Number of sexual partners

[sharp9]

I used to bartend and because of the type of environment I worked in I've had quite a few sexual partners. I don't really feel comfortable disclosing it to a future partner, but also don't really want to lie. I look at the past as the past and wouldn't have an issue with my partner not telling me how many people they've been with. I'm curious what others in this type of position have done.

[Buddhist]

When is the human race going to get over it's sexual hangups. You know sex is just a bodily function like eating and toileting right? Do you obssess over the number of times you've been to the bathroom and worry about disclosing that? I didn't think so. Unless you have a communicable disease it really doesn't matter and is absolutely no-ones business.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Well since you bartended your number will be assumed to be high anyway, unless you just come off as a completely different type of guy.

 

Gay or straight?

[Buddhist]

If he was gay this would be a moot point. Number of partner hang-ups seem to be a uniquely hetero thing. Gay men go at it hammer and tongs and they all know it.

[Wackkkk]

When is the human race going to get over it's sexual hangups. You know sex is just a bodily function like eating and toileting right? Do you obssess over the number of times you've been to the bathroom and worry about disclosing that? I didn't think so. Unless you have a communicable disease it really doesn't matter and is absolutely no-ones business.

 

keep telling yourself that.

 

If it's not important and sex is just a bodily function, then why do people get so offended and uptight about the question? If it's not a big deal, then you should be ok answering your potential boyfriend or girlfriend that question.

 

It's not just bodily function please.

[Toodaloo]

I used to bartend and because of the type of environment I worked in I've had quite a few sexual partners. I don't really feel comfortable disclosing it to a future partner, but also don't really want to lie. I look at the past as the past and wouldn't have an issue with my partner not telling me how many people they've been with. I'm curious what others in this type of position have done.

 

I just say I don't know off hand as I have never sat down and thought about it... Why do they ask?

 

Its rare that the question is wanting to know the detail of your sexual past but usually more that they want to know that you are healthy and not growing anything nasty down below...

[Buddhist]

keep telling yourself that.

 

If it's not important and sex is just a bodily function, then why do people get so offended and uptight about the question? If it's not a big deal, then you should be ok answering your potential boyfriend or girlfriend that question.

 

It's not just bodily function please.

 

Actually it is. It's no more significant than passing your daily in the morning or digesting your food. It's only religious conditioning that has everyone so uptight about it. If it were not a supposed sin to have sex, if the powers that be hadn't made it into some moral taboo then the whole world would be much better off. It would be a natural expression of life.

 

There is nothing unique and special about the genitals that means they wear out faster from use. The only real thing about it is that you can catch disease that way. Guess what? You can catch disease from food, from sewerage and from human saliva too. Sex has the specialness and meaning you as a person attach to it. If it's some sacred and special thing to you, prepare to be offended by the millions of people for whom it is not.

 

No other animal on the planet feels the need to post on the internet about their number, or feel shame around their own kind. Sexual hangups are a human, made up thing, for basically no real reason.

[Radu]

When is the human race going to get over it's sexual hangups. You know sex is just a bodily function like eating and toileting right? Do you obssess over the number of times you've been to the bathroom and worry about disclosing that? I didn't think so. Unless you have a communicable disease it really doesn't matter and is absolutely no-ones business.

 

I think it's wonderful that you are ok with marrying someone who used to be a prostitute ... even if it was for a long time.

[Wackkkk]

Actually it is. It's no more significant than passing your daily in the morning or digesting your food. It's only religious conditioning that has everyone so uptight about it. If it were not a supposed sin to have sex, if the powers that be hadn't made it into some moral taboo then the whole world would be much better off. It would be a natural expression of life.

 

There is nothing unique and special about the genitals that means they wear out faster from use. The only real thing about it is that you can catch disease that way. Guess what? You can catch disease from food, from sewerage and from human saliva too. Sex has the specialness and meaning you as a person attach to it. If it's some sacred and special thing to you, prepare to be offended by the millions of people for whom it is not.

 

No other animal on the planet feels the need to post on the internet about their number, or feel shame around their own kind. Sexual hangups are a human, made up thing, for basically no real reason.

 

Enough said.

[Buddhist]

I think it's wonderful that you are ok with marrying someone who used to be a prostitute ... even if it was for a long time.

 

Actually I would, all other things being compatible.

[Buddhist]

Enough said.

 

Now I get the impression you meant that as some kind of point like

 

The fact I feel shame about the subject proves that there is something inherently taboo about it etc...

 

Which speaks to your individual value system and neurosis, more than it speaks about anything else. But I'll grant you, humans truly are a uniquely neurotic species. I suppose there had to be some downside to a large and elaborate brain. Anyone who wants to continue to believe that sex is inherently bad and more of it someone has the worse they are is more than welcome. I've got better things to do, it kind of rates on my radar along with counting carbs. Totally pointless exercise.

Edited March 27, 2015 by Buddhist

[guest569]

Why are you so ashamed of it?

[Toodaloo]

Actually I would, all other things being compatible.

 

Said by a true man who has no hang ups, is under no illusions and is secure within himself...

 

Tell me do you have a brother thats single by any chance?

 

For all those guys trying to figure out what "Alpha Male" actually is... This is it.

[Gaeta]

I find it to be a young people thing. People don't ask this question past 40 yo. If ever a man ask me how many sexual partners I had I would have to laugh at him.

 

OP: Just answer you had a few partners and the number is not important to you. If it is for her-him then they need to move on to someone a little more prude.

[ManyDissapoint]

It's important to many people, men and women alike. It's another piece of information that goes into knowing what kind of person your partner is.

[BluEyeL]

Actually it is. It's no more significant than passing your daily in the morning or digesting your food. It's only religious conditioning that has everyone so uptight about it. If it were not a supposed sin to have sex, if the powers that be hadn't made it into some moral taboo then the whole world would be much better off. It would be a natural expression of life.

 

There is nothing unique and special about the genitals that means they wear out faster from use. The only real thing about it is that you can catch disease that way. Guess what? You can catch disease from food, from sewerage and from human saliva too. Sex has the specialness and meaning you as a person attach to it. If it's some sacred and special thing to you, prepare to be offended by the millions of people for whom it is not.

 

No other animal on the planet feels the need to post on the internet about their number, or feel shame around their own kind. Sexual hangups are a human, made up thing, for basically no real reason.

There is a reason. Paternity. It became a sin because the father was supposed to support the offspring and if the woman slept around, then he'd have to support someone else's kid.

 

Also, we are not animals and we still form monogamous relationships. If sex was so meaningless, we wouldn't trouble ourselves with that. We are built in such a way that it does make some sense for sex to have some kind of meaning attae to it.

 

Now, despite what's fair, many men will still judge a woman for a high number. While I agree that while not in a relationship, having casual sex shouldn't be a problem, and I know I can have casual sex and be fine with it, a big part of the reason I stay away from kt is because I'm not trying to fight reality. Many men will judge you. So I personally kept my number low for that reason too.

 

If your number is high, op, try to not disclose it, unless you know for sure that your partner is open minded.

[Gaeta]

It's important to many people, men and women alike. It's another piece of information that goes into knowing what kind of person your partner is.

 

What kind of person? and at what number do you cease being a good person? 14 is acceptable but 15 isn't? tell me. At 20 partners you automatically lose your human qualities? I stopped counting how many partners I had, it's not an enormous number but it's not a conservative number either. I was married 15 years and never once cheated, was tempted to cheat, or even looked at other man. I am faithful to a fault. I fully understand the meaning of sexual commitment and I know where my place is when I am in a relationship. I only have eyes for my man. So having a higher number makes me a bad person for a relationship?

[BluEyeL]

Said by a true man who has no hang ups, is under no illusions and is secure within himself...

 

Tell me do you have a brother thats single by any chance?

 

For all those guys trying to figure out what "Alpha Male" actually is... This is it.

I think Buddhist is a woman.

[ManyDissapoint]

What kind of person? and at what number do you cease being a good person? 14 is acceptable but 15 isn't? tell me. At 20 partners you automatically lose your human qualities? I stopped counting how many partners I had, it's not an enormous number but it's not a conservative number either. I was married 15 years and never once cheated, was tempted to cheat, or even looked at other man. I am faithful to a fault. I fully understand the meaning of sexual commitment and I know where my place is when I am in a relationship. I only have eyes for my man. So having a higher number makes me a bad person for a relationship?

 

It's not about good or bad, 14 or 15. I would like to have a general idea of my partner's history and come to my own conclusions, and I have no problem if someone asks that of me. Information is not good or bad on its own. If I was dating someone who I knew had been in a commited relationship for 15 years then that would tell me here's a woman who is commitment minded and we are on the same page, for example.

 

I would also want to know for example many things like how their relationship with their family is, their experience at school, etc.

[stillmind]

I've always been a very conservative person and I wanted to marry another conservative person, so it was important to me. I know there are plenty of people who don't care at all, though.

 

That said if I'm ever widowed I will probably let my freak flag fly

[Radu]

Said by a true man who has no hang ups, is under no illusions and is secure within himself...

 

Tell me do you have a brother thats single by any chance?

 

For all those guys trying to figure out what "Alpha Male" actually is... This is it.

 

Aha ... real man ... sure ...

 

Meanwhile ... in the real world ppl try to figure future actions based on past history.

It's why you can't get money from a bank at good rates when you have a history of bankruptcies [plural].

 

If a real man is supposed to be a sucker ... i'm ok with being single for life [genders reversed ... i'm sure there are women thinking the same].

[Michelle ma Belle]

I was one of those people who felt it was important when I was younger. I couldn't understand how people could just get so busy with anyone anytime to the point where they'd lose track of their official number. Of course, part of that brainwashing was a result of my conservative Catholic upbringing - thanks mom

 

When I divorced, I did exactly as stillmind said, I let my freak flag fly and HIGH!! I needed to explore my sexuality and have some fun. Does that make me a horrible person unworthy of love? I would think not.

 

I don't see it as any different than judging someone for how big or small their bits and pieces are, the color of their hair, their age, the way they chew their food. Someone's number, on it's own, doesn't really tell you anything about who that person is deep down. It all deserves a CONVERSATION at the very least before you cross someone off.

 

Now that I'm older and more experienced I no longer get hung up on such details. I've learned that you can't judge a person solely based on such trivial details. In the grand scheme of things, this is trivial. There are worse things than dating someone whose list is longer than yours.

 

Perspective.

[JohnsonBaby]

What's the point of asking 99% of people lie about it. I would mention only the official ones who always seem to be 5 but I can give you 10 in an attempt to pretend to be honest . Lol

[carhill]

I'm curious what others in this type of position have done.

 

If you feel this is outlier, then I'll offer the reverse outlier..... I've been with so few women, confining sex to relationships and marriage, that my number is considered outlier as well, just in the other direction. What I've always done is focus on the partner in front of me, our interactions, and the rest is....the rest. So far, it's worked fine.

 

The main challenge for yourself, being so sexually active, is coming up with a verifiably clean STD report, given the latency of some STD's. If you're testing, then having sex with other people, the reports are meaningless. Now, some people won't care about disease issues and that was largely true of my generation pre-AIDS, but that disease woke a lot of us up to such matters.

 

Other than that, who you've been banging while bar-tending is nunya, meaning no-one's business.

[kleos]

Hi there, I'm a newbie here

 

So, I was reading the new threads and this one just popped up into me because recently I was dumped by a guy who thinks that It's bad that I had too many sexual relationships before.

 

Basically when we met in an online dating service we had this turmoiling discussion about number of sexual partners. Of course, I had a lot, after all I'm an independent young woman looking for love, I have pleasures and god it feels good to have sex! Right? Of course I don't go to bed with everyone and have precautions but after all this time alone and experiencing I had a lot of moments which I don't NEED to justify to anyone.

 

Well this obviously caused a certain amount of confusion into my narrowing hetero ex boyfriend.

 

So be aware of these red flags and don't ever get involved with jerks like these or you will be the one getting hurt.

 

Before we met we end up the discussion online while he was insulting me feeling pity for the man who will end up marrying me for all the sexual adventures I had in the past. Why? Because in his little head he will wondering who were the guys I had relations previously. Whether they were better than him? Did they give me more pleasure? Did they **** me better? Etc.

 

Anyway I literally ignored those warnings and we met in person. It was a romantic love story, very dreamy but those questions were constantly in his mind. So one beautiful day his ex girlfriend who happens to be an ex virgin, only had one man in her life and it was him, wanted him back. End of story.

 

Even tough I knew he loved me more and he hated his ex, he still felt more safe with her knowing she never had anyone else so he didn't have to deal with his fears of insecurity.

 

So, in a nutshell numbers are for dumb people who have low self-esteem. On the other hand people with noble feelings value quality over quantity. And those sexists who will try to disempower you by calling you a hore when they do exactly the same and bang a lot of girls are weak of spirit. Be proud of who you are and don't let numbers consume you. We are a lot more evolved after all.