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He deleted his dating profile after one date is this normal?


lil_missy

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so i met this guy online, conversation flowed pretty well although i noticed he talked ALOT and did most of the carrying of the conversation and asking questions.

 

we switched numbers and he asked me out on a sat night date which i said yes to.

 

in the week leading up to the date he started texting me everyday, all day from morning to night. on top of that he was saying quite a bit of mushy stuff to me, like how much he is into me etc and i was put off by that amount of attention and i almost pulled out of the date. i told my friends about him and they thought he was coming on too strong and kind of creepy.

 

but sat came and i ended up going on the date and had a really good time. he is completely normal in person, laid back and very gentlemanly, I was attracted to him and I can see myself with him.

 

so i kind of realised that he just talks a lot over texting, maybe over compensating for not being there in person?

 

but after our date, he told me that he has removed his dating profile. and i was shocked and asked him are you sure? and he said he hasn't been more sure about anything in a long time.

 

he has also made lots of future plans with me, and our next date is on thur. He also told his family and workmates about me.

 

so my question is do you guys think this guy is too much? i quite like him and dont want to hurt his feelings. I would like to see where things could go with him but I feel he is moving too fast.

Edited by lil_missy
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fitnessfan365

This guy has got needy, clingy, stalker written all over him. I'd cancel plans with him immediately. To really drive the nail home send this - "Met someone recently that I want to pursue things with. So it's best we stop seeing each other".

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Yeah sounds needy... I recently hid my profile, but I'm going into the 4th date now - which honestly is probably still a bit early, but I don't feel like chasing anyone else right now and want to see how things go.

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losangelena
This guy has got needy, clingy, stalker written all over him. I'd cancel plans with him immediately. To really drive the nail home send this - "Met someone recently that I want to pursue things with. So it's best we stop seeing each other".

 

OP I would not advocate lying in this situation.

 

But, I would feel like you do in this situation—he's putting on too much too soon. I went out twice with a guy like that last summer. It's as if he was feeling like we were much further along than we really were, and just assumed that I felt the same way. I didn't, and it was off-putting to say the least.

 

That's not to say that some people can't feel certain right away. My parents were engaged a week after they met. But for them in was mutual.

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Don't encourage the texting... wait 24 hours to reply if it does not require an immediate reply.

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rocketman122

Too much attention no good too little no good too caribg no good too much texting no good too much mushy no good.

 

Wow. Poor guy. The guys is trying hard. Maybe a bit too much. Shows hes committed and people nitpick. Give the guy a chance. Then tell him to slow down with the text and the talking.

 

Btw take advice from people here with a grain of salt. Look at the posts and see how 90% reply with dumb him/her or red flag get away. Most here are just bitter or lack any dating experience at all. Some never datd but freely give advice. Im certain advice from forums have caused many relationship to fall apart for the advice that was given and even though u should know that advi e from the internet shouldnt be taken seriously, people are a bit naive and dont know better and use that advice. Give the guy a chance.

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Well, deleting a online profile could mean one or two things. He's found the one/no longer wants to keep his options open. Or a guy is sooo turned off when meeting that person, he deletes his profile permanently. In this case, it seems that he really likes you.

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OP I would not advocate lying in this situation.

 

But, I would feel like you do in this situation—he's putting on too much too soon. I went out twice with a guy like that last summer. It's as if he was feeling like we were much further along than we really were, and just assumed that I felt the same way. I didn't, and it was off-putting to say the least.

 

That's not to say that some people can't feel certain right away. My parents were engaged a week after they met. But for them in was mutual.

 

Your parents were engaged a week after they met? But was that sort of normal back in the day?

 

I think I sort of lead him to believe that I feel the same way because I always reciporacted positively to everything he said/did.

And I do like him and I kind of enjoy that his so into me. But Im worried this is not healthy.

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losangelena
Your parents were engaged a week after they met? But was that sort of normal back in the day?

 

In 1974?? I dunno! I doubt it—everyone thought my mom was crazy and/or pregnant.

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In 1974?? I dunno! I doubt it—everyone thought my mom was crazy and/or pregnant.

 

Lol that's sweet they must have been really in love

 

My parents were set up in 1985 with the goal to marry so I thought it was common back then

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Too much attention no good too little no good too caribg no good too much texting no good too much mushy no good.

 

Wow. Poor guy. The guys is trying hard. Maybe a bit too much. Shows hes committed and people nitpick. Give the guy a chance. Then tell him to slow down with the text and the talking.

 

Give the guy a chance.

 

Yeh he even told me that is he is trying very hard to impress me and that he doesn't usually talk this much but he can talk to me all day.

 

I want to give him a chance too I just hope I'm doing the right thing.

 

Don't want him to start stalking me or break his heart

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rocketman122

Stalker? Doesnt sound like a stalker to me. Just seems like hes overtrying and doesnt want to screw things up so hes in turbo mode. Better than those stupid dating games idiots here do all the time. Dont analyze

 

Hes a nice guy, he closed his profile because he feels youre the one, wants to show u hes committed. Takes u out u havea Great time. Dont be suspicious of wverything. With being so worried and nervous youll wind up throwing because of. Youll drive yourself nuts. Give him the benefit of the doubt. The next date tell him to feel relaxed with you and slow down a bit. Everything is fine and he doesnt need to spin his wheels in place. Tell him you want long term so steady is key

 

Stalker.. Sheesh. . What a dumb ass

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Taking down a profile if you meet someone who you're really into happens. Sometimes people connect instantly and the chemistry is just "there" in spades. Where as usually, people don't feel instant sort of connections and attractions, and it takes most people a few dates to figure out if they are into someone or not.

 

What was this guys outlook on relationships and dating? I always ask. My guy said " well, eventually I would love to settle down with someone special, but as it stands, if it happens it happens and if it doesn't it doesn't, I am not looking but wont turn it away either"

 

BEFORE my current guy, I met a Greek guy, with whom I had chemistry with for sure. I was very attracted physically and had the chemistry to act on it. However, sadly, he was wanting to meet the "one" and once he met me, he had it in his head that " this is it" and so within a day or two, he was talking about 'us' and how we have to both save so we can travel together end of the year:sick: When I broke it off after ONE WEEK, he called my good friend crying, and asking her why I left him:lmao::sick:

 

^^^^ future talking.... , instant relationships and "bf gf" titles and all that jazz after ONE date, is not cool....Deleting a profile? Fine. If you're both on the same page! However, it is rare for most people to mutually be smitten after ONE date - so you have to ask people if they are on the same page IF you intend to take your profile down.

 

I had an Irish guy earlier this year on Valentines day - I took down my profile after we met as he seemed very into me. So on V day, he said he noticed that I took the profile down and he said felt kind of bad but he didn't think I have taken it down and he felt like telling me to leave the profile up..he explained that " it isn't like in the movies where people are really crazy about one another at first site". Well, I do hold out for instant fireworks as it is special, and I ended things there and then.

 

This guy wasn't weird for taking down his profile. He was weird for the way he carried on prior to even MEETING you! You never KNOW what a person will be like in the flesh! He put WAYYYYY too much stock into meeting you, which shows he was a little desperate to settle down/have a girlfriend, me thinks.....

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This guy lacks emotional boundaries. After one date he's removed his dating profile AND told his family about you?

 

That is a whole lot of pressure to put on someone he's just met - and indeed, you're already feeling pressured by his intensity. Pay attention to that feeling. At a minimum, I would tell him he needs to dial it way, way back. But probably I'd be concerned that something is off with this guy and find a way to end it nicely.

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From my extensive dating experience, here are the no no's most will agree with:

 

-telling you how "into you" they are prior to meeting

 

- Incessant daily contact

 

- telling you date one that they have never felt this kind of connection before:sick:

 

- telling you " I think we would be together for a long time, based on these feelings I am having now"

 

- telling you they love you in the first week:sick:

 

- " ????" texts when you don't reply right back to them. They aren't your boyfriend, you don't owe them ongoing conversations all day, nor do you owe them any explanation when you don't text back for a few hours or even a day or two!

 

- getting too upset or influenced by cancellations - if you have to cancel, if they shrug it off and say " yeah sure, it happens although I hope we can re schedule as I was looking forward to meeting you" THAT Is normal.

NOT NORMAL = them getting p*ssy and acting annoyed, angry or upset with you you have not met, you don't owe him anything if your life gets busy and you cannot meet them according to plan! If you were to cancel on him 2 or 3 times sure, the dignified thing for him to do would be to disappear and say thanks but I am no longer interested - hissy and tantrum induced behaviour is not normal at all since you have NEVER met.

 

 

Normal things:

 

- it is normal for some guys to want daily contact after the first date

 

- it is normal for some guys to call you beautiful and gorgeous after the first date. Some are genuine, some are not:sick:

 

- to want to see you more than once a week is normal enough IF you live close by, I'd be waring of a guy that did too much too soon in terms of travelling and monetary investments such as extravagant gifts after date one....

 

A guy can be smitten with you and yet go about it in a healthy manner...

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I dated a man like this for 19 months. He told me he loved me the first month we dated. He wanted me to say it back to him and I just couldn't because it wasn't true. He would text and call me all day long. I had been alone for 2 years after my divorce and found it to be a bit too much so I had to ask him to stop texting me as much because it was interfering with my job. He did slow down, but still contacted me a lot.

 

He asked to marry me at 2 months! I said not now, but we can see how we feel after a year of dating. He wanted to move in with me at 4 months. I said no again, lets wait and see how we feel in a year.

 

So long story short, he was very needy, had to have constant contact with me every day, we talked every night before we went to sleep and on and on. I had to put my foot down quite a bit to slow him down. He did move in with me after 1 year of dating, and I regretted it right after, which was a awful feeling. I was not ready and should of said no. He would cry if I couldn't see him some times because I had my kids every other week. Just crazy stuff. After I asked him to move out, our relationship took a dive and he met someone else while we were still dating. I found out that he was only separated from his wife of 14 years for 2 months when he met me. He told me it was a year. He has to be in a relationship, so there is definitely something about not wanting to be alone.

 

So my advice is to find out about his past, see his pattern of dating/marriage and slow this guy down. Is it possible it could work? Sure, but you have to have boundaries and let him know what you want and how much is just too much.

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Wow this is all sounding pretty depressing to me, I def don't want to be in a needy relationship.

 

The funny thing is the first night we chatted online I asked him what he was looking for and he actually told me friends with benefits but was open to more. But after he met me he said I was gf material and he wouldn't risk it with fwb. So I don't know how he just went from one thing to another in the span of a few days :s

 

With his ex from what he told me he sounded a bit needy. Apparently he wanted to move in with her she refused. Then for the last 3 yrs she barely saw him and he still didn't even figure it out that it was the end. :(

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fitnessfan365
Stalker? Doesnt sound like a stalker to me. Just seems like hes overtrying and doesnt want to screw things up so hes in turbo mode. Better than those stupid dating games idiots here do all the time. Dont analyze

 

Hes a nice guy, he closed his profile because he feels youre the one, wants to show u hes committed. Takes u out u havea Great time. Dont be suspicious of wverything. With being so worried and nervous youll wind up throwing because of. Youll drive yourself nuts. Give him the benefit of the doubt. The next date tell him to feel relaxed with you and slow down a bit. Everything is fine and he doesnt need to spin his wheels in place. Tell him you want long term so steady is key

 

Stalker.. Sheesh. . What a dumb ass

 

Hmm.. Let's see.

 

Texts her all day every day for a week straight. Tskes his profile down after one date. Says a ton of romantic and mushy sentiments to a woman he just met. This is exactly the type of guy that comes on way too strong, way too fast, and ends up stalking someone.

 

Lloyd Dobbler may seem charming holding a boom box over his head in the movies, but not in real life. So the dumb ass here is you for not reading all the details in the posts. I mean come on man. You can't consider everything he's done to be normal behavior can you? If you don't see the red flags in his behavior, it makes me wonder about you.

 

I dated a man like this for 19 months. He told me he loved me the first month we dated. He wanted me to say it back to him and I just couldn't because it wasn't true. He would text and call me all day long. I had been alone for 2 years after my divorce and found it to be a bit too much so I had to ask him to stop texting me as much because it was interfering with my job. He did slow down, but still contacted me a lot.

 

He asked to marry me at 2 months! I said not now, but we can see how we feel after a year of dating. He wanted to move in with me at 4 months. I said no again, lets wait and see how we feel in a year.

 

So long story short, he was very needy, had to have constant contact with me every day, we talked every night before we went to sleep and on and on. I had to put my foot down quite a bit to slow him down. He did move in with me after 1 year of dating, and I regretted it right after, which was a awful feeling. I was not ready and should of said no. He would cry if I couldn't see him some times because I had my kids every other week. Just crazy stuff. After I asked him to move out, our relationship took a dive and he met someone else while we were still dating. I found out that he was only separated from his wife of 14 years for 2 months when he met me. He told me it was a year. He has to be in a relationship, so there is definitely something about not wanting to be alone.

 

So my advice is to find out about his past, see his pattern of dating/marriage and slow this guy down. Is it possible it could work? Sure, but you have to have boundaries and let him know what you want and how much is just too much.

 

EXACTLY. QUOTE FOR TRUTH!

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Yeah sounds needy... I recently hid my profile, but I'm going into the 4th date now - which honestly is probably still a bit early, but I don't feel like chasing anyone else right now and want to see how things go.

 

Hey good for you bc... hope it works out! :)

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lil_missy, I'd suggest you clarify for yourself what it is you want in a relationship right now. What's good for you?

 

If it's fun to be with this guy, I wouldn't just cut contact.

 

If it's creepy to be with this guy (or texting, etc.) tell him you're not feeling it and cut contact.

 

If it's fun to be with him, but you're worried he's too narrowly focused on you, you could certainly tell him that, very specifically (I love getting one text a day, more is overboard for me, and I see dating as a Part of my life, not my Whole life, so if you want a tighter connection, please keep looking). If he doesn't get it in the next week, I'd agree with other posters that he's too focused on you.

 

It's not easy to find someone you enjoy being with, and I'm not so quick to "dump" and "next" and all that. But I do agree with people saying you both need to be into each other about the same level.

 

I'm optimistic he's just happily surprised he met such a great woman, and he's acting more excited than most men would, but he is a human with a whole life to be involved in, not just crazy for you.

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  • 3 months later...
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I just wanted to make an update on this thread to let everyone know there's a happy ending!

 

I'm really grateful that I gave him a chance and it turned out to be the beest thing I ever did. We have been together for almost 4 months now and this is the happiest I've ever been. I'm had to overcome some doubts but now I know for sure this is no doubt the best relationship Ive ever had and I see a future with him with marriage n babies and everything. We spend everyday together and are moving in together soon.

 

Now reading back I feel I have been too harsh on him and I wasn't in a good place at the time still hurting from my previous fwb so much and having never known a relationship as loving as this.

 

I think he fell hard n fast for me and was willing to do anything for me. And that's not a bad thing. I just needed a lil time to catch up.

Thanks for everyone that encouraged me to give him a chance, and I also wanted to say being clingy is not the worst thing in the world. There is much worse things like someone that doesn't give a **** bout you and just going out with you to past time.

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I just wanted to make an update on this thread to let everyone know there's a happy ending!

 

I'm really grateful that I gave him a chance and it turned out to be the beest thing I ever did. We have been together for almost 4 months now and this is the happiest I've ever been. I'm had to overcome some doubts but now I know for sure this is no doubt the best relationship Ive ever had and I see a future with him with marriage n babies and everything. We spend everyday together and are moving in together soon.

 

Now reading back I feel I have been too harsh on him and I wasn't in a good place at the time still hurting from my previous fwb so much and having never known a relationship as loving as this.

 

I think he fell hard n fast for me and was willing to do anything for me. And that's not a bad thing. I just needed a lil time to catch up.

Thanks for everyone that encouraged me to give him a chance, and I also wanted to say being clingy is not the worst thing in the world. There is much worse things like someone that doesn't give a **** bout you and just going out with you to past time.

Good on you for not listening to the "DUMP HIM" "RED FLAG" crowd!

I find there are a fair few embittered, over-judgemental people on this forum that honestly, must just dump partners left and right!

 

I have a similar story, I was getting a little tired of the dating game, so after getting a few contacts, I closed my OLD account.

 

I told one girl I had moved to my We Chat I was doing this, because all they get at their end is a message: "This person has removed you from their contacts list"

Which is a tad misleading. I've had girls message me "Why did you delete me??" and one just out blocked me!

 

Anyway, this girl replies back:

"Thank you for closing the account"

"I will close my profile as well"

"Very much appreciated"

 

She thought I had closed my account FOR HER!

WE HAVEN'T EVEN MET YET!

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TunaInTheBrine

Just be real with him and tell him what you told us: "I'm really enjoying our time together and I see potential here, but because it's also still new, I feel like we should pace ourselves a little slower. Would that work for you?"

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Just be real with him and tell him what you told us: "I'm really enjoying our time together and I see potential here, but because it's also still new, I feel like we should pace ourselves a little slower. Would that work for you?"

 

Dude, she's resurrected an old thread to say things are great...check the dates of the postings next time!

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lil_missy: Only you know if it's normal or not. If you don't feel overwhelmed and enjoy every minute of it then enjoy the ride, who cares what the norm is. The night I met my ex-husband, that very same night, he told his mother he had just met the woman of his life.

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