Gaydar

[edgygirl]

How can you tell if the guy you went on a date with is into women for real?

 

I could swear I went on a date where the guy's mannerisms raised my gaydar... but he seemed really into me and was touchy, afectionate, etc.

 

He's late 40s and never married. Said he almost got married twice, lived with one of them.

 

I'm confused... any tips?

[CarrieT]

There are *many* heterosexual men who have a Metro mannerisms. Unless you get to a point in the relationship where you can openly and frankly discuss his gay-like qualities, I wouldn't go there...

 

I am a massive FagHag, and "gaydar" *is* infallible!

[Tayla]

Trust your instincts.

[Buddhist]

To be honest you cannot. I work in an industry where the number of straight men is extremely low. So I spend a lot of time with out of the closet gay men. After nearly a decade I've learnt this from them...

 

- Many men never come out of the closet. These men can be found married to women, with kids having sex with men on the side because they could never come to terms with the fact they are gay.

- Many men are bisexual, openly and covertly. The number of these men is somewhere near the number of heterosexual men. Ask any gay man, it's easy to sleep with a 'straight' man. Mostly because they only identify as hetero, they are actually bisexual but don't want to say so. True heterosexual men (those that have no attraction whatsoever to other men) are rarer than society makes out.

- Even died in the wool homosexual men find themselves in serious relationships with women. One of the men I worked with was married to a woman and when I asked him abut this, he told me openly that he feels no attraction to women ordinarily. He is a gay man who is normally repulsed by women. But that one female he was in love with and so he went there. He was out before they even got into a relationship and she knew he was gay.

 

All of my partners except 1 were bisexual. 2 of those were bi with a preference for women, 1 was bi with a preference for men.

 

You cannot tell a man's gayness by looking at him, I'm pretty skeptical about gaydar too. Some of the most straight appearing men I work with are gay. And there's a few everyone has bet would come out of the closet who are actually straight or at the most flexible, bi with a preference for women. You really have to trust the people you are with to know themselves well enough to make an informed choice. Being with a gay man is not the end of the world. I always imagined it would be devastating, but actually it's no different to being with any other man.

 

The most gay-acting one, the bi with a preference for men was my most fun boyfriend. It was awesome watching others scratch their heads and I enjoyed having someone in my life who related to my interests. No I didn't feel insecure that he would run off and be having sex with men behind my back. In fact, he was the one I was least concerned about cheating.

Edited March 28, 2015 by Buddhist

[haribogumsnickers]

Is your gaydar bluetooth? If you had a good time with him then his womannerisms shouldn't be a big deal. At least he won't ask you to pull his finger over dinner.

[gaius]

Even on here my gaydar goes off occasionally and 9/10 times they eventually admit they jerked off a guy or something. The other one time I guess they can never bring themselves to talk about it. =/

 

Just trust your gut that he's gay and it's learned behavior, not instinctual. Poor guy.

[JohnsonBaby]

He might be bisexual . In all honesty I met a few guys I was 100% convinced they were into men but I was wrong . So yeah,your instinct might not be correct.

[Tayla]

trust your instincts they have served and survived in nature... its what allowed us to evolve.

[edgygirl]

Thanks. To be quite honest I am open minded and them being attracted to men is not what would turn me off. What turns me off is the gay vibe and mannerisms. I am not that attracted to guys that don't seem masculine.

 

To be honest you cannot. I work in an industry where the number of straight men is extremely low. So I spend a lot of time with out of the closet gay men. After nearly a decade I've learnt this from them...

 

- Many men never come out of the closet. These men can be found married to women, with kids having sex with men on the side because they could never come to terms with the fact they are gay.

- Many men are bisexual, openly and covertly. The number of these men is somewhere near the number of heterosexual men. Ask any gay man, it's easy to sleep with a 'straight' man. Mostly because they only identify as hetero, they are actually bisexual but don't want to say so. True heterosexual men (those that have no attraction whatsoever to other men) are rarer than society makes out.

- Even died in the wool homosexual men find themselves in serious relationships with women. One of the men I worked with was married to a woman and when I asked him abut this, he told me openly that he feels no attraction to women ordinarily. He is a gay man who is normally repulsed by women. But that one female he was in love with and so he went there. He was out before they even got into a relationship and she knew he was gay.

 

All of my partners except 1 were bisexual. 2 of those were bi with a preference for women, 1 was bi with a preference for men.

 

You cannot tell a man's gayness by looking at him, I'm pretty skeptical about gaydar too. Some of the most straight appearing men I work with are gay. And there's a few everyone has bet would come out of the closet who are actually straight or at the most flexible, bi with a preference for women. You really have to trust the people you are with to know themselves well enough to make an informed choice. Being with a gay man is not the end of the world. I always imagined it would be devastating, but actually it's no different to being with any other man.

 

The most gay-acting one, the bi with a preference for men was my most fun boyfriend. It was awesome watching others scratch their heads and I enjoyed having someone in my life who related to my interests. No I didn't feel insecure that he would run off and be having sex with men behind my back. In fact, he was the one I was least concerned about cheating.

[edgygirl]

Aside the point of being gay or not, my friend pointed out to me the other day that most men in the world wither have Yin or Yang energy... I realize I am attracted to Yang males and Yin turn me off a little although they're more nurturing. I think I'm influenced by a society's construct.

 

--

 

Yin is feminine energy: soft, dark, cool, hidden, subtle, and complex. Yin is much more fluid, more nurturing, than yang. Yin’s strength is to preserve life, to keep major support systems in line. Yin knows when to stop, to yield.

 

 

Yang is masculine energy: strength, action, and relentless assertiveness. It is a protective energy. Surrender is not an option. The power of yang is that it can lock onto a goal and be undistractible. And, of course, that’s its greatest weakness. Although male energy may seem like a powerful force, it is also fragile. Men spend a lot of energy being male: trying to protect, provide for, and please their families. For men, yielding can feel as if they’re not doing their job.

[edgygirl]

And just for the record, I think we all know gay married man The ones that surprise us when we realize they have a family a wife and kids... as they talk gay, act gay and seem gay.

 

Last question: are all the guys who have gay mannerism/tone in their voice, gay indeed?

[Timshel]

Even on here my gaydar goes off occasionally and 9/10 times they eventually admit they jerked off a guy or something. The other one time I guess they can never bring themselves to talk about it. =/

 

Just trust your gut that he's gay and it's learned behavior, not instinctual. Poor guy.

 

Really gaius? Would you be so kind to elaborate? I have a quirky faith in you so I am sure I would like to hear more.

[Timshel]

I have met men that I was sure were gay but were not. At least not openly. Either they repress to the point of self flagellation or they are not but are attuned to female. Woody Allen is a perfect example of a hereto male who is very in touch with his feminine. (JERK)

So is Quentin Tarantino. Trust your instincts, the worst is that you have a close friend which is not too shabby.

[preraph]

My gaydar used to be very accurate but I doubt it is anymore. Gay men were always drawn to me when I was younger, but not anymore. Yes, there are some of the more masculine ones that you'd never know, but it's the others I like to befriend most anyway.

 

He might be bi.

[preraph]

I have met men that I was sure were gay but were not. At least not openly. Either they repress to the point of self flagellation or they are not but are attuned to female. Woody Allen is a perfect example of a hereto male who is very in touch with his feminine. (JERK)

So is Quentin Tarantino. Trust your instincts, the worst is that you have a close friend which is not too shabby.

 

Woody Allen is the original whiner. I just see him as a wussified hetero and would never mistake him for gay because his style is so bad and mostly because gay men are a lot happier than he seems to ever be.

[Timshel]

I know, what a shmuck he is. I think he is a crazy genius crazy. I am adopted so he so f***ing lost me at that. Whiner, loser, yep.

[Phoe]

My gaydar is abysmal.

 

Twice I've gotten crushes on a guy just to find out that he's gay.

 

Bah!

 

I have a friend who I'm slightly convinced might be gay, and when I think about how crappy my sense is I figure I may as well imagine that he's into humping trees for all the good my intuition does. I haven't a clue! Haha, but adore him nonetheless, even if he does want to hump trees.

[Tayla]

And just for the record, I think we all know gay married man The ones that surprise us when we realize they have a family a wife and kids... as they talk gay, act gay and seem gay.

 

Last question: are all the guys who have gay mannerism/tone in their voice, gay indeed?

 

nope! anymore then some ladies with a lower tone voice are gay. For the record ,just because a person is tolerant of varying gender attraction doesn't mean that they are open to it themselves. Once had a lady tell me i was in denial ( that i was secretly a lesbian)and i said yup I've been denied a good man for awhile, best get to working on that, thanks!

[Krieger]

As far as yin and yang goes it says yin is female cold and dark and yang is male cold and hot.

 

I am mostly yang but in touch with is yin side heck I am going into nursing you have to have some yin . I can't see a guy be heartless and not care about people.

 

I know this if I worked in the ER and let's say a woman came in and was in a bad werck and was not going to make it . On top of the her kids will not have a mom growing up. Than the husband come to the hospital and said his good bye's and it has so touching that there was not a dry eye in the room .If I cry too I can careless if it makes me less of a man.

 

My yang said is I can come off as aloof some times and can be an A hole when I need to be. I just treat people how they treat me. Also I do get mad at people coworkers mostly for not doing things they say there going to do. I do not play that game.

 

As far as a woman's gaydar goes all as I can say is I like shopping for clothes and have 50 pairs of shoes and know the differences in colors and would make a good interior. decorator. Also I can fix things like cars things around the house .I have the ability to build a house by myself if I needed to. On top of that I can cook like a 5 course meal from scratch. I like to read books vs watching TV .

 

So don't judge a book by the cover.

 

Also I been hit on by a few guy that happen to be gay but it all good. I have nice looking eyes and atractive facial bone structure.

[Timshel]

As far as yin and yang goes it says yin is female cold and dark and yang is male cold and hot.

 

I am mostly yang but in touch with is yin side heck I am going into nursing you have to have some yin . I can't see a guy be heartless and not care about people.

 

I know this if I worked in the ER and let's say a woman came in and was in a bad werck and was not going to make it . On top of the her kids will not have a mom growing up. Than the husband come to the hospital and said his good bye's and it has so touching that there was not a dry eye in the room .If I cry too I can careless if it makes me less of a man.

 

My yang said is I can come off as aloof some times and can be an A hole when I need to be. I just treat people how they treat me. Also I do get mad at people coworkers mostly for not doing things they say there going to do. I do not play that game.

 

As far as a woman's gaydar goes all as I can say is I like shopping for clothes and have 50 pairs of shoes and know the differences in colors and would make a good interior. decorator. Also I can fix things like cars things around the house .I have the ability to build a house by myself if I needed to. On top of that I can cook like a 5 course meal from scratch. I like to read books vs watching TV .

So don't judge a book by the cover.

 

Also I been hit on by a few guy that happen to be gay but it all good. I have nice looking eyes and atractive facial bone structure.

 

Yea Krieger. There you have it, a manly man. Kuddos for being secure in your own masculinely. You are a cool dude.

[alphamale]

How can you tell if the guy you went on a date with is into women for real?

 

I could swear I went on a date where the guy's mannerisms raised my gaydar... but he seemed really into me and was touchy, afectionate, etc.

 

He's late 40s and never married. Said he almost got married twice, lived with one of them.

 

I'm confused... any tips?

Hey egirl, unfortunately there is no way you can tell 100% if a man is homosexual. There have been many cases of men being married and fathering children before leaving their wife and running off with another man. Even if you have sex with him that means nothing.

[alphamale]

Is your gaydar bluetooth?

[Buddhist]

Last question: are all the guys who have gay mannerism/tone in their voice, gay indeed?

 

Well I think this depends on your definition of gay mannerism and tone. Since you've stated you only like a certain affectation in men it's hard to know what you are calling gay mannerisms. It could just be that unless a guy is very obviously sexual with a woman that they come across as gay to you. But not all straight/bi-flexible guys behave that way. Possibly what you call ying energy in a man is what I might call gentlemanly. No hard and fast rules.

 

Since you've stated you aren't horrendously turned off if he happens to be attracted to men, you're only horrendously turned off by certain affectations then I would just stick to looking for a guy who behaves the way you like and forget about wondering if he's into chicks or not.

 

In my experience, very manly men, can often be gay. That kind of thing is also a type of gay man too. Not all gay men behave in a soft ying manner, not at all. There's the overly masculine type as well as the effeminate type. That's not a gay/straight thing. If this particular guy has you wondering whether he likes you or not, then he's probably not the man for you. Move on.

Edited March 28, 2015 by Buddhist

[edgygirl]

He certainly likes me, no doubt about that. He was holding my hands and totally affectionate and he's also consistent in his communication and not weirdo and inconsistent like most people in NYC.

 

I think I'll go on a second date and see how I feel. One date seems to little to know for sure.

 

Maybe he just knows how to be cheerful and nice although he's a rational type. I guess I need to spend more time with him to find out.

 

Well I think this depends on your definition of gay mannerism and tone. Since you've stated you only like a certain affectation in men it's hard to know what you are calling gay mannerisms. It could just be that unless a guy is very obviously sexual with a woman that they come across as gay to you. But not all straight/bi-flexible guys behave that way. Possibly what you call ying energy in a man is what I might call gentlemanly. No hard and fast rules.

 

Since you've stated you aren't horrendously turned off if he happens to be attracted to men, you're only horrendously turned off by certain affectations then I would just stick to looking for a guy who behaves the way you like and forget about wondering if he's into chicks or not.

 

In my experience, very manly men, can often be gay. That kind of thing is also a type of gay man too. Not all gay men behave in a soft ying manner, not at all. There's the overly masculine type as well as the effeminate type. That's not a gay/straight thing. If this particular guy has you wondering whether he likes you or not, then he's probably not the man for you. Move on.

[Vercetti]

Seems things are so mixed up some women would think a man that was a Vincent Price clone was some metrosexual closet case. Perhaps the guy simply has class...IDK.