NYC-BigKat Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I mean why even reply to my ad & tell me that u like my style & stuff & then suggest we go out to dinner at BBQ then cut the date off before it ends? This is how it happened okay, she sent me a message on okcupid Friday. We chatted the whole weekend & made a date for last night in Manhattan at BBQ. Her pictures was nice & stuff & she looked the same in real life except that she didn't wear makeup like she does in her pictures so she looks a tiny bit different but still nice. She tells me that I look nice too so we met at the restaurant. She gets there before me & teases me about being faster than me but I like it so I joke back on her & things seem to be going well. We eat our food and we talk about life & stuff & I compliment her & then things change when I order dessert 'cause she asks to use the bathroom so I say okay. She takes a really really long time in there & I was gonna text her but she came back out & suddenly wants to skip the dessert & go home 'cause she has to get up early tomorrow for work. I say okay & walk her to the train station. Um, I try to uh, kiss her but she turns away & I ask what's wrong & she says that she isn't into me like that. My heart sank right there . I'm saddened 'cause I didn't do anything wrong & was the perfect gentleman & I get used & kicked away like garbage. So so tired to girls acting this way! I don't know what to expect from girls now I feel unwanted & it hurts u know . Link to post Share on other sites
GTR King Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 don't feel hurt move onto the next one... it has happened to everyone even me so it's not u at all u did everything right 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I mean why even reply to my ad & tell me that u like my style & stuff & then suggest we go out to dinner at BBQ then cut the date off before it ends? This is how it happened okay, she sent me a message on okcupid Friday. We chatted the whole weekend & made a date for last night in Manhattan at BBQ. Her pictures was nice & stuff & she looked the same in real life except that she didn't wear makeup like she does in her pictures so she looks a tiny bit different but still nice. She tells me that I look nice too so we met at the restaurant. She gets there before me & teases me about being faster than me but I like it so I joke back on her & things seem to be going well. We eat our food and we talk about life & stuff & I compliment her & then things change when I order dessert 'cause she asks to use the bathroom so I say okay. She takes a really really long time in there & I was gonna text her but she came back out & suddenly wants to skip the dessert & go home 'cause she has to get up early tomorrow for work. I say okay & walk her to the train station. Um, I try to uh, kiss her but she turns away & I ask what's wrong & she says that she isn't into me like that. My heart sank right there . I'm saddened 'cause I didn't do anything wrong & was the perfect gentleman & I get used & kicked away like garbage. So so tired to girls acting this way! I don't know what to expect from girls now I feel unwanted & it hurts u know . When I read the part in bold, the first thing that hit me was she sounds like a bulimic. She went to the bathroom and threw up dinner and didn't want you to kiss her because she had a mouthful of stomach acid. Either that or she went into the bathroom, called one of her girls and ran the evening past "the committee" and they voted you out. IMO, first meetings should never be done as dinner dates. Meet for a smoothie or an ice cream cone in the park. Low financial investment = low first meeting expectations. If they exceed expectations, then that's a win. If things go well and you both establish that you like one another, THEN spring for the dinner date. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 BTW, how old is she? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I mean why even reply to my ad & tell me that u like my style & stuff & then suggest we go out to dinner at BBQ then cut the date off before it ends? This is how it happened okay, she sent me a message on okcupid Friday. We chatted the whole weekend & made a date for last night in Manhattan at BBQ. Her pictures was nice & stuff & she looked the same in real life except that she didn't wear makeup like she does in her pictures so she looks a tiny bit different but still nice. She tells me that I look nice too so we met at the restaurant. She gets there before me & teases me about being faster than me but I like it so I joke back on her & things seem to be going well. We eat our food and we talk about life & stuff & I compliment her & then things change when I order dessert 'cause she asks to use the bathroom so I say okay. She takes a really really long time in there & I was gonna text her but she came back out & suddenly wants to skip the dessert & go home 'cause she has to get up early tomorrow for work. I say okay & walk her to the train station. Um, I try to uh, kiss her but she turns away & I ask what's wrong & she says that she isn't into me like that. My heart sank right there . I'm saddened 'cause I didn't do anything wrong & was the perfect gentleman & I get used & kicked away like garbage. So so tired to girls acting this way! I don't know what to expect from girls now I feel unwanted & it hurts u know . First of all, don't take a first date from an online site out for a meal or spend a whole lot of money on them. Invite them for coffee or a drink. Keep the "meet up" fairly short. Second, don't have high expectations when you meet them. She was rude, yes, but the bottomline is she just didn't "feel it" for herself. It's not about you, it just wasn't working for her. Manage your emotions and expectations. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Forget the chick, what was the BBQ like? Hard to imagine good BBQ in NYC, but you never know. What did you order? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 That's why you NEVER plan a dinner date when getting together with a woman online for a first time. Have it be low cost like grabbing an ice cream/coffee, or completely free at a location where you can walk around and chat. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Rejection sucks. We've all been here at some point in our dating lives. The trick is not to take it so personally. Her loss. And P.S. Coffee dates from now on!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Chalk it up to a learning experience: NO DINNER DATES IN THE FIRST THREE DATES. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Never dinner for a first meet. I know I for one have posted that a gazillion times throughout this forum.....and I see it another two times in this thread. Lesson learned. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 OP you kind of deserved it actually. You let the girl pick the date. A real man would set everything up.You let her pick dinner, which is a more expensive date. You should have picked Drinks which can be a lot cheaper (and easier to bail)See #1You basically let her use you for a free meal Whenever a girl suggests you go somewhere to eat for a first date/meet, its typically a red flag. Repeat after me: "I will not take a girl out for dinner on a first date ever again" 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NYC-BigKat Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 First of all, don't take a first date from an online site out for a meal or spend a whole lot of money on them. Invite them for coffee or a drink. Keep the "meet up" fairly short. Second, don't have high expectations when you meet them. She was rude, yes, but the bottomline is she just didn't "feel it" for herself. It's not about you, it just wasn't working for her. Manage your emotions and expectations. Um, how could it not be about me when she said she wasn't into me? That sounds like the problem was me. Being a good guy that listens, spends time and money on girls just isn't good enough it seems u know. I dont know what is . She's 25 okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 You don't know if they are really attracted to you (or you to them sometimes) before you meet. Within 45 minutes of meeting, sometimes they realize they are not attracted, and that's what happened here. You two are strangers until you meet. It's just normal OLD. No problem, there's other fish in the sea! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Um, how could it not be about me when she said she wasn't into me? That sounds like the problem was me. Being a good guy that listens, spends time and money on girls just isn't good enough it seems u know. I dont know what is . She's 25 okay. Money doesn't buy love, better learn that quick bro. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NYC-BigKat Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 (edited) Money doesn't buy love, better learn that quick bro. I agree that it don't but finding a girl to like me for me seems so difficult & I don't know why or a girl seems attracted to me & wants to go out but then changes her mind for nothing. Girls are so so hard to keep interested. Edited March 17, 2015 by NYC-BigKat mistake Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I agree that it don't but finding a girl to like me for me seems so difficult & I don't know why or a girl seems attracted to me & wants to go out but then changes her mind for nothing. Girls are so so hard to keep interested. FWIW, men do the same thing, OP. It's part and parcel with dating—you take risks, you put yourself out there, and people flake, they change their minds. You can't control it. I've gone out on dates with men who seemed very interested and attracted, only to never hear from them again. Chances are, nine times out of ten, it's got nothing to do with you. Don't be hard on yourself, just move on to the next. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I agree that it don't but finding a girl to like me for me seems so difficult & I don't know why or a girl seems attracted to me & wants to go out but then changes her mind for nothing. Girls are so so hard to keep interested. The right girl you won't have any trouble keeping her interested, it will just be natural. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I'm saddened 'cause I didn't do anything wrong & was the perfect gentleman & I get used & kicked away like garbage. So so tired to girls acting this way! I don't know what to expect from girls now I feel unwanted & it hurts u know . A terrible part about dating is that you can do everything right and still not get what you're after. I wouldn't agree that she treated you like garbage, but it doesn't sound like the feeling was mutual. You should prepare yourself for this in the future because it will happen more often than not (with anyone, not just you). Buying someone dinner doesn't obligate them to like you, so I would agree with the other posters suggesting maybe next time you should just have dinner first. Forget the chick, what was the BBQ like? Hard to imagine good BBQ in NYC, but you never know. What did you order? Dinosaur BBQ Fette Sau BBQ Mighty Quinn's Barbeque BBQ here is surprisingly good. I don't have much to compare it to, but it gets the seal of approval from my Texas friends. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
normal person Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I agree that it don't but finding a girl to like me for me seems so difficult & I don't know why or a girl seems attracted to me & wants to go out but then changes her mind for nothing. Girls are so so hard to keep interested. Whatever the reason she didn't want to go out again, it probably wasn't "nothing." The odds are she saw some potential online but it just wasn't there in person. It happens most of the time in OLD. It's not something you can rationalize or beat yourself up over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 TL DR: I met a girl for the first time and she didn't like me. Dating is so unfair! So once a girl is curious about your OKC profile she's locked into a relationship with you? Makes complete sense! 8 Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 The dude who is playing her called her over for fun time. Next. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 I don't think there's anything wrong with a dinner meet as long as you know there's possibility it's not going to work out just because you spend money doesn't mean its going to be all swell in the end. Only go out on dinner dates if you're okay/aware the money you spend isn't going buy you a relationship If you don't like spending money on a chance then yes do a coffee date Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 A wise man once said to me: "Keep your wallet closed until the legs are open". Now, you don't want to take that literally. It means: Save your generosity until she confirms she's interested in you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author NYC-BigKat Posted March 17, 2015 Author Share Posted March 17, 2015 A wise man once said to me: "Keep your wallet closed until the legs are open". Now, you don't want to take that literally. It means: Save your generosity until she confirms she's interested in you. Its getting girls to be interested is so difficult. Its like they seem interested but really isn't or something I don't know . My ex dated me for a little bit but I think it was 'cause she felt sorry for me & I was always treating her to stuff. I was always the one to spend money. She never did. I never had a girlfriend to be into me without doing anything. I don't know how that even works. I really am starting to believe that most girls are attracted to bad men even if they don't realize it u know. My uncle has zero problems getting girls to mess with & never cares about getting serious with them 'cause he still gets to have fun. I cant even have that let alone a lasting relationship. It just sucks & I'm sensitive to rejection 'cause I always feel like its me that I just am not good enough or slim enough or interesting enough I guess & with spring coming its really gonna feel depressing . Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted March 17, 2015 Share Posted March 17, 2015 Its getting girls to be interested is so difficult. Its like they seem interested but really isn't or something I don't know . My ex dated me for a little bit but I think it was 'cause she felt sorry for me & I was always treating her to stuff. I was always the one to spend money. She never did. I never had a girlfriend to be into me without doing anything. I don't know how that even works. I really am starting to believe that most girls are attracted to bad men even if they don't realize it u know. My uncle has zero problems getting girls to mess with & never cares about getting serious with them 'cause he still gets to have fun. I cant even have that let alone a lasting relationship. It just sucks & I'm sensitive to rejection 'cause I always feel like its me that I just am not good enough or slim enough or interesting enough I guess & with spring coming its really gonna feel depressing . You need to work on your self esteem and confidence. Get involved in hobbies outside of work, go out with friends, stay busy. A relationship with a Woman should compliment your life, not define it. Also when you go on dates, try to relax and have fun. If you come across as nervous, or trying too hard, it can be a put off for Women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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