Wackkkk Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I have a friend that's all I see him as whose been asking me out on dates since 2010 literally. Every valentine he asks if I would like to go out for dinner. Today I was suppose to go out with him but made an excuse not to go, so he reshedualed -_-. I don't give him the best excuses either and he just doesn't get it. And no, I will NOT be blunt with him I can't do that I don't have it in me. Last month he asked me out on vday, I came up with an excuse. His birthday this month, came up with an excuse. How come he doesn't get it? I've never gave him the impression that I liked him more then a friend, he liked me in highschool years ago, I'm assuming he still does. Man. Sometimes I wish I could force myself to be into someone, he has all the good qualities you can ask for in a man, but he's gain weight since highschool and I don't find him attractive. If he looked like how he did in highschool although I wasn't attracted to him back then, his good qualities would've been good enough. Damn. Link to post Share on other sites
cessna Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Yet another girl who won't be honest with a guy and then wonders why he doesn't give up. I have no sympathy. For you that is, I do for the poor lad though. Just be honest with him. I think it's far more hurtful to be dishonest and make up excuses, doesn't sound like you have much respect for this guy... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
strawberryshortstack Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I have a friend that's all I see him as whose been asking me out on dates since 2010 literally. Every valentine he asks if I would like to go out for dinner. Today I was suppose to go out with him but made an excuse not to go, so he reshedualed -_-. I don't give him the best excuses either and he just doesn't get it. And no, I will NOT be blunt with him I can't do that I don't have it in me. Last month he asked me out on vday, I came up with an excuse. His birthday this month, came up with an excuse. How come he doesn't get it? I've never gave him the impression that I liked him more then a friend, he liked me in highschool years ago, I'm assuming he still does. Man. Sometimes I wish I could force myself to be into someone, he has all the good qualities you can ask for in a man, but he's gain weight since highschool and I don't find him attractive. If he looked like how he did in highschool although I wasn't attracted to him back then, his good qualities would've been good enough. Damn. I know it's not the advice you're looking for, but you're just going to have to be blunt. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 You don't have it in you to be blunt with someone but you have it in you to drag along and waste someone's time for 5 years. Interesting. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) You see this is what I don't understand about women. The OP would rather spend five years on this back and forth dance, then just be honest with the poor guy. If you really are friends with the guy and value him as a person, you shouldn't be jerking him around like this. Plus, you can be honest without having to be super blunt and ruining his self esteem. Just tell him that you've never seen him as more than a friend and you don't want to go out with him. BTW - A better thread title would've been "I've been re-scheduling our dates since 2010". The way you worded it makes it sound like he keeps re-scheduling on you and you're wondering why..LOL Edited March 27, 2015 by fitnessfan365 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 You waste his time for five years and now you come here wanting to waste our time with handwringing over wasting his time? Just have an adult conversation with him and be done with it. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I think it's common for people to avoid being blunt because they are worried about hurting the other person. But this is a delusion. If we were truly worried about hurting the other person we would BE blunt, so that we spare them the long-term pain. OP the reason you can't be blunt is because you are thinking about your own feelings and how bad it will make YOU feel to say something. Maybe you are also worried he could get mad at you - again, making YOU feel bad. Sometimes you need to put the other person's feelings first. It's time for you to have a conversation with this guy and say it like it is. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I think it's common for people to avoid being blunt because they are worried about hurting the other person. But this is a delusion. If we were truly worried about hurting the other person we would BE blunt, so that we spare them the long-term pain. OP the reason you can't be blunt is because you are thinking about your own feelings and how bad it will make YOU feel to say something. Maybe you are also worried he could get mad at you - again, making YOU feel bad. Sometimes you need to put the other person's feelings first. It's time for you to have a conversation with this guy and say it like it is. What's your definition of blunt though? For me, blunt is being direct to the point of being rude. It is possible to be direct and honest, without being blunt and completely wrecking someone. Like in this case for example. Being blunt to me would be her saying "I'm not attracted to you because of how fat you are." Whereas, she could still be honest with a lighter touch and say "I'll only ever see you as a friend, and I don't want to go out with you." This isn't insulting him or diminishing him. It's just letting him know that he's friends only material. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Yet another girl who won't be honest with a guy and then wonders why he doesn't give up. I have no sympathy. For you that is, I do for the poor lad though. Just be honest with him. I think it's far more hurtful to be dishonest and make up excuses, doesn't sound like you have much respect for this guy... Quoted for the Mfing truth... Op don't be a wuss and just be direct with him. You have no right to complain if you won't take charge. Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 I think he has patience we do not find in many people. You do not have to love him but you can act like a mature person and let him know that he is a good person but that you are not into a deep relationship. I mean going out would not hurt you. It would be an occasion to let him know how you feel about him. You do not have to be enemies because you cannot have mutual love feelings. Just be honest and he will respect you for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wackkkk Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 What's your definition of blunt though? For me, blunt is being direct to the point of being rude. It is possible to be direct and honest, without being blunt and completely wrecking someone. Like in this case for example. Being blunt to me would be her saying "I'm not attracted to you because of how fat you are." Whereas, she could still be honest with a lighter touch and say "I'll only ever see you as a friend, and I don't want to go out with you." This isn't insulting him or diminishing him. It's just letting him know that he's friends only material. Your nice way is still mean. The way I'm doing it making excuses after excuses , lame ones so he can get the hint without totally being insulted but being kind of obvious. His brain cells must be broken because he's not getting it. It's too obvious now, not one time out of 100 dates he asked me on have I ever went to. Damn. Its clear I'm not interested, I talk to him about other guys, I call him my buddy, I don't flirt with him. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) Your nice way is still mean. The way I'm doing it making excuses after excuses , lame ones so he can get the hint without totally being insulted but being kind of obvious. His brain cells must be broken because he's not getting it. It's too obvious now, not one time out of 100 dates he asked me on have I ever went to. Damn. Its clear I'm not interested, I talk to him about other guys, I call him my buddy, I don't flirt with him. Sorry but you have a poor way of rationalizing what you are doing. Not all guys have high confidence and are great with Women. This does not make them a bad person, just less experienced. What you are doing is letting this guy think he has a shot with you, which means he will inevitably get hurt and probably hate you (rightly so). This guy needs a more direct approach, and if you can't do that, it reflects poorly on you as a person. What you are doing is far more cruel than just telling him the truth. Edited March 27, 2015 by barcode88 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wackkkk Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 Sorry but you have a poor way of rationalizing what you are doing. Not all guys have high confidence and are great with Women. This does not make them a bad person, just less experienced. What you are doing is letting this guy think he has a shot with you, which means he will inevitably get hurt and probably hate you (rightly so). This guy needs a more direct approach, and if you can't do that, it reflects poorly on you as a person. Think about what you're saying. ' you're letting this guy think he has a shot with you'....No. Going out on dates, flirting with him stuff like that would lead him to believe he has a shot with me. " she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings" doesn't pop into his head after rejecting date after date? Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Think about what you're saying. ' you're letting this guy think he has a shot with you'....No. Going out on dates, flirting with him stuff like that would lead him to believe he has a shot with me. " she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings" doesn't pop into his head after rejecting date after date? Yes you are. Some desperate guys literally need you to tell them "Look, I know you have feelings for me, but I don't feel that way about you, and all I can offer is to be your friend." If you can't do that, you're being a coward, and I can tell you right now that this kind of attitude is probably visible in more than one aspect of your life. Any sane guy won't go near a girl like that with a ten foot pole - guys don't like hidden meanings and games, something you seem to like. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Your nice way is still mean. The way I'm doing it making excuses after excuses , lame ones so he can get the hint without totally being insulted but being kind of obvious. His brain cells must be broken because he's not getting it. It's too obvious now, not one time out of 100 dates he asked me on have I ever went to. Damn. Its clear I'm not interested, I talk to him about other guys, I call him my buddy, I don't flirt with him. Most normal guys would obviously take the hint and use common sense. But in this case, he just doesn't get it. To him, he's living in fantasy world where the determined nice guy in the friend zone eventually gets the girl. TV and movies brain wash nice guys like your friend all the time with crap like that. But it isn't reality and unfortunately he doesn't get that. So you can either look forward to five more years of it or just face the music and tell him he will never be more than a friend to you. Of course, he'll have a right to be pissed that you jerked him around for five years. But better five years than ten or the rest of eternity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wackkkk Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 I always get the koos koos. I will do it because making excuses is becoming a full time job, I will do it next time he asks me and I will stop responding to his texts and phone calls. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 (edited) I always get the koos koos. I will do it because making excuses is becoming a full time job, I will do it next time he asks me and I will stop responding to his texts and phone calls. Wow... You have absolutely no integrity at all do you? Not only have you jerked the guy around for five years but now you're just going to blow him off and vanish without a trace? I mean this isn't a guy you just met that you're blowing off after a bad first date. This is a guy you have known and been so-called friends with for FIVE YEARS. You at least owe him the truth and a chance to decide if he can live with just being friends. If you seriously just vanish on the guy, that is probably the coldest thing I've heard someone to do someone in awhile. Edited March 27, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wackkkk Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 Wow... You have absolutely no integrity at all do you? Not only have you jerked the guy around for five years but now you're just going to blow him off and vanish without a trace? You at least owe him the truth and a chance to decide if he can live with just being friends. I mean if this is how you treat your friends, I can only imagine how you treat your enemies. Wow. You are Very Dramatic. I wont vanish I just won't be consistent in his life. Just hi's and how are you's. And read please, I said i would tell him when and if he asks me again. I say if because I won't be talking to him as much anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Wow. You are Very Dramatic. I wont vanish I just won't be consistent in his life. Just hi's and how are you's. And read please, I said i would tell him when and if he asks me again. I say if because I won't be talking to him as much anymore. Look I'll be the first to admit that I've blown off a lot of women. I cut three loose just this last week because I found one that I actually want to get serious with. If this was a guy you didn't know that well, etc I'd be the first to say "Get rid of him". But there is something about the idea of pretending to accept dates for five years and then just vanishing on the poor guy that seems heartless. I mean you did say that you're no longer going to respond to his calls or texts. So isn't that the definition of vanishing? Link to post Share on other sites
elliecoffee Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Have you told him you've dated other guys? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wackkkk Posted March 27, 2015 Author Share Posted March 27, 2015 Have you told him you've dated other guys? Yes I have. Link to post Share on other sites
Buddhist Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 WHy don't you tell him you're not interested instead of giving excuses which just keeps hope alive in him? That would actually be the decent thing to do rather than jumping on an internet forum to complain about it. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 This is bizarre. Is this real? Why would you bother leading someone on all that time? Its hard to let someone down but a simple "sorry, I'm not interested in dating you" is all it takes. That's not really blunt, i mean how else are you going to do it? Morse code? Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Some people are just confrontation-fobes. So scared to actually confront an issue directly they would rather string someone along for 5 years and then get annoyed when they don't get the picture. The issue here is mainly you - not him. If you don't want to date him just tell him you are not interested. It really is that simple. The world won't stop spinning ... the lights won't go out .... he just won't call you anymore. Maybe that's the issue. Even though you are pretending to be annoyed you actually secretly like the fact he continues to pursue you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 27, 2015 Share Posted March 27, 2015 Your nice way is still mean. The way I'm doing it making excuses after excuses , lame ones so he can get the hint without totally being insulted but being kind of obvious. His brain cells must be broken because he's not getting it. It's too obvious now, not one time out of 100 dates he asked me on have I ever went to. Damn. Its clear I'm not interested, I talk to him about other guys, I call him my buddy, I don't flirt with him. Take hints? He isn't a mind reader. If you want him to know that you don't want to be bothered tell him this or otherwise just continue how you are going. I hate it when people won't be direct and expect you to read what's on their mind. Very immature. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts