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Not physically attracted to my boyfriend anymore.


sarah034

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Over the course of a year I'd say I've slowly become less and less attracted physically to my boyfriend. Since we've started dating, a year and a half ago, he's put on 40 pounds, most of this being muscle though. He's 180 right now. He's a powerlifter so he wants to get bigger to get stronger. He wants to put on potentially 30 more pounds. The thing is he's only 5'4. It's all bulk and mass and I'm just not attracted to that look. I know what 180 looks like on 6ft and even 5'8 (coworker and brother) and it looks more normal on them. My boyfriend just is so bulky and huge for someone of his height. I've never been attracted to guys who are bulky and huge and now hemlooks like that.

 

It's not like I've put on weight too, I actually lost 15 pounds when we first met and have kept it off. I'm 5'5, 125 and he loves the way I look he's always saying he loves my body and such so I feel even more horrible about the way I feel. I try to stay active and eat healthy for me mostly but also for him because I like feeling good and looking good. I'm not super crazy fit, I'm curvy.

 

I understand people don't stay the same size throughout their entire life and I'm fine with that I just didn't expect him to put on so much weight so quickly. I feel horrible for feeling this way and it seems shallow but it's just the way I feel. Other than that he's fine, he's supportive and caring and nice but whenever he sends me topless selfies, which I don't even ask for, I'm repulsed by his physique. Plus his weight gain has made it harder to do things such as swim or hike or run or pretty much any physical activity that doesn't involve lifting weights. It makes it difficult trying to find somethig active we can do aside from walking or weightlifting which I don't enjoy.

 

I can't tell him this because it'd be like telling someone whose getting in shape that you don't like how small or fit they are now. It's his life and passion to powerlifting so I don't know what to do.

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Well, you can't expect him to do whatever you say, I guess, but I would let him know that you've never liked the stocky look, just in case he is doing it for you.

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That's how it will be with each and every guy you date. People change as they age, you will too. The guy you marry will eventually be fat bald and worst of all WRINKLY. Even at some point his penis won't stand up due to aging. So what can you really do?

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Ninjainpajamas

Tell him his obsession with his size and body has become a bit of a turnoff for you.

 

This is why communication is important as well as understanding, because these kinds of things come out a lot easier and sooner before it becomes a bigger problem.

 

I wouldn't like if a woman put on 30 pounds of weight or muscle into the relationship, you just have to brave enough to have those kinds of conversations...if you think it's hard being a woman, trying being man bringing up the weight issues, near impossible and likely suicidal...you must skirt around being direct at all costs...if allowed to even mention it, according to some people.

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fitnessfan365

Getting bigger/bulkier usually coincides with the bodybuilding community. Powerlifting is strength based. What you may want to tell your BF is that it's entirely possible for his lifts to go up without him having to gain weight. People get stronger on a calorie deficit all the time, and some of the strongest powerlifters I ever associated with were smaller framed. Back when I was powerlfting competitively, there were guys way bigger than me physically in the gym that couldn't come close to my strength level.

 

So having to get bigger to get stronger is definitely a misconception.

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My friend gained 20 lbs and her bf was still hot for her. And he would still be turned on by her if she gained more weight although he would prob mention something.

 

I wouldn't want a partner to gain loads of weight and nor would I expect a partner to remain super attracted to me if I were to gain a significant amount.

 

But you should still be in love with them and attracted to them a little....

 

It makes me question if you ever had that hot chemistry to begin with. If you did, chances are weight gain would hamper it but you would still be attracted. Chemistry doesn't die if you both continue to like and respect one another.

 

This is why I only go for sparks and intense chemistry. If you gain weight or.. get older and more wrinkly, if you have no strong chemistry to begin with you will have no hope of igniting any sizzle into the bedroom later on....

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Your boyfriend is overweight at 5'4", even if he is large framed. Yes, some are going to come on here and say 'but it's muscle'. I'm with you, I don't like the look. I like lean and muscular, not bulky.

 

Do you have any indication or suspicion that he's using steroids? That's a lot of bulk to put on that frame in a year and a half. And if he puts on 30 more as planned, he'll look utterly ridiculous.

 

Does he have any friends or family members who think he's taken it too far? If so, maybe an intervention is in order. And for me, steroid use would be a legitimate reason to break up.

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Your boyfriend is overweight at 5'4", even if he is large framed. Yes, some are going to come on here and say 'but it's muscle'. I'm with you, I don't like the look. I like lean and muscular, not bulky.

 

Do you have any indication or suspicion that he's using steroids? That's a lot of bulk to put on that frame in a year and a half. And if he puts on 30 more as planned, he'll look utterly ridiculous.

 

Does he have any friends or family members who think he's taken it too far? If so, maybe an intervention is in order. And for me, steroid use would be a legitimate reason to break up.

 

 

No he doesn't use steroid he's strongly against them. He literally just ate and ate and turned most of the weight he put on into muscle.

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We like what we like! There's no shame in that. Still, I'm not a fan of telling others what to do with their bodies. Clearly this is a passion of his, and he plans to take it even further.

 

Unfortunately, his choices are getting in the way of activities you previously enjoyed sharing together. Indeed the types of physical activities he can engage in are increasingly limited by his bodybuilding. It sounds as if you have an active lifestyle and enjoy that. Sometimes people just grow apart in a relationship. Their focus and goals diverge. The key is learning when to cut things off and move on. Things are unlikely to go back to where you began. In fact, they are likely to continue in a direction that doesn't work for you. So when would you walk away?

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fitnessfan365
Indeed the types of physical activities he can engage in are increasingly limited by his bodybuilding. ?

 

That's the thing though. Powerlifting is not bodybuilding. Unlike bodybuilding which is size and physique based, powerlifting is strength based. The guy has made the mistake of thinking he has to eat and get bigger to get stronger. But this is a mis-conception. You can get strong while on a calorie deficit because strength is not relative to muscle size.

 

So that's why I advised before that she should tell her boyfriend that he doesn't have to gain weight to gain strength.

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Preferences are preferences and we all are entitled to ours.

 

If his bulking up makes him unattractive to you, then you need to own your voice and speak up. The solution isn't you being fake just to lull him into a false sense of your satisfaction--that's going to blast out of your mouth one day and he wont' know where the hell that came from. You have to be honest and let him proceed from that point of truth. He will either trim down or end the relationship.

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If what you are looking for is someone you can go running with every day, then perhaps you need to reevaluate your current relationship. I can understand your frustration, but is he that repulsive to you?

 

What are your goals for this relationship? Does he make you happy? If you're more into running, doing it yourself is a great stress reliever. Perhaps go with friends? It's good to have different hobbies, it makes for a better relationship. I'm sure there are several things the two of you enjoy doing together that don't deal with fitness.

 

Looks change over time, more often not in a good way. Don't get me wrong, I'm not attracted to the muscular type either. If my boyfriend decides that he wants to be a bodybuilder, I'll love him just the same. I don't think that he would start to turn me off, unless I was only with him for his looks to begin with.

 

Don't feel horrible or shallow. Just have a talk with him. If it's impacting your relationship to the point where he devotes all of his time to working on himself and that is all he talks about, then that is an issue.

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Tell him his obsession with his size and body has become a bit of a turnoff for you.

 

I dont care which girl (and this happened to me once) comes and says that my obsession has become a turnoff, i would just say leave.

 

If he likes what he is doing, just let him be. Its not an obsession, its a way of life, a sport and he loves it.

 

Obsession...

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