Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 This man has everything on my list of wishes (so far). In my mind I wanted to meet a man that was funny, stable, attentive, considerate, articulate, interesting, fit and handsome and I met him!! He contacts me on daily basis, he takes interest in my day, he remembers everything I say. We had 3 dates in the past 7 days. He kept his hands to himself, he insisted on paying each time. He offers his help when he sees a need. He makes short terms plans with me. On our last date he asked: So, are we like seeing each other? To me it sounded like he was confirming we are dating, what do you think? He even told his 10 yo daughter about me and showed her my pictures and asked her if she'd be ok with meeting me one day. Where is the catch? He is online on daily basis. Last night we went to a movie, he invited me over to his place after, I left at midnight. Sure enough this morning it says he's been online 'today'. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 And you're also on the site if you're checking his online status? If you're not dating exclusively then he has the right to carry on looking around. If you want him to stop looking at others then you need to lock him down, ie. get him exclusive. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 I have not logged on my profile since I met him. On pof it's possible to see if someone has been online without logging in. Does it really work asking a man for exclusivity? Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 On our last date he asked: So, are we like seeing each other? To me it sounded like he was confirming we are dating, what do you think? What was the answer you gave him? Because if he is still logging in to the dating site, then you didn't give a good enough answer for him stop checking. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 This man has everything on my list of wishes (so far). In my mind I wanted to meet a man that was funny, stable, attentive, considerate, articulate, interesting, fit and handsome and I met him!! He contacts me on daily basis, he takes interest in my day, he remembers everything I say. We had 3 dates in the past 7 days. He kept his hands to himself, he insisted on paying each time. He offers his help when he sees a need. He makes short terms plans with me. On our last date he asked: So, are we like seeing each other? To me it sounded like he was confirming we are dating, what do you think? He even told his 10 yo daughter about me and showed her my pictures and asked her if she'd be ok with meeting me one day. Where is the catch? He is online on daily basis. Last night we went to a movie, he invited me over to his place after, I left at midnight. Sure enough this morning it says he's been online 'today'. Breathe. Remember--how long has this been unfolding? Not long enough for you to concern yourself with why he's online, I'm sure. You're barely getting to know one another--and you should still be online looking, too. He may seem to have everything you're looking for, but he's looking, too and until he says "I want exclusivity and committed relationship with you" proceed as if he's still looking while enjoying spending some time with you. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 On our last date he asked: So, are we like seeing each other? To me it sounded like he was confirming we are dating, what do you think? What did you say? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glowb Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 This man has everything on my list of wishes (so far). In my mind I wanted to meet a man that was funny, stable, attentive, considerate, articulate, interesting, fit and handsome and I met him!! He also has everything every other woman wants. hes holding out for the best woman he can get. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 What was the answer you gave him? Because if he is still logging in to the dating site, then you didn't give a good enough answer for him stop checking. Yes, you may be on to something. I think I was too playful and did not devote enough time on his question. I replied `well yes, isn't it what we are doing now seeing each other`and conversation changed to something else. Ohhhh god! talk about avoiding his question !!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 On pof it's possible to see if someone has been online without logging in. Logged in or not, you're there, Cyber stalking him. And yes, that "last online" thing is, like most features on POF, incredibly unreliable. Especially if he has the mobile app, which basically displays you as online all the time it has internet connection. So if you're on a train going through tunnels it looks like you're going on and offline constantly which many people misinterpret as actively using the site. Does it really work asking a man for exclusivity? Of course it does, how else do you think men get into exclusive relationships? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Of course it does, how else do you think men get into exclusive relationships? I feel sometimes that the relationship is more secure when the man ask for exclusivity as they are the hunters. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I feel sometimes that the relationship is more secure when the man ask for exclusivity as they are the hunters. He basically did ask for exclusivity and you batted him off with frivolity. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 He basically did ask for exclusivity and you batted him off with frivolity. I agree..........so it's my job to fix this. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I feel sometimes that the relationship is more secure when the man ask for exclusivity as they are the hunters. Well you have a choice, you can either wait for him to ask (and secretly get upset at him checking out other options), or you can try to base your relationship on more open and honest communication. Up to you really. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I agree..........so it's my job to fix this. Cool. Way to own it. Please let us know how this works out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Well you have a choice, you can either wait for him to ask (and secretly get upset at him checking out other options), or you can try to base your relationship on more open and honest communication. Up to you really. A few days ago we were talking about the topic people being intimate right away versus waiting for a bit. I told him for a woman, getting close to a man and than finding him still browsing online is very frustrating and disappointing. He replied he was not that kind of man. Yesterday I had a friend over, I was helping him create a profile on pof. He saw my face change and asked why, I said I just saw G online the morning of having a date with him. My friend said to dump him. Not because he's online but because he said one thing and does another. I don't think it's worth dumping him, my friend is just being protective, but it raises some questioning in me. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Well like I said, if he has the POF app installed on his phone, it will show him as online every time his phone has internet connection. Which may mean it shows him online when he's at home, offline when he's driving, online at work, offline when at the gym, online when he gets home... etc. It will look exactly as though he's going online to look for others but he may not have even taken the phone out of his pocket the whole time. So don't jump to conclusions based on his online status, it means nothing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I agree..........so it's my job to fix this. Gaeta honey. You have one that hasn't been rude or obnoxious, you fancy him, he fancies you... you have found the holy grail of internet dating. Ring him up tonight, talk to him, and grab him with both hands! Good luck! I have all fingers and toes crossed for you! You can send you spare stocks of AA batteries over here 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I feel your pain Gaeta. You think you've (finally) found someone that has potential and want to see it through but are afraid of being hurt or worse, played. We've all been here my friend. This is one of the many problems with OLD I'm afraid. It's not like men and women haven't been weighing their options or keeping their options open long before OLD came along but since the dawn of the internet and the 24/7 accessibility there is no such thing as privacy anymore. It's all served up on a silver platter anytime anywhere. It can truly drive one mental if you let it. I have no idea if this guy is a stand-up guy. I'm not sure if his visit online immediately after your date is telling or foreshadowing and cause for concern. No one really knows except him. The reality of your situation is that you've only been "dating" for about a week or so which really isn't enough time to layout all kinds of expectations and stress yourself out over. More importantly, I would ask for clarification on what he meant by "seeing each other" because I don't hear exclusivity. If I'm going to play devil's advocate for a moment, I'd say that this leaves a lot of room for interpretation. People definitions can vary greatly particularly with men and women and you don't want to end up misunderstanding each other right from the start. All I would say is that if you really like this guy and want to see where it goes perhaps you need to make it abundantly clear and let the chips fall where they may. Regardless of anything, perhaps subscribing to the old "no sex before monogamy" rule if you haven't already. Sex seems to always complicate things so this might be something to ease your mind if only a little bit. Good luck 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Yes, you may be on to something. I think I was too playful and did not devote enough time on his question. I replied `well yes, isn't it what we are doing now seeing each other`and conversation changed to something else. Ohhhh god! talk about avoiding his question !!! Oh Gaeta, he was wanting to talk about it, and you pretty much shot him down. No wonder he went back on the site. Why'd you do that? Nerves? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 He basically did ask for exclusivity and you batted him off with frivolity. ^^This..... .............................. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 Gaeta...one more thing that may make you feel better. In early January I started a new job which I LOVE! But yet I still check the employment ads on line... every day! So does the other new attorney who started last November, and she loves HER job too! Why? Curiosity. Plain and simple. Neither of us have any intention of applying for those jobs... just curious to know what's out there. It's human nature to want to look, to be curious and I think that applies to OLD too. Doesn't mean we have any intention of pursuing something else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Author Share Posted March 23, 2015 Oh Gaeta, he was wanting to talk about it, and you pretty much shot him down. No wonder he went back on the site. Why'd you do that? Nerves? He told me that while kissing so I was distracted by the moment at hand and didn't realize it was a conversation opener. Also, the date we had after that incident he was much more conservative. No hand holding, no kissing, no compliments, no flirting, only a kiss good bye. He was not cold or anything but definitely one step back from previous date. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 If he seems to be a "perfect fit" for you, and there's mutual interest, then don't pussyfoot around the topic. Next time you guys go out, ask him what is it he is looking for, and tell him what you want. Don't deflect the topic or avoid the question. Otherwise he'll just be another guy on your 100+ dates list. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 He told me that while kissing so I was distracted by the moment at hand and didn't realize it was a conversation opener. Bringing it up while kissing makes it seem even more obvious that he was hoping to hear that you are "his" and not doing the same with others. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 To me, it sounds like he brought it up in a very indirect way, so I don't blame you for missing it; I probably would've, too. But yes, both of you are sounding very indirect about this, so best to be direct. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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