who doesn't love you is hurtful too. I think if you give up on the guy and regain your strength and confidence again, you will realise you could be very special to someone else, someone who will be there for you. Believe me, I know it's not easy because we become attached without even trying, but detaching is the only way to go if you are not being respected and loved. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 Been dating guy for 8 months .Introduced me to all his friends and always talked about me with them. Broke up with me once 3 months into the relationship saying he didn't feel a spark. I do no contact and he contacts in two weeks as if nothing happened. Then tells me he broke up with me not because of the spark thing but because of the fact that his friends and fam kept asking him how his GF is (meaning me)and he said he had bad experiences in the past and the word GF freaked him out so he broke up with me. After that,we continued talking but he wouldn't see me often. Like we would see each other on the weekends but many times he would make excuses not to hangout and he just wanted to be on his own. He wasn't even seeing another girl so i never understood why he didn't want to see me too often. It's as if he felt suffocated when he saw me and we never spent too much time together when we did see each other. Even though we weren't in a committed relationship, we were monogmaous to each other and weren't seeing other people. And i knew he wasn't using me for sex because most of the time we didnt have sex and i would initiate! which sucked because i felt so unwanted and inattractive When he started makign excuses not to see me i would get mad and stopped initiating contact and thats when he always initiated many times a day. He did call me his lady but not gf. He also took me on a weekend trip. But things went downhill after the trip...We spent 4 days together in a hotel room. We never spent so much time together so i feel like maybe it freaked him out. 3 days into the trip he gets drunk and tells me he doesnt see a future with me. I got mad and said i didnt see a futue with him too and didnt talk to him all day. Then the next day he was super sweet to me, bought me food and as if nothing happened the night before. After the trip he continued initiatign contact with me everyday many times a day! But...started to make excuses again on why he cant see me. Went out with friends and didnt invite me and one weekend he was completely free and just spent the day alone at home and didnt even ask me to spend time with him but texted me alll day and i just dont get why contact but not see me. Last week we saw each other and got into an argument.I saw him on friday spent the night but the morning he said he has to meet up with his really close friends and his gf. I got upset because he didnt even invite me with him or couldnt even spend a saturday with me. so i kept saying you're going on a date. He got mad and said im tried of you always saying that and then i said well of course im gonna say that you barely wanna see me i dont feel secure in this relationship ,you always talk about other girls and it hurts me. And he kept saying we i dont want this anymore. I told him i'm sorry then he said it's too late im tired of this. So he told me to go home. But then he started crying. HE told me he never ever cries so seeing him cry was weird. As i was going home, he texted me and said sorry and doesnt know why hes acting this way. He said he has been so unemotional for so long so its hard for him to deal with emotions. What did mean by this??? ever since that day he does text me but not as much and idk what to do anymore. We haven't hung out this weekend,hes just spending it at home. I keep thinking he is a commitment-phobe because his parents didnt give him attention growing up and he went through a bad breakup two years ago. I know he's not using me at all and he's a great guy. is it commitment-phobia? "He knows why he's acting this way . . . It's because he wants and needs the "company"of a woman, but can't get invested in them. He likely has a fairly long string of short term relationships and several women friends (he's not intimate with them) but sees them for dinner occasionally, etc. And, he does it for an ego boost. He isn't intentionally using you or stringing you along, he's enjoying your company but he's never going to love you the way a woman wants to be loved. Basically, he's allowing you to string yourself along. He won't be the one to finally end it, he'll try a number of times maybe and then come back because he's missing you and the sex but doesn't want or can't handle a deeper relationship. The other women he hangs out with were likely at one time intimate with him and when they realized, like you, that he isn't able to maintain a relationship and backed off. They stay friends with him because he's a nice man overall. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 "He knows why he's acting this way . . . It's because he wants and needs the "company"of a woman, but can't get invested in them. He likely has a fairly long string of short term relationships and several women friends (he's not intimate with them) but sees them for dinner occasionally, etc. And, he does it for an ego boost. He isn't intentionally using you or stringing you along, he's enjoying your company but he's never going to love you the way a woman wants to be loved. Basically, he's allowing you to string yourself along. He won't be the one to finally end it, he'll try a number of times maybe and then come back because he's missing you and the sex but doesn't want or can't handle a deeper relationship. The other women he hangs out with were likely at one time intimate with him and when they realized, like you, that he isn't able to maintain a relationship and backed off. They stay friends with him because he's a nice man overall. And, by the way, men don't use women . . . women allow themselves to be used. They string themselves along by telling themselves this could be more, even when everything they feel and know is telling them that it's not going to be more. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 It's both and he is a huge waste of your time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 And, by the way, men don't use women . . . women allow themselves to be used. They string themselves along by telling themselves this could be more, even when everything they feel and know is telling them that it's not going to be more. ^^Completely agree and just said the SAME exact thing to another poster on a different thread. I just posted it! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 29, 2015 Share Posted March 29, 2015 "He knows why he's acting this way . . . It's because he wants and needs the "company"of a woman, but can't get invested in them. He likely has a fairly long string of short term relationships and several women friends (he's not intimate with them) but sees them for dinner occasionally, etc. And, he does it for an ego boost. He isn't intentionally using you or stringing you along, he's enjoying your company but he's never going to love you the way a woman wants to be loved. Basically, he's allowing you to string yourself along. He won't be the one to finally end it, he'll try a number of times maybe and then come back because he's missing you and the sex but doesn't want or can't handle a deeper relationship. The other women he hangs out with were likely at one time intimate with him and when they realized, like you, that he isn't able to maintain a relationship and backed off. They stay friends with him because he's a nice man overall. But some men like this do meet a girl they are into enough to date long term. I know men who just hadn't found the right one yet...... Another great reason why the OP should cut her losses now! She doesn't want to see him finally fall for a girl that wasn't her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author walkingonair Posted March 29, 2015 Author Share Posted March 29, 2015 "He knows why he's acting this way . . . It's because he wants and needs the "company"of a woman, but can't get invested in them. He likely has a fairly long string of short term relationships and several women friends (he's not intimate with them) but sees them for dinner occasionally, etc. And, he does it for an ego boost. He isn't intentionally using you or stringing you along, he's enjoying your company but he's never going to love you the way a woman wants to be loved. Basically, he's allowing you to string yourself along. He won't be the one to finally end it, he'll try a number of times maybe and then come back because he's missing you and the sex but doesn't want or can't handle a deeper relationship. The other women he hangs out with were likely at one time intimate with him and when they realized, like you, that he isn't able to maintain a relationship and backed off. They stay friends with him because he's a nice man overall. You are so right!!!he does have alot of female friends and most of them have bfs.The thing is he told me i'm the first girl he spoke about to his family in friends in a very long time.But i can tell he has alot of issues and baggage... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You were the first girl he told his friends or family about you? Clap Clap lol..... If was probably lying. But at the slim chance he was being honest, then he proved that just because I guy tells his family and friends about you, then it still doesn't mean he is into you enough to date you. He could have just mentioned you in passing " oh, I hang out with ___ occasionally, she's a nice girl" My unavailable guy told his friends about me! He would drunkenly call me and say " you're the girl everyone knows I miss now" :lmao::lmao: Games I tell you! He lied and was never into me and was obviously just "bored" and thought I was pretty enough to..... get an ego boost from? Whatever it is was I was never special to him. He was NEVER into me. If he was, he wouldn't have ended things after one month. Men can say things that aren't true. THAT guy told me: he never felt a connection like ours, he never felt this intensely about a girl he just met, he had never felt like this before" :lmao::lmao: Guys want sex. Without full time study and a lot of activities happening in their lives, they often have ample time to stroke their ego by playing about with a girl they are NOT at all into. Trust me I wanted to believe what my guy told me. After all, I felt the connection and intense chemistry. Sadly, us women tend to project how we feel onto men who aren't feeling us! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 Commitmentphobe or not into you? It really doesn't matter which. Either way, it's going nowhere. Instead of sticking around hoping that things might progress some day, I would just move on to someone else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted March 30, 2015 Share Posted March 30, 2015 You're hurting from this guys pendulum style relationship with you. Go NC. YOU are so much stronger than him. That weekend! Woah. Cut and run princess (said sweetly) he might just come back with a ring, yeah! its happened to me 3x but I only married the 1st one. D a few years later. THAT was enough of a lesson for ME to learn. They just don't know what they WANT. Definite GIGS or some other bl**dy thing like.... not wanting anyone else to have you. This is why they keep you hanging. I just BET you're a cute girl with a pretty respectable job, organised, manage your money pretty well except for post-break-up buying and about the ONLY girl he's met recently who he COULD be proud of to his parents. They're probably keen for him to settle down with a "nice girl like you" so that's all it is. You want to MEAN far more than that. You will know when a guy's into you SO MUCH because then YOU come across as commitment phobic! Lol Onwards and upwards Lion Heart. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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