Bin_hatlan Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Hello, everyone. I broke up with my ex almost 2 months ago, I took my time to cope with the situation, it took me almost 1 month to stop thinking about her daily, and another month to stop missing her frequently, anyway I have a new relationship nowadays, I like my new gf but even thought I keep comparing between the two, I compare everything, appearance, way of dressing, way of expressing their emotions, even the way they kiss. (I can understand that sometimes people try to have better lovers than exes, so they can show off in case of accidental meeting, but my ex lives 3000miles away & she has no relatives in my city, so our meeting is almost zero). I don't want to compare, but my brain automatically does it, whenever I do something I used to do with my ex my brain starts comparing and gives me flashbacks of the time and place when my ex and I did the same thing. I am not sure why this is happening, I usually correlate it to my mutual, and peaceful breaking that we had, bcuz we broke up due to external factors giving us pressure not to continue. Do you think it's the cause?! To make the long story short what do you think I can do, did I rash things when I started dating just after 2 months, or it's natural no matter how long you stayed single after unsuccessful relationship? Please guide me Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 Hello, everyone. I broke up with my ex almost 2 months ago, I took my time to cope with the situation, it took me almost 1 month to stop thinking about her daily, and another month to stop missing her frequently, anyway I have a new relationship nowadays, I like my new gf but even thought I keep comparing between the two, I compare everything, appearance, way of dressing, way of expressing their emotions, even the way they kiss. (I can understand that sometimes people try to have better lovers than exes, so they can show off in case of accidental meeting, but my ex lives 3000miles away & she has no relatives in my city, so our meeting is almost zero). I don't want to compare, but my brain automatically does it, whenever I do something I used to do with my ex my brain starts comparing and gives me flashbacks of the time and place when my ex and I did the same thing. I am not sure why this is happening, I usually correlate it to my mutual, and peaceful breaking that we had, bcuz we broke up due to external factors giving us pressure not to continue. Do you think it's the cause?! To make the long story short what do you think I can do, did I rash things when I started dating just after 2 months, or it's natural no matter how long you stayed single after unsuccessful relationship? Please guide me I think you have not had sufficient time to get over your ex and this new relationship is what is called a rebound and your old relationship is holding you back. You are still grieving and that can take a long time to get over, especially as you broke up due to external factors and not due to a fault within the relationship itself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 It's simple. You got into a relationship without having really left the old one. Yes the fact it was external circumstances rather than internal relationship problems is probably not helping. You had nothing to assist you to emotionally distance yourself from her, like some ****ty behaviour etc to recall. Being forced apart by circumstance is particularly frustrating because there is never any closure in that and always the irony of finding the perfect thing and it just not meaning to be. The emotional part of the brain can't process it, it's different if the person died or something because then you would have a grieving process to assist in detachment. But as it stands, she's still out there, she still wants you, you still want her and there's no real reason why you're not together. Personally I think this new relationship is a subconscious substitute for the old one, so of course it's causing problems because she is not the same girl, and you aren't free of your baggage enough to see her, in her own right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 I agree you aren't as fully healed as you think you are & this new woman is a rebound. You don't care about her. You care about filling the hole in your life left by the EXs departure. An occasional comparison is one thing & it's a bit unavoidable. If your EX always did something one way & the new person does it differently, you will notice the change by the mere fact that it's different. But realizing it's different is not a constant comparison. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 28, 2015 Share Posted March 28, 2015 You're not over your ex and not ready to be in a new relationship. Give yourself more time to heal and move on. Let this new girl go. Link to post Share on other sites
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