Male perspective.

[Mallie]

I just got out of a very long relationship a couple of months ago. He was the dumper and it really took a toll on me.

I met a new guy a few weeks ago and we starting dating a lot and speaking on the phone almost every night. I think I liked him too much too fast and got very insecure. I was over my ex just not the feeling of rejection.

 

I got drunk with a friend and he started texting me (the new guy). Everything was fine but I got drunker and drunker until I was sending insecure text and calling him. He ended things which really upset me because I couldn't handle the rejection again! So I started texting and calling like crazy. It was just the fact I was being rejected again and it brought it ALL back. I wasn't seeing this guy long enough to have strong feelings for him I was just vulnerable.

 

I hate that he now thinks I am crazy because believe me normally I am not at all. I am never clingy and always give guys space. My question do you think it is bad to send him an email for my peace of mind not to try and get him back or do you think I should leave it? If you were this guy and you had really liked me and I did that would me sending an email explaining myself make you think I was even more crazy or would you understand? I am just embarrassed that I acted that way. The thing is I thought he was moving too fast! Damn alcohol, I am staying away from you!!!

Edited March 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[CarrieT]

Leave him alone and take it all as a learning lesson. At this point, your apology will mean nothing to him and is a maneuver to assuage your guilt.

 

And stop drinking.

[oldshirt]

Just start living a good, clean, sober, sane, productive life and he may or may not come around. Anymore more texts or messages from you at the moment are just going to come off as sounding more crazy.

 

You had a bitches-be-crazy moment and he has likely written you off as psychohosebeast that is still hung up on her ex and no-one wants to be the rebound and no man should ever be the guy that hands the chick the Kleenex while she's having a butt-bleed over her ex.

 

Your credibility has taken a big hit, you are going to have to build that back up and that will take time.

 

Just stay cool and go about your business as squared away as you can and he may come around again. There is a good chance he will have a drunken moment too and you'll get a midnight drunk call or a booty call or something before too long.

[BikerAccnt]

I don't think the alcohol was so much the problem (though it never hurts to NOT drink) but rather that you got into a new relationship too quickly.

 

 

You say you were dumped after a long term relationship, but then started dating again after only a couple of months. IMO, you as the dumpee, hadn't processed the breakup yet, and your own self-analysis showed you that you were still insecure and hurt about it.

 

 

Take it as a lesson learned. Give yourself time to grieve and get past your previous relationships before you try to move onto another.

[Mallie]

Thanks:) I figured I shouldn't, I just really wanted to because it sucks having a guy you like think you are crazy:) I do hope he realizes why it happened.

The weird thing is the alcohol just hit me sooo hard, I hardly remember. I didn't drink more then other times where I didn't get that drunk. I really think he should have waited until I was sober so I could be myself and handle it in a much better way, not my irrational insecure drunk self.

Have you dealt with stupid insecure drunk text/calls? and did you get over it? We all make mistakes, right?

[Redhead14]

I just got out of a very long relationship a couple of months ago. He was the dumper and it really took a toll on me.

I met a new guy a few weeks ago and we starting dating a lot and speaking on the phone almost every night. I think I liked him too much too fast and got very insecure. I was over my ex just not the feeling of rejection.

I got drunk with a friend and he started texting me (the new guy). Everything was fine but I got drunker and drunker until I was sending insecure text and calling him. He ended things which really upset me because I couldn't handle the rejection again! So I started texting and calling like crazy. It was just the fact I was being rejected again and it brought it ALL back. I wasn't seeing this guy long enough to have strong feelings for him I was just vulnerable.

I hate that he now thinks I am crazy because believe me normally I am not at all. I am never clingy and always give guys space. My question do you think it is bad to send him an email for my peace of mind not to try and get him back or do you think I should leave it? If you were this guy and you had really liked me and I did that would me sending an email explaining myself make you think I was even more crazy or would you understand? I am just embarrassed that I acted that way. The thing is I thought he was moving too fast! Damn alcohol, I am staying away from you!!!

 

Mallie, you already understand that you "over contacted" him and came across as needy, clingy, desperate, whatever. Contacting him again, no matter what you have to say (like blaming it on the alcohol. That's not an excuse. It won't change anything in his eyes). It will only add to the pile. And, if he doesn't respond, which is likely, you will feel even worse.

 

Let it drop. You made a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes. Life/dating is not about never making mistakes, it's how you learn from and recover from them that's important. Don't beat yourself up.

[oldshirt]

Thanks:) I figured I shouldn't, I just really wanted to because it sucks having a guy you like think you are crazy:) I do hope he realizes why it happened.

The weird thing is the alcohol just hit me sooo hard, I hardly remember. I didn't drink more then other times where I didn't get that drunk. I really think he should have waited until I was sober so I could be myself and handle it in a much better way, not my irrational insecure drunk self.

Have you dealt with stupid insecure drunk text/calls? and did you get over it? We all make mistakes, right?

 

He thinks your crazy because you acted crazy and did crazy things. You can't give him to think you aren't crazy by telling him you aren't crazy. Actions always speak louder than words.

 

You are going to have to act noncrazy for a long time to be credible again.

 

Here's a lesson I learned over many years of life - people only care about and judge what you do. They don't care what you think, what you know or how you feel. They only care about what you do and judge you based on your actions.

 

You can be the most insecure, bat****crazy, blubbering pile of nuttiness on the planet, but as long as you act sane and squared away and don't do crazy insecure things, no-one will know or care about your insecurities.

 

Another lesson learned in life is that feelings actually follow actions and not the other way around. We are brought up to believe our actions follow our feelings but it's the other way around. Our feelings follow how we act.

 

Start acting like you are squared away and have the world by the balls and in very short order, you will start feeling that way.

[ExpatInItaly]

Out of curiosity, what exactly did these insecure texts and calls consist of? What did you say to him?

 

It doesn't sound like you're quite ready for a new relationship just yet. It takes time to start feeling secure again, and projecting old issues onto new men is a sign you need more time for yourself. How recently did you last relationship end, and how long were you together?

 

As for the new guy, don't email him. There's no need and I think it would only make the problem worse.

[Auspecial]

Thanks:) I figured I shouldn't, I just really wanted to because it sucks having a guy you like think you are crazy:) I do hope he realizes why it happened.

The weird thing is the alcohol just hit me sooo hard, I hardly remember. I didn't drink more then other times where I didn't get that drunk. I really think he should have waited until I was sober so I could be myself and handle it in a much better way, not my irrational insecure drunk self.

Have you dealt with stupid insecure drunk text/calls? and did you get over it? We all make mistakes, right?

 

 

 

If it were me, and I had a burning need to explain myself with anything at all, I would explain it then leave it. I would explain in the briefest most concise way possible then be GONE.

[deathandtaxes]

Own your actions, OP. it was not the alcohol, it was you. I don't think there is anything you can do to fix this. just accept it as a learning experience and move on. and look very deep and long at why you would behave this way at all.

[barcode88]

If you go drinking, give your phone to a trusted friend (with a lock code they don't know )

 

Women are the worst drunk dialers....

[preraph]

Further contact by you equals further craziness. You may need to totally stop drinking if it makes you do things you later regret. It's not an excuse, because you can quit it, so don't use it as an excuse. It made you do what you wanted to do, and everyone knows that. It removed some of your filter.

 

You blew this. You can't stop someone from thinking you're crazy by continuing to pester them. Only makes you more crazy.

[Gary S]

No one is perfect, everybody makes mistakes.

[fitnessfan365]

That really sucks! My motto has always been that drunk texts/calls get a free pass. However, look at it this way. Do you really want a guy that gets so bent out of shape, over drunk texts?

 

My last ex GF drunk called me in the beginning. We'd only had sex a few times and a handful of dates. So it was still new.

 

Her - I needed to talk to my man

Me - You don't have the right to call me that yet

Her - Well how do you know I won't talk to the other guys in the bar

Me - I know you won't.

Her - Why do you say that?

Me - You're on the phone with me

Her - Well you're right.

 

Subconsciously she was $hit testing me because she was so used to guys that kissed her ass because of how hot she was. She admitted that me standing up to her and calling her on her crap is what ultimately made her want me. But like I said. If I had taken her actions personally and acted insecure. it would have been very different. So I say good riddance to that weak insecure beta male. You deserve better anyways.

[jt27]

Sometimes we need things like this to happen to show us we aren't ready yet and you obviously aren't but you don't know til you try, right?

 

Mistakes are really just lessons. Don't beat yourself up. It happens. Just worry about yourself and don't contact him again.

 

You'll be fine and when you think you are ready to try again, go for it

[barcode88]

That really sucks! My motto has always been that drunk texts/calls get a free pass. However, look at it this way. Do you really want a guy that gets so bent out of shape, over drunk texts?

 

My last ex GF drunk called me in the beginning. We'd only had sex a few times and a handful of dates. So it was still new.

 

Her - I needed to talk to my man

Me - You don't have the right to call me that yet

Her - Well how do you know I won't talk to the other guys in the bar

Me - I know you won't.

Her - Why do you say that?

Me - You're on the phone with me

Her - Well you're right.

 

Subconsciously she was $hit testing me because she was so used to guys that kissed her ass because of how hot she was. She admitted that me standing up to her and calling her on her crap is what ultimately made her want me. But like I said. If I had taken her actions personally and acted insecure. it would have been very different. So I say good riddance to that weak insecure beta male. You deserve better anyways.

 

If we didn't give Drunk Texting a free pass for women, there wouldn't be any women to date :laugh:

[Mallie]

Thanks to all of you that made me feel better instead of worse.

I am not like that at all and drinking was my choice but it doesn't usually hit me like that and I don't normally act like that, like I said. If I knew it was going to affect me like that I would have stayed clear of it. Too say that is the true me because alcohol just take of the filter, is not true at all. I am not clingy, I am not insecure normally. He was the one doing all the asking out and calling.

He did over react and everyone does make mistakes. I agree there should be a pass on drunken texting. He should have told me that he would talk to me the next day and if he was still done, I could handle it better.