Jump to content

I cheated on her and I have never felt so destroyed


mo5751

Recommended Posts

I have been with my girlfriend 6+ years and our relationship has been amazing. She is absolutely amazing to me and I had absolutely no reason to say anything she did led me to cheat on her. I love her and still do and I told her I cheated on her the morning after it happened. This was last week and I explained everything to her. She broke down as I expected and we didnt talk for a couple of days and on monday we got together and talked about us and said we both are willing to fight for our relationship. Everyday I have felt disgusted at myself and cry because I cannot believe what terrbile thing I have done. It was not emotional it was a one time thing that I did with a classmate. I didnt have sex with her but she performed oral sex on me. I cant function thoughout my day because of the guilt I have. Its a terrbile feeling that I dont ever want to feel again and truly dont know if I can ever over come this pain. I was a porn addict and I dont want to blame it on that but I believe it led me to do what I did. I didnt look at woman as humans but as what I would see woman in porn do and thats just have sex. I have since stopped watching porn and promised her I would not involve myself with it anymore. I want to become a better man and be the best partner to her but its so hard and difficult to get over what I did. I know I hurt her a lot but I also hurt myself because it breaks all the ideals I grew up with.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
losangelena
I have been with my girlfriend 6+ years and our relationship has been amazing. She is absolutely amazing to me and I had absolutely no reason to say anything she did led me to cheat on her. I love her and still do and I told her I cheated on her the morning after it happened. This was last week and I explained everything to her. She broke down as I expected and we didnt talk for a couple of days and on monday we got together and talked about us and said we both are willing to fight for our relationship. Everyday I have felt disgusted at myself and cry because I cannot believe what terrbile thing I have done. It was not emotional it was a one time thing that I did with a classmate. I didnt have sex with her but she performed oral sex on me. I cant function thoughout my day because of the guilt I have. Its a terrbile feeling that I dont ever want to feel again and truly dont know if I can ever over come this pain. I was a porn addict and I dont want to blame it on that but I believe it led me to do what I did. I didnt look at woman as humans but as what I would see woman in porn do and thats just have sex. I have since stopped watching porn and promised her I would not involve myself with it anymore. I want to become a better man and be the best partner to her but its so hard and difficult to get over what I did. I know I hurt her a lot but I also hurt myself because it breaks all the ideals I grew up with.

 

Well, OP ...

 

Maybe this was a wake up call for you. Porn addiction is real, and though you say you won't watch it anymore, my guess is that as the memory and pain of this incident fades, your addiction will cause you to turn back to the porn.

 

There is treatment available for this kind of addiction though, and I strongly advise you to seek it out now, while you're still feeling badly enough to be proactive about your future.

 

You're lucky to have a girlfriend who is forgiving and willing to work on your future. But you have to forgive yourself as well. That's not an automatic thing—it could take time—but while guilt is the appropriate and natural reaction to what you did, continuing to beat yourself up over it is not.

 

LEARN from what you did, and move on. Seek professional help if you need to. Forgive yourself.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Well, OP ...

 

Maybe this was a wake up call for you. Porn addiction is real, and though you say you won't watch it anymore, my guess is that as the memory and pain of this incident fades, your addiction will cause you to turn back to the porn.

 

I was thinking exactly that too.

 

And OP - you can't just say that it's because porn lead you to see women as purely sexual objects and not people - because if that were true:

 

a. You would have cheated on your gf way more times than just once in all these 6 years

 

and

 

b. you would have seen your gf as just a sexual object and not a person and therefore you wouldn't be feeling as bad as you are claiming to feel.

 

so you can't just blame it on the porn and how it makes you view women.

 

But if you do have a porn addiction - definitely try to get that sorted out, and remember that no one can just wish an addiction away - you'll need to find help for it - find a system that works.

 

Good luck to you.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Why are you telling us this? Seriously dude. You are just engaging in some semi public self flogging. There wasn't a single question mark in that while post. Ok cool. You feel bad. We get it. But all this self loathing drama you are throwing out is just a story you're telling yourself to let you avoid what you did. I mean it is cool and all if you want to do this to yourself - but it isn't going to help you and your GF get beyond it.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree addiction leads to poor choices/bad behavior. Living with the guilt and doing nothing about it is unhealthy. You can't do this on your own. It would be more theraputic if you joined a sex addiction support group. At least there you will be amongst others like yourself, and get "support" instead of public bashing on a forum.

 

Issues still need to be addressed or this will happen again.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Break up with the GF and let her move on in peace to someone who loves her to the point of staying faithful to her. In the meantime get yourself sorted out.

And no, you have no idea how much you've hurt her.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas

You may feel bad for the moment but once it all goes away it can happen again.

 

I think you're trying to find reasons or excuses to place blame in. Butt look, you're a young guy, the majority of guys will fall into temptation to someone they attracted to and feel comfortable that wants to suck them off....that's just the way it is.

 

Additionally you are likely young and probably have little experience with women, and you've also been with one woman for six years...it makes sense.

 

Sure a lot of people might not agree with me on this, but I know men well and wasn't born yesterday, I know how guys BS themselves to make themselves look and feel better and you might pull the same crap as you resent yourself. But in the end you have to take responsibility and assess your relationship, because this is also textbook sabotage behavior...some people can't move on without a drama or reason to leave.

 

This also may be a tactic to bring up other issues into the conversation.

 

You're young, and not the worse guy in the world, a lot of good guys cheat...I've seen it, and then grovel over it because of the consequences, but you're not defective...hell, I've seen more women cheat than men, but the funny thing about women is they don't usually get caught or grovel in guilt to their SO.

 

So just cut the self-loathing and pity, put the big boy pants on and realize this is what happens when you cheat on someone...your relationship will never be the same...but now you've learned or are learning that lesson.

 

It's going to suck and you're going to get chewed out and see some crazy crap, it's not this real easy smooth over type of situation. If you stick around, this is going to take years of work, so I hope you enjoyed that BJ...which in my book isn't the worst thing that could have happened..but I don't know how much slack she'll cut you for that...honestly you should just took the pu$$y while you had the chance...It's gonna cost the same price in your relationship.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers

You're lucky she's going to try to deal with this and forgive you. If you have further lapses in faithfulness, you risk losing her.

 

We all make mistakes, but as a wise man once said, "If you lose, don't lose a lesson." It sounds to me as though this incident has cracked you open a bit and is getting you to look closely at your issues - that's a good thing.

 

It's good insight that you recognize your porn addiction and sexual objectification of women. There are lots of good resources online for men who are fighting these demons. Seek them out. And find ways to get back in touch with those ideals you grew up with, if they are important to you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I wish I could be more comforting, but youre human. It is what it is. Life happens and sometimes it sucks. Stop beating yourself up over it, youre allowed to make mistakes in life.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Nikki Sahagin

You sound young with a long relationship under your belt. You love your gf, slipped up and want to make it right.

 

If you really mean it, be the best bf you can be and resist falling into this trap again. Have patients, be respectful, honest and faithful; it's possible to rebuild from this because you were honest and feel guilty...which should mean you won't do this again.

Link to post
Share on other sites
LifeandPerseverance

Oh boo hoo. Cry me a river. You cheated on her. I've been cheated on. I have no sympathy for you. You should really break up with her and let her find someone who can find it within themselves to not cheat on her. If you've cheated on her once, you WILL do it again later. Guaranteed. Even if you feel like you won't right now.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

I take it you are pretty young, hence cheating with a "classmate". I guess this long term relationship has probably run its course, if you were to be completely honest, hence the cheating.

If you think of women merely as sexual "things" then I suggest you break up with your gf and go and investigate other women, as that is probably what you want to do and probably what you need to do.

I guess the porn addiction has something to do with you being in this long term relationship at such a young age.

Do not mess with her head and promise the earth, do not waste any more of her time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I wish I could be more comforting, but youre human. It is what it is. Life happens and sometimes it sucks. Stop beating yourself up over it, youre allowed to make mistakes in life.

No, he's weak willed scum.

Link to post
Share on other sites
fitnessfan365
You may feel bad for the moment but once it all goes away it can happen again.

 

I think you're trying to find reasons or excuses to place blame in. Butt look, you're a young guy, the majority of guys will fall into temptation to someone they attracted to and feel comfortable that wants to suck them off....that's just the way it is.

 

Additionally you are likely young and probably have little experience with women, and you've also been with one woman for six years...it makes sense.

 

Sure a lot of people might not agree with me on this, but I know men well and wasn't born yesterday, I know how guys BS themselves to make themselves look and feel better and you might pull the same crap as you resent yourself. But in the end you have to take responsibility and assess your relationship, because this is also textbook sabotage behavior...some people can't move on without a drama or reason to leave.

 

This also may be a tactic to bring up other issues into the conversation.

 

You're young, and not the worse guy in the world, a lot of good guys cheat...I've seen it, and then grovel over it because of the consequences, but you're not defective...hell, I've seen more women cheat than men, but the funny thing about women is they don't usually get caught or grovel in guilt to their SO.

 

So just cut the self-loathing and pity, put the big boy pants on and realize this is what happens when you cheat on someone...your relationship will never be the same...but now you've learned or are learning that lesson.

 

It's going to suck and you're going to get chewed out and see some crazy crap, it's not this real easy smooth over type of situation. If you stick around, this is going to take years of work, so I hope you enjoyed that BJ...which in my book isn't the worst thing that could have happened..but I don't know how much slack she'll cut you for that...honestly you should just took the pu$$y while you had the chance...It's gonna cost the same price in your relationship.

 

Haha.. Wow.

 

The reason why I like NP's posts is because he has the balls to tell it like it is and just doesn't give a f**k. Gotta admit, I actually agree with what he said about going all the way. If you were going to cheat and confess, you might as well have done the deed since the price is the same.

 

I think every guy has been tempted to cheat at one point or another though. You could have the best GF or wife in the world, but that still doesn't stop the desire for other beautiful women. I'm just glad that I was blessed with such strong will power.

 

The first thing I was actually reminded of when I read this was Clinton when he claimed that the BJ wasn't "sexual congress".

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

The first thing I was actually reminded of when I read this was Clinton when he claimed that the BJ wasn't "sexual congress".

 

I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If she doesn't have a ring on her finger after six years, you should let her go anyway. Cheating is just the icing on the cake.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
If you have further lapses in faithfulness, you risk losing her.

 

No need. Her trust is gone; the next time she meets a guy at a party that will give her a few nice compliments and a few drinks she'll cheat herself and then end it. The thread starter sounds young so no doubt there'll be resentment from her side.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...